I knew the answer to all those questions. I was just too afraid to admit it.
It should have been the easiest, fastest thing to do. Slap some of the gloss on and go.
But something about having this moment, about having Maddox watching me like he was, even though I didn’t really understand why he was doing it, all of it had me taking my time as I lifted the wand to my lips. The little cotton tip was so light and soft that I almost wished it was Maddox’s finger spreading the gloss around my lower lip. His fingers had retreated to my chin and his eyes were fastened on my mouth.
I took my time working the gloss over my lower lip and through the slight opening of the hoop, something I didn’t need a mirror for. When I slowly pursed my lips together to spread the gloss from the lower lip to the upper one, I swore I heard Maddox suck in a breath. His own lips parted just a little and then his forefinger was coming up to gently touch my lips, like he was fascinated with the gloss… or them.
“How old are you, Isaac?” he whispered.
The way he asked it, it was like he was holding his breath while waiting for the answer.
Why?
Would the answer give him the permission he seemed to want? Was my age really the only thing he was worried about? Surely the fact that I had a dick between my legs should have been more of a problem for him.
Unless I was wrong.
God, did I want to be wrong?
I pulled in a breath and caught a scent of his aftershave. It was cool with a hint of spice and something uniquely… him.
Fuck, yeah, I wanted to be wrong about him. Hell, even if I was right and he was straight as an arrow, I was totally fine if he wanted to pretend I was someone other than who I was. Normally I’d charge a guy a pretty penny to pretend I was a woman and act all contrite when I was “caught.” But this wasn’t some twisted fantasy. And that alone should have had me pulling away from him.
Instead, I leaned forward just a little, more so that I could get another whiff of him, because I wasn’t quite tall enough to subtly put my lips closer to his. If I wanted to do that, I’d have to actually get up on my tiptoes and that kind of movement might break the spell.
“Twenty-one,” I said, just as I brought up my left hand to rest on his side. God, even that part of him felt rock-hard. This man could crush me so easily.
But God, what would it feel like to have his weight pressing me into a mattress, or holding me up against a wall? Like the wall right at my back.
I was so lost in the idea of Maddox’s big hands holding my ass open as he fucked into me while he pressed me up against a wall as my legs wrapped around his waist, that it took me a moment to realize he’d stepped back a little and dropped his hand from my lips.
I sighed.
So we weren’t even going to get to the part where my dick was a problem. He’d heard twenty-one and had come to the same conclusion so many others did.
That I was just a kid.
If there was anything I hated more than being defined by my looks or sexuality, it was my damn age. The asshole had no clue what I’d done in those twenty-one years.
Well, good. His ignorance was going to save us both a world of humiliation and hurt.
“You’re unbelievable,” I said as I shoved him away from me and pushed past him.
“Don’t blame Dallas for this,” Maddox called.
I shook my head and laughed. “No, of course not,” I sniped. “You guys get to lie and manipulate but I’m just a thief and a whore, so what does it matter, right?” I bit out. I searched out my cell phone, then went to the bathroom and grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste followed by the condoms and lube and stuffed them into the small paper bag I’d used to bring them into the room. Fuck if I was going to waste a penny to replace them just to save myself a little more embarrassment.
I mean, was that even possible anymore? Not only had Maddox tricked me with my car and seen me on my knees for a complete stranger, but he’d just played me like a finely tuned instrument.
And I’d let him do it.
I saw a couple of crumpled bills on the bedspread–they were what the john had left behind. It made me sick to reach for the thirty bucks, but cash was cash.
“I’ll take care of the door,” Maddox said as I went to walk past him. I forced my eyes up and pinned him with what I hoped was a stony glare.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked.
Did he actually believe I’d even consider paying for the damage he’d caused?
He had the decency to look sheepish, but he didn’t say anything. But when I tried to move past him, he thrust his hand out.
But not to grab me.
I stared in disbelief at the wad of bills in his hand and I felt something inside of me die.
Because I knew what the money was for. Maybe if it’d just been charity, I could have smiled politely and declined, but knowing it was charity that was meant to replace the money he’d both forced me to go in search of in the first place and cost me by interfering in my business was just too much. I held there a moment as I stared at the money and watched a droplet of moisture hit the green dye of the top bill.
God, he’d really done it.
He’d made me fucking cry.
I let out a harsh laugh. All the shit I’d been through in the past year, all the fear, all the doubt, and this was what was finally going to break me?
Him?
I didn’t say anything as I moved past him, ignoring the money. I was reaching for the chair to remove it from where it was propped against the door when he softly said, “Isaac.”
I didn’t dare turn to look at him. Even if that was what I should have done.
“Don’t leave, Isaac. No matter what you think of me, you’re safe here. Dallas can help you… he will help you.”
My body felt cold and hollow as I got the door open and walked through it. The drive back to the sanctuary took minutes, but it felt like hours. I was shaking like a leaf by the time I pulled into the main driveway, and the emptiness had once again given way to fury. Tears of rage kept slipping down my cheeks and I angrily wiped them away as I made my way up the narrow driveway. I was forced to pull over to the side of the road when a car came from the opposite direction. Once it passed, I continued on my way. I had to do the move all over again a moment later for another car. When I finally managed to reach the parking area, I was surprised to find it packed full of cars. People were milling around the door leading into the sanctuary’s office and I saw others heading down the path toward the different enclosures.
