Dirty Crown: A Bad Boy Secret Baby Royal Romance (with BONUS book - Rebel Rockstar!)

by Marci Fawn

  “Yeah, maybe,” I murmur, knowing that I’ll probably never make the effort with my mom again. It just feels like too much water has gone under the bridge. It’d be far too difficult to even contemplate. “It was never rape, you know.” I don’t meet his eyes as I say these important words. For some reason, it’s really important to me that he understands this much. I need him to know that it isn’t as bad as I’m sure his imagination is telling him. “He did a lot of awful things to me, ruined a lot of my life, but it never got that far. Not everyone was as lucky as me…” I’m not sure how much Tonya has told him, so I don’t divulge that much, but I do want him to know that I consider myself one of the luckier ones. Whatever happened, it could always have been so much worse.

  He stands up and paces the room, and I take a moment to have a full look at the extent of his injuries. His knuckles are bloodied and beaten, but his face and body look fine, which suggests to me that it was a very one-sided fight. I’m not overly surprised about that. Cole likes to intimidate young girls. A real man fighting him probably threw him completely. It’s likely that he didn’t even know what to do with himself.

  Now we just have to hope and pray that the bastard lives, giving us the opportunity to bring him to justice. Nate doesn’t deserve to have his life ruined over something that dickhead did, any more than the rest of us do.

  I’m just going to have to convince Lola that we cannot hold back any longer—that we need to get justice.

  28

  Nate

  “It was never rape, you know.” Her words circle over and over in my mind. Sure, anything that happened to her is terrible, but at least she was never subjected to that. It fills me with an odd sense of relief, despite the fact that I can’t help but wonder how she managed to keep such a monumental secret from me for such a long time. I understand why she did, of course, but she never had to. I would have always been there for her, and I never would have looked at her any differently. I hope she understands that none of this was ever her fault. It was always him—that smug fucker whose face I probably shouldn’t have smashed in, however good it felt to do so.

  Although it does worry me that others experienced worse than Jem. I’m sure she meant Tonya with that comment, even though she didn’t specify. I’m not even sure if Tonya told me that much herself back in the alleyway. My mind was far too consumed with rage by that point. I was barely listening. I will have to call Tonya and apologize in the morning. She just confessed a huge secret to me, and I abandoned her in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere.

  “He did a lot of awful things to me, ruined a lot of my life, but it never got that far. Not everyone was as lucky as me…”

  I have to shake off all the awful images that are infecting my mind. I might not ever be able to get rid of them.

  “Have any of you ever had any counseling?” I ask, assuming that they haven’t, since they never told anyone. “Have you and Tonya ever spoken to anyone?” She shakes her head, just as I predicted. “Well, maybe you should. Maybe that will help. And, of course, we have to go to the police about it…” I understand why they didn’t in the past, but they have to now. “If you tell the police what happened, then my charges will be lessened.” I grow excited at the possibility of getting away from this nightmare after all. “Even the media will be more understanding.” I’m just not sure that I’ll survive another hate fest—it damn near killed me last time. No one knows what it’s like to be detested and spoken about by the whole world until it happens to them.

  “I know,” Jem insists, grabbing my arm and pulling my attention back to her. “If we tell the police everything, then everyone will know why you did what you did. You’ll be more likely hailed as a hero than anything. Trust me—Tonya and I want to anyway. But we need to think about Lola and her wishes, too.”

  Of course. Lola. Tonya told me that fucker was messing around with her too.

  “Is that why she kissed me?” The realization hits me all at once. The hard time she was going through in her life, the self-destruction, the fact that she thought I was the only one who understood her (even though she was clearly wrong on that count)—it all makes sense now. I feel even worse that I didn’t try harder to find out what was going on in her life. I should have made her tell me. She’s like my little sister, and that fucker has been doing things to her too. It’s not right.

  “I’m so messed up, and we have so much in common, and you were being so nice to me…”

  I wonder how long those words will haunt me, how many times I’ll wonder if I could have done things sooner, if I could have stopped it before it ruined Lola’s life.

  Jem doesn’t answer me. She seems to know that I’ve already worked it out for myself. “She’s too scared of what will happen to her if we go to the police. She’s terrified of what Cole will do to her, and what will happen to her singing career. I don’t even think that Ben knows yet. She’s just so young, and so terrified—just where we were not that long ago.”

  “She has to change her mind now. She’ll come out to the public to stop me from going to prison, won’t she?” I say, but I’m not fully convinced. She laid her life on the line for me once before. I’m not sure she owes me anything else, especially when it involves risking herself all over again. My head falls into my hands. My future lies in the hands of other people again, and there’s not a damn thing I can do to help myself.

  Paul might actually kill me this time…

  “I’ll do what I can,” Jem insists, rubbing my back gently. “She may very well come around. In fact, I’m sure she will, but there’s nothing either of us can do about it now. We’ll just have to wait until morning. I know that’s difficult, but if I call her now she might think I’m attacking her, and she’ll think she’s backed into a corner. We’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

  “By then, my reputation will already be shattered,” I say sadly, glancing at my phone. The temptation to log on and find out what the world is already saying about me is almost too much, but I know that if I do I’ll collapse into a state of depression. I just need one night of ignorance with Jem before I can go through all of that again. I just need to be normal for a little while longer…as normal as I can be, at any rate.

