Joseph sighed. “Maybe you should think about that and come prepared with the answer next week.”
I looked at the clock. I couldn’t believe that our time was up already. I started to gather my things. “I’ll think about it, but I can’t guarantee an answer.” I reached his door and turned around with my hand still on the doorknob. “I’ve been asking myself for years why I allowed him to control me, and I came here hoping you could help me figure it out so it doesn’t happen again.”
Joseph nodded his understanding as I walked out.
Chapter 2
“I’m glad you told him about the party.” Terri was finishing off her frozen yogurt while listening to me vent about my therapy appointment. She’s my best friend and was therapy for my therapy.
“It’s just so embarrassing.” I put my forehead in my hand. “I mean I really got into the memory.”
Terri tugged on my wrist. “What does that mean? If you think your therapy is making you miss your relationship with Craig, then I have to say I no longer think therapy is a good idea.”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just . . .” I sighed. Terri knew almost everything, but I hadn’t been completely honest with her about my feelings. “The sex was just really good. I really do miss that part of it.” I took one last bite of my frozen yogurt and pushed the rest away.
“So we need to find you another guy that will turn you on. No problem. There’s this one guy—”
“No. I’m not ready yet.”
“Come on, Drew. It’s been four years. You yourself just admitted you need a good—”
“Terri!” I looked around to see if the other customers were listening. “Not here. I knew I should have waited until we got home.”
“But then Mark will be there and you won’t talk.” Terri crossed her arms and sat back. “Fine, I’ll be a little more coded in our conversation. You have . . . needs, and dating can solve them for you.”
I didn’t want to hear any of it, but I sat and listened, pulling my cup of melting frozen yogurt towards me to play with it. Terri leaned forward and covered my hand with hers to stop me. I looked up at her. “I just don’t know if I can do it, Terri.”
She sat back and looked at me. “You can do it, and I won’t allow anyone to control you the way he did.” Terri scooted her chair up closer to the table and leaned forward to talk softly. “We’ll have a code word. If I think anyone is not good enough for you or won’t treat you with the utmost respect, I’ll say the code word and you’ll know it’s time to run. I won’t let you get hurt again.”
“I know, but please just a little while longer.” I pleaded with her.
“Okay, only when you’re ready.” Terri looked around and then looked at her watch.
“Do you have somewhere else to be?” I looked around, too.
Terri looked at me and shrugged. “I may have invited someone, but it doesn’t look as if—.”
“Terri.”
“No, no. No one like that.” Terri’s eyes lit up and she waved someone over.
I turned around and noticed an elderly woman walking towards us. I’d seen her before, but couldn’t quite place her. She had grey hair pulled up in a bun and reading glasses hanging around her neck. Her dress was kind of casual, but career worthy and not just something to wear to the mall. She kind of looked like a teacher.
“Hi, Terri, sorry I’m late.” They hugged and she turned to me, holding out her hand. “It’s nice to see you again, Drew. How have you been?”
Terri was looking at me, almost pleading with me to be nice. I took the woman’s hand and shook it. I still didn’t know who she was. “I’m fine, thank you, and you?”
The woman pulled up a chair and sat down with a heavy sigh. “To be honest, I’m exhausted. Those kids wear me out these days.” You could tell by the way she sat down that she was exhausted and had been for quite some time.
It was then that I remembered who she was: Mrs. Greyson, the owner of the daycare center where Terri and Mark’s children were going. Terri wanted me to work there and had set this up as a little interview. I just wasn’t sure who was being interviewed—me or Mrs. Greyson.
I’d finally gone back to school after my disaster of a relationship with Craig ended. I’d moved in with Terri and Mark when I had nowhere else to go and would be forever in their debt. It took Terri a long time to convince me to go back to finish my degree in early childhood development, and I owed her for what I had accomplished. I hated to think where I would have been without her and Mark’s help. So I sat and listened to what Mrs. Greyson had to say out of politeness and gratitude, but that didn’t mean I was going to work for her.
It was three hours later, and the more we talked about her daycare center, the more excited I became at the prospect of working there. Mrs. Greyson—Peggy—was going to retire in a year or so and really wanted someone she could trust to continue with the center as it was. She worked hard to build it to be more than just glorified babysitting for working parents. She taught the children as well as watched over them.
I found myself agreeing to start in two weeks when she had an opening. It appeared that the woman who was her best chance so far at keeping the center going was moving out of state with her husband. He was in the Air Force and was being stationed at a new base.
Terri didn’t say much during the interview, but wouldn’t stop talking all the way home. “Didn’t I tell you she is just the best? You’re going to love it there. Really, I’m sure you will just love it.”
While Terri gushed about how perfect I was for the job and how right she was to set it up, I looked out the window, hoping I made the right choice. I knew I needed to get a better job and to move out on my own since school was finished, but running the entire center myself in just over a year seemed a bit frightening.
