Striving for Normal (Striving Series)

by Mooney, B. L.

  The kitchen in the cafeteria was closed, but just outside of it, we found a vending machine with coffee and sat in the cafeteria to drink it. “Is he getting better?”

  “Yes.” I hated these questions. I knew they wanted to know how he was, but they all acted as if he were at death’s door. “He doesn’t need as much help getting around. I think we’re going home tomorrow.”

  “That’s good.” You could always tell when Rachael had something to say but didn’t know how to say it.

  “Just say it, Rachael.” It came out a little more defensive than I intended, but I felt as if she were going to give me bad news.

  “Deb told me,” she looked around, “everything.”

  “Oh?” I was surprised she opened up, so I was still a little skeptical about what everything really was. “I didn’t think she would talk about it so soon.”

  “I took her to the appointment you set up for her with Joseph. She didn’t want to go in alone.” She took a drink. “I guess you could say she told Joseph everything and I just happened to be there.”

  “I’m glad she went to him. I didn’t think she would.” I’d already had an emergency meeting with Joseph the day after it all happened. Dennis still wasn’t responding much, and the entire thing just kept replaying over in my mind. Joseph was the one to offer his services for Deb.

  “I made her do it. Mom and I told her she had to go.” Rachael brushed a tear away. “Mark told Mom that she almost killed herself. Mom told Deb that therapy wasn’t optional. I’m sticking around for a while to help Deb through this. She’s finally acting like a sister, and I’ll take it as long as she’s willing to give it.” Rachael looked at me and smiled. “Does Joseph have any other openings?”

  That took me by surprise. “I’m not sure. You’d have to ask him, but I’m sure he’d work with you if you needed him to.”

  “Oh, I don’t really need to work on anything.” She waved her hand. “He’s just hot, and I’d pay to sit and stare at him.”

  “You know he’s practically old enough to be your father.”

  Rachael shrugged. “I like experienced men.”

  I smiled and shook my head. “Don’t mess up the one guy who can fix me.”

  “I don’t want to mess him up. I just want to get messy with him.” She waggled her eyebrows.

  I laughed hard and it felt good. “You’re wrong, Rachael. You do need help.”

  ~*~

  Dennis was quiet when I got back. I wasn’t sure leaving them alone had been a good idea after all. I tried to talk to him a couple of times after they left, but he just said he had a headache. He insisted that I go home, but I refused. He was mad and I wanted to know why. He wouldn’t tell me. Dennis turned the lights out before I got everything ready for bed. It pissed me off, but I let it go and finished getting the bed made in the dark.

  Even though it was obvious that he was mad at me, I still pushed my chair-bed over to him as close as I could. Several hours of no sleeping and no talking were starting to get to me. I reached up and laced my fingers in his. He started to pull away, but squeezed my hand back. “Why didn’t you tell me what really happened between Deb and Craig?”

  I took it that Deb told him everything, too. “I wanted to wait until you were home. I didn’t want people to overhear the truth.”

  “Are you sure that’s all?”

  “I told you most of what happened. What could you have done from this bed if I told you the rest while you were still in here?” He squeezed my hand again.

  ~*~

  According to the doctors, Dennis was recovering quickly from his injuries. It just wasn’t quickly enough for me. He was placed on strict bed rest for the first week home, but then he was to ease into life again. I had to admit that he did seem to bounce back quicker than I thought humanly possible, but I still wanted him to be careful. It was scary seeing him in such rough shape.

  I never left Dennis after he came home from the hospital, so it was a few weeks before I got the rest of my things from my apartment to officially move in. The longer I spent there, the more at home I felt. I just really needed to redecorate, starting with the bedroom.

  “Hey, where did Rachael go?” I looked around, but didn’t see her. I had originally planned going shopping by myself just to have some alone time, but Dennis insisted on coming with me to get out of the house. If he were honest, the real reason was because he was still worried about me. Even though the real nightmare was over, the flashbacks and nightmares started again as soon as I knew he would be okay. It was as if the second my body could relax, it was allowing me to feel everything I didn’t want to. I was slowly getting better, though.

