“No, I suppose not.”
“Well alrighty then,” Julie said, turning back to the man she was sitting with.
“Hey, no worries,” the man said. “I got her.”
I glared at him. “No, you don’t. Back off.” I felt oddly protective of Julie. I did throughout our relationship, but I thought that feeling would be gone by now.
“Well, well. Your friend is pretty bossy Angie.”
“Who the hell is Angie?” I asked.
“Your friend,” the man said in an obvious tone.
“Angie? You told him your name was Angie? Why?”
“Shh!” Julie said, getting closer to me. “I don’t know who this man is. He can be a killer for all I know. I do not need him knowing my real name and how to find me.”
She’s out of her mind. She’s literally lost her fucking mind.
“Julie, don’t you think that if he’s a killer, he’s not going to care what your real name is? He’s just going to kill you!”
“Hey, stop being so loud,” Julie slurred. “You’re more annoying than I remember.”
“I can say the same,” I said. “Julie, you’re upset, I get it. But this isn’t going to make you feel better.”
“I’m sure he’ll make me feel something,” she whispered to me. “Do you see how tall he is? He must be huge!”
I looked at the man and then back at Julie, wishing I didn’t have to hear that. “My place is a few blocks down. Why don’t you come home with me?”
“I know where your place is, Hope. I remember.”
Julie’s eyes looked glassy, like she might cry. The last thing I wanted to do was make her cry right now. I just wanted to get her home safely.
“Come on, Julie. Please, come with me.”
Julie looked away from me. I thought for sure she was going to turn me down, but then she grabbed her phone and wallet. “Fine, but I have to pay my tab.”
“I’ll get it. How much for her?” I asked the bartender.
“Just one sec,” the bartender said, checking the computer.
“So, your name’s really not Angie?” the man asked Julie.
“I said back off,” I said, glaring at him.
“Crazy ass women,” he said.
“Three-fifty-four,” the bartender said.
“Dollars?” I asked in bewilderment.
“She’s been here a while.”
Julie pressed herself against me from behind. I tensed at the interaction. “You sure you don’t want me to…”
“I got it, Julie!” I handed the bartender my card.
This was going to be a long night.
Chapter 6—Julie
Oh, my head. My head hurts. And my mouth, ugh why is it so dry? I feel like I spent the last week in a desert.
I pulled my face from the pillow and looked around at the room. I knew the room, though it looked different. Sitting up, I looked around to make sure I wasn’t where I thought I was.
I prayed I wasn’t where I thought I was.
I was where I thought I was. This was Hope’s place.
Oh my God! Oh my God, what did I do last night? Did I sleep with Hope? I’m so stupid!
I looked under the covers and found that I was dressed in pajamas. “Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! I did!”
“Calm down,” Hope said, coming into the room, coffee in hand. “We didn’t.”
I sighed in relief, at the news and at the sight of coffee. “Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure,” Hope nodded. “You passed out after throwing up a few times. The bathroom rug is officially trashed.”
I closed my eyes in embarrassment. “I am so sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. We’ve all been there.”
I looked back at Hope and found that she was smiling comically. She found this funny.
“I’m a total mess, I know.”
“I wouldn’t say total, pretty close though,” she joked. She came over to the bed and sat down next to me. “Here.”
I gladly accepted the mug of coffee from her.
“Cream, no sugar. I left the aspirin on the nightstand.”
I smiled at Hope remembering how I took my coffee. She always remembered the tiny details. Things you wouldn’t expect someone to remember. She was incredible. I felt awful for being such a burden on her.
“How are you feeling?” Hope asked.
“Like a truck ran me over, again and again.”
“Maybe I should have taken you to the hospital,” Hope said in concern. “Get more fluids into you. You didn’t hydrate much so you’re probably severely dehydrated.”
It was amazing how quickly she reverted back to being the loving girlfriend. You’d think we were still together, if you didn’t know any better.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“Julie, you drank a lot last night.”
“Exactly. I drank a lot. I did this to myself. It’s not fair for you to have to be concerned about me when I made myself this way.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t help you.”
“This isn’t like my father. He’s lying in a bed waiting to die and I’m over here practically killing myself. He’s the one we should be worrying about.”
Hope’s face saddened. I knew this was hurting her too. She was close to my father. Maybe even closer than myself.
“I’m really sorry about your dad.”
I could feel the tears building up in my eyes. It took everything in me to keep them from falling. “So am I. You’re losing him too. I know how close you were to him. He was always there for you when we were growing up and then through med school and residency. I’m pretty sure he liked you more than he liked me. Especially after I threw his job offer in his face.”
“That’s not true,” Hope insisted. “He loves you so much. You just wanted different things than what he wanted for you. You wanted New York more than anything or anyone.”
There was a tinge of sadness at the end of her sentence when she spoke. I did want New York more than anyone. Even her.
I was so stupid.
