An Orphan's Tale

by Jay Neugeboren

  Murray wrote out a petition and plan to transform the Home into The Cottage Plan and proved it would save money, but nothing ever came of it. Murray said they were worried about controlling us if we got outside too much, Charlie said.

  We walked through a park near our house and sat on a bench watching kids younger than me play football. Charlie told me that Sol used to tell them statistics on how bad it was for Negro orphans and how lucky they all were to be in the Home. They posted newspaper pictures on the walls whenever there were fires in Negro orphanages, and he always remembered what Sol said about half the Negro orphans dying before they reached the age of 5.

  He exaggerated, I said.

  Did he? Charlie said, and he shrugged as if to say that it didn’t matter. What was important was that he remembered it.

  What happened between Sol and Dr. Fogel? I asked, and Charlie didn’t get angry with me for asking. He said he never really understood all of it. He said it happened before any of his group had come to the Home but that Murray found out the whole story and that it was mostly about religion. He said Dr. Fogel wanted to be Director of the Home before the war but that Sol made the Board of Trustees vote against him because he didn’t want the Home to be Orthodox. In those days Sol believed the Home should be American 1st and Jewish 2nd.

  Then Charlie laughed about how upside down things can get sometimes, and how Dr. Fogel wound up being the one with the land and the money and Sol wound up being the one who believed in Israel. I asked him if he was going to tell Sol about Dr. Fogel’s land but he didn’t answer that question.

  I remembered a joke he made about imagining the 2 of them living with him and taking care of each other in the house he was going to buy for us and I asked him this: Do you ever imagine them coming to your funeral together?

  This is what he said back: You know me, don’t you?

  After lunch we took a nap together and then went to Anita’s house. Charlie made a fire in the living room fireplace and we all sat there in front of it. Slats and Louie and Jerry and their families came and after the 1st hugs and words about Murray, people were cheerful. Slats and Louie and Jerry live together in the same apartment house in Brooklyn, on Ocean Parkway. Slats and Louie own a hardware store together and Jerry is a bookkeeper for a pocketbook manufacturer in Queens.

  When the women were out of the room Slats and Louie talked about the fart wars they had in the dormitory when they were boys and they teased Slats and asked if he could still play the 1st line of MY COUNTRY TIS OF THEE in farts. Jerry asked Charlie what ever happened to the jar of beans the guys gave him when he married Lillian. He was supposed to put 1 bean in the jar for every time they made love the 1st year and take 1 bean out for every time they did it the 2nd year, and Jerry gave 10 to 1 odds there’d still be beans left at the end of the 2nd year.

  Then Louie danced around the room like a fool and sang:

  Beans, beans good for your heart,

  The more you eat, the more you fart!

  Slats whispered to Charlie that he spoke to his brother-in-law who’s a lawyer and that nothing could happen to Charlie for how Murray died. Slats, Louie, and Jerry sat on the couch side by side, facing us, and talked about how much private schools cost for their children in Brooklyn. Jerry asked, if an Arab and a Negro both fell from the top of the Empire State Building at the same time, which one would hit the ground 1st, and when nobody knew Jerry answered, Who gives a shit?

  He talked about the workers in his factory who come up from Colombia in South America. They’re happy as long as you give them overtime, he said. They stay 5 years and save money and go back and new members of their families come to take their places. Louie said he kept a gun in his dresser under his underwear. They talked about a guy named Pikeface who was at the Home when they were boys and who made a zipgun in workshop and was sent to reform school and was eventually killed by gangsters.

  Charlie sat without talking and cracked walnuts in his fingers for Dov. Slats remembered when Sol used to say that Charlie was so fast and strong he could throw a strawberry through a battleship!

  When they were gone we gathered in the kitchen for Havdalah to end Shabbos. Ephraim chanted the blessing over the wine and Anita opened a jar of cloves because the Tsumin box was gone and we sniffed them. Then Hannah and Rivka held a braided candle up and Anita lit it and whispered to them: Hold it as high as you want your husband to be!

