Naughty Secrets

by Sarah Castille

  My chest tightens, squeezing the breath from my lungs. I need my Natalie, and I need her now. Where is she? Is she lost? Hurt? Sick? Injured? Has she finally run away and left me? I know I haven’t been a good husband to her over the last few years, although I’ve never stopped loving her. I’ve let my work consume me to the point we have become two ships passing in the night. Sometimes I watch her in the kitchen when her back is turned, her body so painfully familiar I ache inside. I want to tell her how beautiful she is in evening light, how I miss seeing her thick dark hair down, the soft waves tumbling down her back, how I want more than anything to take her to bed and hold her all night long, talk about the world and our dreams and the future, like we used to do. But then she turns, and I see the pain and sadness in her eyes, and suddenly, although only a few feet separate us, I feel like we’re miles apart.

  Rebel whines and nuzzles my hand, calming me with warm, wet licks of his tongue.

  “What are we gonna do, Rebel? Do we go look after the calves, or do we make some calls?” It is now past seven o’clock. Dusk is settling in, spreading long fingers of darkness over the fields. Revival’s shops and businesses close at five. More than enough time for Natalie to get home.

  Rebel barks, paws at my phone on the table. There is work to be done before bed—equipment to be locked up, calves to be checked and fed, work rosters to be made for the hired men tomorrow—but all I can think about is Natalie.

  “You want me to call someone, bud?” I pick up the phone. “Who should I call? Who would know where to find my girl?”

  Chapter Four

  NATALIE

  “So what’s going on, Nat?”

  My best friend, Alexis, joins me at my table in Sticky’s bar only seconds after Aiden leaves to get our drinks. She never misses a Friday happy hour, and I’m surprised she waited so long to start the interrogation since she spotted us right away when we came in.

  “Hi, Alexis. You look great.” I fake smile, trying to buy some time to get my thoughts together, although I know she’ll see right through me.

  Her hand skims down her narrow hip and her trim emerald-green dress that sets off her warm tan skin and thick black hair. Alexis loves to dress up, even for a night at our small-town country bar, and she’s gone all out tonight. Her dark eyes are thickly lined, and her lips are a rich, luscious plum. Beside her, I feel positively underdressed in my black sleeveless shift dress even with the gorgeous floral lace climbing the sides, yoke, and collar.

  “Don’t try to pull that crap with me. I know you too well.” Aside from being a little too direct for some people, Alexis is smart, funny, loyal, and gorgeous. How she can’t find a decent guy is beyond me.

  “It’s nothing.” I lean back in my chair, watching Aiden—he asked me to call him Aiden—walk through the crowd. He moves so easily it’s like someone cleared a path for him. Once upon a time, people moved aside for Sam that way. He dominated the room with the force of his presence alone, not merely because of his size, but in the way he held himself—confident and controlled, but not arrogant. Utterly male without the swagger or bluster.

  Alexis raises a disbelieving eyebrow. “Maybe if you were here with any other man in town, I’d let it go. But you’re not with any man. You’re with Dr. Aiden Steadman, the hottest and most desirable eligible bachelor in town, who happens to have a sex playroom in his basement, if the rumors I’ve heard are true.”

  “We discovered we had something in common.” I can’t say any more. Aiden’s daughter’s death is his business to share.

  Her eyes narrow. “You have a secret sex playroom in your basement? If you do, and you didn’t tell me . . .”

  My cheeks flush. “No. Of course not. I just meant we bonded over a shared experience after he fixed my sore tooth.”

  “I’m sure you did . . .” She folds her arms across her chest. “ . . . Bond.”

  “Alexis—”

  “Sam has forgotten you exist, and Aiden is in desperate need of a partner. My abuela would call that a dangerous situation. Of course, she would have asked you a dozen questions by now, poked you half as many times, and lectured that you should be home with your husband and not partying with strangers. Then she would have turned around and told the story to her neighbor, Rosita, making it look like you were the perfect wife and Sam was the one in the wrong.”

