With that, he turned on his heel and left the building.
I took a few minutes to sip at the coffee he’d brought me, then closed the Thermos and tucked the remaining sandwich into my pocket. I got my parka back on and went to the office to leave the Thermos there, since I wasn’t sure I’d be welcomed into the house. I went about the rest of my tasks on my list of things to do. Dallas found me just as darkness was starting to fall. I was in the process of cleaning up my tools and putting them back in the small cabinet in the building that was attached to Gentry’s enclosure. I could hear music coming from outside. It was obviously Nolan playing, but I wondered if Newt would be up next, and would Isaac be watching again like he had been this morning?
God, I really was obsessed.
I shouldn’t have promised Newt anything. Even if Isaac were willing to put any kind of trust in me, I didn’t deserve it and I couldn’t necessarily keep them safe from whatever they were running from. For all I knew, Isaac had done something wrong. Hell, he’d stolen that violin, so it stood to reason he could have stolen something else from someone. Or it could just be a vindictive ex. Maybe I could check out this Trey guy who’d tricked Isaac into taking that fancy violin…
What the hell?
Since when had I decided Isaac’s version of events when it came to the Stradivarius were true?
I was so lost in thought that it wasn’t until the inside lights were turned off and back on that I realized Dallas was trying to get my attention. How had I not even heard the door opening?
“Hey,” I said.
He held up his hand in a simple wave, then approached me. He typed something out on his phone.
Didn’t knock… didn’t want to startle you.
I glanced at the door and understood what he was telling me. He’d used the lights to get my attention so he wouldn’t inadvertently trigger an episode.
“Thanks. It usually takes several rhythmic bangs and they have to be pretty loud,” I said. “But lights and any other kind of sound are probably a better way to go.”
He nodded.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
Good.
I tilted my head at him knowingly.
Tired, he admitted with a slight smile. Nolan’s mad at me.
“He should be,” I said. “You just had major surgery, Dallas. It’s okay to take it easy and let others shoulder the burden.”
Another nod. Sawyer called. He finished up with his consultation and will be back tomorrow. He’s agreed to work here until he gets his veterinary practice opened up in a few months or next summer. His only responsibility is on-call stuff.
“That’s good,” I said. “He’s a good guy.”
What’s going on with you and Isaac?
If that wasn’t the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question, I didn’t know what was.
I closed the toolbox and collected my gloves. “Have a good night, Dallas. Do yourself and your man a favor and sleep in tomorrow. Sawyer and I can handle things.”
I reached out to touch his arm, then remembered I wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. I had my back turned when I heard Dallas snap his fingers a few times. I turned and waited for him to hand me his phone.
Do you need a ride home?
I shook my head.
It’s fifteen miles to the house, Maddox.
I wanted to tell him that I wished it was more than that, but he wouldn’t get it, so I settled for, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” then turned and left. The Twinkle, Twinkle lullaby was playing as soon as I stepped outside, but I kept my eyes averted as I turned in the opposite direction. I could feel eyes on me, but knew they weren’t my brother’s or his boyfriend’s.
I kept my pace quick as I cut through the back of the property and headed for the road. Thankfully, the sounds of the lullaby quickly faded away, but unfortunately, the memory of Isaac’s haunted eyes in those three seconds that he’d wanted to take me up on my offer to help stayed with me for the entire walk home.
And long after.
My next encounter with Isaac didn’t happen until Thanksgiving, which was a few days after his warning to stay away from him and his brother. It was another situation where he was forced to deal with me, much like when Newt had insisted on the hug-and-make-up moment. Isaac had done an admirable job of ignoring me at the sanctuary and I hadn’t seen much of Newt either, a sure sign Isaac was keeping close tabs on his little brother. But Thanksgiving was a different story because Dallas had invited me to join him and Nolan at Nolan’s mother’s house. I’d suspected Dallas had probably invited Isaac and Newt to attend, but I hadn’t asked. It’d been a form of plausible deniability on my part. I wasn’t sure what Dallas had told Isaac, if anything, about me attending the dinner, since surely the young man would have declined if he’d known I was going to be there. But based on the look upon Isaac’s face when I walked in the door after Nolan’s mother opened it to me and welcomed me with open arms, I had to guess the young man had just assumed I’d avoid the event.