  After supper Charlie and Anita went outside together again for a walk until more people came to visit. They were parents of students from Murray’s school and they brought baskets of candy and fruit. I stayed away from Hannah even though I could tell she wanted to be with me. Guys from the school football team came but Charlie hardly noticed them.

  Anita was tired so we came home early and sat downstairs having milk and cake with Mrs. Mittleman. Mr. Mittleman was in his office typing. His movie projector is put away for the whole week. Mrs. Mittleman talked about how young Sol always looked for his age. She told us a secret: that she’s trying to talk Mr. Mittleman into retiring with her to Florida. Her bones hurt her when the snow comes.

  This is what she said: I’d like to spend my reclining years in the warm sun.

  When we came up here Charlie and I laughed about what she said. It’s been a beautiful day but that doesn’t mean that his change is permanent. I have to be ready! I don’t care if he did it just to throw me off guard or if he doesn’t know what makes him different, so I went ahead and telephoned Dr. Fogel!

  SUNDAY

  When I woke up this morning Charlie had already gone into the city to get Sol to bring him back. The 7 days of SHIVA were over in the morning but we stayed at Anita’s all day until the sun went down. As soon as we came home Mr. Mittleman gave Charlie a stack of phone messages from all week long and Charlie started telephoning and talking to Mr. Mittleman about houses and money.

  I sat in the office watching him and I couldn’t hide the feelings that showed in my face. This is what Charlie said to me between calls: Life goes on, Danny. Didn’t you hear what the Rabbi said? Life goes on.

  I told him that close relatives are supposed to mourn for 30 days and he didn’t answer me.

  I can hear him shouting at Mr. Mittleman now. If he comes up I know he’ll make me stop writing. I’m glad I started the 1st part of my plan yesterday even though it was peaceful between us then.

  After supper Mr. Mittleman took out his movie projector and sat in the living room watching. In the movie Mrs. Mittleman and 2 friends were in a canoe. Mr. Mittleman told us the man and woman both died years ago. We spent our honeymoon with them, Mr. Mittleman said. They had 2 children, a boy and a girl. When the boy was 15 and the girl was 14 they were both killed in an auto crash. The parents died shortly thereafter.

  This is what Mrs. Mittleman said: A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But in Yiddish they say there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that’s how awful the loss is!

  What I wondered: Is there a word for a friend who loses a friend?

  THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT HAPPENED TODAY IS THAT MY PLAN STARTED TO WORK! DR. FOGEL CAME AND CHASED SOL AWAY!

  When Dr. Fogel drove up to Anita’s house in the morning Sol was in the middle of telling us about all the boys he visits on his cross country trip. He told us something about each family. There were a lot of people in the living room listening to him. Morty and Irving and Herman and their wives and children were there, along with neighbors and people from the school. They all came early, bringing things for breakfast. Sol talked about one of his boys who was a ventriloquist and some of the visitors had seen him on TV. Sol said he may get his own show soon. Some of the boys he talked about seeing were younger than Charlie and his group, and some were older.

  When Dr. Fogel entered the living room with Anita holding his good hand everybody’s eyes turned to them. Dr. Fogel was dressed in the old brown suit he wears to school and
his face was the color of ashes. He wore a Yamulka.

  Charlie stood before anybody else and his hand was on his chest and I could tell he was listening to his heart through his fingertips. Dr. Fogel told him about me telephoning and he stared at the cut in the lapel of Charlie’s jacket and at Charlie’s beard but he didn’t say anything about them. Instead he told us all we should be wearing Yamulkas. Doesn’t it matter to you even now? he asked.

  Herman kept whispering to Morty: He looks just the same. He looks just the same.

  Then Sol got up and walked to the door and put his hand out to Dr. Fogel. Well, Mister Fogel, he said. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? I’m sorry we have to meet on such an occasion.

  Dr. Fogel’s limp arm was swinging lightly at his side and he cocked his head to one side but his Yamulka didn’t fall off. He looked at his right hand and he laughed at Sol very quickly and then looked away and motioned to me to come to him. He called me by my Hebrew name and asked me where he could wash.