  “Aiden and I are just here to talk.” I am married to a good man, and I didn’t come out tonight with any intent of breaking my vows. “Things have been hard with Sam. I feel like we’ve lost each other. You know that. And today is especially difficult to get through alone. But I still love him. That has never changed.”

  “So you go out on a date with Mr. Sex-on-a-Stick?”

  My mouth opens and then closes again when I realize her questions and reproaches are more defensive than protective. “I know you like him, Alexis. I wouldn’t dream of getting in your way.”

  Slightly mollified, she relaxes in her chair. “So you wouldn’t mind if I joined you?”

  “No, of course not.” I try to ignore the selfish knot in my stomach. Alexis has been through a string of bad relationships, and she deserves to find someone who’ll treat her with kindness and love. Although Aiden hasn’t expressed any interest beyond friendship, she hasn’t given up hope.

  “Alexis.” Aiden smiles when he joins us at the table. Professional Aiden in his shirt and lab coat was all kinds of sexy. Casual Aiden with his collar unbuttoned, his sleeves rolled up, and a cocky smile on his handsome face is definitely dangerous. Not that any of the women surreptitiously ogling him from the nearby tables are complaining.

  “Nice to see you again,” he continues. “Can I get you something else to drink?” He places our drinks on the table—a Manhattan for me and a glass of what looks like scotch for him.

  “Thanks. I’m good.” Alexis licks her lips and raises her voice over the house band’s slightly off-key cover of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama” as Aiden takes his seat. “So what did I miss? What were you two talking about so intently when you walked in?”

  “Natalie and I were sharing stories about our children.” He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “It would have been Ethan’s tenth birthday today, and my daughter would have been five. She died in a car crash.”

  Alexis’s smile fades faster than gossip spreads through Revival. “Oh.” Her hand flies to her mouth. “I mean . . . I’m sorry. I know about Ethan, of course, but I didn’t know you were—”

  “Married?” Still holding my hand, Aiden sighs. “Not anymore. We blamed each other, even though there was nothing we could have done. We couldn’t weather the storm, so after the divorce, I decided to do something crazy and move to Revival. My grandfather had just passed away and his practice was available. It was a perfect opportunity to start over.” He shrugs and pats my hand. I can feel the gentle beat of the pulse in his wrist against my skin. Is he just being friendly, or is there something more behind his seemingly casual touch and the intensity of his gaze?

  “Our relationship wasn’t as strong as Sam’s and Natalie’s,” he adds. “Sam is a lucky man.”

  I feel guilty hearing Sam’s name, guilty that my heart jumped when Aiden patted my hand. Even worse, after talking to Alexis, I feel guilty because of the possibilities inherent in accepting an invitation to have a drink with such a handsome, compassionate, and very single man, who understands exactly what I’ve been through, and is so easy to talk to I feel like I’ve known him forever.

  “Well, we’re glad to have you,” Alexis says, her face tightening as she stares at our hands on the table. “And yes, Sam is a great guy. Did Natalie tell you she met him in English class when they were only sixteen?”

  “Yes, that’s right.” I smile at the memory of the first time we met. “He asked me the way to the chemistry lab, and we’ve been together ever since. He wanted to be a musician back then, and I wanted to be a teacher. We moved to Billings with big dreams for our future. I never imagined we’d wind up back here,
running his dad’s farm.”

  “We both traveled unexpected paths.” Aiden pats my hand again. “How fortuitous they crossed here in Revival.”

  “I liked gym,” Alexis blurts out. “I like being outdoors in the sunshine, working the muscles, the blood pumping, heart pounding . . .” She trails off when her phone buzzes, and she glances down at the screen.

  “I think I’ll go get a jug of water and a couple of glasses.” I pull my hand away and stand, needing an excuse to clear my head. If this is what I’m beginning to think it is, I need to nip it in the bud. Aiden is an attractive man, but there is only one man for me.

