Dirty Chaos

by L. A. Corvill

  “Luka, I can’t wait for our date tonight,” I say with a flirty voice. I even throw in some lash action. Then I turn and walk away, but not before I see Kelly’s mouth drop open. Take that hoe.

  I don’t get far when I feel a presence catching up with me.

  “And here I thought that I was going to have to drag you to the track today,” Luka says as we continue down the hall together now.

  “How were you able to untangle yourself from your groupies?” I ask as I give a quick glance back to make sure we are not being followed.

  “Your little comment gave me the right amount of distraction to slip right out of their holds. Besides, I love all my fans, especially the girls.”

  “Is that what you call them, fans? More like motor hoes.”

  “Harsh. Lola, are you jealous of them?” Heck to the motherfucking no. Well, maybe. He has me so confused. He can be the perfect distraction, which I don’t need so close to my audition.

  “No,” I shrug with the right amount of I-could-care-less-attitude.

  We get to class, and I get distracted by pens, paper, textbooks, and notes. I hate taking notes. The rest of the day passes the same.

  I get to the track before Luka and take Spencer on the ramp for some stunts. Hey, I am not breaking a promise I said that I was not going to get on the track. Dion never mention that I couldn’t ride Spencer.

  I miss this, the feeling of the wind whirling around me as I fly down the ramp. The smell of the dirt and exhaust mixing gives me a sense of belonging. And inhale a deep breath, the one I haven’t been able to take in the last couple of days. I feel my blood pulsing through my veins. The euphoria travels to every cell in my body. I can’t ever give this up. I was born to ride.

  I see Luka pull up before I go down the ramp for the fifth time. I see him step out of his car in full uniform. HOT. I love a man in uniform. I already have two hot men in my life and that has exiled me from the female population at school. I don’t want to add more wood to the already lit bonfire the girls have for me. So, I just have to concentrate in helping him do whatever he needs to do. I need to leave the butterflies at home.

  “You really look good out there. No wonder my uncle says you are the best,” Luka greets me.

  “Oh I know.”

  “And cocky too. I might have to rethink what training with you will do to my ego.”

  “Well, it won’t get any bigger, that’s for sure,” I say as I park my bike. “What do you have in mind for today?”

  “I want to try some tricks in the foam pit that I saw. We don’t have much time to go out on the track today. I have to be out of here by six and it is four thirty already.” He makes his way to the garage.

  “Right, your date. If you are really serious about this then you should really think about those kinds of distractions,” I say a little bit harshly. I have no idea why I care so much about him dating someone from school.

  “I am dead serious about this, Lola. My life outside of the track is just that, my life. So let me worry about what I consider a distraction or not.” So I have just been reprimanded.

  “I will worry about it when it interferes with my life, if it wastes my time. I am here to help you. Being here will get me in serious trouble if Dion finds out, since it might interfere with my future. So yes, I will call you on it,” I say as I walk back toward the foam pit. Well, more like stomp my way there. I am here to help him, not the other way around.

  I hear him turn on his bike and make his way to the ramp in front of the foam pit. He does some turns to gain some speed, and then he is off. He starts with a cliffhanger. That’s too easy. I wonder what he wants to try and why am I here if he is just going to play around. But watching him on the bike sizzles my blood like nothing ever before. I see him pull himself out of the foam pit and I rush to help him position the crate to pull the bike out.

  “If you were going to practice tricks I mastered when I was eight, I could have gone home. Call me when you are ready to practice with the big kids,” I throw over my shoulder as I crank the level to lower the chain.

  “That’s just warm up, babe. I’m bringing out the big guns next.” He smirks as he jumps back into the foam pit to wrap the chain around the bike.

  “Do people still say that?” I laugh as he gives me the thumbs up and I push the level down to make the chain move to bring the bike up. Luka climbs out of the pit again and unhooks the chains. He starts the bike and moves toward the wrap again.

