Wasted

by Suzannah Daniels

  He grasped my shoulders. “How are we going to have a relationship if you didn’t even trust me enough to tell me?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Didn’t you trust me enough to tell me what had happened between you and Rachel? What did you do, Mason?”

  “What happened between Rachel and me is our business.”

  “Apparently, she thinks it’s important enough that I should know,” I said softly. “I’m trying to understand why she felt the need to warn me. Either you can tell me, or I’ll go ask her.”

  “You’ll stay away from her,” he ground out between clenched teeth as he pointed at me.

  Brushing past him, I headed back toward the front door.

  “Lexi!”

  If Mason thought he could control my actions by making demands, then I needed to break him from that habit immediately if we had any shot at a future together.

  “Shit!” he grumbled. I heard his footsteps behind me. “Wait!”

  Stopping abruptly, I twirled around.

  “She’s just trying to get between us,” he barked.

  “And why would she do that?” I needed to know, and I needed to hear it from Mason.

  “I don’t want to discuss my relationship with Rachel. I want to discuss my relationship with you. Why didn’t you tell me? You knew how much I wanted the bar.”

  He was right. I did know how much he wanted it. I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. I could see how much he loved the people that he served, how much they loved him.

  He threaded his fingers through his hair and squeezed his temples with the heels of his palms. “Didn’t you ever think that might be something you should’ve told me yourself? Maybe while we were laying naked in each other’s arms? Or over breakfast?”

  A tiny twinge of guilt blossomed in my chest.

  The betrayal in his eyes was unmistakable. “Why would you let me find out at the same time as everyone else?”

  I reached out and touched his arm. “I was afraid,” I whispered. “Buying the bar was something my grandfather wanted to do, and after he died, I don’t know…. ” I paused. “This whole thing seems totally insane. Maybe because it is.”

  I was starting to have doubts over whether I could pull this off.

  “My grandfather left me the money to buy it in his will. He said I was about to graduate with a business degree, so I should have a business. He knew I wanted to move back to Creekview. Spanky agreed to let me work in the bar, so I could get a feel for it, so I could decide whether it was something I really wanted. I didn’t want any of the employees to know that I might be their new boss because I didn’t want them to treat me differently.

  “At first, I didn’t think I wanted to buy it. I mean, what was I going to do with a bar? I didn’t know squat about running one, but then I moved in with you.” My voice softened. “You talked about the bar with such passion in your voice that I think some of it rubbed off on me, and I started thinking that maybe I really could do it, that I could be a successful business owner and that I could make my grandfather proud.” I held my palms up in the air. “Spanky never told me that you wanted to buy the bar, and you didn’t tell me, either, not until after I’d already made the decision. Remember? You told me the day that you found out Spanky had a buyer.”

  “And that would’ve been the perfect time for you to tell me that you were the buyer,” he snapped.

  “I wanted to tell you, Mason. I really did, but I got scared.”

  “What could possibly have been so frightening that you couldn’t tell me the truth?” he asked in a demanding voice.

  “I was afraid that if you found out, you’d be angry with me, that it would change our relationship.”

  “It would’ve been better than springing it on me now.”

  “Don’t you get it?” I asked, frustration seizing me. “I was falling in love with you, and I didn’t want you to resent me.” I blew out a breath. “Besides, you have no room to talk. Wouldn’t it be better if you told me what happened between you and your ex-wife, instead of letting me find out from her?”

  When he said nothing, I turned back toward the entrance, feeling defeated. I didn’t know what he’d done, but now that Rachel had made her point, I needed to find out.

  He wrapped his hand around my arm, pulling me to a stop. “Rachel’s just trying to screw things up for me.”

  I spun around. “Why? Why would she do that?”

  “Because I hurt her.”

  “What did you do?” I asked softly, needing to know the answer.

  Exhaling loudly, he broke eye contact with me and leaned back against the wall as if he didn’t have the strength to stand. He turned his gaze toward the ground and closed his eyes, the moonlight glinting off his hair.

  I stood as patiently as I could, considering I had a ball of nervous energy rumbling in my stomach. I wondered how much more I could take before my emotions spewed from me like molten lava.

  “I cheated on her.” His voice was low and filled with shame, but I barely noticed because all the raw ache of my breakup with Kevin rushed to the surface. Shards of painful memories stabbed my heart, my soul, and I felt an odd kinship with Rachel. No wonder she was angry. No wonder she was trying to hurt him. She and I had been exposed to the same agony, the same torture of knowing that the one man we had loved had….

  “Did you love her? The other woman?” I asked, my voice sounding downtrodden and meek.

  He didn’t look at me, just shook his head.

  Nauseated, I felt stupid. Was I one of the women in the psychology books who continued seeking the same kind of men?

  He lifted his head, his morose expression trying to tug at my emotions. I closed my eyes to block it out. He didn’t deserve my sympathy.

  “It doesn’t change anything between us.” He reached out and laid his hand gently on my shoulder.

  My eyes flipped open, and I shrugged away from his touch. “It changes everything.”

  My heart raced as my simmering anger reached the boiling point. How could he be so naïve as to think this bit of news had no effect on our relationship?

