Unmasked

by Stefanie London

  “He didn’t treat you badly, did he?” Corinna picked at a frayed patch on Lainey’s carpet. “I know he doesn’t mean to be a dick, but he hasn’t been himself the last few years. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even recognise him anymore.”

  “He was great,” she said. “Treated me like I was special even though I’m not.”

  “Don’t say that.” Imogen frowned. “You are special.”

  “Not enough, apparently. If I was that great, he would have wanted me for more than a weekend.”

  Corinna looked at her pointedly. “Did you ask him for more?”

  Lainey bit down on the inside of her cheek. “Well, no... I mean, he knew I was leaving. There was never any discussion about it.”

  “Then why would he suggest more if he knew you had this amazing career opportunity overseas?”

  Lainey wanted to scream at her friends to stop giving her hope—to stop inviting her to leave room for that tiny, blissful bubble of what-if, because it wasn’t going to happen. If she went to Damian now, heart on her sleeve, he would break her. Ruin her.

  Aren’t you already broken? If you were fine, you wouldn’t be sitting on the floor crying over an old photograph. Whether you tell him or not, you’ll never escape how you feel.

  “What if I go to him and it was just sex?” she whispered.

  “Does that change anything in the grand scheme of things?” Corinna cocked her head. “I mean, if you’re leaving anyway, isn’t it better to know?”

  “Cori’s right,” Imogen said. “You can’t get closure if you’re still wondering how he really feels.”

  Lainey had no idea which option she preferred. Leaving now without seeing Damian would mean a lifetime of asking herself what might’ve happened. But if she went to him and he rejected her...

  Would she be able to move on? She honestly didn’t know.

  Lainey caught a glimpse of herself in the full-length mirror across the room. Her hair gleamed like scarlet silk, rich and bold and vibrant. It wasn’t a colour one wore to blend into the background, even though it had been intended as a disguise. Pushing up from the floor, Lainey went to her handbag and pulled out the compact.

  “That damn compact.” Corinna laughed and shook her head. “How did I not figure it out then?”

  This one little item had brought her back to Damian after that fateful night. What might’ve happened if she’d never dropped it in the limo? They might not have spent last weekend together. She might never have known that they were perfect together. That they were perfectly balanced. She ran her fingertip over the LK embroidered in the flowers.

  Do it.

  The voice in her head started as a whisper and grew until the words pounded in time with the rush of blood in her veins.

  Do it. Do it. Do it.

  She sucked in a breath. Her friends were right—there was a difference between going to England and leaving Australia. She didn’t want her doubts following her to a new country. It was confession time.

  She loved Damian McKnight and had for as long as she could remember. And now she was going to tell him.

  * * *

  Damian couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face as victory pumped through his veins. He’d been staring at the email for a full five minutes, revelling in the knowledge that he’d won. Jerry McPartlin was going to sign as a client.

  They’d met earlier this week, and Damian had pulled out all the stops. He’d worked with his top consultant, the two of them dazzling McPartlin & Co. with all the ways they could improve the business—cost-cutting through efficient processes, giving him more money without the need to lay off employees, not to mention implementing a talent-retention program to lower their turnover rate, thus keeping the people they’d invested in. The pitch had required back-to-back all-nighters, meaning Damian had slept on the couch in his office. But it’d been worth it.

  Victory.

  He couldn’t wait until his phone lit up with Ben’s number. His old boss would be livid. Served him right—karma was going to bite that bastard where it hurt.

  The strange thing was, Damian’s natural instinct made him want to call Lainey, to share his good news with her, to thank her for her role in helping him land the biggest deal of his career. Because his hard work would have meant nothing without her by his side—she’d charmed the McPartlins, played the perfect sweet and sassy balance to his harder personality. All without judging him, without making him feel bad for chasing his career with an insatiable hunger.

  She got him. Understood him. Had never once tried to change him.

  He scrolled through the contact list on his phone until he found her name. But before he had a chance to call her, his intercom buzzed.

  “Damian, your 4:00 p.m. conference call has been pushed. Stacy said they needed another twenty-four hours to get the information you’ve requested for the case study.” The sound of fingernails clicking against a keyboard filled the pause. “And Lainey Kline is here to see you, but she doesn’t have an appointment.”

  “That’s okay.” His heart thumped. “Send her in.”

  A second later, Lainey walked through the doors like the very embodiment of his desires. She always sent a jolt of electricity to his libido, and the feeling had only grown stronger since their weekend together.

  “Hey,” she said, her hands fiddling with the end of her long red ponytail. Today she looked different. There was no dramatic makeup, no fitted clothing or sky-high heels—none of her usual attention-grabbing tactics, in fact. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

  “You’re always welcome here,” he said, gesturing for her to have a seat. “I was going to call you, anyway.”

  “You were?” A smile ghosted across her lips.

  “I signed Jerry McPartlin.” He clapped his hands together and leaned back in his chair. “And I owe you a celebratory drink. Couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “I’m sure that’s not true.” She ran her hands over the floaty hem of her white cotton dress. The stark contrast with her flame-red hair made her look like a firework against a black-and-white background—like she was the only bit of colour he could see.

