The Devil's Concubine

by Goyanes, Ángeles; Johnson, Kasia

  “ ‘Where is he now?’ I asked.

  “ ‘You should know,’ he mocked. ‘He gave you that ability when he decided to share his soul with you.’

  “ ‘I don’t know, I don’t know anything,’ I cried. ‘Tell me, I beg you.’

  “ ‘All right, I’ll tell you,’ he said piercing me with his eyes. ‘Eonar tricked him. He promised Shallem he wouldn’t kill your son if Shallem visited him in the realm. Now he’s holding Shallem hostage so he won’t be here when the baby is born. And since he won’t be here, he won’t be able to breathe his spirit into the baby’s body. Because, if Shallem were to do so, your son would be completely immortal, invulnerable, even to Eonar.’

  “I was stunned speechless. How accustomed I had grown to that state!

  “ ‘You’re not going to help him?’ I whispered.

  “ ‘No, my dear,’ he answered with sarcastic contempt. ‘If I were to leave you, they’d fall upon you like a plague of locusts. Shallem wouldn’t even find your bones. I’m staying with you. I’ll take care of you while you pray for Shallem to return in time. I’ll do as he asked me. Yes, he asked me to stay with you. I’ll be your guardian angel as long as I can stand it. But remember, we’re alone. Now get away from me before I’m tempted to test your immortality!’

  “He left me alone in the deserted bedroom. The terror I felt froze, jabbing my insides. It was mid-day and as the smoke dissipated, the light from the windows allowed me to see the room clearly. It’s strange, when I was younger, I thought horrible things would only come for us at night. I quickly learned that while our harmless nightmares are kept in the darkness of our minds, the waking terrors don’t distinguish between the Sun or Moon, nor do they disappear when we open our eyes; the sun has no power over evil.

  “All was completely silent. A faint smell of smoke and a sharp pain in my stomach were the only vestiges proving my memories were true.

  “I lay on the bed and cried and cried until my eyes ran out of tears. I thought about my lover’s sweet, expressive face. A face I may never see again, now that his human body had burned before my eyes. In a certain way, I thought I had lost him forever. I thought I would never see his lips or little nose again. Or run my fingers through his sweet smelling mane of hair, or rest my head on his soft chest.

  “What would Shallem look like when he returned? If he looked different, would I feel different? Would I love his new features as much as I had loved his old ones? Would I still see his soul through his new eyes? Would it still silently speak to me as it had done before? All in all, would I still love him? I was certain I loved his soul since he had repeatedly encouraged me to separate it from his body. Would my immortal eyes, the eyes of my soul, ignore what I saw with my mortal eyes?

  “ ‘When I tell you I love you,’ Shallem had once whispered. ‘My soul speaks to your soul through these lips. I’m not flesh and neither are you. Neither is your flesh what I love about you.’

  “ ‘Me too Shallem,’ I responded. ‘I also love your soul.’

  “And to myself, I thought, ‘But I also love the body your soul occupies.’

  “I lay in bed exhausted. I was alone now. Abandoned and defenseless to Cannat’s dubious care. Cannat, the monster.

  –VII–

  “I fell asleep and slept till the next day. I slept very late because the sun was hidden behind dark clouds and wasn’t shining bright enough to wake me. It was so dark. The bruise-black clouds were ready to unload their burden onto Florence. The curtains and windows were still open, just as Cannat had left them the previous evening. A strong, cool, and humid wind blew freely into the bedroom. What a strange September day. I got out of bed and closed the windows. I was somewhat dizzy. I never did get accustomed to standing slowly to avoid that sensation. I wanted to give birth. I wanted my body back.

  “Suddenly, the fear I felt grew like an ulcer, devouring my stomach. Where was Cannat? I armed myself with courage and opened the bedroom door. I found him in the parlor. He was leaning against the desk, completely distracted, with his right hand on his forehead and his left hand grasping one of Shallem’s favorite books.