  “You are about to be impressed, so make sure you don’t miss my next trick.” He’s off. He goes all the way to the top of the first ramp and comes down and as he hits the second ramp, he does a double back flip into the foam pit. I’m stunned. I can feel goose bumps spread over my body. That was awesome. It is one of the hardest tricks out there now. Jack would never ever let me do that in my life.

  “Well that was good, right Lola?” He says from in between the foam blocks. “Did you like it?”

  “Oh-my-fucking-God. What the heck was that? When did you learn to do that? How did you get Jack to agree to that? Tell me.” I ask question after question and I have many more. Jack would never allow me to do that, foam pit or not.

  “Thought for a moment that I left you speechless,” Luka says as he moves closer to the ladder to get out of the foam pit. I throw him the chain again to pull the bike out. I get so overly excited that I climb to the lower level of the platform, closer to the foam pit. I don’t realize what’s happening until I’m air-borne. I land on the cushion of the foam blocks.

  “Fucking asshole!” I yell. Luka is laughing so hard. I make a move to get out. As I move, I think about how I can get him back. “Ah! It hurts,” I scream.

  “What is it?” I can hear the panic in Luka’s voice. Yeah, take that.

  “I think I landed wrong. My foot hurts. I better not have gotten hurt,” I whine. He makes a move to come closer, and as he looks down, I make my move. I pull on his leg hard, making him lose his balance and land in the foam pit with me. Now I’m the one laughing so hard. His face is priceless. Did he really think he could prank me and get away with it? I grew up with boys. I learned from the best.

  He looks at me with a smile and makes his way closer to me. I try to move quickly, but with the blocks being huge and heavy, I can’t move them out of the way before I feel his hands on my side tickling me.

  “What the hell? Are we twelve?” I ask between laughs. Yeah, I am very ticklish. Nolan and Brian are relentless, and yes, they still do it every time they can. I twist and turn, trying to break free from his attack. We are both laughing hard.

  “Please stop, please. I’m sorry I hurt your male pride,” I say in between gasps of air. He is really digging in and I can’t catch my breath. He stops and I turn around, not realizing how close he is.

  I look into his eyes and in that moment, my heart skips a beat, resuming beating with a different rhythm. The sky looks clearer, the air smells fresher. I can actually feel my blood flowing through my veins. Just feeling this makes me feel warm. The silence is thickening around us. He leans in and his fingertips graze my cheek. This is it; he is going to kiss me. My lashes flutter, about to close on those beautiful eyes of his. He leans in closer and closer as my eyes flutter close, when I hear him say in a whisper.

  “Believe me, next time you will not beg me to stop.” And just like that, he is gone and the world starts to spin again. I feel like a stupid girl. Jerk. He climbs out, yelling, “See you tomorrow, trainer.”

  Boys really, really suck. I should know, I grew up with two. Yet I feel I have not learned anything. I stay I bit longer, feeling the night air blow across my skin, cooling the feelings Luka just awoke in me. It was like I was riding and dancing at the same time. This will not do.

  The last couple of weeks have passed in a blur. I have been so busy with dance, school, and helping Luka at the track that I almost forgot all about my grandmother’s annual drive to collect blankets to help those in need during the winter season. I would have forg
otten had it not been for the friendly reminder she gave me last night as I got home and made my way to bed.

  I hear my phone chime but I can’t manage to open my eyes. I turn over and fall back asleep. I feel a presence in my room. I peek my eyes open and see my mom setting a plate on my nightstand. Part of me wants to go back to sleep but another wants to sit up and eat. Shit! Abuela! I pull the covers off and run into my closet.

  “Lola, what are you doing?” she looks at me confusingly.

  “Where’s abuela?”

  “I dropped her off an hour ago at the church.”

  “Dammit, I was so tired this morning I couldn’t wake up. I have to hurry, I promised her I’d be there.”

  “She knows you’re tired. She wanted me to make you breakfast and she made me promise that I’d make you eat it before you went over there. So eat. Now,” she says sternly.

