Smoke

by Mariah Esterly

  She moved forward and started descending the stairs, fighting disappointment that he hadn’t answered her question.

  “Yes and no.”

  “What?” She’d reached the bottom platform. Vail joined her, and the ladder shot down to the street below.

  “It’s the answer to your question,” he said, as she descended the ladder. “I can’t see myself like I do when I’m visible. I don’t look like you see me, but I kind of…. I don’t know, glow?”

  Her feet touched pavement and she backed up a step or two, waiting for Vail to join her. She felt him move up next to her. His hand on the small of her back propelled her down the alley. “You glow?” She prompted.

  “Yeah, it’s like I have a sort of glowy outline. I don’t really have any definition. I just glow.” Gertie had the brief memory of a blue glowing outline leaning over her in the office, right after she’d felt someone breathe on her. The memory sent a shiver down her spine, not unpleasant, but a shiver all the same.

  That had been Vail. But how had she been able to see him? And why couldn’t she see him now?

  “Do you have to concentrate to stay invisible?”

  “No, I have to think about it to go from one to the other. But it’s sort of like breathing, Once I’m doing it, it’s just second nature.”

  They reached the end of the alley and joined the few people on the streets. Gertie pursed her lips together to keep from asking Vail more questions. People who were seen talking to themselves on the streets usually didn’t stay on the streets for long. Instead, the guards would come and hustle them away, off to be tested for an ability or insanity. The Chancellor didn’t like having disreputables in his city.

  They navigated the roads and alleyways in silence, reaching her building a short time later. As they approached the door Gertie realized without her bracelet she had no way to unlock the door to the building, let alone her apartment.

  “We can’t get in,” she murmured to Vail, trying not to move her lips, but failing. “I don’t have a way to unlock it.”

  “Oh, ye of little faith,” Gertie heard him sigh. “Stand by the door and when I tell you pull it open.” She waited, her hand on the handle. She didn’t know what he did, but she saw the red light on the lock turn green and was pulling it open before he said, “Now.”

  “See?” He said, his voice fairly oozing smugness. Gertie didn’t respond. She was hyper aware of the camera’s in the foyer, in the elevator, and only hoped that Dicie had been able to alter the feed so no one would see her enter the building that she was supposedly already in.

  They rode the elevator in silence. At her floor, Vail moved ahead of her, working on the lock before she’d even reached the door. It swung open. “I’ll make sure it's safe,” he murmured, and Gertie nodded. She knew it would look strange to anyone watching that she was standing in the hallway outside of her apartment. But she would rather be safe than sorry.

  An image flashed in her head from the last time she’d entered this space, dark and painful. The bruise on the side of her face began to throb, making her head ache. She pressed her trembling hands against the denim on her thigh in an effort to slow their movement.

  She peered into the dark room beyond the portal, trying pick up any sign of Vail in the shadows. There were none, of course.

  The bell on the elevator dinged as Vail returned to the door and took her hand in a warm grasp. “All clear.”

  She was about to follow him into the shadowy room but paused when she heard, “Gertie!” and turned toward the elevator instead. Rushing down the hall, his golden eyes worried and relieved at the same time, was a familiar figure.

  “Liam!” Her voice sounded too high pitched with surprise even to her ears. “What are you doing here?”

  “When I went back to the bar and you weren’t there... I’ve been trying to find you all weekend. I’ve been worried.” He reached her side, grasped her shoulders, his eyes taking in her face. He brushed his fingers against the healing bruise on her cheek. “It seems I had a reason to be.” His jaw hardened. “Who did this to you? Was it that guy I saw you talking with at the bar?”

  “What? Him? No.” Gertie shook her head, as the fingers of her free hand moved up to touch her cheek. Vail still had a hold of her other one. Gertie was afraid if he moved Liam might notice his presence. “I’m so stupid, and I was really drunk on Friday… I mean you saw me. I started not feeling well, so I decided to make it home on my own. Stupid, I know, but I was determined to make it home alone. And on the way, I…” She glanced down willing him to believe that she was embarrassed by what she was about to tell him. “I tripped over those damn heels that Kay made me wear and landed face first in the street. I’m lucky I didn’t break anything.”

  His eyes studied her face, as if sensing she was lying. “I came by yesterday to check on you. You weren’t here.”

  She nodded, focusing her gaze on his green t-shirt. “I spent most of the weekend with my friend, though I was here when you came by. I just... I didn’t answer.” She used her free hand to motion to her face as she raised her black eyes to meet his warm brown ones. “This was- is just too embarrassing. I didn’t want you to know.”

  He sighed, a relieved smile breaking over his face. “God, I was worried. You couldn’t have just shouted at me through the door that you were alright?”

  She raised an eyebrow, a smile playing around her lips. “Would you have gone away without seeing me?”

  He laughed softly. “No, I guess not.”

  “Well, then I was right.” She used her free hand to squeeze his arm. “I am sorry that I worried you though. It wasn’t my intention.”

  He brought a hand up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers whispered against her neck. She froze, startled by the intimacy of the movement. Gertie became keenly aware of Vail, standing right next to them still holding her hand. Her face flushed and she pulled away.

  Liam dropped his hand, and sighed again, taking a step back. “I guess, I should go. I just wanted to be sure that you were okay.”

  Gertie nodded and smiled. “I’m fine, really. Just embarrassed.”

  He started backing down the hall. “I’ll see you on Friday?”

  “I’ll be going to see my parents, since I missed it last week. I’ll probably go out on Saturday though.” At least, that was the plan she had made with The Office.

  A grin split his face. “Then I’ll see you both nights…. Lucky me.” He turned and punched the button on the panel for the elevator.

  Vail tugged on her hand, and Gertie allowed him to pull her into the apartment, closing the door behind them. “Lights.” she called out, and the room lit up, pristine once again. There was no sign of the carnage that Gertie and Vail had fled from, no indication of the bodies that had been strewn around the room. The Office had done an amazing job cleaning or replacing any items that had been stained red.

  Vail let go of her hand, and Gertie pressed her palms against her thighs again, hoping he didn’t notice how they shook. She hadn’t thought that coming home would be so terrifying for her.

  “Freckles, you are too good of a liar. I believed your story, and I know better.”

  She wrapped her arms around her stomach and shrugged, not entirely sure that was a compliment. She didn’t like lying to Liam. She didn’t like lying to anyone, but to him especially. She supposed she didn’t really have a choice. She couldn’t very well have told a member of the Guard, “actually, I was attacked by three men that night, and they did this. But don’t worry they’re dead, because I guess I killed them.”

  She heard him settle onto the couch, and walked into the living room to turn on the radio. Anyone watching would think she was singing along with the music as she said, “I’m going to take a shower. You’ll be okay out here?”

  “Yep. Can you turn on the TV before you go?”

  She switched off the radio and turned on the TV, sitting next to him on the couch and flipping idly through the channels until he sa
id, “Go back.” She sat for a minute or two to make it seem like she had actually wanted to watch TV. Then she sighed, set the remote down in an area of the couch that she hoped Vail would be able to reach and stood up, pulling her shirt off as she did so.

  “Seriously?” She heard Vail mumble.

  She pretended that her shirt was stuck, using it to hide her face as she said, “This is normal behavior, not an invitation. I do this all the time. You should know that.” She pulled her shirt over her head fully, and headed to the bathroom, stopping in the hall to pull off her pants and socks. She dropped all of them into the washer and entered the bathroom, feeling his eyes on her back the whole way.

  17

  Gertie

  Gertie couldn’t breathe. The pressure on her throat was cutting off her air supply. “Dose her.” She heard a rough voice say.

  “I’m trying. You have to hold her still.” Someone snapped back. She lashed out, feeling her fist make contact with some fleshy body part. Someone grunted and the pressure on her throat released. Gertie took a deep breath and felt a brief moment of satisfaction before pain exploded across the left side of her face. Her hands fell limp to her sides as another blow landed on her.

  “Not much of a fighter now, huh?” the first voice taunted. “Do it.”

  Panic gripped Gertie. They were going to drug her and then do God knows what else. She bucked her hips, kicked her legs to try to dislodge the man who straddled her. Her fingernails raked against any skin she could find. “No, No, No.”

  “Gertie!” Someone was yelling her name. They sounded far away. Hands were on her shoulders shaking her.

  She bolted upright, her eyes wide open, breathing heavy. Sweat dotted her brow and moistened her shirt. She blinked and her vision adjusted to the dark, searching in the shadows.

  The room was empty.

  Except that it wasn’t because warm hands were on her shoulders, running up and down her back, soothing away the tension from the dream.

  Vail.

  She untangled her legs from the sheets twisted around them, pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face in them, willing herself not to cry. Vail kept his hands on her, offering what little comfort he could. She took a huge shuddering breath and but didn’t raise her head. “I wish I could see you.”

  “Bathroom?” he suggested.

  She nodded. Gertie felt him stand up from the bed and followed, padding after him. He was already visible when she stepped into the room and closed the door.

  She could see the worry in his grey eyes and she realized immediately that she had made a mistake. Seeing his obvious concern grated against what little control she had, made it impossible for her to hold it together. She leaned against the door and slowly sank down, trying and failing to hold back her tears.

  Vail was next to her in an instant, pulling her into his lap to cradle her against his chest. He rocked gently back and forth, running his hands up and down her back and arms, soothing. She had never really been held before. She loved her family and knew that they loved her, but they weren’t particularly affectionate, beyond hugs of hello and goodbye.

  It felt nice, resting her head against his shoulder, feeling his breath on her cheek as he murmured nonsense. The fingers of one of her hands twisted in his black t-shirt, the other wedged between them.

  When her breathing had slowed and her tears had reduced to hiccups and sniffles, he leaned his head back slightly. “What were you dreaming of?” Gertie didn’t bother to answer. He knew already. “What happened that night?”

  She shook her head against is chest, avoiding his eyes. “I don’t remember. I can’t even remember the dream anymore. It’s just gone. I can still feel it, the panic and… I was terrified. I have this certainty that they were going to do something horrible to me, but I can’t remember what. I know it sounds crazy.”

  His cheek rested on the top of her head, his breath stirring her hair. “It doesn’t sound crazy.”

  “Yes, it does.” She pulled back and looked into his grey eyes. “I killed people and I can’t remember how or why.”

  His brow furrowed, his gaze serious. “They attacked you.”

  “Did they? We don’t know that. For all we know I could have invited them into the apartment and then attacked them, because I can’t remember.”

  “I don’t know you all that well, but that hardly seems likely.”

  She slumped against him again, buried her face in his shirt, still wet from her tears. “No, it doesn’t seem likely.” She conceded. “It doesn’t change the fact that those men are dead because of me. I did something to them. I hate that my brain can’t focus on it. I feel like it’s just right there, but it skitters away when I reach for it.”

  They were silent for a while, Vail adjusted his arms around her to be able to hold her closer. He’d stopped rocking, but he seemed to understand that she wasn’t ready to be let go. Under her ear his heartbeat in his chest, a steady rhythm, lulling her to sleep.

  She should go back to her bed, but she felt safe here, cared for.

  “I just want to remember what happened,” she whispered.

  His arms tightened around her briefly. “I know.”

  18

  Gertie

  Gertie woke the next morning still in the circle of Vail’s arms. He’d shifted them sometime during the night so that they were stretched out on the floor, Vail on his back, Gertie wedged under his arm, her head on his chest. He’d pulled towels out of the linen closet too, using one under his head as a pillow, and another draped over them as a makeshift blanket.

  She snuggled closer, loath to leave his warmth, even though sleeping on the floor had resulted in new aches all over her body. His hand moved from where it rested on her hip up to her ribs and back down.

  She raised her head from his chest and found him looking at her. “Good morning, Freckles,” he murmured.

  “Good morning.” Her voice came out husky from sleep and last night’s crying. They stayed that way for a moment, before Gertie started to really wake up and reality snuck back into her sleep addled brain. “Crap,” She breathed, pulling away from him so fast he let out a cry of surprise. “What time is it?”

  He looked around, “I don’t know.” But Gertie was already on her feet, pulling the door open. Vail didn’t move fast enough and she hit him with the door on the top of his head. “Ow!”

  “Sorry,” she said as she rushed into the hall and to her bedroom where she grabbed her bracelet of the bedside table and clicked it until it showed the time. She was only forty minutes late waking up. If she hurried she could be ready by the time Kay came to walk with her to work. She pulled clothes out of her closet at random, tossing them on the bed.

  That was the nice thing about having a uniform for work. She didn’t have to think about what to wear.

  “What’s the matter?” Vail asked from the door of her bedroom.

  Gertie’s head was still buried in the closet, so she felt safe answering. “I’m late.”

  “Kay’s not going to be here for another thirty minutes.”

  If she could have seen him she would have given him a withering look. As it was she just glared in the direction of the door. She stuck her head back in the closet. “You do realize the grooming standards for women that work in government, right?”

  She finished with her clothes and went to the kitchen. At least she’d remembered to set the coffee maker the night before. She rummaged in her cabinet and pulled out the largest mug she could find.

  She did the same for a bowl and dumped cereal and milk into it, before taking both into the bathroom with her. She handed the coffee cup to Vail and took a bite of the cereal. “Sorry, we have to share.”

  He shrugged and took a sip of the coffee, while she shoveled another bite into her mouth. She set the bowl down and started pulling out the products that she usually used to get ready in the morning. She would need to focus on makeup today because of the bruise on her cheek and her puffy eyes from crying, and if sh
e had time she’d try to do something with her hair.

  Vail set the coffee cup on the counter and picked up the cereal.

  When she finished her makeup, she turned to Vail who had finished the cereal and most of the coffee. “Can you tell I have a bruise?”

  He stood up and moved closer to examine her face, his grey eyes critical. “Well, I can see it, but I also know it's there. I don’t think anyone else will be able to tell, unless they get this close.”

  “Well, I guess, I just won’t let anyone else get this close, then.”

  A slow smile broke out over his face. Gertie rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “Sure you didn’t.” She ignored him and glanced at her bracelet. Ten minutes wasn’t enough time to properly do her hair. She left him in the bathroom and went to change out of her pajamas.

  Ten minutes later, Gertie had twisted her hair into a bun at the back of her head, and was slipping on her flats while pulling open the door to admit Kay. “You aren’t ready?” the leggy blond asked, sweeping into the apartment.

  Gertie shook her head. “I’m sorry. I had kind of a rough night and woke up late. Just let me grab my heels and I’ll be ready.”

  She ran to get her shoes from her bedroom and was shoving them into her shoulder bag as she came back to the living room. Kay was staring at something by the couch, her head cocked to one side.

  “Okay, we can go,” Gertie said pulling on her black trench coat.

  Kay didn’t move. “So, you had a rough night?”

  Gertie opened the door to the hall. “Yeah, come on we should go.” She felt Vail touch her arm letting her know he was next to her.

  Kay walked further into the living room, before turning and eyeing Gertie. “Is there someone here?”

  Gertie felt her heart stop. “What?”