Love Never Dies

by Aleks Mitchell

  It wasn’t fair to Cary. This wasn’t me. I wasn’t an unfaithful person. I hadn’t done anything with Julie, but even thinking about her felt like cheating.

  I know that dating multiple people at once seemed to be the way people did things nowadays, but that wasn’t what I usually went for. I enjoyed commitment. More importantly, I didn’t like to share.

  I decided to go over patient charts with my spare time. I wasn’t getting any sleep. I might as well do something other than look at the walls.

  “Hey.”

  I looked up to find Matthew. He leaned over the nurses’ station counter to look down at me.

  “Hey,” I said. I hadn’t spoken to Matthew much lately. I was friends with him through Julie and after the breakup it felt too hard to be friends with him. He was a reminder of her. “What has you here this late?”

  “I could say the same for you.”

  “I’m on call. What’s your excuse Mr. Pediatrician?”

  “Excuse me, is that a dig at my specialty? Are you insinuating my job isn’t as hard as a cardiothoracic surgeon’s?”

  “Yes.”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, you’re right. I could never do what you do. I’d need to get high every night from the anxiety of being so close to a human heart.”

  “So, then what’s up? Why are you here so late?”

  “Naomi is looking for Julie. I was hoping you’ve seen her.”

  I tried to keep a passive look. But inside, I was worried. “No. Why?”

  “Things didn’t go to well with their mom. Julie had an altercation with Elizabeth. She’s not answering her phone now.”

  “I haven’t heard from her,” I said, sighing. She was upset and vulnerable right now. There was a chance she went home with someone tonight. I could only hope that that someone wasn’t a psychopath.

  “If you hear from her, just let me or Na know.”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  Matthew was about to walk away, but then he stopped and looked back at me. “Do you still love her?”

  I looked away from the pediatrician. “Matthew.”

  “Come on. Just be honest with me. I won’t tell her.”

  I fought so hard to say no. I wanted nothing more than to utter that one syllable word. But I couldn’t. “I’ll always love Julie. Even if we’re not together.”

  He shook his head. “You’re both infuriating you know?”

  “Sorry?”

  “Do you have any idea how hard it is to find love in this online dating obsessed world? You two are the real deal and neither of you sees that.”

  “Things didn’t work out between us. It happens. We want different things.”

  “Well of course. You’re both different people. We don’t date people that are like ourselves because that would only end in disaster. That’s what made you both so perfect for each other. You balanced each other out.”

  I looked back up at him. “I’m with Cary now.”

  He scoffed. “Yeah, okay. Keep telling yourself that.”

  “I don’t have to tell myself anything. It’s the truth.”

  “You still have feelings for Julie that haven’t been resolved yet. Anything you have with Cary is never going to work until you deal with that.”

  I shook my head. He was wrong. I was over Julie. I dealt with losing her. I was with Cary now.

  “You’re wrong.”

  He made a face. “Not possible.”

  “Go away Matthew.”

  He put his hands up in surrender. “Fine. Let me know if you hear from our girl.” He continued down the hall.

  “Your girl! Not our girl!”

  “Yup!”

  I grunted in frustration. He was such a know it all. He always had been. In high school, college, medical school. He thought he was right about everything. Only this time, he was definitely wrong.

  Things were going great with Cary. Julie being here wasn’t going to change that.

  In a week, she would be back in New York and my life would be back to normal.

  Chapter 10—Julie

  I knew I shouldn’t be here. But this was where I found myself at two in the morning. I could have gone to Matthew’s. I should have.

  Hope was with someone else. I didn’t want to ruin that. But she was the first person I thought to go to. She was always the person I went to when I was upset. Even before we were a couple. We started as friends and she was the best friend every girl needed.

  Hope was perfect. That’s why it made me feel so stupid that I treated her like she wasn’t.

  I was standing outside of Hope’s front door for the past ten minutes, still trying to get the courage to knock on the door. Something so simple seemed so hard in that moment.

  Don’t do this Julie. She’s happy. Let her be happy.

  I sighed, closing my eyes. When I did I could see Hope’s beautiful smile right in front of me. Her caring green eyes. I could see her. But I wanted more. I wanted to touch her.

  Not in a sexual way. Hope’s hug was so powerful. From one simple hug she could make you feel like the world wasn’t ending. Like everything would be okay, even though it clearly wouldn’t be.

  I wanted to be in her arms, but I still loved her. I wouldn’t be selfish. She was with Cary and I was being a bitch for even thinking of trying to ruin that.

  I turned to walk away, but when I did I froze at who I saw coming down the hall. It was Hope.

  I looked at her door and then back at her. I shook my head at the ridiculousness I felt for waiting outside her door when she wasn’t even home to begin with.

  She stopped in front of me, a gentle smile on her face. “Matthew and your sister are looking for you.”

  “Yeah, I sent Na a text that I was alive. I just needed time.” I looked away from her.

