She grabs one end of the tree and starts dragging it behind her. I quickly pick up the other end. Together we drag/carry it towards the car. I’m surprised with how much strength she has in that small lithe body. She heaves it up to my roof, flinging it on top.
‘Be careful, Ruby!’ I snap, checking my car over. ‘You’re scratching my car.’
She rolls her eyes. ‘Well how else do you expect to get it on here?’ she shouts back; a sweaty mess from the exertion. She still manages to look cute, her freckled cheeks flushed pink.
After half an hour of us arguing over how best to tie it to the car we drive home. Well, after having to pull over twice and re-attach the loose tree.
Apparently, she told me to knot it well.
Remarked on how I’ve clearly never joined a local scouts.
Said I should at least have learnt it from some sort of posh yacht club or something.
Finally we untie it and heave it into the house, the sleet making it slippery. She falls. Twice. I help her up and insist I’m not laughing, but it’s so hard to keep in. She’s like bambi on ice. Hilarious.
‘No wonder we had these brought in,’ I huff, opening the door. ‘This is a bloody nightmare.’
‘Just think of the girls,’ she says, grabbing the stand we bought and scrambling to put it together. ‘They’re going to love this.’
I bloody hope so. I push the tree into it, us both seeming to conclude that it’s going to go in the hallway. Anywhere else is just too far. We stand back to admire it. She puffs out the branches.
‘Not that I’ll see it,’ I gruff, thinking of my schedule the next few weeks.
‘Yeah, what is the deal with that?’ she asks. ‘Honestly, is it work or is it because you don’t like being at home?’
I stand up straight, astonished to find her asking such an honest question. I don’t know why I’m surprised, she’s excellent at overstepping the mark.
‘You really want to know?’ I ask, my shoulders slumping from that same exhaustion that came over me earlier. The exhaustion of being vulnerable. Or maybe just being around the ever challenging Ruby.
She leans on one hip. ‘I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.’
I sigh and run my hand through my hair. Might as well be honest. Who better to be honest with, than a person leaving in two weeks?
‘The horrible truth is that the girls remind me so much of my wife. Being around them, especially at this time of year, it just hurts too hard.’
Her eyes widen at my revelation. Yes, it’s true. I’m a terrible human being.
‘So, you think that by ignoring them you’ll stop hurting. But what about them? You don’t want them to lose their father too, do you?’
‘Of course I don’t,’ I snap. ‘But the girls need to learn that life is hard. They need to be tough. My wife was the most loving woman on the planet and look where that got her.’ My heart squeezes just mentioning her.
‘Life sadly isn’t fair,’ I continue. ‘The sooner the girls learn that, the better for them in the long run.’
I turn and walk up the stairs, not saying a word more. Before she sees the first tear fall.
Chapter 17
Thursday 12th December
Ruby
I’m so excited for the girls to see the real Christmas tree. There’s really nothing like the real thing. My mum made sure we had one every year. Whenever I think of Christmas, I smell the pine needles. I’m so excited that I’ve set my alarm early and go to wake them up. I’m running so fast up the stairs that I almost don’t notice it.
The tree is lined with fairy lights. We didn’t put them up. It’s six thirty in the morning. What time did he put those up? What a weirdo. A sweet weirdo, I guess.
I still can’t believe he allowed himself to open up to me and be so vulnerable last night. Maybe it’s one of those weird things, like after nine pm he becomes more human or something.
The girls seem dubious about why I’m so eager to bring them down for breakfast. Well, Charlotte does. She keeps asking if it’s because I’m letting her have some Coco Pops. Not on her life.
We rush down the stairs and into the hallway. The girls halt to a stop when they see the enormous tree standing up proudly.
‘A tree!’ Lottie screams, eyes wide, hands up to her face.
‘You got us a real tree?’ Jessica asks me, her little face astonished.
I grin. ‘No, Daddy got you a tree.’
‘Daddy?’ Lottie says, her eyes nearly completely squeezed closed with confusion.
