I glanced at my brother where he was tossing debris into the back of his truck. I still had half the building to tear down, but Dallas was making good progress with cleaning up the scattered lumber. It’d been a couple of weeks since his surgery and he’d only recently gone with Nolan to Minneapolis to follow up with his surgeon and to have the stitches removed. He had another appointment in two weeks where the surgeon would actually do the testing to see if Dallas’s voice would fully return and that it was safe to start using it more regularly. If things went well, he’d be working with a speech therapist on a regular basis. Fortunately, he’d found one in Pelican Bay he’d be able to work with, so he wouldn’t need to travel for those appointments.
Pain suddenly lanced through my hand as I reached for a piece of wood to throw on the pile.
“Son of a biscuit!” I snapped as the sharp edge of a piece of broken metal I hadn’t seen ripped through my glove and into my palm.
Blood began pouring from the wound as I pulled my glove off. Dallas was by my side instantly. He pulled a bandana from his pocket and quickly wrapped it around my hand. Blood immediately seeped through the material.
“Stupid,” I muttered more to myself than anything else.
Dallas quickly typed something into his phone and handed it to me as he grabbed me by the arm and led me toward his truck.
You need stitches. Come on. Nice swear word, BTW.
I smiled to myself at the last part. All of us adults had started to temper our language in deference to Newt. And while I hadn’t been around the little boy as much, I’d heard the stories of the various punishments Newt and Isaac had been inflicting. Nolan had, in fact, missed out on a coveted pedicure and Sawyer had yet to actually get his nails done because the man cursed worse than a sailor.
My humor lasted about as long as it took me to realize Dallas was leading me to his truck. The second he opened the door for me, I broke out into a cold sweat and it became hard to breathe. I was backing away before I could even stop myself.
“It’s fine,” I said. “I just need a bandage.”
Coward that I was, I didn’t give Dallas a chance to respond using his phone. I just turned around and hurried up the trail that would lead to the office where the first aid kit was. Not surprisingly, Dallas’s truck was sitting outside the office by the time I got there and four sets of eyes settled on me the second I walked in the door.
True to form, my eyes zeroed in on Isaac first. He was wearing what had to be the most boring clothes I’d ever seen on him. A simple cable-knit sweater that looked a little big on him, his dark skinny jeans, and boring navy-blue moon boots. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was wearing beneath the jeans. At least the sweater was bright pink and he was wearing his normal eyeliner and gloss.
“You’re going,” Isaac said, his arms crossed.
I glared at Dallas, who’d clearly ratted me out.
“Where’s Sawyer?” I asked. “I’m sure he can take care of it.”
“He had an emergency call,” Nolan interjected. “You need to go to urgent care.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Isaac shook his head. “You’re going and I’m driving you and that’s all there is to it. Any questions?” he asked. His pretty lips were pulled into a tight line and I just wanted to kiss the frown away.
“Fine,” I said. My whole body immediately reacted and it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Isaac was there, his soft hands framing my face.
“Look at me,” he said firmly.
I did and while it didn’t automatically calm me down, just being able to focus on his voice, his touch, helped keep me from tearing out of that room and walking away.
“It’s going to be okay,” Isaac said. “We’re going to take it slow and easy, okay?”
I managed a nod.
“I’m going too, Mad,” Newt announced as he stepped over the barrier that kept the kittens in the corner with him. He handed the kitten he had in his hand to Nolan and said, “Snotrod is lonely. Can you hold him till I get back?”
“Absolutely,” Nolan said. “I won’t let him out of my sight.”
It was then that I realized the kitten area in that corner of the office was empty. Which meant Nolan and Dallas must have managed to find homes for all the kittens except the spindly-looking one in Nolan’s hands.
“You sure you want to come, buddy?” Isaac asked as he took the keys Dallas handed him. I figured that meant we were taking Dallas’s truck, which would at least be a little better than being stuck in Isaac’s tiny tin can of a car.
Newt nodded. He was wearing a simple black soft-padded helmet. “We spit on it,” he announced. Then suddenly he spit in his hand and held it out to me. I didn’t have the heart to explain a spit shake only needed to be done once. I somehow managed to find enough saliva to spit in my uninjured hand and shook Newt’s.
“Okay, we really need to talk about you guys switching to pinkie swears or something,” Isaac said as he snagged a couple of tissues and handed them to each of us. He took my arm and said, “Let’s go.”
Humiliation went through me as we neared the pickup truck and I stopped walking. It was like my body was shutting down.
“Maddox,” Isaac said gently as he closed his fingers around the ones on my uninjured hand. “Just focus on me and Newt, okay? No matter what else, just listen to the sounds of our voices.”
I managed a nod.
To Newt, Isaac said, “Newt, we’re gonna play the I Spy game. Can you explain how it works to Maddox?”
I only half-listened as Newt began explaining the rules. Shame curled through me as Isaac had to do everything for me, including get my seatbelt on and close the passenger door.
“I spy with my little eye something… white,” Newt announced.
Isaac was just climbing into the driver’s seat when Newt spoke, and I tried to listen to him start spouting off guesses, but my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. I didn’t even feel a bit of pain in my injured hand. It was a sure sign I was on the verge of completely losing it.