  Dennis invited Rachael when she called stating Deb was driving her nuts. He knew I would want another woman’s opinion, and Terri wasn’t available. I felt Dennis come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. “I told her to get lost.”

  “You did not.” I wrapped my arms around his. “I wanted to get her opinion on this one.” I pointed to the comforter in front of us.

  “Just pick out what you like. I’m not sure why you need her opinion.”

  “I want her opinion. There’s a difference.” I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Men just don’t get it.”

  “You’re right. We’re too busy thinking about getting something else.” He started kissing my neck.

  “Gross. I wouldn’t have come if I had known how touchy-feely you two were going to be.” Rachael came up behind Dennis.

  I let go and looked at the smile on her face. “Where have you been?”

  “Oooh, I like this one.” Rachael went to the comforter I had been looking at.

  I looked at Dennis, and he just rolled his eyes. I looked at Rachael again. “Thanks. I was just talking about that one, but answer my question. Where did you go?”

  “Maybe I had to pee.” Rachael was avoiding eye contact.

  “Unless you’ve been holding it forever, there is no way that relieving your bladder would put that smile on your face.” I pointed to the smile she was still wearing.

  “Okay, fine. You may come, but Dennis has to stay here.” She led me to the kids’ section as if we were on a secret mission. The closer we got, the stealthier she was in her tracking whatever it was she was trying to track. “There,” she whispered and pulled on my arm to get me to duck.

  “What?” I looked over and saw Carl looking through the girls’ section in the kids’ bedding. He was the last person I had expected Rachael to point out.

  She looked at me and lost her smile. “What’s wrong? Is it the kids’ section?”

  I shook my head. “What about him, Rachael?”

  “What do you mean? He’s gorgeous, and I’ve got a date tonight. No more dry spell for me.” Rachael stood in the corner and did a little dance.

  I shook my head. “Did you get his name?”

  “Of course I got his name.” She stopped dancing and looked pissed. “I don’t appreciate that at all, Drew.”

  “No, I didn’t mean . . . I’m sorry, Rachael.” I sighed. “What’s his name?”

  “Carl.” Rachael looked puzzled when I raised my eyebrow until she finally got it. “No way.”

  Dennis chose that exact time to come find us. “No way what?”

  Rachael and I shared a look before I turned to Dennis. “I told her about the ugly comforter you wanted with the big, yellow daffodils.”

  “You said you wanted to brighten up the room.”

  “I don’t want to wear sunglasses to bed.”

  “Let’s go to that other place across town.” Rachael was trying to get Dennis out of the store.

  “What’s wrong with this place? I swear you girls make it so difficult.” Dennis stopped teasing us the second he heard Carl’s voice.

  “Drew?” Carl looked from Rachael to me to Dennis, then back to me and Rachael. “What’s going on here?”

  “I’d like to know that, too.” Dennis stepped towards Carl.

  Rachael step
ped between them. “I didn’t know he was Drew’s Carl. Wait, no, I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “Rachael, it’s okay.” I turned to Dennis. “Could you, please, give me a second?”

  “What the fuck, Drew?” Dennis was obviously pissed.

  I touched his face and kissed his lips. “I love you, Dennis. I’m living with you, and we’re here to pick out things to build our lives together, but please, give me a second.”

  “Come on, Dennis.” Rachael pulled on his hand. “Help me find the batteries.”

  “What do we need batteries for?” Dennis allowed me the space and allowed Rachael to pull him with her. I just hoped he didn’t get her reference for suddenly needing the batteries.

  “Drew, is this some sort of joke?” Carl didn’t sound pleased.

  I turned to him and looked at the mismatched colors he had in his hands. It was apparent that he had planned on redecorating Amy’s room, but I couldn’t allow him to do it with those colors. I took a couple of things from his arms and headed back to the kids’ section. “I assure you that I’m just as surprised to see you as you are to see me, Carl.”

  “I was buying those things.”

  “No, you’re not.” I put them all back and turned to him. “I’ll help you get what you need.”