‘Yep.’ I nod, unable to hide my enormous smile. ‘Because you.’ I hug Jessica’s shoulders. ‘Had such an amazing report from your teacher.’
‘Really?’ She actually sounds surprised.
I grin. ‘Of course. Your teacher told us how well you were doing.’
‘You went too?’ she questions, her eyebrows narrowed.
Oops, I didn’t want to let on that he’d been late and made me go. She deserves to think she’s a priority.
‘Err...Yep, your daddy wanted to show off to me what a good girl you are at school.’
‘Wow.’ She goes up and touches a bristle of the tree, like she’s never seen a real one. I know she has from the photos I found, but maybe she doesn’t remember. ‘We need new decorations for this one.’
‘Yep. I was thinking we could go buy some after school. What do you think?’
‘Yes!’ they both shout, jumping up and down excitedly.
‘As long as I can have a go on the elephant,’ Lottie demands. She means the Dumbo outside Waitrose.
‘Well, we might go somewhere extra special to buy them. But if there’s something like that, yes you can.’
‘Somewhere extra special?’ Jessica asks, eyes lit up in excitement. ‘Like where?’
‘Now, that, cheeky monkey.’ I bop her on the nose with my index finger. ‘Will be a surprise.’
Because I have to figure it out for myself first.
I’ve picked up the girls and just got off at our tube stop. They were excited enough with riding the tube. You’d think with living in London they’d be well used to it, but the pampered princesses have only ever been chauffeured about. The poor posh things.
It’s already dark outside, the front of Harrods is lit up in majestic fairy lights. It’s fabulous. I remember my mum taking me here once when I was eight years old, not long after my dad had died. It was the coolest thing I’d ever done.
The window display was themed as Cinderella. There was gold foliage all around the window frame with the most unimaginable diamond slippers that sparkled so much I had to shield my eyes. There was a mannequin in a couture dress sat on a pink chaise lounge. God, I would have done anything to have gone in and lived in that window display.
‘We’re going to Harrods?’ Jessica asks, wrinkling her brow.
‘Yep. I’ve heard they do the most beautiful baubles around.’
‘Can we see Santa?’ Lottie asks, tugging on my arm.
‘Of course we can. We’ll just have to que up.’
We rush in from the blistering cold and make our way up to the floor where they have their Christmas bits. It’s beautiful, all arranged by colour theme. I hadn’t even thought of a colour scheme.
‘What colours are we looking at girls?’
‘Pink!’ Lottie shouts.
‘Don’t be silly, Lottie,’ Jessica chastises with an eye roll. ‘It’s Christmas. It should be red and gold.’
Lottie sticks her tongue out. Thank God for Jessica. I can’t see Barclay being pleased with a pink themed Christmas tree. In fact, I can imagine him ripping it all down and then throwing me out of his house.
‘Well, we could always decorate half of the tree each? One pink side and one gold/red side.’
‘But that’ll look silly,’ Jessica sulks. Perfectionist, just like her father.
‘Well why don’t you both have a think about it while we look around?’
We look at the decorations, each more beautiful than the
last. We all fall in love with three baubles that are cream with London themed pictures hand painted on them. They have red ribbons around them and Lottie easily relents, agreeing with a red and gold theme.
We have so much fun picking out the most beautiful tree ornaments, some rich in colour and sewn in sequins, others glass and delicate. We’ve managed to find ones that mean something to the girls. An underground sign for our journey here, hot chocolate from our time at Hole of Glory, a gold glittery Harrods bag to remind us of this shopping trip. My favourite is the Christmas tree tied to a red car. It reminds me of mine and Barclay’s trip home last night. He’s going to love seeing the tree all done up.
They all seem so elegant, almost too elegant. If I smashed one of these on the floor I’d be gutted. But it’s not like I’m spending my money on them. I’m using the money assigned to spend on the girls for the week. Not that these girls even need money, they just want what every kid wants, time.
We finally go to pick out something for the top of the tree. After another argument between the girls, Jessica lets Lottie win, as she got her colour scheme. So, a fairy is chosen.
