“No.”
“Are you going to allow me to touch you?” He started nuzzling my neck.
“As long as it’s appropriate in front of other people, especially the children.”
Dennis pulled back and looked in my eyes. “I will never be inappropriate with you, whether we are alone or in a crowded room.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “You scare me.”
His grip on me got tighter. “Why?”
I kissed him and pulled back before it got too heated. “Because I could learn to really like you.” I gave him another quick peck on the lips and started to walk back to the house.
“You mean you don’t like me yet?” Dennis had a teasing tone that made me smile.
I didn’t turn to look at him when I responded, but I knew he could hear the smile in my voice. “No, not yet.”
I locked the door when I got back inside and watched Dennis from the peephole as he drove down the street. I sighed and walked to the living room. Mark was sitting there waiting for me. “Oh, I thought you went to bed already.”
“I wanted to talk to you first.” He stood up and put his hands on my arms with his thumbs rubbing my shoulders. “Tell me about this playing dead.”
“I wouldn’t have said anything had I known Terri didn’t tell you. I thought she told you everything. Please don’t worry about it.” I tried to walk away, but his grip grew tighter.
“I do worry about it. I need to know what he did to you.” Mark’s eyes were pleading with me to be honest. I knew why he wanted to know, but I didn’t think he really should have heard everything.
“Mark, no matter how hard you try, you can’t save her.” I touched his face as his eyes filled with tears. “You have nothing to feel guilty for, and while I appreciate everything you’ve done to save me, I can’t fill that void for you. Please let it go.”
He finally let me go to sit in a chair, holding his face in his hands. “If I had only known what he did to her . . . If I had only known what kind of animal he was . . . I shouldn’t have let it go on so long with you. I should have stopped it.”
“I wouldn’t have listened, Mark. Terri did try to stop it.”
“It drives me crazy, Drew. I need to know what she went through. Don’t you understand that my mind is running through all kinds of horrible scenarios, all kinds of possibilities?” Mark looked up at me through red-rimmed eyes. “Please, just fill in the blanks.”
“We called it playing dead because there really isn’t any other way to describe it.” I sighed and sat in the chair next to him. “He didn’t want me to move. I did ask if he thought about having sex with dead people, and he said that was disgusting. He still needed the body to respond; he just wanted me out of it.”
Mark’s face scrunched up. “That doesn’t make any sense. You would just lie there while he . . .”
I turned my head a little embarrassed. “Yes. That’s what he liked best.”
“Did you like it?”
“Mark.” Terri was in the doorway. “She’s told you what you wanted to know, now leave her alone.” She held out her hand. “Come to bed.”
Chapter 4
“Drew, will you come to my office please?” Peggy rarely summoned anyone to her office in the middle of a shift. I suddenly got nervous. The other girls in the room gave me a look of pity as I walked towards her office. How embarrassing.
“Yes, Peggy.” I walked into her office, expecting her to be alone, and saw a tall man with broad shoulders and jet black hair stand. He looked professional in his expensive suit and watch. He obviously held some sort of power in whatever his position was, and I wondered if he was an owner of the center whom I hadn’t met yet.
I finally looked up to his face and noticed he was checking me out just as I had done to him. I couldn’t be too upset, but something in his gaze told me he wasn’t looking at my clothes. It was as if he were trying to see under them. He was a handsome man and could probably take to bed any woman that he wanted, but I wasn’t sleeping my way to the top. Peggy would have to find someone else if this man ever made that demand.
Looking at his eyes a little closer, I noticed that he looked tired—very tired. I could tell he was slightly older than I was, but I couldn’t tell if the fine lines were from age or stress. He looked completely stressed. I wondered what I did wrong.
“Drew, this is Carl Williamson. Amy is his daughter.”
“It’s very nice to meet you.” Carl grabbed my hand before I could raise it to meet his. “I don’t know what you’ve done or how you managed to do it, but she’s finally sleeping through the night.”
“It looks as if you could use a few nights sleep yourself.” I couldn’t believe I’d just said that, but my relief at hearing that he was not someone of power, at least for the center, apparently caused me to lose the ability to think before I spoke. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be; it’s true.” He finally let go of my hand to run his fingers through his hair. “I guess both of us have had trouble sleeping since my wife passed.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I hadn’t heard.” I touched his upper arm, and he just looked at my hand. I pulled it away.
Peggy broke the awkward moment. “I think you’re mistaken, Drew. The woman that picks up Amy isn’t her mother.”
Carl started nodding his head. “Right, right, I could see how you would think that, though. Tammy is my sister, and I’m forever grateful to her for all the help she’s been.” He shook his head. “Even though she’s done wonders for Amy and me, you’ve managed to put a smile on my little girl’s face and sleep in her nights.”
“Well, I’m not sure what I’ve done. I mean I didn’t even know she was having troubles.” I thought for a moment. “That’s not entirely true. I guess I thought her parents were going through a divorce.”
“Well, at any rate, please keep up the good work and—”
Trisha poked her head in the office. “Peggy, we really need you for a minute.”
“Oh, excuse me. Keep talking and I’ll be right back.” Peggy left, and it was suddenly just Carl and me.
“My daughter was right.” Carl smiled.
His smile was contagious, and I smiled back at him. “About what?”
“You’re beautiful. Yes, just like a princess.” Carl reached out and touched my blazing cheek.
“Mr. Williamson.”
“Call me Carl, please.” He put his hand back in his pocket and looked me up and down. “Have dinner with me.”
“I can’t.”
He looked at my left hand. “You’re not married. Are you saying you have a boyfriend?”
“I am dating someone.”
“But he’s not your boyfriend.”
“It may not be defined yet, but I like him a lot.” I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous. Maybe I was reading too much into his gesture for dinner. Maybe he did really just want to thank me for helping his daughter.
Peggy walked back in and sensed the tension in the room. “I’m sorry I was called away.” She looked at me for a sign and I shrugged.
“It’s okay. I need to get back to work anyway.” I turned to Carl. “You have a wonderful daughter, and please let Peggy know if there’s anything more we can do to help.” I walked out.
~*~
“Wow. You think he was coming on to you?” Terri seemed just as shocked as I was at how someone who still appeared to be grieving could hit on me.
“I think so. I mean why else would he ask if I was married or have a boyfriend?” I shivered. “And his wife has only been gone eight months.”
“Some men just can’t be alone and start dating in way less time than that.” Terri handed me a bag of cookies to put on the top shelf since I was quite a bit taller than she was.
“If you bought this for yourself,” I looked at the bag of cookies, “why do you keep it on the top shelf that you can’t reach?”
“Because I can’t reach it. Don’t question my genius and just put it up there.” She continued to pu
t away the other groceries. “So what are you going to do about him?”
“I’m going to do what I do best . . . avoid.”
Terri grabbed my arm. “Thank God. I thought you were going to say something else you once said you did best.”
I slapped her arm as she let go and laughed. “Shut up.” I tried to scowl at her. “You’re not helping, you know.”
“Not helping with what, Aunt D?” Trevor walked in, covered in mud.
I smiled and looked up to where I’d just stashed Terri’s cookies that the kids weren’t supposed to know about. She pointed at me. “Don’t you dare!”
“What aren’t you supposed to do?” Trevor kept looking between us.
Terri looked at her son. “Where is your father? Don’t touch anything and march right up to the bathroom.” Trevor started to whine. “Now, Trevor.”
Mark walked in with Dennis behind him. I didn’t know he was coming today. “Sorry.” Mark picked up Trevor. “It’s my fault; I’ll clean him up.” He took him upstairs.
“And if I don’t go help, the bathroom will be covered in more mud than Trevor.” She walked by and patted Dennis on the arm. “It’s good to see you.”
