I didn’t sit back down, but I did remove my hand from the doorknob. “I thought I was being scared—chicken shit, if you will. It isn’t so much that I need you to confirm my feelings. I already told Terri no. I just feel better when we talk things through, and I like it when you agree with a decision I made.”
He closed his eyes and nodded. “I’ll see you a week from Thursday. We’ll plan on discussing your first night staying with Craig.”
I nodded and slipped through the door.
Chapter 3
I usually stayed home to watch Sally and Trevor for Terri and Mark while they worked almost every Saturday. They had a small, but cozy home. The entryway had a closet for shoes and coats when you first entered. The main living area was to the left. Just beyond the closet of the entryway, there was a stairway leading to the three bedrooms on the right side of the house that sat above the attached garage. Just beyond the stairway was the door that led to the garage with access to the basement.
The main floor was just one big open floor plan with the living room taking two thirds of the space. The small dining room and kitchen shared the other third. When they bought the house, Terri said she loved the fact you could see any part of the main floor no matter where you stood. The dining room was in the left back corner. It had a sliding door that led to the deck and backyard. The only wall in the entire area was a partial wall between the kitchen and living room to hide the back of the refrigerator and stove from view.
They didn’t take much money from me, even though I tried to give it. They only let me pick up a few groceries here and there. Since Joseph signed off on my working full time, I hoped they let me help even more, because I could afford it. If not, I still had Saturdays to offer my babysitting services.
Mark was the first one home from work. He worked at a mortgage company. Terri was an emergency room nurse, so her schedule was a little more unpredictable than Mark’s. Sally was only eighteen months old and a complete daddy’s girl. The second he came home, she was at his leg, pulling on his pant leg.
“There’s my girl.” He didn’t help the situation any by picking her up all the time. “Where’s my squirt?”
Trevor had just turned five and was about to start school. He was every bit a momma’s boy as Sally was a daddy’s girl. Terri tried, but she wasn’t much better than Mark in trying to break the children’s attachments. I probably wouldn’t have been any better than they were, either. The thought startled me, and I turned to pick up the mess on the table.
“Trevor, your dad’s home and wants to say hi to you.” Trevor obediently got down from the chair and went to hug his father before my first tear fell. I wiped it away and wiped my hand on my pants.
“Everything okay in here?” Mark was behind me before I knew it.
“Yes.” I could only whisper.
“Drew . . .” Mark reached out to me. He was such a big brother to me and took care of me better than any man had ever taken care of me, but I didn’t want the kids to see me fall apart. Aunt D, as Trevor calls me, doesn’t fall apart.
“It’s okay. Please.” I kept trying to put the crayons in the box, but my hands kept shaking.
“Drew.” This time it was Terri comforting me. I couldn’t keep it together any more as she walked me upstairs. “What is it?”
“You two are such wonderful parents. I was just wondering if I would have been as good.”
“Oh, considering the way you are with my two little hellions and all those kids at the center, I have no doubt you’ll make a wonderful mother some day.” Terri hugged me. “Take a few minutes to collect yourself and come down when you can.” She let go and raised her eyebrows while sucking in a deep breath before speaking. “Mark is taking us out tonight, and we need to shop for new dresses.”
“Wait . . . all of us? Why don’t you two go and I’ll watch the kids for you.”
“I’ll take you up on that another time, but he wants to celebrate your new job. We have a different sitter for tonight.” Terri looked away and then back to me as if she were trying to decide to say the rest or not. “He wanted to wait a couple of weeks until he knew you were going to be okay there. He didn’t want to celebrate if you were having a hard time with it.”
~*~
I was glad Terri talked me into a more elegant dress than the one I was going to buy. The place where Mark had taken us was a lot fancier than I had anticipated. It was a place they should be going to on date night, not a place to have their tagalong adult roommate with them. It oozed romance, and how romantic could you get with a third wheel?
We were being shown to our table, and I noticed a man stand up as we approached. I glanced at Terri and she looked away. I grabbed her arm and whispered. “What the hell?”
Mark turned around to answer for her. “Blame me and not Terri. You need to get out, and I understand your hesitation, so we’re going to double date to get you through your first time. Make no mistake about it. This is going to be your first time of many dates to come. If you don’t like Dennis, then fine, we’ll keep looking. But we will keep looking because you deserve to be as happy as Terri and I are.” Mark turned back around to finish leading us to the table before I could say anything.
I looked back at my date for the night, and I couldn’t help but notice that he was very attractive. His hair was brown, and he kept it cut really short. It was borderline military, but it worked for him. It actually worked really well. I started to wonder if he was in the military because the way his broad shoulders filled out the snug suit he was wearing let me know he was built. I found myself wanting to find out and soon. I hoped Terri and Mark knew what they were doing.
He at least seemed to be polite since he stood as we approached. Everyone was polite at first, though. I shook my head at that thought. I couldn’t keep comparing everyone I met to Craig.
“Dennis, this is our very good friend, Drew Clayborn.” Mark was making the introductions. “Drew, this is my colleague, Dennis Brooks.”