The girls run over to the life-size bears dressed as a palace guard, policeman and fireman. I take a picture of them cuddling up to them. They look so happy, their little cheeks rosy from all the giggling. It makes my heart sad to think that their mum is missing this, but glad that I can bring them a bit of joy this time of year. Even if only for a small time.
We pick them out a bear each that has the year on its foot and take everything over to pay. The man rings everything up. I didn’t pay too much attention to the prices while we were putting them in the basket, but now that I see one of them ring through at £107, I’m starting to sweat.
‘That’ll be £1,078 please madam.’
Fuck a duck! I should have been more sensible. Luckily Barclay gives me a ridiculous amount of money a week for the girls and I haven’t spent much so far. I’m still a good couple of hundred over budget.
I hand over the credit card he gave me, praying to god it doesn’t bounce. I tap my foot nervously, wondering what the hell I’ll do if it’s rejected. I see it go through. Thank God.
‘Oh, and we’d like to queue up for Santa’s grotto. Is it still open?’
His eyes widen and then he sneers. ‘Sorry madam, I’m afraid that it’s only for VIP members. Invitation only. Do you have a VIP card?’ He looks down at my battered converse, already deciding I don’t.
‘Oh...’ I look down at the girl’s expectant faces. ‘I don’t.’ Their shoulders droop.
He smiles, terrible at faking sympathy. Pompous arse. Whatever dude, you work behind the tills, you’re not running the company.
‘But maybe your daddy does?’ I pick my phone out of my bag. ‘Let me just call him.’
The man sighs, pissed off I’m holding up the queue.
‘Please madam, if you could just give me the name and address, I can quickly check for you.’ He looks behind me at the que forming, obviously wanting to dismiss me as soon as he can.
‘Oh, that would be great. It’s Barclay Rothchester. 40 Blenheim Cres—’
His eyes enlarge, like I’ve just shocked him. I don’t get why.
‘Oh of course, Mr Rothchester. His family have been VIP’s for years.’
Look who suddenly turned friendly.
‘Oh great.’
Who knew?
‘We have been booked up since September I’m afraid.’ He grimaces and this time it seems sincere. ‘But hang on a moment, let me see if there’s anything we can do.’
He wanders off, leaving everyone in the queue to give me filthy looks. Well, sorry for caring about the kids. It’s amazing what a surname can do for you.
He comes back mere moments after with a smile. I don’t know if that’s good for us or bad.
‘I’m happy to say that we’re able to make special arrangements and accommodate you today.’
The girls beam back at me. For once their father has pulled through for them.
Barclay
Today has been rough. Dad’s on my case again about this electronics event. I know it’s just his way of saying why are you dealing with this shit when you can be partner? I’m so fucking tired. Not just from lack of sleep, but my soul is tired. After everything that’s happened, planning parties for pompous dicks is not what I want to be doing.
I open the doors to squeals of laughter. It’s such a difference to hear the girls this happy. No nanny has made them giggle like this. I suppose it’s because there hasn’t been a Ruby before now. She’s definitely one of a kind.
I walk towards the noise and peek in to see that they’ve dragged the tree into the kitchen and are decorating it in their elf pyjamas.
‘Daddy!’ Charlotte shouts when she spots me. She comes running over and jumps into my arms. I’m still careful of her, not wanting to touch her cast arm. Not that it seems to bother her.
‘Hey baby.’ I smell the top of her head. She always smells of her strawberry shampoo; it calms me like nothing else.
‘Daddy!’ Jessica squeals coming over to give me a squeeze around the waist.
Ruby looks on with a huge smile. ‘Perfect timing. We’re just finishing off the tree.’
‘And Daddy, we went to Harrods!’ Jessica says, her eyes lit up in excitement.
‘And we saw Santa there!’ Charlotte adds, bouncing in my arms.
‘Wow.’ I raise my eyebrows at Ruby. ‘You have been busy.’
‘Yeah,’ she grimaces. ‘There might be a huge charge on your credit card.’