  “Mother. I don’t have time.” I continue to shuffle through my closet and pull out a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

  “Well, it’s going to be hard to leave without your keys.” She dangles them in front her face.

  “Ugh, fine.” I take a seat on my bed and quickly eat my breakfast.

  Forty-five minutes later, I’m arriving at the church. I go in search of my grandmother, but there is so much going on so that I start to help bagging the blankets and tagging them with the name of their designated family. The annual blanket drive has been so successful that they also help neighboring towns. Our community has really come together to help those in need to stay warm during the winter season. My grandmother has worked hard for this; she once said to me that the worst thing apart from being hungry was being so cold you can’t sleep. My heartaches knowing there are families that have to endure the cold temperatures without the warmth of blankets or heaters.

  It’s the end of the day and we are wrapping up the last of the blankets when I realize that I forgot my phone. I think nothing of it, except I know I had a few unread messages I didn’t get a chance to read. I have a good feeling it was the boys; my time with them has been scarce. My schedule has been so busy and the last time we were all together was at the hospital. I miss their presence but I am finding that I don’t miss their touch. My heart has been satisfied with Luka’s presence. He has been so different from the guy who I first met. This new Luka has been grounded and I feel like my heart takes in a little bit of him every time we are together.

  My grandmother and I drive home after the long day. Usually, there is never silence when it comes to my grandmother, however today is different. Neither one of us has much to say. It’s beginning to feel a little awkward and I’m beginning to wonder if I have something to do with her silence. I’m unsure if I should speak or stay silent. I decide I should find out what’s bothering her.

  “The drive had a good turnout, there were enough blankets to give out to at least two hundred and fifty families,” I say, hoping to break the deafening silence. I glance over at her and see her deep in thought.

  “Abuela, is everything okay?” I ask after her silence continues.

  “Lolita, what are you doing to yourself? The last couple of weeks you have been spreading yourself thin and you’re on the verge of tearing. Believe me,

  mija once you tear, it cannot be repaired. You need to be able to weed out the things that aren’t a priority and focus on what is.” My heart is heavy and my chest is constricting.

  “I’m resilient. I can handle it. Once this year is over, I should be able to enjoy life a little more than I have been.”

  “It’s not about enjoying life later. You need to be able to enjoy life now and everyone in it. Don’t take things for granted. I would hate for you to live with regret. All I want you to do is take time for you and don’t set those whom you love aside.”

  I turn into my driveway and see Brian’s truck parked in front of my house. I look over at the front door and see both Brian and Nolan sitting on the porch steps.

  “Lolita, don’t confuse friendship and comfort for love. One has a tendency to accept it but the heart will seek out true love. At times, one might be in too deep to get out.” She grips my hand and looks at me. She gives my hand a squeeze and steps out of my Jeep.

  I stay seated in my Jeep taking in her words. I see her say hello to the boys and walk into the house. The first person to come to mind when she says true love is Luka. I step out of my Jeep and before I have a chance to greet the boys, I see their faces. They don’t seem happy. In fact, they look angry.

  “What the fuck, Lola? Why have you fucking been ignoring us? Are we not fucking important enough to you?” Nolan yells.

  “Every time we want to hang out, you have other plans or you’re too tired. What the hell is going on? Is Luka more important than us? Is that what is going on? Are you falling for that prick?” Brian asks.

  “What? No. I have just been helping him at the track and I have had extra dance lessons with Dion. Today, I left in such a hurry that I forgot my phone. I meant to call you guys, I just didn’t have my phone.”

  “You know, Lola, I’m tired of your excuses. I’m outta here.” Nolan turns and walks toward Brian’s truck.

  “Shit! I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but I can’t do this anymore either. Laters.” He turns and walks to his truck and they drive away.