  Carl looked away. “That’s not really true.” He looked back at me. “Look, Drew, it’s not fair for you to say you want to help and then shut me out of your life.” He started picking the things back up that I had put away. “Just let me do what I want and leave me to it.”

  I stood there for a second, debating what to do. Carl wasn’t a bad guy. He just wasn’t the guy for me. I knew that he was right and that we couldn’t be friends as I had once hoped, but that didn’t mean I was going to let him give Amy an ugly room. I took the things back from him and put them away for the second time.

  “I’m sorry, Carl. I like you as a friend. I never stopped wanting to be your friend. I just couldn’t be more than that, and you couldn’t take less.”

  Carl sighed. “I know.” He looked around a little. “What should I get Amy?” I smiled and picked out all the things I knew she would love.

  Ten minutes later, I made my way to Dennis and Rachael, who were waiting for me at the front of the store. Neither one of them looked too happy. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want Amy to have to grow up in a hideous room.” I looked at the several packages of batteries in Rachael’s bag and raised my eyebrows.

  “Don’t judge.” Rachael sighed. “Look, it’s been fun and all, but I’m ready to go home.”

  Dennis looked at her. “Yeah, I’m kind of tired. I need to lie down.”

  “Okay, fine. We can go.” The fun had been zapped, and I didn’t feel it would come back after that run in with Carl. I pulled on Rachael’s arm as Dennis walked away. I didn’t want him to hear what I was going to tell her. “I’d never tell you that you couldn’t date someone. Just because he isn’t for me, doesn’t mean anything. Date him if you want, but please be careful.”

  “I don’t think I could do that to Dennis.” She wrapped her arms around herself and sighed. “I just need to get back out on the road. Mom and Deb are driving me nuts.”

  I tried not to, but I smiled. “I’m sure. It’s great that you’re staying to help them, but really, it’s okay if you go back to your life. They’ll understand. Just don’t be gone so long.”

  “Yeah.” Rachael hugged me. “I’ll catch you later, okay?”

  “Sure. Come over anytime you need a break. We’ll bug Dennis together.”

  Dennis was quiet on the way home. I thought a couple of times that he had fallen asleep. I pulled into the driveway, barely putting it in park as Dennis opened the car door. I slowly got out and followed him into the house. I shut the front door and turned to say something, but he had already headed to the bedroom. I shook my head and followed him.

  “Dennis, why aren’t you talking to me?”

  “I’m talking.” He yawned. “I’m just really tired.” As he spread out on the bed, he patted the space next to him. “Take a nap with me.”

  I smiled and kicked off my shoes. “You’re not mad?”

  He shook his head and yawned again. “No. You’re with me, and I know you love me. The fact that you don’t want Amy to have a hideous room is all the more reason to love you.”

  “Stop mocking me. Those colors were almost as bad as the colors you picked out for your room.”

  He startled me by pinning me to the bed. “Our room.”

  “Oh, no, I’m not claiming this room until we redecorate.”

  He laughed and placed his head on my chest. “Fair enough.” He snuggled in next to me. “I’m sorry I’m still jealous. I do trust you. It’s him I don’t trust.” I could tell Dennis was starting to drift, and I wrapped my arms around him, running my fingers over his back. I laughed when he gave his final remark before drifting off to sleep. “I’ll supply Rachael with all the batteries she wants, but she’s not dating that lunatic.”

  Epilogue

  It’s been six months since everything went down with Craig. My life has completely transformed. I knew it was going to be rough when the flashbacks and nightmares started again, but having Dennis with me, helping me through them, makes me love him even more. He never wavered in his love, and he makes me feel safe. I couldn’t have made it through any of this without him.

  I started seeing Joseph weekly again. It was hard to do after finally getting well enough to see him every other week. I felt as if Craig had beaten me down again, and I was afraid to slip completely into the depression that I had struggled so hard to come out of. Joseph assured me that anyone would have been as affected if not more by what they witnessed. Deb and I actually had a couple of sessions together. We’re still not the best of friends, but at least we can be in the same room now without filling it with hatred for each other.