  I knew who he was when he walked in, Anita said, and her face was glowing. I recognized him from Murray’s descriptions.

  Dr. Fogel said he was very hungry from his long ride and when I told him Anita was Kosher, he said, It’s why I could come, yes? Then he spoke to the room and said that it showed how such a law kept us together as Jews. He said that the day of burial counted as a day of SHIVA and that the week of SHIVA was 6 days plus 1 hour to show that we Jews don’t believe in making grief worse. He took Anita’s hand and told her he was glad he got here in time.

  By then Sol was stalking out of the room and it made me laugh to see how quiet and stunned the non-Jews were at the scene. Charlie started to go after Sol but Dr. Fogel said to let him go because even if he stayed there wouldn’t be enough Jews for a Minyan. I said that the closest Shul was over 30 miles away and that it was Reformed. Dr. Fogel held Charlie’s wrist and whispered to him that they should talk about the land when the SHIVA was over.

  I’ve never seen Charlie angrier with me than he was then! He glared at me and yanked his hand away from Dr. Fogel and left us and Anita excused herself also, saying she would see Sol to the door if he was leaving.

  Dr. Fogel was happy. Please continue your conversation, he said to the room and he let me lead him to the bathroom where he washed his hands and made a blessing over them. He was happy to see the mirror over the sink soaped up. While we were in the bathroom, Dov and Rivka came to the door and stared at us.

  Is somebody sick? Dov asked.

  He’s not that kind of doctor, I said.

  When we went back into the living room everybody was gone except Herman, Morty, and Irving.

  He looks just the same, Herman kept whispering. He looks just the same.

  Ephraim came in and I introduced him to Dr. Fogel and Dr. Fogel kissed Ephraim on his forehead and said something quickly in Hebrew, with his hand on Ephraim’s forehead.

  Tell me about yourselves, Dr. Fogel said to his former students, and he called each of them by their Hebrew names to show he remembered. He smiled warmly at them and apologized for not having come sooner in the week. He said he was truly interested in what had become of their lives.

  They talked very easily after that, with Irving starting, about themselves and their jobs and their homes. They brought their wives and children in to introduce to him, and the children sat on the rug with Anita’s children and listened to Dr. Fogel ask questions. He wanted to know if they kept Kosher homes and Morty and Irving’s families said they did but when Herman said he didn’t Dr. Fogel didn’t cluck inside his mouth. He praised the children for being able to give their Hebrew names and he gave each child a nickel, a penny, and a piece of sucking candy. They all stared at his arm and whenever he caught one of them doing it I saw him smile. This is a riddle he asked: If you want to get something precious from the other side of a Shul, do you go through the Shul to get it, or around? Ephraim knew the answer from Murray, and why. You go around, he said, because a Shul is not a means to an end.

  Just before 10 o’clock Dr. Fogel went to Murray’s study and found a prayer book he wanted. He prayed by himself from Tihilim. Then he went around from room to room and took sheets off mirrors. The SHIVA was over. He told Ephraim and the others they could put their shoes on. He went into the kitchen and ate some food and made Anita and Ephraim eat with him and then he asked Charlie to telephone for a taxi. Charlie will take you back, Anita said, and Dr. Fogel didn’t wait for Charlie to answer. Good, he said.

  Charlie didn’t tell me to come along. Before he left he went into the bathroom and shaved off his beard with Murray’s razor.

  Also: I asked Dr. Fogel about the Home’s motto and he smiled at me for knowing! He said he never told anybody to change it because it always reminded him of Jews like Sol’s father who built the Home!

  These are other things that happened today after Dr. Fogel left: I practiced my Haftorah. Mr. Alfred and a new man came and spoke with Anita in Murray’s study. Dov fell out of an apple tree but he wasn’t hurt. During lunch Eli fell asleep on the floor and wet his pants. Hannah handed me a note and I went into the bathroom and read it and this is what it said:

  Don’t you like me anymore? I still like you. Please don’t be angry with me for going to my girl friend’s house. I hope I’ll see you a lot even after this week is over. I think you’re very special and different. Why don’t you want to be alone with me?