  “Please. Allow me.” Ever the gentleman, Aiden pushes his chair away from the table.

  “Get her another drink while you’re at the bar.” Alexis looks up from her phone, a smirk playing over her perfectly plump lips. “She’s going to need it.”

  Chapter Five

  I release a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding when I read Alexis’s text. Natalie is okay. She’s at Retox Bar. My hand shakes so badly, I can barely type a response.

  SAM: Thanks. She forgot to let me know you two had planned an evening out. Tell her to text me before she leaves so I can open the gate.

  I brought some calves into the yard this afternoon that had been abandoned by their mothers. They have a tendency to wander so I shut the gate, never thinking Natalie wouldn’t be home.

  ALEXIS: She didn’t come here with me. She’s partying hard tonight with her new friend.

  Guilt gnaws at my insides. She must have needed someone to talk to about Ethan besides Alexis. I guess it’s a good thing. I don’t know how the hell to talk to her about our boy. I don’t even know how to work it out for myself.

  SAM: Does she need a ride home?

  ALEXIS: I’m sure he’ll give her a lift if he’s not had too many.

  He? My heart, which had slowed to a steady beat when I read Alexis’s first text, kicks into gear again. Natalie’s new friend is a man? She is getting drunk with a dude at Retox? And worse, it must be someone I don’t know or Alexis would have mentioned his name.

  Rebel thumps his tail on the floor and whines, as if he read the text alongside me. He’s been with us since Ethan was born, a gift from my dad who knew how much I’d loved my dog growing up, and Rebel’s always been able to sense our emotional distress.

  SAM: Who is she with?

  I want to know, but I don’t. I have to ask, although I shouldn’t. It’s Natalie’s life. I have no right to interfere.

  ALEXIS: Dr. Aiden Steadman. The new dentist.

  My stomach twists in a knot. Although I haven’t met the new Dr. Steadman, I’ve heard about him from my friend Chris, who came to me for some tools for a project he was working on for Steadman. Chris is an easygoing kind of guy who’s been through a hard time personally and professionally, but he credits Steadman both for helping him save his marriage and for discovering his calling as a carpenter.

  Although it isn’t widely known, Steadman lives an alternative lifestyle and asked Chris to build him a sex playroom in his basement, complete with benches, chairs, crosses, bondage tables, and the like. It’s not my scene, but when Chris asked for my advice, a little online research was enough to help me send Chris in the right direction with respect to the tools he’d need to make it all happen.

  I take a deep breath, and then another. Okay. So, she is friends with the dentist. Natalie is a friendly person. People like her. Maybe after her appointment she wanted to introduce him to people in town . . . although he’s been here for almost a year. Or maybe she wanted to introduce him to Alexis. Her best friend goes through men faster than I go through cutting knives on the swather.

  ALEXIS: Check him out.

  Another text from Alexis. What the fuck is up with her? She never texts me unless she’s looking for Natalie. Curious, I click on the link she’s sent. It leads me to Steadman’s dental practice webpage featuring a headshot of the man himself. Except for the blue eyes and dark hair, he looks nothing like his grandfather. This Dr. Steadman is in his mid-thirties, fit, tanned, healthy, and his square jaw and pearly white smile are not hidden by a gray, thick, bushy beard.

  Alexis must be after him, although why she thinks to involve me, I have no idea. All I care about is that Natalie is safe and enjoying her evening. Other than that, it isn’t my place to interfere. I have no claims on her time. If she wants to set up Alexis with the dentist, and maybe have a few too many drinks while she’s at it, then I’m happy to pick her up when she’s done.

  Ignoring the niggle of doubt at the back of my mind, I grab the local Farm News and sit at the table, flipping through the paper to find the current grain prices. My gaze fixes on an ad at the bottom of page six: Steadman Dental Practice—Open to New Patients. The words are almost dwarfed by the giant picture of Steadman’s perfectly chiselled face, and below it, a picture of Steadman with his arms around two young, pretty women.