At the time I thought it was the right decision. But I knew she didn’t want a long-distance relationship. That was a deal breaker for her. I knew that, and I went anyway, thinking she wouldn’t really want to break up over this. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I could have stayed. My father got me a position in the residency program. At the time it was for orthopedic surgery. I chose to leave anyway, disappointing him and her.
Hope didn’t get it. I needed to prove to myself that I was good enough to get into a program that my father didn’t have influence over. It seemed like such a trivial reason now.
“How is residency going?” Hope asked. “Orthopedic surgery, right?”
“Actually, I switched to pediatric surgery.”
Her eyes went wide in shock. I knew this was going to be the reaction I would get from her.
“You take care of kids?” she asked.
I remained serious. “Yes.”
Hope laughed. “You’re taking care of children?”
I looked at her offended. “What’s wrong with that? I love kids.”
“No, you don’t! You used to make kids cry in high school.”
“One kid, one time!”
“I recall you telling me they’re little walking balls of germs.”
I sighed in defeat. She was right. I did have some animosity against kids when we were together. That changed when I experienced my first pediatric surgery case during my first year in New York.
“They are,” I said, defending my position. “They can be annoying and so whiny. But, when I’m able to help a sick child and make it so that one day they get to become annoying adults, it’s amazing.”
She smiled at the sentiment.
“Besides, I’m starting to see that adults are was worse than kids.”
“They can be,” she agreed.
I couldn’t help myself from smiling at her. I made the mistake of looking into
her emerald eyes. Her eyes always got me. The way she looked back at me. Like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. I didn’t deserve that look, but I missed it like hell.
Hope coughed, looking away from me awkwardly. “I have to get to the hospital.”
“Yeah, I should go too. I have to face Naomi after disappearing and bailing last night.”
“I spoke to her. She knows you stayed the night here. She’s not mad at you. She understands. She knows that you deal with things differently from the rest of us.”
I sighed, taking a sip of coffee. “That’s the psychiatrist in her. Perfect twin that she is.”
Hope’s demeanor changed. Her eyes turned a shade darker and she looked cold. “No one is perfect. Not Na, not me, and certainly not you Julie.”
I cringed. Clearly Hope was still angry with me. Dealing with an angry Hope was tough. She was so nice and loving all the time that sometimes I forgot how scary she can be when she’s mad at you.
I couldn’t blame her. She had a right to be mad at me. I basically told her that she wasn’t a big enough reason to stay in Chicago.
I would hate me too.
Chapter 7—Hope
Dr. Gates died at 2:34PM that day, both daughters by his side. He went peacefully, if that was any consolation. I guess that was supposed to make us feel better. It didn’t.
Julie and Naomi told me I could stay, but I didn’t want to intrude on their last moments with their father. I got a chance to say goodbye, but this was their father and they deserved to be the ones he spent his last moments with.
What got me was that part of me wanted to be in there, but only to be there for Julie. She’s back a day and I’m already finding myself caring about her again. I care about her. I always did and part of me always would, even if I didn’t want to.
“Hey,” Cary said, coming into the residents lounge. “Are you okay?”
She closed the door behind her and quickly made her way over to me.
“I’m fine.”
“It’s okay if you’re not,” she said, sitting down next to me. “I know how important he was to you.”
“Really, I’m fine.”
I wanted to cry, but not at work. I knew once I started there was a good chance I wouldn’t be able to stop.
But sitting in front of Cary’s concerned eyes, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.
“It’s okay,” she said, putting her arms around me. “It’s going to be okay.”
“I just can’t believe he’s gone.”
“I know.”
“He was the reason I went into cardiothoracic surgery. I always admired what he did and growing up I remember wanting to be just like him. He was so kind and loving.”
“A lot like you then,” she said, pulling back and smiling at me.
I smiled back tearfully. “I can’t believe it was a heart attack that caused his death. He was a cardiologist for crying out loud.”
“Maybe he had heart disease in his family,” she suggested.
“Maybe.”
“I’m really sorry you’re going through this right now.”
That was the thing though, I wasn’t. Not really anyway. Julie and Naomi were the ones going through something. I felt so sad. Sad for Dr. Gates. Sad for Naomi. Sad for Julie. I just felt so sad.
The door swung open. Speak of the devil.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Julie said, smiling at Cary and then me.
“Don’t be,” I said. “Did you need something?”
“No, I just wanted to say thanks again for everything you did for him. He was lucky to have you as one of his doctors.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m sorry we couldn’t do more for him.”
Julie tilted her head, a look of disbelief on her face. “You did as much as you could. Unfortunately, he didn’t really have a chance. You treated him to the best of your abilities, remember that Hope.”
I wish I could believe that, but part of me wasn’t so sure.
“Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks before I head out.”
“You’re leaving?” She couldn’t be going back to New York yet. There were arrangements that needed to be made.
“Yeah, me and Naomi are going to meet with our mother right now.”
“Your mother?” I questioned.
“Yeah, apparently she’s aware of all the arrangements our dad wanted. So, we have to deal with her.”