  “We’ll get through this, you know?” she whispers into my ear. “We’ve been through worse.” Everything else spins through my mind, and I wonder just how much I’m going to put Jem through before she gives up on me completely. She’s been far too patient, far too kind, and I can’t help but wonder if she would be better off without me.

  “You think?” I ask morosely. Maybe I should have left her alone. Maybe she was much better off without me.

  She twists her head around to face me and places the gentlest of kisses on my lips. “I know,” she says firmly. “No matter what crap is going through your mind right now, I know for a fact that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You did that to him to defend me. And Tonya and Lola too.” I don’t correct her. I don’t tell her that in the heat of the moment it was only her face I could see. I don’t want her to think any less of me. “Much as I’m not looking forward to the consequences of what’s happened, I know that he deserves what you did to him, and a lot more. He preys on young, vulnerable girls, making them feel like they are deserving of such treatment. I was silly enough to fall for it at the time, but now that I’m older and wiser, I can clearly see the truth.”

  I stare at her, seeing a wisdom that I’ve never noticed before. In my eyes, Jem has always been strong and brave and mature, but now, looking at her, I can really see it. She really has grown into so much more than I could have ever hoped for. She really has become the perfect woman for me.

  If only I could stop screwing things up…

  Jem must be able to sense the negativity washing over me, because she pulls my face toward her, kissing me with a brand-new passion, offering me a distraction that I’m not quite sure I deserve. I try to pull back at first, but soon I lose myself in the sensations, and I allow
Jem to send all of my negative thoughts flying away.

  29

  Jem

  I absolutely need to just be us for a short while longer before hell is unleashed on us once again. I know Nate’s right. We’re about to face a shitstorm like no other, and I just need a distraction before that comes. I’m pretty sure Nate does too, which is why I kiss him. At first he seems to resist a little, as if he isn’t quite ready to lose himself, but he soon gives into the sensations and how good they feel.

  A hot pool of excitement rises in my belly at the prospect of us being together once more. It feels like this is going to be our last time before heading to war, and I need it to be absolutely amazing for the both of us. From the way that Nate’s cock stiffens in his pants, I can tell that he’s getting exactly the same idea as I am.

  I slide his t-shirt upward, wanting the bloodstained garment far away from his gorgeous skin, and I can’t help rubbing my hands along his taut abs as I go. He was always the sexiest guy I’d ever laid my eyes on, but since he became really famous and started working out, his body has attained another level of godlike status.

  He slowly, teasingly, unbuttons my jeans and curls his fingers inside of me, gasping at just how wet and excited I am for him. As he explores me, plunging in deeper with every movement, I begin to forget myself, to put aside all our issues, and I simply lose myself in the sensations. By the way Nate keeps skipping a breath, it seems he’s experiencing the very same thing. My body jerks and thrashes with a stunned kind of pleasure, and Nate groans hungrily into my ear.

  “You’re so fucking sexy,” he growls. “I need you right now.”

  He presses his throbbing erection up against my leg, and it takes all that I have not to scream out and devour him right there and then. I need to be patient, to enjoy this moment, to take it slowly…

  But a desperation for his body overcomes me. His cock feels like it wants to be freed, and I want that too. I want him so damn badly that I cannot wait for even another second. So I pull his pants down and yank his underwear aside, getting a look of him that sends a tight knot of desire racing through my body.

  I hold him tightly between my fingers, moving my hand gently up and down his shaft while he continues to kiss me furiously. He moves his hands up my body, working my nipples between his fingers in a way that drives me wild. My need for him becomes so intense that I actually begin to ache with it. I dig the nails from my free hand into his shoulder blade, hoping that he can sense my desire for him, hoping that he takes me right here in the dining room. I silently plead that he doesn’t require me to go all the way upstairs into the bedroom. I don’t think my body will be able to take it.

  Luckily, he doesn’t.

  “Turn around,” Nate whispers breathlessly into my ear. “I want your back to me.”

  My heart rate kicks up a notch as I spin around happily, wondering what this is going to feel like. I love having these new experiences with Nate. It’s the one thing that makes me feel a little bit glad for his extensive experience with women (but only a teeny bit). He manages to make sure that I enjoy myself, no matter what. I know we’ve used a similar position on the bed before, but this time we’re standing up, and I have no idea what’s going to happen. Once my back is to him, he wraps his arms tightly around my waist and runs kisses over the back of my neck. My head lolls to one side with pleasure. Everything about having him this close to me makes my body light up with electricity, and every time his touch grazes my skin, it increases tenfold.

  “Open your eyes,” he says seductively into my ear. As my lashes flick open, I see that he has us angled in front of a mirror. It’s showing me everything. He lifts my dress over my head and removes my underwear as we both watch our reflections imitating us. I don’t focus on the image of my body. I concentrate on the way that Nate’s eyes spark with desire as he sees more and more of my skin.