Under normal circumstances, I would have.
But nothing about my relationship with Isaac was normal, so why would this be any different?
Unfortunately, fate had thrown a wrench into my plans in the form of Sawyer Brower. He too had been invited, and as I watched him and Isaac sitting across the table from me chatting comfortably about nothing, I found myself experiencing an emotion that I was wholly unfamiliar with.
Jealousy.
The green-eyed monster.
And it was ripping into me with a vengeance.
“Would anyone like to say the blessing?” Nolan’s mother asked, then pointedly looked at her son. I’d gotten the impression the relationship between mother and son was a complicated one. Nolan’s father had only recently passed, so this was the family’s first holiday without the man. But there was something more than just grief at work here. The tension and uncertainty between Nolan and his mother was palpable.
Nolan glanced at Dallas, who gave him an encouraging nod. Nolan was sitting at the head of the table while his mother sat at the other end. Sawyer, Isaac, and Newt were across from me and Dallas. Nolan reached for my brother’s hand as he cleared his throat.
“Um, a lot of things have changed for us this year, but we have a lot to be grateful for too.” Nolan glanced at Dallas. “We’ve had the chance to forgive the past and look to the future.” Dallas pulled Nolan’s hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it. The move seemed to relax Nolan even more. His eyes shifted to his mother. “We’ve lost a part of ourselves, but we’ve found something new, too.”
Nolan’s mother smiled and nodded, and I saw her dab at her eyes.
“And we’ve welcomed new friends into our lives,” Nolan added as he nodded at Isaac, Sawyer, and Newt. When Nolan’s gaze shifted to me, I felt myself involuntarily tense up. Things had been going well between Dallas and me this past week, but it wasn’t like we’d turned some big corner. Not enough that it deserved any kind of mention, anyway.
“We’ve also been given a second chance to make amends and to know the true meaning of family.” My heart began pounding harder in my chest at his words. Was it his way of telling me I still had a chance at something with my brother? Dallas and I had avoided the topic of the past like the plague, but surely he and Nolan had discussed what my presence was doing to Dallas. Maybe his words meant things weren’t beyond repair?
The young man looked around the table again. His eyes settled on his mother, then he released Dallas’s hand and clasped his own together in prayer. Nolan’s mother let out a soft cry and then she did the same. Everyone else followed suit. Like many of the residents in Pelican Bay, I knew Nolan’s family put a lot of stock in faith and religion. I’d been to church enough times when I’d been home from West Point to remember that the Graingers had been devoted members of God’s flock, though I’d never seen Nolan with them. So I had to assume that Nolan’s gesture was an important one.
I closed my eyes and bowed my head as Nolan rec
ited a simple prayer. Although my father had been a well-known reverend with a megachurch and huge following via his televised sermons, Dallas and I hadn’t really bought into the man’s teachings, especially after we’d realized that what the man taught and what he lived were two very different things. But there’d been a few times on the battlefield where I’d sent a prayer heavenward, so I had no issue with thanking the man above for everything He’d seen fit to give me and the people around me.
When the prayer was done, everyone softly said their amens and then Nolan went to work on carving the turkey as conversation broke out again. Nolan’s mother began passing bowls of food around, but I found myself preoccupied with watching Isaac, and it was all I could do to remember to actually spoon food onto my plate before passing it on.
The way he spoke with Sawyer was so easy and natural. And Sawyer was a good-looking guy. He was also really laid-back. I couldn’t see him ever pushing Isaac too hard.
Or making him cry.