“Maddox, baby,” Isaac said softly. The endearment was enough of a surprise that I looked at him. He closed the fingers of his right hand around mine. “Just focus on me, okay?” He leaned across the seat and touched the back of my neck, then whispered into my ear, “You can do this,” then kissed my cheek.
He quickly got the car started and in gear, then his fingers once again wrapped around mine. I tried not to hurt him as I held onto him, but admittedly, it was hard to temper my reaction as the car began moving. The snow in front of me disappeared and was replaced with sand and rock and dirt and a deserted road that had dozens and dozens of tire tracks on it.
The steering wheel felt comforting beneath my fingers. As a senior officer, I rarely drove, so it was a nice change of pace. And we’d just finished our last mission, so I was willing to break protocol this one time.
After all, we were going home.
But as I turned onto the road, something in my belly tightened. My guys were joking and laughing in the Humvee, even as they kept their eyes on our surroundings, and I had no doubt the guys in the vehicle behind us were doing the same. I tried to ignore the lead weight in my gut, but as it grew worse, I reached for the radio.
I listened as my commanding officer reassured me the road had just been swept for IEDs. I wanted to argue, but the need to respect senior leadership was ingrained deep within me, so I ended the call and put my foot on the gas.
And then my body was flying through the air and everything was dark.
I couldn’t stop the pounding.
Thunk…
Thunk…
Thunk…
“…pink.”
The word caught my attention. There was nothing pink out here. We were in hell. There was no such thing as color in hell. The only bright color in this godforsaken place was blood.
And it was everywhere.
“…an
elephant?”
Elephant? Huh?
“Maddox, do you think it’s an elephant?”
The roaring in my ears was so loud, I almost didn’t hear my name being said. “What?” I managed to croak. Why was Jett asking me about elephants?
“Do you think Newt spies a pink elephant?”
Newt.
Reality slowly returned as I realized it was Isaac asking me the question. No, Isaac couldn’t be in the desert. It wasn’t safe for him or Newt. I was about to yell at both of them to run when I felt a soft caress along the back of my neck.
I knew that touch.
I craved it.
Isaac.
He was here.
And here wasn’t that terrible, too-quiet road outside Mosul.
The blackness disappeared and all I saw before me was white.
Snow.
Lots and lots of snow.
Because I was home.
“Maddox,” Isaac whispered, his voice sounding strangled.
I didn’t like when he sounded like that. It meant he was upset and I didn’t like when he was upset. I turned to look at him. He looked like he was on the verge of tears. “Breathe, baby,” he whispered as his fingers continued to toy with the back of my neck.
I didn’t want him to look so scared anymore, so I did what he said and pulled in a deep breath. My lungs screamed in relief and the pain in my chest eased just a little. So I did it again.
And again.
I kept sucking in huge lungsful of air in until the pain and noise in my head receded and my chest no longer felt like it had an anchor sitting on it. My body was shaking and I couldn’t relax my hands, but I was able to focus on Isaac and Newt.
“Maddox,” Isaac said carefully. “Do you think Newt spies a pink elephant?”
The game.
Right.
I glanced over my shoulder at Newt, who was watching me with worried eyes.
“No,” I managed to somehow say. “I think he sees pink clouds.”
There was a beat of silence and then Newt let out a long, “Nooooo.”
“Is it elephants?” Isaac asked, even as he kept glancing at me.
“Nooooo.”
“Okay, I guess we need another hint,” Isaac insisted.
“I spy something with my little eye that’s soft.”
I continued to slow my breathing as Isaac made another silly guess. When it was my turn, I reached out to run my fingers over the hem of Isaac’s sweater. “Is it Isaac’s sweater?” I asked as I held Isaac’s gaze. He was forced to keep looking back at the road in between exchanging glances with me, but there were a whole lot of things he said to me with those looks.
Most of all, that he was relieved.
As I managed to calm down, the pain in my hand returned, but I happily welcomed it.
“Yes!” Newt said. “You win. It’s your turn.”
We played the game for the entire drive to town. Every guess was silly and the game grew more boisterous as we argued and joked about the hints and the answers. By the time we reached the doctor’s office, I was feeling a little steadier. Though admittedly, I was more than happy to get out of that truck.
When we entered the clinic, Newt went quiet and tucked himself against Isaac’s side and I quickly realized why. His helmet had gained the attention of several people, including a couple of children who were in the kid’s area of the lobby. I reached down for Newt’s hand and tucked it in my uninjured one. I crouched down to his level and said, “Do you trust me, Newt?”
Newt hesitated, then nodded. I looked up at Isaac who didn’t even hesitate to nod. I felt my heart swell at that. I wanted to kiss him then and there but managed to refrain. I led Newt over to where the kids were playing. I kept my bloody hand out of view so I wouldn’t scare the kids and said, “Hey guys, this is my friend, Newt. You mind if he hangs out with you while I get my hand fixed up?”
The little boy who was maybe a year older than Newt shrank back a bit, but the girl who appeared to be closer to eight or nine eyed Newt’s helmet. Newt automatically pressed against me and I put my arm around him.