  “My first meeting with the man was a disaster.” He laughed. “If it wasn’t for you going along with the whole fake-fiancée thing, I doubt he would have given me a second chance.”

  “I’m glad I could help. I know he’s an important client.”

  “He is.” For some reason he felt a little less victorious than he had the moment the email had popped into his inbox—would Lainey still be happy she helped if he told her the full story? “He was my old boss’s client.”

  Her brows dipped into a frown, as if she was unsure of the significance of that detail.

  “Jenny was having an affair with him. My boss...ex-boss.” He cleared his throat, startled by the rush of anger that resurfaced fresh and raw. How many years would pass before those feelings stopped? “I found them. Together.”

  She blinked. “I had no idea.”

  “I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want anyone to know.” He sucked in a breath. “The worst thing was that it started as a revenge screw. She didn’t want me starting my own business because it would mean even longer hours and she thought I neglected her enough as it was. She told me if I was a good husband then she never would have had to go elsewhere.”

  “That’s a load of bullshit.” She pursed her lips. “And it certainly doesn’t excuse an affair.”

  “Well, my boss was a bastard, and when I resigned he told me I’d never make it to the big leagues, that I’d never be on his level. He’d hired me to be his gofer and nothing more.”

  “So you stole his client?” Lainey asked.

  “His favourite client.”

  She picked at the embroidery curving around the hem of her dress. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Y
ou were involved.” He shrugged. “I thought you had a right to know.”

  “If you thought that, you would have mentioned it before I got involved.” She looked up. “Do you still love her?”

  “Jenny?” He reeled. “Fuck, no. Not after what she did.”

  “But you’re still clinging to her.” Her expression was soft and sad and not at all what he’d expected. “This whole revenge thing says you’re not over what happened. You said yourself it’s the reason you couldn’t stay in the apartment. She’s still part of your life even if you don’t want her to be.”

  Damian’s mind whirred. He knew he didn’t love Jenny anymore. That was a certainty. But her betrayal haunted his every move. Mocked his every step toward success, telling him it would never be enough. He would never be enough. Not until he proved that they’d been wrong to doubt him.

  That was why McPartlin was so important. Landing this client was the key to him being able to move on, because it was proof he’d become successful...wasn’t it?

  Is that really the kind of success you want?

  “She’s not part of my life anymore,” he gritted out.

  Lainey shook her head. “But you haven’t had a real relationship since.”

  “Because I don’t want one.” He swallowed. “I told you that.”

  “Why did that change?” Frustration gave her voice an edge, subtle enough that most people wouldn’t hear it. But he did, because he knew her. “Was it due to her cheating, or something else?”

  “I was sick of having to take sides between her and my career. I didn’t want to be in that position again.”

  “Bullshit.” She folded her arms.

  “You think I’m lying?” He planted his hands on his desk, his fingers curling against the polished wood.

  “I think you’re deluding yourself. If what you said was true, you would have broken things off with her before you found her cheating. Or if you knew things were going to end anyway, you wouldn’t still be pissed about it years later.”

  Her ability to see right through his facade was borderline terrifying. No one had ever done that before. He was damn good at projecting the image he wanted, cultivating a persona that kept the real him safely tucked away, protected from harm. But Lainey was smashing through his defensive walls with a battering ram.

  “And I’m supposed to take relationship advice from you?” He regretted the words the second they slipped out in a misguided need for self-defence.

  Way to go, dickhead. You’ve attacked the person whose opinion you care about.

  The realisation chilled him. He did care about Lainey’s opinion. A lot. Why else would he be airing his dirty laundry to her? He didn’t want to lie.

  “The thing is, I know where my issues come from. I’m not in denial about who I am.” Her voice wobbled, and that unsteady sound was like a knife through his heart. “The reason I date all those idiots is because I know I can’t have the man I truly want.”

  The blood stilled in Damian’s veins. She could only say one of two things next, and he didn’t want to hear either of them. Because if she loved someone else, he wasn’t sure he could stand it. And if she loved him...

  Shit. How could he have let this get so out of control? He never should have taken her back to his place the night of the dinner. It was the stupid strength of lust and desire that had allowed him to ignore his own rules. No other woman had gotten to him after Jenny. He’d only ever satisfied physical need. Sure, he’d felt attracted to other women. But that was it. Something he could swallow down as easily as a pill.

  But with Lainey his control slipped away like water through his fingers.

  Her lip trembled. “Aren’t you going to ask me?”

  She’d led him to a fork in the path, forcing him to stop and look ahead. Forcing him to decide. When she left his office, something would be cemented—either she would be part of his life or she’d leave for good.

  “I’m not sure I want to know,” he said.