I felt a hand on my lower arm and saw that at some point Dallas had closed his fingers around my wrist.
I realized why when I saw my fisted hands.
And the multiple platters of food sitting by my plate waiting to be passed on.
“Sorry,” I murmured, then went to work filling my plate, though I didn’t really have an appetite. My eyes continued to move to Isaac of their own volition. Today was the first time I’d seen him a little more dressed up, though it wasn’t a traditional formal outfit.
Which I was glad for, because Isaac was anything but traditional.
His jeans were as tight as ever, but they were bright white instead of black. He had a bright pink button-down shirt on that had little jewels sewn into the collar. The buttons were large and sparkly. He had his normal blue eyeliner on, but it looked like he’d added some kind of shadow to his lids and his lashes looked thicker than normal. They almost looked like they had a bit of a blue tinge to them, similar to his hair. He’d put some product in his hair to keep it from falling into his face and I couldn’t decide if I liked it or not. On the one hand, I could see more of his gorgeous face. On the other hand, my fingers itched to run through the long strands that perpetually seemed to hang just above his eyes. I didn’t see any kind of foundation makeup, but it looked like he was wearing a little bit of blush.
That, or something was naturally causing his cheeks to pinken.
God, if it was because of Sawyer, I was just going to lose it.
For the life of me, I just couldn’t stop looking at Isaac’s lips. They were shiny-looking as usual, but I suspected he’d used some kind of gloss with just a hint of color, because they were a pretty shade of pink. I’d kissed women who were wearing lipstick before, but my gut was telling me that the gloss wouldn’t detract from the softness of Isaac’s lips. There’d be no tacky texture or chemical or artificial taste.
It would just be Isaac.
God, what the hell was wrong with me?
But I knew the answer to that. I couldn’t keep denying it anymore.
I was wildly attracted to Isaac.
More so than I’d ever been to any other person.
And it wasn’t my mind playing tricks on me. Despite there being a hint of femininity in his features, I wasn’t seeing him as anything other than a beautiful man who, for some inexplicable reason, stirred my blood.
I barely listened to the conversation going on around me. Dinner seemed to last forever, but I knew from the time it had taken us to fill our plates to the time Nolan’s mother went to the kitchen to get the dessert, it hadn’t been more than half an hour.
But it might as well have been a lifetime.
Because I’d had to watch Isaac make conversation with everyone but me. In fact, he’d gone out of his way to ignore me.
So much for trying to force him into acknowledging my presence.
He’d meant what he’d said. He wanted me to stay away from him and his brother. I needed to accept that. It was a good thing.
Right?
“Mrs. Grainger, thank you so much for having me,” I suddenly blurted when there was a lull in the conversation as everyone began digging into their pie. The food I’d eaten was already feeling like lead in my stomach, so I pushed back my chair and added, “It was all delicious, but I couldn’t possibly eat another bite.”
“Oh, of course, dear, would you like me to wrap it up for you?” she asked as she motioned to the pumpkin pie on my plate.
“Thank you, that would be nice,” I said, though in truth, I had no interest in the dessert. I had all the dessert I needed at home.
In the form of a large bottle of whiskey.
Mrs. Grainger stood and quickly took my plate to the kitchen.
“Happy Thanksgiving,” I said to everyone, then I was hurrying to the front door where the coat rack was. I wasn’t surprised when Dallas appeared at my side.
There was one single word typed onto the screen on his phone.
Stay.
On any other day, I would have been thrilled by the request. Today, it just hurt.
Because I couldn’t give him that. It was just too damn hard. But I couldn’t explain that to him.
“I should get going,” I murmured. “It’s a long walk.”
I’ll drive you.
I automatically shook my head.
You let Alex drive you to the meeting the night of the town council meeting.
Yeah, and it’d been a horrific ten minutes, especially since I’d had to work extra hard to make sure the deputy who I also considered a friend hadn’t recognized how fucked-up in the head I was. It wasn’t like I’d wanted to answer a lot of questions about why sitting in any kind of vehicle made me want to throw up.