At a red light, Terri reached over and placed her hand on my arm to get me to look at her. “It will be okay. I wouldn’t have set this up if I didn’t think you were ready or perfect for it. Please believe in yourself as much as I do.”
I tried to smile. “I’ll give it a chance.”
~*~
“You want to work with other people’s brats?” Craig looked at me as if I had just told him the worst thing in the world.
“Of course, and they are called children, not brats. Okay, well some of them can be brats, but it’ll be okay.” I looked at Craig a little differently since his outburst.
“I’m not sure I could even handle children if they were my own. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to handle someone else’s,” he looked at me, “brats.”
I smiled. I thought for sure he was just being playful and decided to play right back. “So you wouldn’t be happy if I told you I was pregnant right now?” I had a teasing tone to my voice and was lightly running my finger up his arm, but he didn’t take any of it as a joke.
Craig stood up quickly and grabbed my purse. Dumping it out on the table, he looked through the contents. “Tell me you’re still on the pill.” He picked up my compact as I walked over to the table dazed. He opened it and sighed, obviously relieved that I still had been taking the pill.
“Craig.” I put my hand on his arm. “I was just teasing. You didn’t need to do that.” I started putting my stuff back in my purse.
He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. “I just think it’s too soon for children.”
I didn’t say anything. I was still upset that he dumped my purse and didn’t apologize for his outburst. He never apologized. I bent further to reach across the table and started to come back up, but felt his hand hold me down. “Craig, let me up.”
He slowly pushed me back down on to the table with one hand, and his other hand skimmed the back of my leg getting closer to his goal. I tried to stand again, but he put a little more pressure on my back to keep me down.
“Craig . . .”
He rubbed me through my panties as he bent over me to whisper in my ear. “Just tell me you don’t want it. I think you do. It feels as if
you do, but if you don’t, just say no and you can get up.”
I lay there pressed against the table, telling myself to say no. I told myself to get up, but the way he touched me set my body on fire, and I couldn’t resist. I pushed my purse over to the side before reaching up and grabbing the table with both hands as he wanted me to. He chuckled in my ear before standing and taking me the way we both wanted, no, needed him to.
~*~
“Drew?” Terri was waving her hand in my face. “Are you okay?”
I looked around. We had pulled into her driveway with the chicken dinner that we purchased in the backseat. I blinked a couple of times and nodded. “Sorry. I’m fine—just thinking.”
Terri looked at me as if she were trying to decide to believe me or not. “Okay. Do you want to talk about it later?”
“No, I’m good.” I got out of the car and looked over the top of it at her as she got out. “I think I’m talking about it too much right now.”
She nodded her understanding before her son ran out to her. “Chicken in a bucket? Whose birthday is it?”
Terri handed a sack to Mark who came out to help. “Drew got a job.” They both smiled and looked at me. Mark had to be in on it. I’d kill him later for not warning me.
~*~
It was the end of my second week, and I was very impressed with the operation Peggy had put together. I knew they were involved with the children, but I hadn’t paid close attention to what the children were doing whenever I picked up Sally and Trevor, Terri’s kids. I’d just wanted to pick them up and get home. Maybe I always knew what a great place this was and didn’t want to see what I was missing.
There was one main area in which they would all gather occasionally for special readings or projects. Then there were rooms sectioned off for different age groups to stay together. The activities in each room reflected more closely what each age would need to learn. The nursery with the babies was in the back corner, away from all the noise. I was surprised they had a nursery. Peggy wasn’t kidding when she said they teach all age groups. I just didn’t think rolling, crawling, and walking would have been part of the curriculum.
As for the children old enough to take direction, they played games that taught all kinds of things that parents should have been teaching them, but were just too tired from their work to do it right. It wasn’t that the parents were lazy, but it’s hard work to teach children anything, and it takes the utmost patience and discipline. After working all day, it’s very difficult to really get involved in every aspect of what children should be learning.
The parents were often sent home with flashcards or books to read to them, depending on the age of the child. Parental involvement was key, but unfortunately limited, and Peggy wanted to give them everything she could to help. I’d never heard of a more involved daycare center, and I suddenly felt proud that they wanted me to be a part of it.
I originally wanted to teach children in preschool. I never thought about making a daycare the preschool before. This way you got to teach children even younger than preschool age. I love watching children grow and learn. The way their whole body lights up when they finally get something that was so frustrating to them is inspiring. Terri was right. I should have done this sooner.
The time had come to tell Peggy that I’d be late Monday morning. I’d been putting off my therapy session for two weeks, but Joseph wouldn’t let me put it off again. I knocked on Peggy’s door, and she welcomed me into her office. It was crammed with an oversized desk and two wingback chairs. There were books, magazines, flashcards, and other teaching aides strewn throughout the office. It often looked as if a tornado had hit it.
“Come in, come in. You’ve had another astounding week here. I just love the ideas you have to get through to the more difficult children. It really is your calling, and I hope you decide to stick around.”