“Why’s he wearing that?” the girl asked.
“Hmmm, well, you know how your mom probably makes you wear a seatbelt or sit in a car seat when you’re in the car?” I asked.
“Uh-huh, it’s to keep us safe,” the girl said as she motioned between her and the boy, so I figured they were likely siblings.
“Well, Newt here needs this hat to keep his head safe just in case he falls. Even though he can walk and run and play just like you guys, sometimes he just needs a little bit of extra protection.”
The girl studied me and Newt for a moment, then looked at her brother. “It’s like your bed,” she said to him. Then she looked at me and said, “Justin’s gotta have a fence on his bed to keep him from falling out when he sleeps.”
I smiled at that because I knew she was talking about the safety rails that parents sometimes used on younger children’s beds to keep them from rolling out of it and onto the floor while they were sleeping.
“Exactly,” I said. “It’s like that.”
The girl hesitated, then handed Newt a small plastic doll that was part of the tabletop train set the kids were playing with. “You wanna be the driver?” she asked.
Newt nodded shyly. The girl’s brother still seemed hesitant so I said to the kids, “Do you guys wanna know a secret about Newt?”
My statement caught the interest of both kids and they eagerly nodded. I lowered my voice and said, “His best friend—” I looked around me dramatically like I was making sure no one could overhear us— “is a wolf. A white wolf.”
Both kids went wide-eyed. “Really?” the little boy asked.
Newt eagerly nodded. “Yeah, and his name is Loki and he sleeps in my bed with me each night.”
I stepped back as the kids pressed forward to pepper Newt with questions. When I turned around, I saw Isaac watching me with what looked like watery eyes. I went to him and, not caring who was watching, closed my uninjured hand around his. He looked down at our joined hands in surprise but didn’t say anything. He just followed me to the reception desk so I could check in, and I couldn’t help but think that despite the pain in my hand and the little bit of tension I was still feeling after the car ride, things had never felt more right in my world than they did at that very moment.
Chapter Fourteen
Isaac
The trip back to the sanctuary wasn’t quite as bad as the drive to town, and it took less time to bring Maddox out of whatever trance he seemed to automatically fall into the second he got into the vehicle. Newt had been so enamored with his new friends that he’d talked all the way back to the sanctuary about little Emily and Justin Knapp. The kids’ mother had even asked me if Newt wanted to come over for a play date sometime and had handed me her cell phone number.
I’d been too preoccupied with Maddox at the time to really give it much thought or even respond, but as I stared at the computer screen, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
And everything else that had happened in that short span of time.
Maddox had held my hand.
In public.
And not because he’d been in the midst of a panic attack.
He’d been Newt’s savior and then he’d held my hand and I didn’t know what any of it meant.
Except there was one thing I did know.
Newt and I needed to leave Pelican Bay.
Like yesterday.
Not only was this thing with Maddox fucking with my head big-time, Newt and I had gotten in way too deep with Dallas and Nolan. Somehow in the span of two weeks, they’d become like uncles to my brother. We spent every evening having dinner as a family and then we’d either watch a movie or play a game. I usually woke up after Newt, only to find him helping Nolan make breakfast before we all got to work caring for the animals. Loki had taken up residence in the bed I’d been sharing with Newt, so Dallas and Nolan had cleared out a guest bedroom an
d brought a spare mattress in from the apartment above the garage for me. Everyone, including Sawyer, was mindful of always keeping an eye on Newt in case he had another seizure, but they didn’t baby or coddle him so that he’d feel self-conscious about his disorder or the fact that I was making him wear the dreaded helmet.
And now Newt had some new little friends.
Friends he already couldn’t stop talking about, on top of everything else.
Friends who knew his real name, a parent who knew mine… not to mention that I stuck out like a sore thumb in Pelican Bay. It was just a matter of time before someone got curious and started asking questions. And if the cops started looking into me and Newt…
A chill went through me at the prospect of Gary finding us.
No, I just couldn’t risk it.
Nothing was worth Newt’s safety.
Nothing.
I glanced at Newt who was quietly coloring as the kitten, Snotrod, lay on his lower back and Loki was resting his head on my brother’s butt. I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture and set it as my new wallpaper.
God, how was I going to give this up? How was I supposed to make Newt give it up?
I heard the office door open and immediately felt warmth flow through me as Maddox walked in. His eyes landed on mine and I felt it everywhere.
Yeah, Newt and I definitely needed to go.
I only had the cash from my second paycheck, minus the part I’d had to take out that Dallas was still including–Maddox’s salary. It would be enough to get us to Chicago and maybe secure a motel room for a few nights, but that was it.
Which meant I’d have to find a few tricks…
Bile rose in my throat at even the thought. How the hell was I supposed to let any man touch me after Maddox? It just felt so wrong on every level.
God, he’d completely ruined me for other men, because I doubted I could even bear the idea of someone who wasn’t a client touching me the way Maddox had.
“Hey,” Maddox said.
Butterflies danced in my belly with the simple greeting. Hell, he could probably read me scores from the sports page and I’d still pop a boner.
Sanctuary Found_Pelican Bay [Book 2] Page 16