As badly as I wanted to explain things to Dallas, I also really just needed to get the hell out of there. My skin felt like it had a million fire ants crawling beneath it and it was all I could do not to storm back into that dining room and drag Isaac out of his chair and ask him what the fuck the good-looking veterinarian could do for him that I couldn’t.
Because I already knew the answer to that.
Everything.
“Please, Dallas,” I said. My back was to him and my hand was on the doorknob, so I couldn’t see his expression.
I didn’t want to.
The only evidence I had that he was letting me go was when he reached past me and gently pushed my hand out of the way so he could open the door himself. I hurried through it, not looking back as I tugged the collar of my parka higher. It was cold out and there was a little bit of light snow falling, but nothing too bad. The chilly air felt good against my heated skin, so I didn’t search out my gloves right away or button up my coat.
I would in a few minutes.
As soon as I no longer felt the need to crawl out of my own skin.
I’d just reached the curb where Dallas’s truck was parked when I heard someone call out, “Maddox.”
I stilled because I knew who it was.
I didn’t turn around, so when Isaac reached me, he had to step in front of me.
“You shouldn’t be out here,” I automatically said when I saw he wasn’t wearing a coat.
The light from the streetlamp above us illuminated his frown. Snowflakes began to collect in his hair. The stark white was bright against the dark strands.
“You forgot this,” Isaac said as he handed me a little bag. “Mrs. Grainger said to add whipped cream to make it even better,” he added. “You also forgot this.”
He thrust a folded envelope at me. I tucked the bag with the pie beneath my arm and took the envelope, then looked into it.
It had money in it.
“What is—”
“I told you I don’t want your charity,” Isaac bit out. “I don’t need it.” He started to turn away, then spun around. “And frankly, I think it’s pretty cowardly to make your brother do your dirty work for you.”
I knew then what he was talking about. The money was the salary Dallas had offered to pay m
e for working at the sanctuary. The salary I’d told him to give to Isaac instead.
“I told you I didn’t need help!” he continued, his skin flushing as his anger grew. “And even if I did, you’d be the last person I asked.”
With every word he spoke, I felt my agitation growing. All I heard in my head was Sawyer’s name repeated on a loop. He’d take Sawyer’s charity, he’d ask Sawyer for help, he’d be okay with Sawyer being around his brother, Sawyer would make him laugh, he’d let Sawyer touch him…
He wasn’t saying any of that, of course, but it was all I heard, and I knew if I didn’t do something and do it quickly, I’d lose it completely. I wanted to tell him to go back inside, back to goddamned Sawyer, but I couldn’t even rein in my frustration enough to speak, so I simply turned my back on him and began walking.
“Oh yeah, that’s right,” he called. “Walk away. That’s what you’re good at, right?”
I told myself to keep walking. I practically demanded it of myself. But the part of me that had yet to be able to successfully let go of the strange pull Isaac had on me failed once again and I found myself turning around instead.
Isaac’s back was to me as he started walking back up the walkway toward the house, but it was too late.
He’d pushed just a little too hard.
And I was too far gone to do anything but push back.
Chapter Ten
Isaac
I hated the pinpricks of tears at the corners of my eyes.
I mean, what had I expected? For him to apologize? To tell me he didn’t see me as a charity case? To offer some explanation for humiliating me yet again? Even the memory of Dallas handing me the envelope full of twice as much cash as there should have been for a week’s worth of pay caused my cheeks to burn all over again.
Although Dallas hadn’t been willing to give up his brother, it hadn’t taken a genius to figure out where the money had come from. I’d been pissed at Dallas but hadn’t been willing to pick a fight with him because I understood the loyalty he felt to Maddox, despite all the pair had been through. It was that way with me and Newt. My brother would always come first, no matter what.
Sanctuary Found_Pelican Bay [Book 2] Page 12
