Reach for Heaven

by Marie Higgins

  She moved toward him as his strong arms enfolded her against his chest. Her heart slammed against her ribs, knowing she really shouldn’t be doing this, but at this point, she couldn’t stop. Being this close to him made the butterflies in her stomach start dancing again as warmth spread through every inch of her. Without another thought, she slipped her hands around his waist, snuggling closer. Hmm...very nice.

  Her breathing turned ragged, and she couldn’t quite catch her breath. The silence between them was thick, and she knew she must say something before she sighed from the pleasure zipping through her. “Is Uncle Marvin ever going to walk again?” she asked.

  It took him a few seconds to answer, and when he did, his voice was low and deep. She didn’t know why the tone of his voice changed. Was he feeling breathless like her, or was he genuinely sad because of her uncle’s disabilities? She should look up into his face to see if his eyes were watery, but she didn’t dare.

  “It’s possible, Adella. There is a special doctor in Idaho City that could operate on Marv’s back, but it’s too costly for your family. Your aunt is hoping for a miracle. She prays every day and goes to church on Sunday, so I think the Lord is going to reward her faithfulness by healing your uncle’s legs...or to find the money to pay for the operation.”

  She tried to steady her speeding heart rate by taking slower breaths. It just wasn’t working as well as she figured it should. “I don’t believe in miracles—or prayer. All the praying I did after my parents and brother died didn’t bring them back to me.”

  He stroked the palm of his hand down her hair, and shivers of delight ran amuck over her arms and back. Good grief! This was not good at all, yet being next to him like this was too comfortable to move. Even the closeness they shared brought a bit of luxury to her lonely soul.

  “I think it’s because your parents and brother were already gone. God can’t bring them back from the dead. Marvin’s situation is different. If we all have faith and pray, I really think he will walk again.”

  “Gage, do you believe in miracles?” she mumbled against his chest. Her head pressed so close she could hear the rhythm of his heart and it beat as fast as hers.

  “Yes, Adella, I do. My family goes to church regularly, and they love God and put their trust in Him fully. I have seen many rare things happen in my life, and people healed when they are expected to die are some of those miracles I’ve witnessed.”

  “Aunt Lillian does have a lot of faith.”

  He still stroked her hair, but his fingers inched closer to her face. She fought with the inner demon that wanted to cuddle her cheek against his touch.

  “I suppose if anyone deserves a miracle, it’s her,” he said deeply.

  “You are right, of course. My aunt is a wonderful, loving and giving woman.”

  Silence grew between them again—except for the heavy breaths each one of them took—and yet she couldn’t summon the courage to pull away. Cuddling next to him was too nice. The warmth from his body merged into hers, bringing more peace inside her than she could possibly imagine.

  Underneath her fingers, his muscles jumped. Her mouth turned dry, and as quick as lightning, a wicked thought entered her mind. What would he do if she caressed him? She couldn’t fight the urge as much as she tried.

  Taking a deep breath, she slowly swept her hand lightly by his tight waist, and once again, his muscles contracted. His uncontrolled breaths blew against her hair.

  Both of his hands moved on her back this time, stroking her gently down then retracing their path upward. A strange excitement shot through her, and when he tenderly touched the softness of her neck, her heart about jumped right out of her chest. She sat very still and enjoyed the stimulation that made her body hum with awareness, especially when his hand slowly slid down her arm.

  Gage’s tight muscles interested her, and she skimmed her hand back up to rest against his chest. His muscles flexed and he gave a sharp inhale. A grin tugged on her mouth. It seemed his body was reacting the same way to her touch as hers was to his caress.

  She lifted her head to gaze into his hazel eyes, which were greener than brown this time. This color was different from before, and his eyes were more alert, and tender with emotion.

  She swallowed the knot lodged in her throat, and noticed him do the same. His mouth opened slightly as his tongue darted out to dampen his dry lips. Her gaze froze on his inviting mouth and the mustache decorating the upper lip. An invisible force pulled her to him.

  Oh, heavens...I want to kiss him!

  Her tongue quickly moistened her own parched lips. “Gage?” she whispered without knowing why.

  A sweet smile bracketed his mouth. His fingers gently swept across her skin as if he inspected her face. His touched breezed by her cheek, down her chin, then up to her forehead, very near her wound. Waves of pleasure passed through her and it was all she could not to sigh aloud.

  “How does your head feel? Is the bump still there?” he asked.

  His incredible husky voice stirred something inside of her, making the butterflies dance faster. “It’s still a little sore, but healing nicely, I think.”

  “I should have told you this already, but I think you were really brave when the stagecoach was attacked. Most women would have fainted dead away.” Genuine respect touched his tone.

  She kept her gaze on his mouth. “Thank you, but I’m not like most women.”

  “I’ve come to realize that.”

  His thumb lightly stroked across her bottom lip, and her mouth opened on its own accord. Emotion overwhelmed her and clouded her mind. This was all wrong! So, why in heaven’s name did she like it so much? And why did she want to know how it felt to have his lips pressed against hers in a passionate kiss?

  His face moved forward and she had the urge to follow his lead. Desire warmed her, but common sense awakened her mind. He’s your cousin’s fiancé! Back away now!