  “Christ.” I drop the paper. Could the dude look any more like a goddamned movie star? Why the fuck did he become a dentist, and why did he come to a small town like Revival? And what the hell is Natalie doing at the bar with him? Alexis is not the kind of woman who needs her hand held all night.

  I check my phone again, skimming over the messages from Alexis. On second read, it doesn’t sound like the evening is about her and Steadman, and I pick up on words and phrases I hadn’t paid close attention to before.

  Didn’t come here with me.

  New friend.

  He’ll bring her home.

  Check him out.

  Rebel looks up from his spot on the floor and growls.

  “Yeah, buddy. I know.” I give him a pat, fighting back the urge to growl too. Alexis doesn’t want my opinion on her prospective date. She’s warning me. The Ken-doll dude is after my Natalie. He’s probably getting her drunk so he can take her back to his sex playroom and . . .

  Jesus H Christ. I stand so abruptly my chair topples back. Rebel leaps up and barks at the unseen threat. Natalie is sweet and very, very affectionate when she’s been drinking. Willing. Compliant. The first time we slept together, we took a bottle of whiskey out to the swinging bridge over the creek that ran through the farm. Natalie had brought a blanket, and we lay in the dark, gently swinging under the stars, drinking and talking, until our lips connected. Although I didn’t push, she stripped off her clothes and begged me to kiss every inch of her perfect body. It was one of the most beautiful memories of my life.

  My memory. My wife.

  My imagination runs wild. I envision Steadman plying her with tequila until she’s smiling and laughing, the way she used to when we were first together. She drinks too much because we never drink at home. She dances with him because she loves to dance, and we never dance together anymore. He runs his soft dentist’s hands down her curves, kisses the sweet spot between her neck and shoulder, seduces her into his bed because we don’t . . .

  We don’t do anything together anymore. I’ve given my life to the farm to ease my pain, and in exchange it has taken my heart.

  With a shout of frustration, I slam my hand against the nearest cupboard door, making cups and plates rattle. I am not a jealous man; I am a respectful man—respectful of Natalie’s silence, her desire to keep her thoughts and feelings private, her decision not to have another child, and her need for evenings out with her girlfriends. So why is this, of all things, winding me up inside? Is respect just another way to avoid the conversations we should have had years ago?

  “You good, Rebel?” I check his water, then give him a treat. “I’m gonna go get our Natalie. I’ll send one of the men to come by and check up on you. Don’t wait up.”

  Chapter Six

  NATALIE

  Shortly after Aiden returns with our drinks, I excuse myself to use the restroom. Alexis follows behind me, and I stop at the mirror after I’m done to touch myself up.

  “What are you doing?” she demands when I open my bag.

  “Fixing my
lipstick.” I only wear makeup on Ethan’s birthday, and on the few nights out I have with Alexis and my friends each month.

  “For him.” Her lips press into a thin line. “You’re putting on lipstick for Aiden.”

  “For me. I want to look nice. I spend every day in an old shirt and a pair of boots with my hair stuck in a ponytail and dirt under my nails. I don’t get to dress up often, and although this was for Ethan’s birthday, it feels good to be out looking normal instead of like something the cat dragged in.”

  “You never look like something the cat dragged in.” She sighs and opens her purse. “That’s the problem. You’re beautiful, and Sam doesn’t see it. But Aiden does, and he sees something else.”

  My hand shakes ever so slightly, smearing the lipstick at the corner of my mouth as guilt surges inside me. Although I am flattered by his attention, I’m not interested in Aiden. I want Sam taking me for a drink on Ethan’s birthday. Sam sharing his feelings about losing a child. Sam’s gaze on my ass as I walk away from the table. Sam winking at me in the mirror on the wall.

  “What does Aiden see?” I ask.