What the hell was happening?
I had to park the truck behind another car. I wiped at my face as I reminded myself I had just two goals I needed to accomplish.
Make Dallas fix my car and get Newt and get out.
My nerves felt brittle as I pushed past the people waiting outside the office. A few grumbled at me, but I ignored them. The office itself was jam-packed, but it wasn’t hard to find Nolan. He was searching through a tall filing cabinet. My anger was like a living thing beneath my skin, but he seemed too frazzled to notice.
“Oh, hey, how did it go?” he asked. “Did you find any snow pants?”
“Where’s Dallas?” I asked abruptly.
He paused for a moment, probably caught off guard by my tone, but when a lady handed him a small piece of paper, he turned his attention to it, then nodded and thanked her. He began rifling through the cabinet again as he spoke. “Um, I sent him to go lie down for a bit. He wasn’t doing well with all” –he pointed to the people around us who were chatting amongst themselves– “this.”
Nolan suddenly dropped his head against the cabinet and I felt a momentary pang of guilt for how tired he looked. His eyes met mine. He kept his voice low as he said, “People just keep showing up and we just weren’t expecting that. I guess after last night, they’re either curious or want to apologize or whatever. Dallas is still recovering so he wasn’t feeling well to begin with…”
I couldn’t help
but feel sorry for him, but I steeled myself to ignore the pity. Yes, Nolan had been kind to me considering all I’d done, but he’d also lied to me. I’d trusted him to watch out for Newt and he’d lied to me.
“Where’s Newt?” I asked.
“Isaac, come see!” I heard Newt call. I turned to see him sitting in the far corner of the office. He was surrounded by a couple of people, so I couldn’t really see him. I hurried to him, intent on grabbing him and telling him we were leaving, but when I got to where he was, I came to a stop at the sight that greeted me.
Because he was covered in kittens.
Literally covered in kittens.
There was one in his hands, two curled up in his lap, and even one on his shoulder. Several more were walking all around the little cordoned-off corner that someone, Nolan probably, had created out of some boxes and various pieces of office furniture. Loki was snuggled up next to Newt with his head on Newt’s thigh, and there was a kitten between the wolf hybrid’s big paws and another climbing along his back.
It had to be one of the cutest scenes I’d ever witnessed.
“And this one is Mater,” Newt said to a woman as he carefully held up the kitten in his hands. The woman took it from him.
“Whatcha doing, buddy?” I asked as I knelt down by the barrier keeping the kittens on Newt’s side.
“I’m the cat per,” he announced.
“The what?” I asked with a laugh. Something in my chest eased at the sight of my brother’s broad smile.
“The kitties tell me their secrets, so Nolan says I’m the cat per since I can talk to them.”
I chuckled. “Do you mean, the Cat Whisperer?”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.” Newt dropped his hand to Loki’s head. “Nolan says people wanna take the kitties home with them, but I gotta say it’s okay because I know them best.”
I didn’t really understand what my brother was talking about, but just seeing him look so at home made some of my anger recede. “Have you been spending a lot of time with the kittens?” I asked.
Newt nodded. “I helped feed them. And the big cats too. Nolan asked me to name them. This one’s Sally and this one’s Chick…”
I listened and watched as Newt spouted off the name of each kitten.
“And know what else?”
“What?” I asked dutifully.
“Nolan taught me to play something for Gentry! ’Cause it makes him feel safe. He says I’m real good.”
“You are really good,” Nolan said from behind me, then he was kneeling next to me. “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star is Gentry’s favorite and I don’t play it anywhere near as good as you,” Nolan said as he reached out to poke my brother in the belly with a pretend tickle.
Newt practically beamed. My eyes caught on Nolan’s fingers… specifically his nails. They were painted a mix of bright pink and orange. I recognized my brother’s handiwork and couldn’t help but smile. “I see you’ve been to Newt’s Nifty Nails.”
Nolan glanced at his nails and chuckled. “You should see Dallas’s,” he said. He faked a frown and said, “He got a mani and a pedi.”
“I promise to do your toes tonight,” Newt said. “Any color you want.”
I laughed. “Wow, you must be special. He never lets me pick the colors,” I said as I showed off my multi-colored nails. Newt wasn’t coordinated enough to polish only the nail, so my fingers usually ended up covered in color, but I kept nail polish remover on hand so I could clean the color off my skin afterward, leaving just the nails polished. Nolan’s fingers practically looked like they’d been dipped in the polish, but I didn’t see any evidence he’d tried to pick or scrub the color off. Some men might have been willing to indulge a small child when it came to something like letting them color their nails, but they would have cleaned it off right away. And the majority certainly wouldn’t have been seen in public with nail polish.
I wondered why Nolan hadn’t removed the polish. And it sounded like maybe Dallas hadn’t either.
“Your brother is quite the talented young man,” Nolan said. “Multi-talented,” he added. “He’s the best manicurist I’ve ever been to by far,” he said with a grin as he waved his fingers around. “I’ve never seen anyone who could talk so well to the guys.” He motioned to the kittens, then his gaze shifted to me. “And he’s got a great ear for music. Truly.”