  I had to get away from him.

  As I turned again, he grabbed my arm. “Lexi.”

  I stilled, but I didn’t turn around. “Let me go,” I said softly, a myriad of emotions roiling within me like riptides threatening to pull me below the surface.

  His grip remained firm a few seconds more, and then he released me, saying nothing.

  Needing to put distance between us so I could process this new information, I strode along the edge of the building, my hand skimming the surface of the brick to steady me. After a devastating end to my relationship with Kevin, I’d finally found happiness again with Mason.

  I loved him.

  I hadn’t wanted to love him, but sometimes love lassoes us around the chest, its tendrils squeezing our heart as they weave into our flesh. By the time we realize what’s happening, it’s too late. We’ve already succumbed.

  It was imprudent of me to fall for him so easily, but even so, I didn’t know what I could have done to prevent it. When he looked at me with admiration in those whiskey-colored eyes…when he held me against him, flesh against flesh, his body strong and hard, unforgiving, his touch gentle, nurturing…. I shook my head, hoping to clear those traitorous thoughts from my head.

  I needed to remain strong. I needed to remember the pain, not because I wanted to dwell on it but because it was the best way to prevent it from happening again.

  At least now I knew.

  Spanky was sipping on a beer at the bar. Taking a deep breath, I tried to remain calm, to behave as though my heart hadn’t just been ripped out by the knowledge that I had picked another man who couldn’t remain faithful to a woman.

  Climbing onto the stool next to him, I patted him on the shoulder. “You’ve had a great turnout. It shows how much everyone loves you.”

  Spanky barked out a rough-sounding laugh. “It shows how many people love free beer.”


  I smiled at his modesty. “Nonsense. I can only hope that they’ll learn to love me half as much as they love you.”

  “You’ll do just fine,” he assured me, patting my hand with callous fingers in a way that reminded me of my grandfather.

  “I just wanted to let you know that I’m heading back to my parents’ house, so that I can take care of the paperwork. Everything should be finalized within ten days.”

  “Be careful,” he urged me, his warm smile wrinkling the weathered skin on his cheeks and the corners of his eyes.

  “I will. Bye, Spanky.”

  Leaving him at the bar, I searched for Seren and found her in the corner talking to Hawk. “Hey,” I said, approaching them.

  “Congratulations on the bar!” Hawk hugged me.

  I attempted to smile. “Thanks.”

  “I bet Mason’s pretty excited about that.” He stepped back and took a sip of his beer.

  “He’s very excited,” I agreed, not elaborating on the exact kind of excitement he was feeling.

  Trying to stem further conversation about the bar, I turned to Seren. “You ready to go?”

  “Already?” She looked disappointed.

  “Yeah. I need to hit the road.”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “I guess so.” Turning to Hawk, she waved. “See you later.”

  “Later.” He lifted his beer to acknowledge her.

  She followed me as I grabbed my purse from behind the bar and raced out the front door. When we were safely in my car, she asked, “What’s going on? You’re acting strange.”

  “Did you know Mason’s ex-wife is at the party?”

  “Yeah, I saw her.”

  “She came to warn me about Mason.”

  Seren scoffed. “She’s such a drama queen. Always has been.”

  “Did you know he cheated on her?”

  “I might’ve heard something about it when they divorced.”

  “And you didn’t tell me?” I asked, irritated.

  “It was a long time ago, and I’d kind of forgotten it until you just brought it up. Besides, I never heard whether it was true or not.”

  “If I’d known it, I would’ve stayed away from him.” I cranked the car and pulled out of the parking space, eager to get away from the bar…and Mason.

  “So what are you going to do?”

  I exhaled deeply as I thought about her question. “I don’t know.”

  “Did you ask him about it? It might not even be true.”

  “It’s true,” I confirmed.

  “He admitted to it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did he explain why?”

  I glared at her. “Does it matter?”

  She shrugged. “I guess not, but don’t you want to hear what he has to say?”

  “Not really.”

  We drove in silence for a while as the events of the night churned in my mind. “He’s mad at me, too,” I finally said to Seren who was staring out her window at the darkened images of houses, some with light spilling from the panes.

  “Why?” she asked, turning in my direction.

  “Because I never told him that I was buying the bar.”

  Seren sucked in air. “That’s why you didn’t want me to say anything? Because you hadn’t told him?”

  “At first, I didn’t know whether I was going to go through with it, and if I did, I wanted to get a feel for the employees—before they suspected I might be their new boss. I didn’t find out that he wanted it until after I’d already told Spanky that I would buy it. I didn’t tell him then because I didn’t want it to change things between us.”

  “And what did he say when you told him that?”

  I pursed my lips. “That I should’ve told him the moment I found out he wanted it.”

  “But you’re still buying the bar?”

  “Yes, I’ve already signed a letter of intent, and I’ve already made up my mind. I want the bar.”

  And I did want the bar. But Mason was a big draw where customers were concerned, and considering we’d both taken a fall from grace, I wasn’t sure whether we would continue our relationship.

  And if we didn’t, could we differentiate business and pleasure?

  Chapter 20

  Avalanche

  Mason

  “You should go talk to her.”

  I looked at Seren like she’d lost her freaking mind. “I don’t chase down women.” I wanted to add that I especially didn’t chase down women who kept secrets from me, but I had no desire to discuss that with anyone but Lexi. “Besides, she hasn’t been here in four days. That tells me all I need to know.”

  Seren rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t tell you shit.”

  “It tells me that she wants to be left alone.”

  Seren must have agreed because she said nothing else. She just finished her drink, tossed down a tip, and left.

  It was a busy Friday night. Three women came in and grabbed the last three open seats at the end of the bar. I’d seen them in here a few times, and they tipped well. I needed the money, and as I gazed at them, I realized that my heart just wasn’t in this tonight. Lexi had been on my mind all week, and I was pissed that Rachel felt the need to come to Creekview and stir up shit. As if that wasn’t enough, my mother had called to tell me that she needed rent money again this month.

  I could almost sympathize with Lexi for running off and hiding. Hell, I was tempted to do it myself. But I’d learned a long time ago that if I didn’t take care of me, no one else was going to. Once Lexi took over the bar, I had no idea whether I’d still have a job, so I needed to rake in as much cash as I could between now and then. I did what I’d trained myself to do: turn on the charm and give the customers what they wanted.

  By the end of my shift, I’d accumulated a sizeable amount in tips. I stuffed the money in my pocket and headed home. I had a date with a bottle of whiskey.

  When I opened the door, the dark apartment loomed in front of me, a great black abyss ready to suck me into its lifeless clutches. Everywhere I looked, I saw Lexi. I missed even the mundane things like when she ran the vacuum cleaner or when she followed behind me, taking my dishes out of the sink and loading them in the dishwasher.

  I missed her laughter, the way it floated through the apartment and transformed the cold, empty space into a place where I could actually feel some level of happiness. I missed holding her at night, her body conforming perfectly against mine as I wrapped my arm around her slender waist, holding her close, feeling her heat. I missed the way she whispered into the darkness, her soft voice surrounding me, dissipating the loneliness that had plagued me for so very long. Maybe most surprising of all, I missed her touch. Hell, it wasn’t surprising that I missed the ones that were of a sexual nature. The surprising part was that the ones I missed the most had nothing to do with sex. I missed the way her fingers lightly touched my face, like I was important to her, like I mattered. Wasn’t that what we all wanted? To matter to someone?

  I wanted to matter to Lexi.

  Maybe she was just a really great actress. Because if I’d mattered to her, she wouldn’t have hidden the fact that she was buying the bar that I had wanted so badly.

  If I’d mattered, she would have told me. She wouldn’t have let me find out at the same time everyone else did. She claimed that she was afraid that I would resent her, but how could she not realize that the fact that she had hidden it from me had hurt much more than the fact that she was buying the bar?

  Grabbing a glass out of the cabinet, I tilted the bottle, ready to pour a hefty dose of the amber liquid. Pausing, I decided to skip the glass and drink straight from the bottle. I was in no mood for foreplay. I’d gladly skip the buzz and go directly to wasted. Inebriation was my friend.

  I took a long swig, the liquid burning a trail down my esophagus. Collapsing onto the couch, I lifted the bottle to my lips again, desperately wanting to feel the numbness that I knew would soon overtake me.

  Damn it! Would it be too much to
ask for something to go my way?

  It was bad enough that my actions four years ago had been a terrible way to break up a troubled marriage, but those same actions had to follow me into the future and ruin the best thing that had happened to me in all that time?

  Lexi was gone. My chance of buying the bar was gone. And my mother needed money again. At least Haley’s life was going as planned because mine sure as hell wasn’t.

  I closed my eyes, shutting out the hopelessness of my situation, and let the alcohol take over.

  ***

  Two hangovers later, I still hadn’t heard from Lexi. To make matters worse, Lexi’s leaving wasn’t the only thing that weighted my chest until I could barely breathe.

  In an attempt to join the living, I took a hot shower, wishing a little soap and water was all it took to wash away the things that tormented my brain.

  I was buttoning up my dress shirt when the doorbell sounded. My first thought was Lexi, but knowing that she had a key, it didn’t seem likely that she would ring the bell.

  Unless she was trying to prove some kind of point. Women always liked doing that kind of shit.

  Pulling the door open, my eyes widened once I saw who was standing at my threshold.

  “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

  Realizing I was gawking, I took a step back and waved her in.

  “You haven’t terrorized me enough this week?” I asked, barely keeping my anger in check.

  I closed the door, and she whirled around to face me. “You know what today is?”

  How could I not? It was the one date I was guaranteed to never forget. Tears glittered in her eyes and her heartbreak magnified my own. There were so many things that I wanted to say to her, but this wasn’t the time. Hell, maybe there was no point in saying them, maybe the words would only draw both of us deeper into a place that we didn’t want to be.

  “I’m sorry, Mason,” she whispered, tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear. “When I saw you with her….” She dabbed her eyes with the crumpled tissue in her hands. “Maybe if Madison had lived, I wouldn’t be so bitter.” The tears flowed freely over the curve of her cheeks. As frustrated as I was with her, I knew the pain that she felt right now. It was the only thing left that bound us together.