  Today’s appointment is going to be the biggest test I’ve ever had, and I’m not sure I can go through with it. I can’t believe how nervous I am. I’ve been seeing Joseph for so long that I didn’t think I would ever get this nervous around him again. I feel as if this is my first visit, and I’m wondering if I have enough time to use the bathroom before he calls for me. I really feel sick. I’ve just about decided to get up to chance a bathroom break, and Joseph opens the door.

  At first he looks a little puzzled when he looks my way, but the look soon passes. He has no idea what I’m doing today. I wonder if he knows how sick I feel. I walk in without making eye contact and immediately take my usual seat. Only this time I put my head between my knees and feel a hand on my back. I am immediately calmed by the slow, soft circles of the warm palm caressing me.

  “Whenever you’re ready, Drew.” Just hearing Joseph’s calm voice soothes me a little more.

  I slowly sit up and take a few deep breaths. “Okay, I’m sorry.”

  “The hard part is over. Are you ready for the next step?” Joseph smiles when I stand. “Remember we’ll take this only as far as you want to. This is your show today.”

  “Somehow I don’t believe it will stay that way for long.” I stand up and slowly walk towards Joseph. I should never have walked away from him in the first place. I clear my throat. “Joseph, I’d like you to meet my fiancé, Dennis Brooks.” I turn to Dennis. “Dennis, I’d like you to meet Joseph Hatcher, the man who is helping me become normal.”

  “I don’t know if I want to marry a normal girl.”

  I shove him. “You know what I mean.”

  Dennis had asked me to marry him a few weeks ago, and I happily agreed. I won’t set a date until I’m sure he’s going to be able to stick with me through everything. That’s what today’s session is about—blending my past with my future and seeing if Dennis loves me enough to help me with that. I really have no doubt that he does or he wouldn’t be here.

  Dennis and Joseph shake hands very enthusiastically and pat each other on the shoulder. It’s very surreal to watch them meet and speak to each other
as if they’ve known each other all their lives. I stand here watching the two of them chat as my session with Joseph ticks away. “Would you two like to be alone? I can reschedule my session if you want.”

  Dennis turns to me without hesitation or a smile. “Would you? That’d be great. I’ll meet you out front when I’m done.” Then he turns back to Joseph. I stand there for a second trying to decide if he’s joking when they both start laughing. I’m regretting this already.

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to my mother, Jorja Foster, and my sister, Katie Parker, for listening to the crazy ramblings I’ve often had over publishing, promoting, and the characters bouncing around in my head. Your support means everything to me.

  Thank you to Regina Young and McKinzie Roland for reminding me that laughter is one of the world’s greatest stress relievers. Please keep me laughing, ladies.

  To my wonderful beta readers, Striving for Normal wouldn’t be the same book it is today without your feedback. Thank you Jennifer Samson, Norma Virden, Cindy Kieffer, Sue Foulkes, America Matthew, Steph Purvis, and Dawn Robinson. Your feedback was invaluable.

  To the talented Theresa Wegand, who never ceases to amaze me, not only are your skills for editing, proofreading, and formatting outstanding but you go above and beyond each time I work with you. Thank you for really listening to every aspect of my needs and coming up with the perfect title when I couldn’t. I just want to say that you are the one constant who has never failed to deliver what you’ve promised. Thank you for that. Your dedication and willingness to assist me with this journey is appreciated more than you’ll ever know.

  Thank you to Robin Harper of Wicked by Design for the amazing cover. You’ve got mad skills at taking what I thought couldn’t be more beautiful and kicking it up another notch to extraordinary.

  Thank you to Kristin McCorkle for being the beautiful model on the cover. You really made Drew come alive for me.

  I fell in love with all of the amazing photos that Captures From The Heart Photography had taken for the cover. Heather Szczesiak made my task of choosing the cover photo very difficult to say the least. Thank you, Heather, for not only giving me the perfect photo for the cover, but for being my friend and believing in my writing so much that you wanted to be a part of it. You can check out Heather’s other amazing work here: