Secret Hearts

by Radclyffe

  “My own fault there.” Kip sat back down on the sofa and rested her elbows on her knees. “But you know, I figured something out this afternoon. I really don’t care all that much. I like the work, but I don’t like the bullshit. And I don’t like being pushed around by people who don’t know anything about me.”

  “You’re sure you’re all right?”

  Kip rubbed the back of her neck. “I’m okay. A little tired is all.”

  “You should go home. There’s no reason for you to stay up all night watching the thermometers with me.”

  “Hey,” Kip said, leaning forward to tap a finger on Jordan’s knee. “I happen to like hanging out with you in dark, fairly cold trailers.”

  Jordan laughed. “You could’ve told me you were cold. I’ve got an electric heater. Not as big as yours, but big enough.”

  Kip laughed and she wasn’t quite as weary anymore. “I’m sure yours will be perfect.”

  “Uh-huh.” Jordan rose, dragged the heater out from the corner, and plugged it in. “There, this place will be toasty before you know it.”

  “Almost as warm as outside.”

  “Those things are amazing. Are they from your work?”

  “Yeah, it’s not unusual for us to have to work outside on the parts of the bigger things.”

  “You must be really good.”

  “I’ve been waiting for you to say that. Not quite how I imagined it, but—”

  “Don’t you ever quit?”

  “Not when I want something,” Kip said softly.

  “Your job,” Jordan murmured. “You were saying…”

  Kip sighed. Timing was everything, and this was not the time. “I like to make things work, and I seem to have a knack for figuring out how to do it efficiently. And efficiency saves money. That makes me desirable.”

  Jordan smiled. “I can’t say that I considered your efficiency quotient in that regard, but I won’t argue with the conclusion.”

  “Careful,” Kip murmured. “I’m being on my best behavior, but I can’t make any promises if you tease me.”

  “I wouldn’t think of it.”

  “I didn’t say I didn’t want you to.”

  “I can’t seem to help it, despite my better judgment. You seem to bring out the worst in me.”

  “There’s nothing bad about what you’re doing, except the part where I get all riled up and don’t have anywhere to go with it.”

  “Is that right…riled up.”

  “Extremely so.” Kip edged forward, captured Jordan’s knees between her thighs.

  Jordan pushed her chair back and escaped. She was breathing quickly. “Well, then we should probably take a circuit around the garden and cool you off.”

  Laughing, Kip rose and held out her hand. “I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy.”

  “No,” Jordan murmured, “neither do I.”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  “Hey.” Jordan sat carefully on the edge of the daybed and gently shook Kip’s shoulder. She’d been watching Kip sleep for half an hour, memorizing the lines of her body, the angle of her jaw, the soft fullness of her mouth. She’d never wanted to imprint every atom of a woman in her mind the way she did every time she glimpsed Kip. Even though they spent hours and hours together every day, they were always so busy working they had very few quiet moments together, so tonight even these stolen moments in the midst of a crisis struck her as a gift. Watching Kip uninterrupted was a secret pleasure, and she couldn’t even begin to feel guilty about it.

  Kip opened her eyes with a slight groan, focused on Jordan, and smiled. Even half-asleep, Kip’s gaze spiked Jordan’s pulse and woke every other part of her too. She went from weary and worried to wet and wanting in a heartbeat. Leaving her hand on Kip’s shoulder an instant longer, she said, “Sorry to get you up. It’s almost dawn.”

  “Hell. I missed my shift, didn’t I?” Kip asked.

  “Not much to miss. I checked all the generators. Everything’s running fine.”

  “I don’t even remember falling asleep.”

  Kip looked chagrined, which only made her sexier. Jordan bit her lower lip and indulged herself with one brief caress of Kip’s jeans-clad leg. Even that slight contact helped ease the aching need to touch her. “We were talking about climate change and you just decided to take a little nap midsentence.”

  “Oh, that was cool,” Kip muttered, rubbing her face. She pushed up and sat with her back against the wall of the trailer, her hip against Jordan’s.