  “It was an expensive, leather bound book containing a multitude of paintings. It was a sole copy. Cannat was holding the book by its spine beneath his nose as if he were smelling it. He was lost in his thoughts; I saw him smile. I knew he could smell Shallem’s scent on the book. In fact, Shallem’s fragrance permeated the entire house. Not only could Cannat smell his fragrance on the book, he also knew how often Shallem had held the book, where and when he had bought it, where and when he had read it, and what he had said about it. For Cannat, every object in our house, like a modern video, projected information about our past. Whatever the rug knew, Cannat knew. The young men Shallem had killed? Cannat knew about every single one of them. The emotions Shallem and I felt as we contemplated one of the costly paintings on our wall? Cannat felt those emotions more intensely than if we would have expressed them in our own words. Cannat had already explained all of this to me. I was sure there wasn’t an object left in the house that he hadn’t touched. Nonetheless, he continued treating them as if they were extremely precious relics that spoke to him about Shallem each and every time he touched them.

  “At that moment, Cannat was immersed in his serene memories. Using a present day simile, the expression on his face was like that of someone sitting in their favorite chair enjoying, for the umpteenth time, their most favorite movie.

  “Suddenly, the trance broke and he saw me. His expression grew bitter, he let the book clatter on the table and looked at me intently.

  “ ‘Get dressed,’ he ordered sternly. ‘I’m taking you out to eat.’

  “The tone of his voice was unpleasant but he was no longer angry. I didn’t say anything and left to do as he had ordered.

  “Cannat, with paternal concern, made sure all my necessities were taken care of. He took me to the best restaurants, those which we had usually frequented with Shallem, and where Cannat, who always tipped well and captivated everyone with his charms, was treated like a prince. With his refined but cold and distant manners, he would sit me down in a chair and order dishes he wanted me to eat. He never bothered asking me what I wanted, and, of course, never ordered a dish with meat. If I protested, he would state that the dishes he had ordered were ones a pregnant woman should eat and the discussion was settled. He also made sure I took long walks since he considered this as important as eating. Depending on his mood, he would take me for walks in the city and, at times, in the countryside.

  “He never left my side, not even at night. He even slept in my bed. At the beginning, I felt very uncomfortable but I didn’t dare object. Sleeping next to Cannat was like sleeping next to a marble statue. He never took off his clothes, he never got under the covers, and, of course, he never slept. He never grazed his fingers against my skin or whispered any words of comfort in my ear. He just lay next to me looking at the ceiling with his arms crossed over his chest. He never spoke and frequently stayed in the same position all night long. No. Cannat found no pleasure in watching over me as I slept but, not even for one night, did he not do so.

  “When we were at home, doing as we pleased, or when we were out, slowly sailing down the Arno’s tranquil waters in our small boat, he was always cold and distant. He didn’t speak to me unless it was necessary and always looked at me with profound and unalterable disdain.

  “I was like a pet his brother had forced him to take care of and protect. I was a helpless little rabbit that he hated due to allergies but that he had no other choice but to protect. He hated me but he couldn’t leave me because I belonged to Shallem.

  “Besides his abrasive indifference, I couldn’t accuse him of doing anything wrong. He, on the other hand, accused me of many things. It was my fault he had lost his precious freedom to take care of a useless, repulsive human. It was my fault he had to stay with me at night instead of visiting other beds in Florence or instead of visiting one of its many taverns. It was my f
ault he couldn’t visit any of those marvelous places on Earth he said were beyond my imagination. Cannat sacrificed everything and didn’t do anything wrong. Anything, that is, until the day that not even the small part of Shallem’s soul that lived inside me gave him the strength to endure my presence any longer.

  “Things were too calm, too boring for his restless spirit. So he decided to start with little tricks and thus broke his promise to Shallem that he wouldn’t frighten me with his powers.

  “The first time he played his trick was at night while I was sleeping. I woke up suddenly, as people do at times when they feeling like they are being watched.

  “The angel in Fray Angelico’s painting Annunciation was standing in my room. He stood there with his multicolored wings, his blond hair, his hands crossed over his chest, enveloped in a halo of light

  “And God’s angel said to Juliette...,’ he recited in his melodic voice.

  “I was stunned. I clutched the sheets to my chest and watched the miracle with silent admiration. The angel stared at me with his glassy eyes and then suddenly disappeared. Or rather, he transformed so quickly it was impossible for the human eye to see the change. In the spot where the fictitious angel had stood, the real angel was doubled over laughing hysterically.