Dennis smiled, but didn’t take his eyes off me. He waited until we were alone. “Hey.”
I smiled. “Hey. Did we have plans? I don’t remember—” He kissed me.
“No, no plans. May I take you to lunch? I thought maybe that would be safer than dinner.”
“Sure. That would be great.” I slipped out of his arms. “Let me just get my purse and tell Terri that we’re leaving.”
~*~
Dennis took me somewhere casual that helped take some of the pressure off. He really was easy going, and he deserved a chance. He still scared the shit out of me with what could be between us, but I decided I was just going to concentrate on the friendship he provided. It didn’t need to be anything more than that.
Except that he made it really difficult to just keep our relationship on a friendship level. Dennis was very attentive to everything I said, and he genuinely liked to hear about the stories from the center. His eyes didn’t glass over as Craig’s would have . . . I needed to stop. There was nothing about Dennis that reminded me of Craig. He was kind, generous, and didn’t seem to have ulterior motives . . . so far. I shook my head. I had to stop condemning him before he had done anything wrong.
“Are you okay?” Dennis put his hand on mine.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just think the wine has gone to my head.” I covered his hand with my other. “Really.”
The waiter approached and showed us a bottle of a more expensive wine than the one we were sharing. “Compliments of the gentleman at the bar.”
Dennis looked behind him and Carl lifted his glass. “Do you know him?”
“His daughter goes to the center.” I turned to the waiter. “Please return the bottle to Mr. Williamson and tell him, ‘Thank you for the gesture; however, it isn’t necessary.’” I turned back to Dennis and laced my fingers in his. “Are you ready to go?”
Dennis took out his wallet with his free hand and reluctantly let go of my hand to fish out some cash. “Is everything okay?”
“Of course. I just need some air.” I could see the waiter giving the bottle back to Carl out of the corner of my eye, and I tried hard not to look in his direction for a reaction. “How about we finish our talk in the park? It’s a beautiful day.”
Dennis smiled. “I would like that.”
~*~
It was the end of a very long day, and I was picking up the toddler room. Normally we had the children help, but there was a special guest reader, and we didn’t want them to miss that. I had just pushed a bin of markers in its place when I heard the deep voice behind me.
“I don’t like my gifts returned, Miss Clayborn.”
I stood up straight, but didn’t turn around yet. I took a deep breath before addressing him. “It was a nice gesture, Mr. Williamson, but unnecessary. Didn’t the waiter tell you that? I asked him to.”
“Yes. He gave me your small excuse. The gentleman at your table, is that who you’re dating?”
I finally turned to tell him that it was none of his business, but he had moved right behind me, so when I turned, all I saw was his chest. I tried to sidestep him, but he put two hands on the bookcase behind me and blocked me in. I finally looked up. “Mr. Williamson.”
“I think you need someone stronger. I think you need something . . . more than what he can give you.” He started to lean forward, and I ducked under his arms. He chuckled.
“Mr. Williamson, please. I am not interested in anything you are trying to do.”
“What do you think I’m trying to do? Enlighten me.” Carl stood with his arms crossed and an amused smile across his lips.
I started picking up the room again. “I’ve told you I’m seeing someone, and, yes, that was him last Sunday.” I turned to look him straight in the eye. “He is enough for me. I don’t need more of what you have to offer.”
He started to walk towards me. “You see I would believe that if you didn’t blush whenever I looked at you, if you didn’t tremble when I touched you.” He reached out his hand, and I batted it away. Carl stood closer and cupped my breast. “Like that. My touches excite you whereas his . . . don’t.”
“Is everything okay in here?” Peggy walked in and Carl stepped away. I loosened my grip on the stuffed animal I was holding. “Drew?”
“Fine.” I could barely speak. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Yes, everything is fine.” I walked past Carl and past a concerned Peggy and hoped Joseph was available that night.