Dennis reached out his hand, and I accepted his handshake. His hand was warm and soft while his grip was firm, but not overpowering. “It’s very nice to meet you, Drew Clayborn.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” I took my hand back. There wasn’t anything sexual in his touch, but the physical contact made me uncomfortable.
I was relieved when Terri sat next to me instead of having the seating alternate boy girl as is common in these situations. I dropped my napkin and was happy when Terri bent down with me to pick it up. “I’m going to kill you when we get home.”
“Looking forward to it.” She sat back up with a smile on her face.
I grabbed my napkin and sat up, resigned to my fate for the night.
~*~
“Admit it. You had a good time tonight.” Mark was looking at me in the rearview mirror, driving us home.
“It wasn’t a bad evening.” I tried to hide my smile and failed. “I could have done without the hug at the end of the night, though.” Secretly I was thrilled to find out for myself that my suspicions were correct and he was built very well. It was a solid hug all the way around. It also gave me the opportunity to see his green eyes since the restaurant was too dark for me to tell. They were just as beautiful as the rest of him.
Terri turned to face me from the front passenger seat. “I think it was awkward for him, too. He hugged me and felt obligated to hug you.”
I shrugged. She was probably right, but I still shouldn’t have felt his body against mine. It brought back too many memories, too many desires.
“So, when are you going again?” Mark was looking at me again in the mirror.
“Watch the road, will you?” I looked out the window. I wasn’t sure that I could go again. It was fine going on a double date with my best friends, but I wasn’t sure I could do it alone.
“What if we just invite him over for dinner a few times until you’re comfortable going solo?” Mark’s eyes were going back and forth between the road and the mirror, trying to gauge my r
eaction to his suggestion. Mark and Dennis were both loan officers and worked together closely. I knew Mark believed Dennis to be a good man or he never would have set this up. I was still apprehensive, no matter who vouched for him, but it was Mark and I owed him my life.
“I guess that would be okay.” I rolled my eyes when Mark beamed at my approval for more double dates.
I could hear that Terri was smiling when she spoke. “You liked him. I knew you would.”
I sat up. “Is that who you . . . Oh, you two are evil. I already told you no to him.”
“But you didn’t tell me no.” Mark was pleased with himself.
~*~
“You’ve certainly been busy with changes lately.” Joseph flipped through his notepad as he spoke. “First you got a new job, and now you’re dating again. Yet you don’t seem to be overwhelmed by any of it.”
“Oh, it is overwhelming sometimes when Peggy leaves me in charge or when Dennis sits a little too close.” I shivered. “It’s very overwhelming sometimes, and I often find myself wondering what I’m doing.”
“What are you doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“You shivered when you said that he sits too close. Does he do anything for you?”
I thought for a second. “No. He does seem like the type to open doors for me, but we don’t go anywhere.”
Joseph shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. Does he do anything for you physically?”
“Oh. Um, he’s very attractive and exactly the type I would have sought out if I were looking, but . . .”
“He doesn’t do anything for you.”
“I’m not sure if it’s that or if I won’t allow him to. I don’t allow myself to fantasize about him at all. Once I thought he was going to kiss me when everyone was out of the room, but I got up so he wouldn’t have the opportunity.”
“You’re scared. It’s okay to be scared. Did you want him to kiss you?”
“I think that’s what scared me.”
“That you did?”
“No, that I didn’t.” I shook my head. “When I describe things that happened with Craig, I get . . . excited. When I think about doing some of those things with someone else, I don’t.”
“We haven’t talked about Craig for a long time. We’ve talked about your job and the double dates, but this is the first time in weeks that you’ve even mentioned Craig’s name.” Joseph put the notepad down and leaned forward. “I don’t want to push you too far too fast. You’ve had a lot of changes, and I want you to work through those, but we do need to get back to working through what happened with Craig.”
“I know.” I sat up and scooted back a little further in the chair. “It’s just so nice to have something else to talk about here. Craig is all I’ve ever talked about, and I needed a break.”
“Is your break over now? Can we get back to the first night you stayed with him?”
“I suppose we should.” I sighed. “I was surprised he allowed me to stay. We had been . . . active all night, and I was thoroughly exhausted by the time we finished . . .”
~*~
I sat up to get dressed. I wanted nothing more than to just lie back and fall asleep, but I needed to get home before I could sleep. Before I could get out of bed, Craig wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me back down.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He already sounded half asleep.
“Home. I need sleep, too.” I tried to get up. “Craig, please, I’m tired.”
“Then go to sleep.” He snuggled closer to me.
“Here?” I lay back down and snuggled into him as he nodded his head. I hoped he would remember that he told me to stay.
I woke up on my stomach as I felt my legs part. “Craig?”
He leaned down to me. “Shh. Just go back to sleep.”
I felt him play with me a little. “Craig. I’m tired. I can’t believe you want to go again.” I tried to roll over, but he stopped me.
“Go to sleep.”
“Craig, I can’t sleep with you doing that to me. Please just lie down and go to sleep with me.”