  “I was dumfounded. Although I knew they could do it, I had never witnessed such an incredible transformation with my own eyes. And since wasn’t there to protect me, I was more frightened now than I was when I saw the snake in Cannat’s mouth.

  “As Cannat laughed, I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to calm my pounding heart.

  “I hurled every insult I knew at Cannat but this only made him laugh harder.

  “ ‘Oh, keep going, please,’ he said between laughter when I stopped my stream of insults.

  “That little trick was the appetizer that whet Cannat’s voracious appetite for morbid amusement. He had his first taste and now he wanted more.

  “For a while, his marvelous transformations occurred on a daily basis. He found it hilarious when I shrieked in uncontrollable terror.. He transformed into as many creatures as his mind could imagine. He turned into horrendous reptiles I wasn’t even sure existed. He turned into mythological creatures made from parts of real or fictitious animals. One time, he sat beside me in the parlor for an entire afternoon as a woman.

  “ ‘I enjoy being a woman,’ he stated in a high pitched voice. ‘Once, I was a woman for more than ten years. But a woman’s body is so impractical...’

  “One day... my God..., that was his most hateful metamorphosis. One day he turned into Shallem. I saw him standing in the doorway, his dark hair carelessly tucked behind his ears, a gesture so like his own, his sweet, blue-green eyes, which I had believed inimitable, the loving expression on his face, his lips, red and appetizing like exquisite pomegranates, his robust and sturdy body, his masculine beauty, almost discordant with the tenderness radiating from his face. Yes, he looked exactly like Shallem. But he didn’t fool me for a second; no part of Cannat’s soul could kindle mine.

  “ ‘Why do you do this to me!’ I screamed and marched toward him in a rage. ‘Why do you hate me so much!’

  “ ‘I don’t need to answer that,’ he responded in Shallem’s warm voice. ‘However, you’re wrong. I don’t hate you.’

  “I got as close to him as possible. Good God! What a sophisticated and diabolically perfect hoax!

  “ ‘Because if I truly hated you,’ he continued calmly. ‘I would have killed you a long time ago. Do you know when? The very day Shallem took you to his temple on that islet in the Nile. But I knew you’d end up being his favorite toy. Why deprive him of a pleasure that I knew would end up causing him so much problems? I like seeing Shallem confront the world, radiant with fury, ready to fight. He also enjoys it. It’s so monotonous living in this insipid human world! A certain dose of stress and a pinch of excitement is great, it keeps our powers supple! Killing humans is boring; there’s no real challenge. The only way to keep our powers agile is to fight our powerful brothers. And you will be the pretext for a gorgeous battle which, I hope, will be adequately challenging.’

  “ ‘Furthermore, how long will Shallem desire something so short-lived? The eighty years he promised you, at most? What’s that compared to an angel’s eternal life? I can wait. He’ll come back to me even more fed up than ever with his life among humans, just as he had done a thousand times before. Oh yes, my dear. You thought you were the only one?’ he asked, smiling hatefully.

  “ ‘You’re lying,’ I rebuked. ‘You just want to hurt me.’

  “ ‘Are you sure?’ he probed, throwing me an evil look.

  “ ‘Yes, I’m sure. You’d say anything to see me suffer.’

  “ ‘That, you can be sure of.’ He slowly approached me and I stepped back. ‘Did you know he could have made you stop aging, but he didn’t? He could still do it, if he wanted to. Why won’t he do it? Huh? What do you think?’ he had me cornered against the wall, his arms extended on either side of me. ‘I hope he doesn’t get tired of you before you die. Well, if he does, I’ll just have to console him, let him cry on my shoulder. I love consoling him. He’s so sweet! The most loving divine creation.’

  “ ‘And you the most hateful.’

  “ ‘And you still haven’t seen just how hateful I am!’

  “ ‘How can Shallem love you?’ I mumbled.

  “ ‘How can he stand to be with you!’ he screamed. ‘That’s the question!’