I could tell he was being serious about that last part.
“You taught him music?” I asked as the last of the anger from my encounter with Maddox faded away.
“I played his vlin,” Newt announced. “Wha’s a curist?” he asked Nolan.
“Manicurist. It’s someone who does people’s nails. And you didn’t just play my violin, you practically made it sing,” Nolan responded. He glanced at me and said, “I had to help him hold it because it’s too big for him, but he worked the bow and did the chords by himself. If it’s something you want him to pursue while you guys are here, I could probably find him a violin that would fit him and show him a few things.” Nolan said the last words so eagerly, I couldn’t help but get caught up in his excitement.
But then the reality of our situation crashed down on me. Not only could I not afford a violin, Newt and I weren’t staying here, damn it. These people had lied to me.
“Mr. Grainger,” I heard someone call, and I turned to see a woman motioning to Nolan.
“Be right there,” he said with a smile, but when he turned around again to face Newt, his expression fell.
“What?” I asked.
He blew out a breath and kept his voice low so the people around us wouldn’t hear. “Some of these people want to adopt animals, but I don’t know the first thing about how to make that happen. But it’s something Dallas really wants… he’s got so many that are ready for forever homes and have been waiting years, but no one ever even came to check them out, and now…” He paused and looked around the crowded room. “And now they won’t stop coming and part of me just wants to tell them to go so it can just be him and me again, you know?”
Despite his words, I knew he wasn’t including me and Newt in the statement. I’d gotten the sense that both Nolan and Dallas hadn’t been the most popular of guys in their small town. Since I’d always been known as a freak myself, I understood how easy and comfortable it was to live that role twenty-four seven. I couldn’t imagine what it was like for both men to suddenly be thrust into the spotlight like they’d been. If it hadn’t been for the animals, I suspected they would have just holed up in their house or something.
“Sawyer volunteered to show people around outside because otherwise they’d be wandering around on their own, but he doesn’t know enough about this stuff either, and I want Dallas to rest because he’s still recovering from the surgery…”
Nolan’s hushed voice began to crack, so I put my hand on his arm. “Okay, let’s start with the basics. Do you know if there’s an application the people need to fill out to be considered as a potential adopter?”
“That’s what I was trying to find,” he said as he looked over his shoulder at the filing cabinet. “But I keep getting interrupted…”
“How about this,” I said. “I’ll start writing down names and figuring out which people are here because they’re looking for pets versus which just want to connect with you and Dallas. I’ll see if I can’t get those people to agree to come back in a few days when Dallas is feeling better. That way we’ll just have the potential adopting families here and we can collect their information and find out what kinds of pets they’re looking for. I’m guessing you’ll want time to review applications to determine if people are good candidates before you start sending pets home with them, right?”
Nolan nodded. “Dallas knows the animals the best. He’d want to make sure each one is going to the right forever family.”
“Okay, if you can’t find an application form, I’ll just type something out real quick on your computer” –I motioned to the older model desktop on the desk behind me– �
�and we’ll get people to start filling them out. The fact is, if the people are really serious about wanting to give the animals good homes, they’ll be patient enough to return for scheduled appointments so they can have some one-on-one time with them. You know what I mean?”
“Right,” Nolan said softly. “You’re right. I should have thought of that.” He chewed on his lower lip for a moment before saying, “I don’t know the first thing about this sh-stuff.”
I glanced at Newt, who was smiling knowingly. I shook my head at him, then tweaked his nose. “What are you smiling at?” I asked.
“Nothin’,” he said with a grin.
“Really?” I asked, sending him a fake frown.
“He almost said a bad word,” Newt whispered.
“But he didn’t,” I said. I saw Nolan was watching us both with a hidden smile.
“If he does, I know how you can punish him,” Newt said, lowering his voice.
“Oh yeah, how?”
He made a big deal of curling his finger toward me. I leaned across the barrier and let him whisper his idea into my ear and automatically laughed. God, I just loved this kid.
“Oh no, what?” Nolan asked, his eyes going wide. “You gotta tell me,” he said to Newt. “So I can make sure I don’t say one.”
Newt eyed me, and I nodded. It was Nolan’s turn to get a finger crooked at him. When he heard his potential punishment, he let out a dramatic sigh and clutched his hands over his heart. “No, you can’t take away the pedicure!” he said to Newt. “Dallas will never let me hear the end of it!”
My brother laughed and said, “Okay, you gotta be good then.”
“I will, I swear it,” Nolan vowed as he put up his hand like he was making a Boy Scout pledge.
“Excuse me,” the woman holding the kitten Newt had given her said as she knelt down next to us. “Is Mater a good cuddler?”
“Okay, Cat Whisperer, you’re on,” Nolan said to Newt.
Newt winked at him, then said to the woman in all seriousness, “Yes, he is. But he cuddles even better when he’s got Chick with him.” My brother proceeded to sell the woman on the merits of adopting two kittens as Nolan and I stood.
Sanctuary Found_Pelican Bay [Book 2] Page 8