~*~
“Do you think you need to go back on the medication?”
“No. I . . .” I took a moment and closed my eyes. “I just need to learn how to deal with him.”
“How do you want to deal with him?”
“I want him to go away. He’s too much like Craig. He’s too much . . . everything. When he looks at me and I know what he’s thinking, I . . .”
“What do you think he is thinking?”
I finally opened my eyes again and looked at Joseph. “That he wants to devour me, and I . . . I want to let him.”
“How does Dennis fit into all of this?”
“What do you mean?”
“How does he look at you?”
I smiled. “As if I mean something to him.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
“Safe.” I finally started to relax and my shaking slowed. “I like how he looks at me, and I enjoy my time with him very much, but . . .”
“You like how Carl looks at you, too.”
“Yes.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. Do you think there is?”
“Not wrong, necessarily. I’m not really sure how to explain it, but I know what I’m getting into with Carl. I don’t know what Dennis is really thinking, and that scares me more.” I looked at the clock. “I’m keeping you too late.”
“Continue. I think you are starting to get somewhere. Please don’t shut down now.”
I hesitated, but continued. “I know what Carl wants from me, and I know how to give him that. I don’t know where things are going with Dennis. I’m not sure what he wants from me. I don’t want to be as vulnerable as I was with Craig ever again, but the unknown with Dennis is terrifying to me.”
Joseph smiled. “Everyone is terrified of that unknown. I’ve never met him, but Dennis sounds good for you, if not for the long term, then just to start out with for a normal and healthy relationship.”
I shocked Joseph again by my honest admission of the root of my fears. “But am I good for him?”
~*~
“Hey. Where did you go?” Terri was at the front door before I opened it. “Peggy called, and we both started worrying when you wouldn’t answer your cell.”
“I had a late meeting with Joseph.” I walked past her to hang up my coat and hoped she would stop asking. I knew better.
I turned to my best friend to ease her fears. “No. He just scared me a little. I really don’t want to talk about it again.” As my best friend, she let it go.
I walked to the living room and saw Dennis on the floor with Trevor and Sally pummeling him. I smiled. He caught my ankle as I walked by, and I looked down. “Aren’t you going to help me here?”
I crossed my arms and looked over his body. “Why should I? I think a man like you should be able to handle two small children.”
I felt his hand work its way up under my pant leg, and he started caressing my calf. “A man like me, huh? Well a man like me can handle many, many . . . umph.” I looked down as Trevor jumped again on Dennis with his elbows in his gut and his knees in his groin. I had to help then.
I picked Trevor up, trying not to laugh. It really wasn’t funny the way Dennis curled into a ball and held himself, but for some reason, I had a hard time containing my giggles. I took Trevor to the kitchen where Terri and Mark were just finishing cleaning up. I handed Trevor over to Mark. “I think it’s time Daddy tells Trevor about the sensitive places on a man’s body.”
Mark looked into the living room and grimaced. “Oh, buddy, what did you do?”
I grabbed a plastic zip bag and filled it with ice. Then I wrapped a kitchen towel around it and took it to the living room where Dennis was still lying on the floor and Sally was pulling his ear. Poor guy. I picked up Sally and took her to Terri.
“Come here, pretty girl.” Terri took Sally from me and winked. “I think it’s time for bed for everyone. Say good night to Aunt D.” Terri stopped as she walked by and leaned in to whisper. “No one will be coming back down tonight.”
“Oh, sure, pick a night when he’s wounded.” I teased.
“I’ve told you before not to question my genius.” Terri took Sally upstairs behind Mark and Trevor.
I slowly walked back to the living room and noticed that Dennis had made his way to the sofa. “Everything okay out here?”
Dennis was leaning his head back on the sofa with the bag planted in his lap. “No.” I sat next to him, and he turned his head to me. “You really are trying everything in your power to give me blue balls, aren’t you?”
Striving for Normal (Striving Series) Page 4