  “Then, using Shallem’s most seductive voice, he said. ‘Look at my lips. Aren’t they as succulent as fresh strawberries? These are the lips you desire so much, that you miss so much. These are Shallem’s wet, warm lips. Don’t you want to kiss them?’

  “ ‘You’re repulsive!’ I spit the words out.

  “ ‘Juliette!’ he exclaimed, feigning astonishment. ‘You don’t love me anymore?’

  “ ‘You can’t trick me, you monster.’

  “ ‘Oh darling, I don’t want to trick you. Right now, at this very moment, you are more beautiful than ever.’ He looked at my swollen stomach and smiled sarcastically. ‘You think Shallem would be upset if we slept together? Well, you’re wrong. He’d love it.’

  “ ‘You’re a pig.’

  “ ‘How long do you think he’ll remember you after you die? A week? A month? Don’t worry. I’ll help him forget. I’ll help him get over you.’

  “ ‘Go back to your creator, you wretch!’ I screamed.

  “ ‘Oh no, sweetheart, you’re wrong about that. You’re the wretch. I’m an angel.’ He shook his head with innocent conviction.

  “ ‘Change back into your true self or I’ll leave! I swear I’ll leave!’

  “ ‘I don’t care if you leave!’ he yelled. ‘I don’t care what happens to you! Leave and you won’t live two seconds!’

  “ ‘What if I don’t care if I die? What if I purposefully expose myself to danger and end up dead? Shallem would know what happened as soon as he looked into your eyes. What do you think would happen then?’

  “ ‘What do you think? You think he would attack me? Try to avenge his little lady? Who the hell do you think you are compared to me? You’ll be his hobby for a few years; a sweet, beautiful but temporary hobby. That’s what you are. That’s all you are. You’re a miserable human with a short life and one day your flesh will reek with an unbearable stench. Not even our bodies are made from the same material. Despise me if you want, but believe it when I say that you will never truly know the being you love so much. We have been together since the dawn of creation, we are parts of the same spirit, the essence of the same essence, and even I myself don’t know him. Shallem is a very complicated, and I’m extremely simple. Don’t you think so?’

  “ ‘Deceitful monster.’ I insulted him; he just laughed.

  “ ‘You suffer from such a pitiful lack of eloquence!’ he exclaimed.

  “When it was time to go to bed, Cannat kept Shallem’s appearance, just to hurt me even more. What he told me
about Shallem refusing to give me true immortality reverberated in my mind. I believed him. Shallem could have prevented me from ever growing old, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to. Perhaps Cannat was right. Maybe Shallem knew that no matter how much he loved me now, he would eventually get bored. Everything seemed to support this idea and I couldn’t bear the pain it caused me. Cannat lay right next to me and began tracing every curve of my trembling body with his index finger. Then he drew near and kissed me on the cheek. He buried his face in my shoulder and placed his arm innocently across my chest, he seemed to be asleep. My heart beat like a drum in my chest.

  “After that day, I stopped, or rather, I pretended to stop being afraid of his horrible transmutations. He finally grew tired of his game.

  “It was calm for a few days and he even seemed more friendly. He would thoroughly answer my questions about what was happening to Shallem or if we were in any imminent danger. He also enjoyed taking me for walks in the countryside at night. He would tell me fascinating stories that you would die to hear but which have nothing to do with my story. He told me the stories with as much pleasure as when Shallem was with us in the parlor at home but he did it with more... with more intimacy, with more complicity; not only as a way to waste time but as a father who teaches his child about the mysteries of life. Maybe telling me secrets no mortal should ever know, or remember, during their life was, for Cannat, another way to subtly spite God. Who knows.”

  –VIII–

  “The unaccustomed lack of excitement made Cannat suffer strange mood swings of which I, of course, was his victim. One day, and without any provocation or warning, the terror reached its peak. But that’s Cannat, he liked unexpected surprises.

  “It was a subtle, sophisticated ploy of terror which only a malevolent angel could conceive and carry out.

  “That day he was very affectionate, suspiciously affectionate. He carried me up a hill to a place we could eat lunch. It was pleasant. The weather was great, sunny but not too hot. We carried a basket with food and a lot of wine, which, as I already mentioned, Cannat adored although alcohol didn’t affect him.