  He rubs his hands over my curves, exploring every peak and dip of me as I watch it all unfold in front of me. My breaths become labored, short and sharp, forcing him to take control. He turns me slightly to one side, allowing me to lean forward and grip the table, which keeps me standing when my legs turn to jelly with desire. He bends down behind me and flicks his tongue over my clit repeatedly. Seeing it happen intensifies the feelings so much. It doesn’t take long before my body reacts. The tight knot is coiling, the waves are building, and every inch of me is shaking.

  That’s the exact moment he pulls away.

  “What are you doing?” I pant impatiently, my body slumping onto the table. “I’m so close!”

  With those words, he slams into me, riding me hard and fast—just the way I need it. I love this angle so fucking much. It gives me every damn inch of him and he fills me up in the most amazing way possible.

  “Oh, my God, Nate,” I cry out as he pounds me so hard that my body hits the table. “You feel amazing.” The contrast of this hard, passionate sex after the loving moments we had only moments ago has me teetering on the knife-edge of desire all over again, far too quickly. I’m grasping the table, holding onto it for dear life, knowing that if I let my white knuckles slip for even a second, I’ll fall. I don’t want that to happen. I’m having the best time with Nate right now and I really don’t want it to end.

  Soon he slides his fingers around my waist and begins to work my clit in the way that he knows I like. I watch my face contort in pleasure in the mirror as I feel the orgasm starting to creep up my body. I look kind of sexy, seductive, cuter than I thought I would at any rate, and as the waves of pleasure rock through me, I watch Nate lose it too, looking the hottest I’ve ever seen him, and I wonder if anything will ever feel as good as this does. I wonder if we’ll ever get to be this free with one another again.

  I collapse into Nate’s arms, too exhausted to move, but luckily Nate still has enough energy to get me up the stairs and into bed. He tucks me under the cool, cotton sheets, stroking my hair as my brain slowly starts to wind down.

  “I love you,” he whispers, sliding in on his side. I curl up under his arm, feeling safe as his heart beats next to me. Nothing and no one has ever made me feel the security that Nate does, and I really hope I don’t lose that. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through.”

  “This isn’t your fault,” I murmur sleepily. “You’ve done nothing wrong.” Sure, he probably shouldn’t have beaten up Cole, but there’s no point in saying that now.

  Plus, I do feel an odd sense of satisfaction at the thought of that pig finally getting his comeuppance.

  “Once we get through this, things are going to be very different for us.” His voice sounds determined, and I desperately want to stay awake to hear what he has to say, but it’s too late. I can already feel my body shutting down.

  30

  Nate

  “Once we get through this, things are going to be very different for us,” I say to Jem, even though I can tell from her breathing that she’s on her way to sleep. I don’t mind. I want her to get her rest, but I’m nowhere near tired. My mind is racing wildly with ideas about what to do when all of this ends. “Very different.”

  I’m sure that Lola will do the right thing, and I’m certain that she’ll save me in the end—she has too much of a sense of justice to let this pass her by. I’m just not convinced that she’ll do it right away because she’s so afraid, which means I need to plan.

  I’m going to be hated for a while. My reputation is already somewhat tainted from my drunken, womanizing ways, and the previous thing with Lola—the case was thrown out, and the majority of people seemed to be on my side, but I know that a lot don’t believe that there’s smoke without a fire, and this will bring it all up again. I won’t be able to say anything to defend myself again, not until the girls step forward, so I’m going to have to be smart about what I do.

  I’ll need to go into hiding. That much is obvious. And I might have to do so without Jem, since she’ll have a lot to sort out. But where will I go? I don’t really want to have to rely on
Paul again. It’s his job, but I just feel like he’s been through enough. But what other options do I have?

  My mind whirrs over and over, trying desperately to find a solution. I could get on a plane at the earliest convenience, and I could escape somewhere abroad—get some sun, write some new music—but I’m pretty sure that won’t look good in the media at all, especially if I’m caught. Plus, if Cole does decide to press charges, I’ll end up in police custody anyway.

  What will I do?

  An idea forms in my mind, even though I’m certain it’s a bad one. A part of me wants to go and find Jem’s mother, to explain everything to her, to try and solve the fractured relationship between us, but I don’t know how Jem will feel about me interfering. Especially when I’ll need to break her trust to tell her mom the truth about her childhood.

  I just don’t know…

  Before I can come to any conclusion, my phone’s ringtone blasts out loudly, and I grab it quickly to shut the sound off so it doesn’t wake Jem up. The name I see plastered across the screen fills me with a horrible sense of dread. Paul. He already knows. The story has already broken to the public.

  I race from the bedroom, answering quickly, waiting for the onslaught. “What the fuck is this?” Paul screams before I can even say hello. “What the fuck are you playing at now?”

  “I’m sorry, I…” I try, but he has no intention of allowing me to get a word in edgewise.

  “Have we not been through enough, Nate? You only just got out of the last mess with your career intact. How the fuck do you think you’re going to survive this one?”