  “Well, I need to tell you.” She dropped her hands into her lap. “I love you, Damian. I always have.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  LAINEY HAD ALWAYS thought the way people described time as standing still after an important moment was a bit of a wank. But now she understood. It was like God himself had planted a hand on the earth to stop its rotation, slowing things down so that each breath dragged into her lungs with agonising slowness.

  Damian’s expression remained unchanged. His heavy brows crinkled slightly, and the hard set of his jaw was devastating as ever. The lack of reaction was telling.

  She’d made a terrible mistake.

  “You can’t love me.” He cringed as soon as the words shot out of his mouth because Lainey jumped, ready to flee. Clearing his throat as if trying to put his thoughts in order, he said, “Stay...please. Let’s talk this through.”

  Oh, God, this was it. The “well, this has been fun but...” talk that she’d always avoided by being the first to cut and run. And now she was going to have to sit and pretend like her heart wasn’t shattering into a billion jagged pieces.

  Why did you do this to yourself? You know a guy like him will find a picture-perfect wife, not some crazy woman who goes commando and does shooters and dresses up in disguise to seduce men.

  Not men. Just him.

  “You’re panicking.” He furled and unfurled his fists, and her hands twitched in response. “I can see it.”

  “Well, nothing good ever comes after ‘we need to talk.’ That usually comes before ‘I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.’” She tried to muster a smile, but it felt like the bottom had fallen out of her world.

  “I worry one of us will be saying that.” He frowned. “And it won’t be me.”

  “I know you don’t want long term.” She couldn’t even look him in the eye. “But I thought...”

  The weight of his silence pressed down on her heart.

  “You’re right,” he said, eventually. “I don’t want long term.”

  Her chest squeezed. “Then maybe we can skip to the part where I leave the country and we forget this ever happened.”

  Dammit. How pathetic are you? Why don’t you drop your heart on the ground so he can stomp on it, already?

  “I don’t want to forget.” His expression was deadly serious. “Lainey, I...fuck, I don’t know how to say this.”

  “Do it. Like a Band-Aid.” Her heart stuttered in her chest, tears prickling the backs of her eyes so that she had to blink repeatedly to push them away. “You say, ‘Lainey, this has been fun, but you’re not the girl for me.’”

  He shook his head. “It’s not like that.”

  “Then what is it like? Because from where I’m sitting, it looks as though we want different things.” She knotted her hands in her lap, praying that the tears would hold off until she was alone.

  Alone. It was an idea she had better get used to, because very soon she’d be a whole hemisphere away from her family, her friends. And the man she desperately loved.

  “You’re supposed to be leaving,” he said.

  The words were like a bullet ripping her insides to shreds. In his mind, there had always been an end date. She had a ticket and he’d banked on avoiding this conversation. He never had any intention of taking it further.

  Did you? You hadn’t planned on more than one night. And he wasn’t even supposed to know.

  But walking away had been so much harder than she’d anticipated. Going back to him without her disguise—being with him as herself—had been everything. The culmination of all her childish, heart-fluttering wishes, of all her lust and desire. Of all her secret dead-of-the-night prayers. And now he’d blown her wide-open. Taken a verbal shotgun to her heart.

  “I am leaving,” she said. “And I shouldn’t have come here.”

  “Lainey, please. Let’s not ruin what we had.”


  “What the hell does that mean?” She stood and wrapped her arms around herself, taking a step back. But distance wasn’t going to save her. Not even when she left Australia. Hell, flying to Mars probably wouldn’t help at this point.

  She was done. Broken.

  Goddammit. Why had she let Corinna and Imogen get into her head? As if he was going to throw up his hands and say “I love you,” just like that. But she’d hoped for something...anything. A flicker of feeling. Not the excuse that he thought she was leaving.

  He cursed under his breath as he came around the desk. “I don’t want to lose you. But that doesn’t mean I have anything more to give.”

  “You have plenty to give, Damian. But you refuse to take the risk.” She retreated, taking a step back for every one he took forward. “Or maybe it’s that I’m not worth enough for you to try.”

  * * *

  Her resigned tone twisted like a blade in his gut. Lainey was the most generous, beautiful, interesting person he knew, and that she felt worthless made him want to rage. His reluctance to enter into a relationship had nothing to do with her.

  “It’s not about that.”

  “It’s probably for the best, anyway,” she forged on, her eyes glimmering. “We’d never be equal. I’d end up living in fear, waiting for you to find someone better.”

  “There isn’t anyone better, that’s precisely the point.” The words came out in a rush—too loud and too close to the bone.

  “That doesn’t make any sense. Why don’t you want to be with me if there’s no one better?”

  “Lainey, what do you want me to say? I never promised you anything, and there was a bloody good reason for that.” He reached for her, but she stepped away so sharply that he froze on the spot. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do. So much. Too much, which is exactly why I wanted to keep things platonic.”

  “I never realised how selfish you were,” she said. “How self-preserving.”

  Jenny had looked at him the same way the morning after he’d found her with Ben, when she’d packed her bags to leave for good. Those wide, accusing eyes and that defensive posture that’d screamed why didn’t you try harder? had frozen him with guilt.