  To my surprise, she placed her hand under my chin and lifted my gaze to meet hers. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  She exhaled audibly. “You’re outside of my apartment at three in the morning. You’re not fine.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I know I shouldn’t be here. But you were the first person I thought about. You’re the person that always makes me feel something inside.”

  “Are you drunk?”

  “No,” I said, a little taken back at the question. It was an understandable question with how she found me the other night. “I mean I had one drink, but that was a lot earlier. I want to be. It doesn’t seem to be helping me though. Plus, I figured my liver could use a break.”

  She shrugged, nodding her head rapidly. “I’d say that’s an understatement.”

  She unlocked the door and stepped inside. She looked back at me. “Coming or going?”

  I thought about it for a moment. I should leave. But something was stopping me from doing the logically right thing.

  “Coming.”

  Chapter 11—Hope

  The next morning, I woke up with Julie sleeping next to me. We fell asleep talking. And that’s all we did. Talked.

  We didn’t cross the line. Julie may have been a free-spirit when it came to hooking-up with a lot of people, but she wasn’t a cheater. And she wouldn’t help someone else cheat either. Say what you will about Julie, but she did have good morals.

  Julie started stirring next to me. I couldn’t help the smile that appeared on my lips. Waking up next to Julie felt so right. I’d missed this.

  Still, I didn’t want to get hurt again. I felt like I was setting myself up for just that. I was so in love with Julie. And deep down I knew that I was still in love with her. I couldn’t risk having my heart broken by the woman again.

  Julie turned over and smiled at me. I smiled back.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Will you stop apologizing Julie? I told you last night and I’ll tell you again, you have nothing to be sorry for.” I thought about that for a moment and amended my statement. “Well, nothing about coming over here last night. Leaving me, that’s a different story.”

 
“Low blow,” she said. “You can’t take jabs at me before I’ve had my coffee. You know I’m not a fan of mornings.”

  “Yeah it amazes me that you’re able to be a surgeon with the way you are with your sleep.”

  You did not want to get in the way of Julie and her sleep. If she didn’t get at least four hours, she was a bitch on wheels.

  “I shouldn’t have come over here,” she said. “I know you moved on and it’s not fair of me to bring you back into my shitty life.”

  “Hey,” I said, caressing her arm. “Your life is not shitty. Nothing about you is shitty. I asked you to stay the night. I’m a grown woman and I make my own decisions. We didn’t do anything. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  “You have a girlfriend. Even spending the night was pushing the line. Especially with the history we have.”

  “Cary knows about our history. She’s okay with me being there for you.”

  “That’s total bull Hope. If you believed that, you’re not the smart ass I thought you were.”

  “Excuse me?” I said, feigning insult.

  “I just mean that even someone as nice as Cary wouldn’t be okay with you being there for your ex. An ex you were in love with.”

  “Yeah. I think this is hard on her. Technically she’s not my girlfriend, but we were headed there.”

  Her eyes widened in shock. “Wait, you said were. Please don’t let this ruin that. You’re happy with Cary. Don’t let me ruin that.”

  “You know it took me a long time to even think about dating someone else. I was in love with you so much. Losing you was the worst thing I ever had to go through.”

  “And I don’t want to make you go through anything like that again. I hate that I hurt you. And if it makes you feel any better, I haven’t had a connection with anyone like I did with you. No matter how many people I sleep with.”

  I made a face at her. I didn’t like that she was going from woman to woman to man to man. She was never so cavalier about sex before. I think she was using sex to feel better. That wasn’t helping her. If anything, it was hurting her.

  She continued. “Besides, after my father’s funeral, I’m going back to New York. I don’t want me being here to ruin what you’ve built with Cary.”

  “You won’t ruin anything. We can be friends. This time we can stay friends. We don’t have to completely lose contact with each other. I really missed you Julie.”

  She smiled, but it was a sad smile. “I missed you too.”

  Things were going to be different this time. Julie and I could be friends.

  Or maybe I was just telling myself that.

  Chapter 12—Julie

  When I got back to the house, Elizabeth was in the kitchen with Naomi. She excused herself when she saw me come in.

  At least she knew how to take a hint.

  “Why is she staying in our house?” I asked Naomi once Elizabeth was gone. “This is Dad’s house. She shouldn’t be staying in Dad’s house.”

  “Julie, I don’t want any more problems. It didn’t make sense to have her stay at a hotel when we have an empty house with plenty of room here.”

  “Fine. Take her side.”

  “I’m not taking anyone’s side,” she grunted in frustration. “You can be so immature.”

  “And you’re naïve. She’s here for money. She probably wants to convince you to sell the house.”

  She crossed her arms, raising her nose at me. “It didn’t come up.”

  “It will,” I said. I poured myself a cup of coffee.

  “Where were you last night?”

  “I stayed the night at Hope’s.”

  Naomi gave me her infamous look. Her judgmental look. “Did you seriously sleep with Hope?”

  “Don’t start. I didn’t sleep with Hope. We just talked. Nothing happened.”

  “That’s shocking.”

  I glared at her. “I know because I’m such a slut.”

  She furrowed her eyebrows, shock evident on her face. “I would never call you that.”