  The trailer was dark except for the soft light of the desk lamp behind them. The night outside was still black. Jordan would have been happy to stay marooned in this island of quietude for eternity if it meant Kip would keep looking at her like that—like she was desirable and fascinating and the only woman in the world.

  “Actually, it was kind of cute,” Jordan teased.

  “Stop. My ego is delicate.”

  Jordan laughed. “I know you better than that, remember?”

  Kip’s expression grew serious and she caught Jordan’s hand. “You do. I’m still surprised every time I realize you’re okay with me…being me.”

  “Oh,” Jordan said, trying to keep her tone light and failing miserably. God, she had to stop looking at her or she was going to forget about everything except curling up beside her and tasting and touching until she was full, if she ever could be. “I’m much more than okay. I’m quite enamored.”

  Kip laughed. “You are the worst flatterer ever.”

  Jordan shrugged. “I bet you’re used to much better lines.”

  “Oh, I am,” Kip said darkly. “Which is another reason why I’d rather be here with you than anywhere else. You’re real. We’re real.”

  “Are we,” Jordan whispered, very much afraid she was falling for her own fantasies. She straightened before she could say or do anything she’d regret. “Speaking of real, I need to check outside.”

  “How’s the temperature?”

  “Holding at twenty-four an hour ago.”

  “Hell.” Kip grimaced. “That’s not good. We need it to start going up pretty quick, don’t we?”

  “Ordinarily this low this long would be disastrous.” Jordan realized she was still holding Kip’s hand and released it with a quick squeeze. “You changed the game with those heaters. Soil temperatures are dropping, sure, and some of the seedlings may shock, but it’s not the disaster it might’ve been.”

  “Feels pretty terrible to me. Is it always like this, the worry about how the weather and probably a million things I don’t even know about will affect the crops?”

  “Pretty much every day.” Jordan sighed, recalling countless conversations at the kitchen table, over breakfast and supper, her mother and father talking about the heat, the rain or lack of it, and the price forecasts. “I can’t ever remember a time it wasn’t a main topic of discussion, but I never realized the constant worry that went with it until I was almost grown. I never translated the welfare of the crops into dollars and cents when I was young, and then when I got older and realized what it meant when there was so much rain seeds didn’t germinate or too little rain and the corn didn’t grow, my father was the one who bore the worry.”

  Kip caressed Jordan’s arm, her hand strong and warm. “You couldn’t have taken that from him, you know. The worry.”

  “I know, but if I’d been there, if I’d only seen—”

  Kip sat up and her arms came around Jordan’s shoulders. “No, not if he didn’t want you to see, and I’m betting he didn’t.”

  Jordan didn’t remember moving, but somehow she was in Kip’s lap, her arms around Kip’s shoulders and Kip’s mouth so close, so close and so warm and so perfectly, beautifully strong. Her hand was in Kip’s hair, silky strands sifting between her fingers, when she brought her mouth to Kip’s.

  Kip groaned softly, both hands spanning Jordan’s waist. Jordan cleaved to her, wild to climb inside her skin. Kip’s heart thudded against Jordan’s chest, and hers leapt to match it. When s
he skimmed Kip’s bottom lip and bit down gently, Kip groaned again.

  Jordan’s stomach flipped. Oh, she liked that tortured sound, liked making Kip unravel. She tilted her head, deepened the kiss, relentlessly demanding. Time, past and present, dropped away and all that remained was the press of Kip’s body, the heat of her mouth, the ache of their breasts pressed together. She plundered and teased, her tongue sliding over Kip’s, pulling back when Kip would’ve drawn her in deeper, forcing Kip to chase her, take her, match her need for need. She kissed the edge of Kip’s jaw and down her throat, nipping gently at sweet, salty skin.

  “Jordan,” Kip said, husky and needy. “If you don’t stop, I won’t let you. Fuck, I’m losing it here.”

  “Mmm, good. I don’t want to stop.” Jordan kissed her again, and Kip shuddered. Oh yes. A wave of power spread through her, screaming for her to have and hold and claim. God, she wanted her. She jerked back, gasping. “You like that, don’t you?”

  Kip’s grip tightened, her eyes dark and fierce. “Hell, yes.”