“Are you okay with that?”
She stayed quiet for a moment. I knew she wasn’t okay with it. Their mother left when they were twelve. She came to visit from time to time, but for all intents and purposes, they grew up without her.
“Yeah. It’s for my dad so, I have to be.”
Maybe I should go with her.
I looked over at Cary and saw sadness in her eyes. Great. I was making the one good person I had in my life feel bad. I knew it couldn’t be easy for her to watch me getting closer to Julie. She knew our history and she knew that Julie was a threat to her. Cary was being so understanding about all of this. I had to stop worrying about my ex and start worrying about my current “girlfriend”.
“I’ll talk to you later,” Julie said. “Bye Cary.”
“Bye Julie,” Cary smiled.
After Julie walked out, I turned to Cary. “You two have met?”
“Yeah, in the hall when you and Bernstein were checking on Dr. Gates. She seems nice.”
“Yeah, she can be,” I agreed. Julie could be nice, thoughtful, loving, funny. When you were with her, she had this way about her that could light up even the darkest parts of yourself. She could be a bitch, but that was one of the things I admired about her. Most of the time if you were on the receiving end of Julie’s bitchiness, you deserved it. “Though I don’t foresee her being nice to her mother. That’s not going to go well. She and her mother don’t exactly get along.”
“It’s okay if you want to go with her,” Cary suggested. “I wouldn’t mind you helping out a friend.”
Were Julie and I friends? A day ago, I hadn’t spoken to her in five years. But when I did see her it felt like no time had passed. Like we were finishing up medical school, our whole lives ahead of us. I wanted to call us friends. That would be the adult thing to do, but I was still angry at her. The only reason I wasn’t showing that anger was because of her current predicament.
Julie and I weren’t friends. I didn’t know if I could be her friend. Not after how intense our relationship was. We were so in love. I don’t know if people who were that in love can ever just be friends.
“Thanks, but that’s okay. She has Naomi and I’m not exactly trying to set myself up to be get hurt again. Julie and I haven’t been friends for a long time.”
“But you still care about her,” Cary said softly. “And that’s okay.”
“Julie has to take care of Julie and I have to take care of me,” I said, an edge of finality to my voice.
Cary smiled at me. I could still see uncertainty in her eyes. “I can help take care of you.”
I grinned back. Julie was my past. Cary was my future.
Chapter 8—Julie
Elizabeth was talking, but I couldn’t hear anything that she was saying. All I could hear was the voice in my head telling me to keep my calm.
I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to throw things. She was here acting like she was actually our mother. Like she knew us. Like she knew Dad.
She knew nothing about us. She left us. What kind of a woman abandoned her own children? She had a husband that loved her. A family. She threw that all away. And for what? To travel the world?
“Everything’s already been paid for,” Elizabeth said. “Dad was very meticulous about everything. Even this. He always wanted this to be taken care of. He didn’t want us to have to worry about making plans while we grieved him.”
That was it. I couldn’t bite my tongue any longer. “We?”
Naomi sighed, looking at me with a warning look. “Julie.”
“’We’ d
oes not include you,” I said.
“Julianna, I did love your father. I know you think otherwise. But I don’t have to justify my feelings to you.”
“You abandoned us. You left Dad. Now you say you loved him. After he’s dead? Great timing for you to have this epiphany.”
“Your father and I still cared for each other. We just wanted different things.”
I smiled, nodding my head. “Yeah. You wanted a new life. A new life that didn’t include us. I get it. You wanted us gone.”
“Julia…”
“You got your wish. Dad is gone. And we’re grown. You don’t have to stick around for us. We don’t need you anymore.”
I got up from the table and walked towards the exit, but then she spoke up again. “I’ll get out of your hair after the will is read. You won’t have to see me again if you don’t want to. I understand.”
I turned around and glared daggers at her. If looks could kill, I was sure she would be dead. “Of course. You always were a selfish money hungry bitch.”
“Julie!” Naomi said.
I walked out before I could hear Naomi utter an excuse for Elizabeth. She always was the peacemaker. But I wouldn’t take it this time.
There was no peace between me and Elizabeth and there never would be.
I was furious about everything. I was furious that my father was dead. I was furious that Elizabeth was here. I was even furious at my father for sharing with Elizabeth what he had planned for his death preparations.
I felt so much anger inside of myself and I wanted to make it all go away. I needed to make it stop.
Chapter 9—Hope
I was on call for the night. I usually just stayed at the hospitals on nights when I was on call since nine times out of ten I would get a call back.
I tried getting some sleep, but no matter what I did I knew I wasn’t getting a wink of sleep tonight. I couldn’t turn my brain off.
There was Dr. Gates dying, seeing Julie again, and my relationship with Cary.
I could tell that Cary was worried about seeing me with Julie. I’d be lying if I said all of my feelings for her weren’t rushing to the surface right now.
Love Never Dies Page 3