Craig got close to my ear before speaking. “Earlier was all about you. Didn’t you enjoy yourself?” I nodded. “Now it’s my turn. Lie there and sleep, or at least pretend to be asleep. Don’t respond or move. Just let me have my fun.”
I was too shocked to say anything. Too shocked to stop him, I lay there thinking about how I wasn’t supposed to respond when he set me on fire every time he touched me. As he was working his way towards his climax at a fever pitch, he was raising one out of me. Would he have been upset if I’d had an orgasm? He didn’t want me to respond, and my orgasm would have definitely been a response.
It was too late to back out, so I pushed my face in the pillow to try to soften the noise I was sure to make. He followed me soon after and collapsed on my back, crushing me. I could barely catch my breath as it was, and he was making it impossible to breathe.
“That was incredible.” He finally rolled off after kissing my cheek, and I took a deep breath. “I think it was the best fuck yet.”
I remember not sleeping much that night. I was too busy trying to figure out how that was better for him than the amazing things he’d done before. He’d seemed to like doing everything else. And while it had been an intense climax for me, I wouldn’t have said it was the best yet.
~*~
“I think I’ve finally weirded out Joseph.” I was helping Terri and Mark get dinner ready as Dennis kept the kids busy in the living room.
“What do you mean?” Mark knew just as much as Terri. It didn’t mean I was comfortable talking to him about things, but I needed to talk to Terri, and I knew she told him everything anyway.
“I told him about playing dead.”
Terri dropped the spatula. “Mark, why don’t you go help Dennis? He’s not used to kids.” Terri shoved Mark out of the room as he started to protest.
“You haven’t told him about that?” I was shocked. Terri had said she needed to tell Mark things to keep her sanity. I had told her I completely understood and only agreed to be honest with her if she had him to turn to.
“No. I thought that was a little too private to share with him. Well, now I guess I’ll have to tell him.” She looked at me and frowned. “I’m sorry. I should have told you what I did and didn’t share with him.”
“That’s okay. I kind of thought he knew everything.” I handed her a new spatula as I picked up the other one that she dropped. “I expected you to tell him. He’s your husband. You’re supposed to share things with him.”
“So what did Joseph say?”
“Oh, right. He didn’t say anything. He just sat there looking at me.”
“Looking at you how?” Terri was putting everything in the serving bowls.
“I don’t know. I thought at first he was going to start crying or maybe get up and walk me out.” I took the milk out of the refrigerator. “Eventually, I told him he was making me uncomfortable, and he finally broke out of his trance.”
“Trance?”
“He didn’t even blink, Terri. Nothing. He just sat there.”
“It sounds as if you stumped him, but I don’t think you weirded him out. I’m sure he’s heard weirder things than that.” She pushed through the door. “Dinner’s ready.”
After dinner and coffee, Terri and Mark took the kids up to bed. They left Dennis and me alone . . . again.
“Dinner was great.” Dennis made his usual comment.
“Yes, Terri is a great cook.” And I gave my usual response.
“Would you like to go out to dinner just you and me sometime?” That was new.
I put my hair behind my ear and looked away. “Dennis, you’re a great guy . . .”
When I looked back, Dennis was an inch from my face and waited a beat to give me time to back away. When I didn’t, he leaned in and kissed me. I leaned in more and placed my hand on his face. He took that as a sign to deepen the kiss, and I backed awa
y. He was a great kisser, but I wasn’t ready to open up to his tongue or otherwise.
He placed his forehead on mine and whispered. “I’m sorry. It really was meant to be more innocent than that.” Dennis sat back up and looked at me. I licked my lips and looked at his. “You really can’t do that right now. It’s taking every ounce of my willpower to just sit here, but when y—”
I kissed him this time and surprised myself when I searched for his tongue. We had been kissing for a few minutes, and I had unconsciously moved to his lap. That’s where I found myself anyway when Terri cleared her throat, so I must have moved there. Or maybe Dennis pulled me there. Either way, I didn’t mind.
Mark came downstairs and looked at me on Dennis’s lap, and both of our faces flushed. “It’s about time.” He started clearing the table. I reluctantly got up to help.
“I’d help, but I need a few minutes.” Dennis was so cute sliding under the table more to hide how aroused he was.
“Take your time, buddy. We’ve all been there.” Mark smirked and took the first load of dishes to the kitchen.
Terri grabbed my hand and pulled me to the living room. “What happened?”
I shrugged. “He said he was sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“His first kiss got a little out of hand, and I pulled back when he tried to tongue me.” I smiled. “Then he said he was sorry, and no man has ever said that to me before. It was hot.”
Terri rolled her eyes and smiled. “Next time he comes over, I’ll tell him to beg for your forgiveness, and maybe he’ll get lucky.” She laughed as she went to help with the dishes.
Dennis didn’t stay as long that night as he usually did, and I walked him out to his car this time. “So will you go out to dinner with me?” he asked.
“May we have a couple of more dinners here? I do like you, obviously.” I smiled and waved back at the house. “I would like to get adjusted to this before we start going alone.”
He put his hands around my waist and pulled me close. “Are you going to get up when I sit close to you?”
Striving for Normal (Striving Series) Page 3