  Jordan’s mind blanked for an instant and all she knew was hunger. “I’ve never…not like this.”

  “Yeah, do it,” Kip whispered. “Put your hands on me.”

  “Oh God, I want to.” Jordan’s breath fled. Her throat closed around a moan. She pressed her forehead to Kip’s. “Forgive me, God, I have to stop.”

  Kip’s breath was loud and unsteady in the tiny womb of the trailer. “You know what you’re doing to me, right?”

  Laughing brokenly, Jordan stroked a finger down Kip’s cheek, brushed her thumb over Kip’s mouth. “Oh, baby, I think I do. If you’re crazy right now, like I am. If you want my hands on you, right now, as much as I want them all over you. If you need me—”

  Kip grabbed Jordan’s shoulders, jerked her close and kissed her hard, turning them until they were half lying on the bed. Her tongue, skating over Jordan’s mouth, hot and hard and urgent, was all the answer Jordan needed. She gripped Kip’s shirt in both hands and wrapped her legs around Kip’s hips. She opened her mouth and pulled Kip in.

  Kip covered Jordan, body to body, and plunged into the hot welcome of Jordan’s kiss, her mind ablaze, thoughts incinerated. She heard nothing, knew nothing, only the taste of her and the desperate press of their bodies struggling to join. All she sensed was need. Her breath sobbed out, her stomach pounded, blood pooled in her depths, hot and heavy and making her insane. She raked her teeth down Jordan’s neck, tugged open the top button of her shirt, and licked the skin between her breasts. Jordan arched beneath her and cried out, her fingers digging into Kip’s shoulders.

  Kip slid to her knees on the floor and fumbled open another button. Jordan’s flesh was soft and full beneath her mouth. She cupped her breast and pulled her nipple tightly between her lips.

  “Oh God.” Jordan gasped, fingers locked behind Kip’s neck, holding her head down, urging her to take more. Her hips rose in invitation.

  Kip pressed her cheek hard to Jordan’s stomach and wrapped an arm around Jordan’s hips, gathering her close. “One more freaking second and I’m not stopping.”

  Jordan’s hips jerked. “In a second I won’t be able to. God, I want you to touch me.”

  Kip squeezed her eyes shut. Jordan’s heart pounded beneath her ear. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we have to wait.”

  Jordan’s laughter was weak and wild. “I know, I do, but I think I might die just the same.”

  Kip pushed herself up on one arm and leaned over her. “You won’t. We’re not waiting long. I guarantee it.”

  “No promises, okay?” Jordan cupped her face, stroked her throat. “You’re so beautiful. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before. Make me want things I never imagined.”

  “There’s more. I swear.” Kip took her time kissing her, stroking and caressing every fraction of Jordan’s mouth, pouring every ounce of wonder and hunger into the kiss. When she pulled back, Jordan’s eyes were glazed, her face soft with desire. “You’re all I think about, from the moment I open my eyes in the morning until I close them at night. Everything about you drives me crazy. The way you look holding a plant cradled in your palm, the way you tilt your face up to the sun, the way the wind blows through your hair. I can’t stop watching your hands on the wheel. I keep imagining them on me, morning after morning. I want to be that plant in your hands, I want to be that goddamn steering wheel.”

  Jordan laughed with amazement, running a hand up and down Kip’s back. “Baby, you don’t have to be anything except you. And if we don’t move, you’re going to have to lie down next to me and take off your clothes, because I don’t care about anything right now except touching you.”

  “No fair.” Kip kissed her again, couldn’t bear the thought of moving away from her. Then, with strength she’d no idea she had, she forced herself to stand up. “Come on, the sun will be up soon. Let’s check on the children.”

  “I might need a minute to get my brain working again.” Jordan sat up. “I’m not sure I can walk.”

  “I’ve got you.” Kip held out her hand. It was trembling. Jordan’s hand sliding into hers was the answer to a question she’d never known she’d been asking all her life.

  *

  Jordan’s cell rang a little after six. She checked it and mouthed Ty. Kip nodded and knelt by one of the garden beds, sliding a thermometer back into the ground.

  “Hi,” Jordan said.