“Of course I will. I love it here.” I looked around the office. I didn’t know what she would think about my therapy. I hadn’t gotten the nerve to tell her yet. I didn’t want her to think I would be a danger to the children.
“Drew?” Peggy got up and shut the door. “You know you may tell me anything, dear.”
I looked at her as she sat in the chair next to me. “I have an appointment Monday, and I need to be a little late if that’s okay.”
“Sure. That’s not a problem.” She chuckled. “I thought you were going to ask to not be placed in the baby room again. They usually aren’t that fussy, but I suspect we have a few ear infections creeping up. I’ve talked to the parents about taking them to the doctor.”
I had to finish talking before I lost my nerve. “I usually have this appointment weekly, but I’m going to scale it back to only once or twice a month so I won’t miss so much time.”
Peggy lost her smile and placed her hand over mine. “Is everything all right?”
I nodded. “It will be anyway. I mean I’m not sick or anything.”
“I’ve noticed the pain in your eyes.” She stood up and went back to her desk to pull out her calendar. “I’ve noticed because I used to have pain, too. There’s nothing wrong with seeking a little professional help when one needs it.”
“You’re okay with me going to therapy and then coming to work with the children?” I didn’t know why I was so afraid of that.
Peggy pulled her glasses off to look at me. “Have you ever hurt a child? Is that what your therapy is about?”
“No.”
She put her glasses back on. “Then I don’t see what one has to do with the other.” She looked at her calendar. “Now, are you sure you want to have morning appointments and come here after or would you rather have afternoons where you can go home if you’re too upset to come back?”
“I didn’t think of that.”
She smiled. “Monday morning will be fine, but then make your appointments for Thursday afternoons if you can. We have the most staff then. And make them for every week. Don’t change what you need to get better.”
“Thank you.”
~*~
“Well, that was very generous of her. How do you feel about that?” Joseph was pleased to add me to his Thursday afternoon schedule. “I know you get uncomfortable when people try to be helpful to you.”
“I was uncomfortable at first, but she said she had pain she needed to work through at one time, so I guess I felt she understood.”
“Have you told her what pain you’re working through?”
“No.”
“Don’t you think you should before you work with the babies?” Joseph knew instantly when I looked away. “You’ve already worked with them. I thought we talked about you waiting a little while.”
I uncrossed my legs only to shift and cross them the other way. “I couldn’t really tell her no when she assigned me that room. I’m supposed to get the feel of each room.” Joseph slightly nodded his understanding. “Besides, it really did work out for the best.”
“How is that?”
“They were so fussy that I didn’t find myself longing for them as I thought I would. I actually thought . . .” I shook my head unable to continue with that thought.
“You thought you were lucky not to have one?”
I started crying, and he handed me the box of tissues. “Thank you.”
“It’s okay to feel that way. It’s normal to be thankful for not having to put up with unpleasant things, even though we would give anything to have that unpleasant problem be our own. I really think you need to give yourself a pass on this one.”
I nodded and put the box of tissues on the table. I took a drink of water to try to tamp down my emotions and get myself under control.
“How about we continue the discussion we started last time. You were telling me about the first time you stayed over.”
“Can we please wait for next Thursday? I need to go to work after this and sometimes I can’t concentrate after we’ve finished.”
“Of course.” He flipped a page in his notepad. “W
hat would you like to discuss today?”
“Sex.”
His eyebrow shot up. “Okay, I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Well, more like dating, but it will eventually lead to sex.”
“You want to have sex?” Joseph started writing.
“Not really. Terri thinks it’s time for me to get back out there and start dating again.” I looked away and bounced my leg. “I’m not opposed to going out. Dinner and conversation actually sound good. I just know that it will eventually lead to sex, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.”
“You don’t need to be intimate with everyone you date.” He held up his hand. “That didn’t come out the way I meant it. What I meant is that not every guy is going to expect it so soon. You can go out with different people and not worry about the more intimate aspect of the relationship until it’s something you want to do.”
“How do I know it’s what I want and not what I feel they’re expecting from me?” I uncrossed my legs and leaned forward hugging myself. “I just feel sick every time I think about giving up that control again. What if I make the same mistakes and pick the wrong guy?”
“If you’re still that worried about it, then you’re not ready to date. You need to be more confident about your decisions. Clearly you’re not confident at all, and you haven’t even been out yet.”
I relaxed. “I didn’t think I was ready, either.”
“Why did you need me to tell you that?” We both looked as his bell chimed that the time was up. We normally watched the time closer than that, and it almost never needed to remind us, but this time we got lost in the discussion.
I stood up. “Saved by the bell.”
Joseph stood up. “No, you haven’t been. You need to answer my question before you leave. Why did you need me to tell you that?”
I must have given him a fearful look as he had never stood up and demanded answers from me before. He backed up and sat back down. “I’m sorry, Drew. Please, will you tell me why you don’t trust your own instincts and why I had to confirm something you already knew?”
Striving for Normal (Striving Series) Page 2