  In the car going home I got Charlie angry by saying that someday he would meet all of Sol’s other boys at Sol’s funeral. He slapped me across the face and didn’t say he was sorry.

  What I think: Charlie got angry because he knows that I know that he thinks that Sol thinks the exact same thought in his head every time he goes around the country and wonders if it’s his last trip. That’s what I decided Sol’s life is for!

  Ephraim and I went for a walk together in the woods. He knows the names of birds and trees and wildflowers. He told me he once told Murray that Murray wouldn’t have cared so much about being Jewish if he hadn’t been the only Jew where he lived. I called him a would-be Jew, Ephraim said, and I never took it back.

  When we said good-bye tonight Anita hugged me and kissed me and whispered into my ear, “I love you.” Ephraim said he’s not going to shave or cut his hair or put on new clothes for 30 days. The 7 days of Mourning come from the 7 days Joseph mourned for his father Jacob and the 30 days come from the 30 days Israel mourned for Moses. Nobody knows where Moses is buried because he didn’t want people to come to his grave and worship him.

  What I decided: When I die, even though I believe that burying bodies in the ground is a waste and doesn’t do anybody any good, I won’t give my body to science or for anything else. I’ll leave instructions to be buried like a Jew because I want to be buried the same way Jews have always been buried for thousands of years.

  Rivka and Dov wanted to watch TV right away after SHIVA was over but Ephraim wouldn’t let them. Anita said they’d discuss it later. Charlie didn’t say what he and Dr. Fogel talked about when he drove Dr. Fogel into Brooklyn. He telephoned Sol and they have a meeting for tomorrow when Charlie will offer him his plan!

  Here he comes now. This is the truth: If Murray hadn’t died when he did I would have to do what I’m going to do anyway!

  III

  New Zion

  Six

  Charlie watched in disbelief as the runner stumbled across the goal line. Danny’s gone, he thought. Danny’s gone.

  He sent in substitutes and called two players who’d missed tackles to him. Charlie thought one of them was smiling at him. He grabbed the boy by the face guard and yanked. “Does that hurt?” he asked. The boy tried to twist away. “Does it?”

  “Cut it out,” the other boy said. “We don’t get paid for football.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Anita said, standing next to him, her head enclosed within a dark piece of fur. “You should relax.”

  Charlie shooed the boys away, but he still could not find words quickl
y enough. Sol was gone also, to California. “You get lost too,” he said to Anita, and he stalked away, down the sideline.

  For the third week in a row his team lost. In the locker room, while his players were changing, there was a knock on the door. “Is everybody decent?” Anita called. When there was no reply, she entered.

  “This is the men’s locker room,” Charlie said, but Anita did not acknowledge his words. The boys giggled. Her fur hat was off and Charlie could smell perfume in her hair. Anita spoke: “I just wanted to tell all of you that even though you lost, I know you did your best….”

  “Bullshit,” Charlie said.

  Anita smiled at him. “I’m glad nobody was hurt today,” she continued. “That’s important.”

  Charlie rolled his eyes, but said nothing. It was useless. Everything was upside down. He saw Sol laughing at him. “I want to speak with you afterwards,” she said to him. “Can you come by the house?” Charlie nodded. She drew him to the door. “They’re only boys,” she whispered. “Why take it so hard? Honestly, Charlie—they’re still wet behind the ears—”

  “Sure,” he said. “And I’m the king of France.”

  “I’ll see you later,” she said, and touched his hand with her own.

  He wished Danny could have seen the difference. Weekday afternoons during practice the girls from the school would now stand along the sidelines, flirting, and Anita forbade him from making them leave. Losing interest himself, he would look past them, to the hill where he had first seen Danny. He didn’t argue with Anita. She had the support of the Board and of the teachers and of the students. There was no more marching silently from class to class, no more required uniforms, no more standing when adults entered classrooms, no more sitting quietly in rows. Students were encouraged to call teachers by their first names. “The Reign of Terror is over,” she told a meeting of faculty and staff on her first day as headmistress.