  “How is everything?” Ty asked anxiously.

  “Better than I’d hoped.” Jordan smiled over at Kip. The sky had dawned gray and angry, as if affronted by the unexpected weather, but temperatures had started rising a little after six. “We’re just getting ready to uncover things now.”

  “Kip is still there?” Ty’s tone was cautious.

  “Yes.”

  After a beat of silence, she said, “I’m glad you had help.”

  Jordan sighed. “We need to talk.”

  “I know. I’ll call you when I’m back. I’m not home right now.”

  “Okay. As soon as you can.”

  “Promise.”

  “Love to the kids. Don’t worry too much, all right?”

  Ty laughed harshly. “Talk soon. Bye.”

  “Bye,” Jordan murmured.

  Kip stroked her arm. “She okay?”

  “I think so. Worried.”

  Kip winced. “I’m sorry. I’ll figure out a way to fix it.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “Her not being here, her being even more scared, that’s on me.”

  Jordan shook her head. “You’re not the reason for her fear. You are not always responsible, Kip.”

  Kip had heard the words, or some variation of them, all her life, but she still knew better. She was part of the chain of events, and what Ty was going through right this moment was her doing. Arguing the point was useless, and right now, when they were both exhausted, was definitely not the time. Kip pressed her hands to the small of her back and stretched. “Do you want something to eat and some coffee as much as I do?”

  As if accepting the momentary truce, Jordan nodded. “If you mean bad enough to cry, then I think so.”

  “Are we out of the woods here now?”

  Jordan rolled the tension from her shoulders. “We’ll know when we uncover them. If there’s condensation and the temperatures are still low, the leaves can get frostbitten.”

  Kip winced. “I’ll make it a quick trip.”

  “I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through the night without you,” Jordan said softly. “Thank you for being here.”

  Kip shoved her hands in her pockets. Kissing her right now was probably not the best plan. “I meant it when I said I wanted to be here with you. When I’m with you, I feel like I’m where I ought to be.”

  Jordan’s lips parted and her gaze swept down Kip’s body. Just that small glance set Kip’s skin ablaze.

  “You’re dangerous when you talk like that,” Jordan murmured.

  To hell wit
h timing. Now was what mattered. Kip settled a hand on Jordan’s waist and kissed her. “I’m not. I’m safer than you think.”

  “No, you’re anything but safe,” Jordan murmured against Kip’s mouth. “I think we should wait on the coffee.”

  “What?” Kip’s head was light, her brain not firing properly. “God, you taste good.”

  “Let’s finish up here and I’ll make you breakfast at my place.”

  Lightness bubbled through Kip’s chest. Happiness, she realized. She’d do anything for Jordan, go anywhere, bring back anything to make Jordan look at her like that forever. Like she was some kind of miracle. “How soon will that be?”

  Jordan laughed. “Not too long. I’ve got plans for you.”

  Kip let her go, grinning. “So put me to work, boss.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “You’re sure you don’t want a room at the Plaza with a big sunken tub and room service?” Kip asked. “You deserve it after last night.”

  “So do you.” Jordan held her apartment door open and let Kip go in first. “And that sounds awesome—I might take you up on it one of these days, but right this moment, I don’t feel a lot like waiting for anything, even if it does come with five-star service.”

  “This looks perfect to me,” Kip said, taking in the room. The living room was a good-sized space for New York with tall ceilings that made it seem larger, a set of bay windows facing the street, and a small kitchen visible through a doorway on the far side. Kip guessed the short hallway to the left led to the bedroom and bathroom. The whole place would probably fit into her main living area, but this was far cozier and welcoming than her more luxurious and mostly impersonal accommodations. A well-worn pale blue floral patterned rug covered most of the floor. A pale green sofa that reminded her of the leaves of the young shoots coming up in the garden beds faced the windows. Original art adorned the walls, paintings in an array of periods from earth-toned landscapes to several dramatic abstract canvases filled with slashes of color. An overstuffed chair faced a small brick hearth and open fireplace that took up most of the wall opposite the entrance. A stack of firewood sat beside it along with a set of cast-iron fireplace tools.