It makes me laugh how she worries about money. It’s quite cute.
‘Ah, don’t worry about that.’ I turn back to the girls. ‘I’ll put you to bed tonight.’
They yelp in delight. This is what I need more of; my girls and their smiles. Not boardrooms and meetings.
I bring them up, read them a story, hear all about their afternoon and finally get them to bed.
I walk back down hoping Ruby will still be doing the tree. I don’t know why, especially as the woman drives me insane, but I like being around her. Maybe it’s just company I crave, after years of loneliness. I almost breathe a sigh of relief when I see her.
She smiles when she spots me. ‘Marge had to leave early, but she’s left your dinner in the oven on a low heat.’
I nod, grabbing a Peroni out of the fridge.
‘You should have seen them earlier,’ she gushes, her smile so wide I’m worried it’s going to split her face open. ‘Your name alone got them into the VIP, invite only, Santa’s grotto. You wouldn’t believe how amazing it was! It was themed like a gingerbread house. And there were these fairies.’
I can’t help but smile. It’s adorable how excited she is. I remember that grotto, every year when I was growing up. I suppose I never found it a big deal, but hearing it from her, it reminds me that I’m bloody privileged. My kids are too, even if they have lost their mother.
‘Then we went on this sort of little train ride through a snowing tunnel. We got out at the end and the kids had to walk through a naughty or nice sort of thing. Like they have in airports. You should have seen Lottie’s face. She was so nervous.’
It doesn’t even bother me like it used to that she calls Charlotte Lottie. I know Jessica calls her it anyway.
‘But they loved it.’ She fiddles around with a tree branch. ‘I was actually wondering... if I could photocopy some more pictures of your wife?’
The change of topic startles me.
‘God, why?’ I can’t help but sound abrupt.
Her face drops. I’ve got to try and remember not to be such a miserable arsehole. I hate taking the smile off her face.
‘I just...I bought some glass baubles that you can put photos in. I thought the girls would love it if they could have their mum on the tree. You know, like a way to include her.’
Fuck, how did she get this nice? Nothing bad must have ever happened to her in her entire life.
I take a d
eep breath, rubbing my temples. ‘Yeah, I can find some for you.’
‘Great.’ She folds her arms. ‘Oh, and don’t forget Jessica’s carol service tomorrow evening at the school.’
I nod, doubting I’ll be able to make it.
‘Oh and...’ She looks at everything, but me. Jesus, what now?
‘Spit it out, Ruby,’ I snap, suddenly exhausted.
‘Well, would I be able to host a wine and cheese night here?’
Is she serious?
‘Sorry? You want to have a wine and cheese night here?’
She nods, chewing on her thumb nail. ‘It’s for the stupid PTA. I’d tell them to get stuffed, but I only joined so that Jessica can ride the float during the parade, and I’ve done too much now to screw it up for her.’
Jesus, her rambling drains me. ‘Whatever. You organise it.’
‘Thank you.’ She beams back at me. ‘Anyway, I should get going.’ She walks backwards, clearly awkward. ‘Night.’
I look back at her wanting nothing more than to give her a hug and thank her for everything she’s doing for my girls. Instead I just nod.
‘Night Ruby.’
Chapter 18
Friday 13th December
Ruby
Tonight is Jessica’s carol service at the school. It’s ridiculously well organised by the notorious PTA. Although why they’ve chosen the unluckiest day of the year, Friday the 13th, I don’t know.
I’ve been added to their What’s App group, so I basically know exactly what’s going to happen today and tomorrow at the school fair, hour by hour. I only managed to get out of volunteering on a stall because I’m still running behind on the costumes for the float.
Plus, now I have the added stress of organising this ridiculous wine and cheese night.
They hand out long skinny lit candles to us as we enter. I sit down in the darkness hoping Jessica, who I know is sick with nerves, is okay. Even though we’ve been practising night and day; I’ll never tire of Christmas carols.
Once Upon a Wish-Mas Page 10