  I shook my head, looking at her apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep much last night.”

  “I get it. I just know that you still care about her. I would have expected for something to happen.”

  “It didn’t. She’s seeing someone, remember?”

  “Yeah. How do you feel about that?”

  “Oh my God. Please don’t shrink me.”

  “I’m not shrinking you. I’m sistering you.”

  “Mothering. And that’s not a word.”

  Naomi shrugged. “You need one of those sometimes.”

  “I don’t feel anything about it. I’m fine. Ultimately, next week I’ll be back in New York.”

  “What if we stay?”

  “We have jobs in New York,” I said in an obvious tone.

  “We could transfer here. My residency is over and yours is almost over. We could transfer and live in Dad’s house.”

  “I don’t want to live in Dad’s house.”

  “Come on, it’s the house we grew up in.”

  “I like New York.”

  “Will you just think about it?”

  “There’s nothing to think about. I have a position back in New York. I want to stay learning under Dr. Hightower.”

  Naomi sighed as she got up from the table. She walked towards the door but turned back to look at me. “Are you really going to make the wrong decision again?”

  I didn’t answer her. The truth was I didn’t know the answer myself.

  Staying would derail Hope’s relationship with Cary. I knew it was only a matter of time before we admitted the truth to ourselves. I didn’t want to cause her anymore heartache than I already did.

  I didn’t want to cause myself anymore heartache. Even though I was the one that left Hope, I still had to get over losing her. I went from having her in my life to having zero contact. Not even texts or phone calls.

  Losing the love of your life and your best friend at the same time was unbelievably grueling.

  My stomach turned at a thought. I wasn’t sure if my heart could take saying goodbye to Hope again.

  Chapter 13—Hope

  I knew I had to talk with Cary. After the other night I couldn’t deny that I was still in love with Julie.

  I liked Cary. I was pretty sure I was falling in love with her. But was it right to be with Cary when I knew I still felt so strongly for someone else?

  What if I never got over Julie? Would I never be able to be in love with someone else again? I wasn’t sure if I could ever not want to be with Julie, which left me with a serious problem.

  I could either risk getting my heart broken again with Julie or die alone. Then again, I could always just ignore my feelings for Julie. Maybe they’ll go away eventually. I could make things work with Cary.

  That wouldn’t be fair to Cary though. She didn’t deserve for me to treat her like she was second best to Julie.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

  I looked at Cary. We were eating takeout in my apartment. The exact apartment I had spent the night talking with Julie in.

  “I’m just upset about Dr. Gates.”

  “I think it’s something else.” There was sadness in Cary’s eyes as she placed her hand over mine. “It’s Julie.”

  I looked away from her intense gaze. I didn’t know what to say. No words could make any of this okay. Things were going great with Cary until I saw Julie again.

  “I think you should try to work on things with Julie.”

  I creased my eyebrows in confusion. Why would she tell me to work on things with Julie when we were building on a relationship together? Did she realize that I wasn’t in this the way she was? I felt like such an awful person in that moment. I wasn’t the girl that broke hearts. I was the girl that usually had her heart broken. “Why would you say that?”

  “It’s clear that you’re still in love with her. You’re struggling with this and I don’t want you
to. As much as I like you, I wouldn’t forgive myself if I got in the way of two people that loved each other the way you two do.”

  “Julie and I have been over for a while.”

  “I see the way you look at each other. You both still love each other so much. Unfortunately, you’re both as stubborn as the other.”

  There was no point in lying to her. She saw what I was too much of a coward to admit.

  I still wanted to be with Julie. I still loved her with all my heart. I don’t think I ever stopped loving her. I just told myself that I did. I pretended that I could move on from Julie. But I was wrong.

  I looked at her through teary eyes, a sad smile on my face. “You’re amazing. I don’t deserve someone as amazing as you.”

  She smiled. “Yeah, I know.”

  I let out a light laugh. Leave it to Cary to get me to laugh when I’m breaking things off with her. She really was a remarkable person. I was probably an idiot for doing this, but I couldn’t lie to her or myself anymore.

  “We can’t help who we fall in love with,” Cary continued. “The heart wants what it wants. It doesn’t always make sense in our brains. The heart will always win Hope.”

  “Yeah, unfortunately.”

  “No. Not unfortunately. What you two have is special. Fight for it. Don’t let it go. If you do, then I will be pissed the hell off at you.” She smiled at me.

  I hugged her tightly.

  Things between Cary and I were over. But that didn’t mean that things between me and Julie would work out.

  Chapter 14—Julie

  We had our father’s funeral today. There was a service and a viewing, but he was being cremated so there was no precession for burial. We were having people over at the house afterwards.

  It didn’t feel real. I still felt like my dad was going to walk through the front door. How could someone be here one minute and gone the next?

  I dealt with death at work all the time. But I’d never lost someone close to me before. It was a terrible feeling.

  Hope was here. She was talking with Grady. He was one of her and Dad’s colleagues. Well, I guess now only one of her colleagues.