  I’m standing here frozen in place. My eyes are stinging and I feel the tears running down my cheeks. What the hell? I just lost my two best friends, my loves. All I have ever known was them and now, just like that, they’re both out of my life. I can’t even make sense of their absence. My heart aches and I feel sick to my stomach; it’s as if a part of me has died. I jump into my Jeep and take off. I don’t go after them; instead, I go in search of Luka. I head to the track but the lights are out and his car isn’t there. I hesitate to go by his house, but right now, I need to talk to him. I need someone. I feel so alone it hurts. I see his car parked outside and I decide I need to see him. I pull off to the side and park along the curb, wanting to send him a quick text message. Shit, I left my phone at home again. I’m such a mess. I’d hate for anyone to see me this way, but I have no choice but to go knock on the door. He answers and takes one look at me.

  “I’ll meet you at your Jeep in a few.” he says and shuts the door.

  Five minutes later, I see him walking toward me. I roll down my window and ask him to get in. I see concern on his face when he sees my red swollen eyes.

  “Lola, is everything okay?”

  “No!” I let out a loud cry. I’m so choked up I can’t speak. I cry and cry until I can no longer cry.

  The entire time I am ugly crying he just sits there in silence, letting me cry it out. A few minutes pass before I realize we are still parked outside Jack’s house.

  “Lola, jump over to the passenger seat, I’ll drive.” He runs around my Jeep while I jump over into the passenger seat.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Somewhere I like to go when I need to clear my mind or I feel overwhelmed with all that’s going on.”

  He pulls onto a dirt road. The lights are on as we head deeper and deeper into complete darkness. It seems that the further we travel the darker it gets. I have to admit, it’s a bit scary. I’m beginning to wonder if it was a wise choice to trust him with my Jeep, let alone my life.

  “You aren’t going to kill me, are you?” I ask jokingly, but deep down a part of me is serious.

  “If I was going to kill you, I wouldn’t tell you. Just trust me.”

  So I do, I trust him. He pulls into an open field and parks the Jeep. He turns off the engine and switches off the lights. I have to admit it’s fucking scary as shit out here. He steps out of the Jeep and walks around to open my door.

  “You want me to step out into complete darkness? What if there are snakes or something?”

  “I’ll protect you from them. Now come on, trust me.”

  I take his hand and step out. My heart is pounding out of fear. We only take a couple of steps away from the Je
ep. It’s cold out here; the only warmth I feel is his hand in mine.

  “Look up,” he says.

  I look up at the sky and see it: it’s glittering with stars.

  “Now just breathe and soak in the peacefulness it brings to your soul,” he whispers.

  I turn in his direction, wanting to see him, but darkness is all I see. I look up at the sky and soak in the peacefulness. The stars are mesmerizing; I can literally feel the fear and the ache in my chest being lifted. Another piece of my heart is claimed by this man standing next to me. I don’t know how long we’ve been standing here but I finally look his direction. I feel his body turn toward me. I feel his warm breath on my cheek. I close my eyes but opened or closed the darkness is the same. I lean toward him, wanting to feel his lips on mine. I feel him pull away, but he doesn’t let go of my hand.

  “Kiss me,” I beg. I want it so bad it hurts, but he doesn’t. He brings his hand to my face and runs his thumb across my lips.

  “Please, kiss me,” I continue to beg.

  “I told you.”

  I feel his breath so close to mine and he places both hands on each side of my face. He brings me to his lips, gently sucks on my lower lip, and slips his tongue into my mouth. His kiss is gentle and sweet. Before he pulls away, he places a feather soft kiss on my closed lips. My knees are weak and I crave more of him. He takes my hand and takes a couple of steps back to my Jeep. He hits the unlock button on my keys and the lights automatically turn on, lighting up the darkness that had consumed us. I get in and shut my door with hesitation. I’m not ready to leave. This is my new favorite place. He jumps in and heads out, back toward the life I had briefly escaped. I sit and wonder what the kiss meant, if it changes anything between us, if it was the start of something new between us, or if it was just kindness in my moment of my loneliness. My mind plays back the kiss and the words before it.

  “What did you mean when you said ‘I told you’?”

  “I told you at the track that you were going to beg me to kiss you, remember?”