  Hearing that in her mind was like sinking into a river of ice. She quickly pulled away. Her abrupt movement seemed to jar Gage as well. He withdrew and stood, his eyes reflecting the similar bewilderment.

  “Adella, I—I’m sorry. I should not have—um...” he stuttered then cleared his throat. “I—I need to go.”

  He hurried to his horse, mounted, and was gone in a flash. Confusion rushed through her. Groaning, she buried her face in her hands. What was wrong with her? Why had she allowed him to touch her so personally, and what in heaven had possessed her to caress him back? The one thing going through her mind now was wondering how long these pleasurable tingles would remain inside of her. Yet, deep down inside, she didn’t want them to disappear. Ever.

  Chapter Eleven

  Adella walked beside Violet that afternoon as they strolled down the main street window shopping, just as Violet had promised. Today’s heat seared through Adella’s dress, but she wore a lighter material and didn’t feel as suffocated as her cousin looked. Nonetheless, Violet’s chipper mood gnawed at Adella’s nerves. All she could think about was Gage and what had almost transpired between them at the fishing hole.

  More than anything, she wanted to confide her confusing, and very unsettled feelings to someone. Violet was out of the question, and for the first time that Adella could remember, she physically ached for her sisters—for their company that would definitely cheer her up. Lydia, especially was as intelligent as she was lovely, and Lydia could make sense out of anything. Right now, Adella wished for that in her life. Perhaps she should send a letter to Lydia to have her come...

  Adella shook that thought from her head. Now was not the time. Not until the Buchanan Gang was arrested—or hung.

  As she accompanied Violet into yet another shop, her mind returned to Gage and their moments by the stream. Nothing sinful had happened. Not really. Gage had comforted and shared her grief. Why then did her heart pump faster and her palms dampen every time she thought about Gage’s enticing lips? She really needed to get a grasp over her thoughts so she could stop wondering what it wo
uld be like to kiss him.

  Even more troubling was she’d had no will to stop his exploring hands. She could have easily moved away from his heated touch. Although there was nothing improper about the way he had caressed her neck, her arm, and rubbed her bottom lip, the fact remained—he’d touched her and she reacted. She shouldn’t have allowed it.

  With her mind preoccupied, she followed behind her energetic companion to the ready-made clothing section of the Mercantile. The store wasn’t busy this afternoon, and only a handful of patrons lingered inside—mostly older women who were caught up in gossiping near the quilt table.

  Violet held a forest green shawl underneath Adella’s chin. “Oh, this color looks lovely on you.”

  Adella shrugged. “It’s all right.”

  “Just all right? Why it’s downright fetching. I think you should get it. You need to spend that well-earned reward money, you know.”

  “I don’t need a shawl,” Adella reasoned.

  Violet abandoned the shawl and directed Adella to another table. “How about this?” She asked as she picked up a silky pink nightgown with no sleeves and a lacy bodice. Violet’s face flamed as she wadded the gown in a ball. “No, I don’t think we should get this for you. This particular garment is used on wedding nights.”

  Adella’s lips twitched as she held back a laugh. Poor innocent Violet. She arched a brow. “Violet, why don’t we buy it for you? Don’t you need this for your wedding?”

  Violet refolded the garment—neatly this time—then placed it back on the table. “I don’t need this.”

  “Do you already have one?”

  Violet didn't meet Adella’s eyes. “No.”

  “Then you need a gown like this.”

  “No, I don’t,” Violet insisted. “It’s too immodest.”

  Adella laughed. “Not if you’re married.”

  Her cousin’s face grew redder and she scowled. “We shouldn’t be discussing this.” She scurried to another table.

  Adella tilted her head, studying Violet’s behavior. Very odd... Why would a woman about to marry a handsome, vibrant man, act like a skittish mouse? “Since we are on the subject of marriage, can I ask you a personal question?”

  Violet continued to paw at the display of skirts. “Not if it’s about my wedding night.”

  Adella stifled a grin. “It’s not. I just want to know how you feel about marrying Gage.”

  Violet tossed a scowl over her shoulder as she continued rummaging. “How else should I feel? I’m excited, of course. I can’t wait.”

  Her cousin’s expression didn’t show any excitement at all. In contrast, Violet’s chipper mood suddenly disappeared. Something was definitely wrong.

  “All right then,” Adella said, “if you’re so excited, why do you keep postponing the wedding?”

  “Because there’s a lot of planning and preparing, and...and I don’t think I’ll have enough time.”

  Sounded like excuses to her. Adella pressed on, “Violet? Do you love Gage?”

  Her cousin dropped the skirt she’d been holding, then turned to Adella. “That’s a silly question. Of course I love Gage.”

  “Are you certain?”

  “Yes. I’ve loved him since we were young and I met him for the first time when his family traveled from Virginia City to visit us. I’ve known him almost all of my life, so how could I not love him? Why, he’s like a brother—” She stopped.

  Adella sucked in a quick breath. She understood perfectly, and shock vibrated through her. “A brother? You love him like a brother?”

  Violet’s cheeks flamed as she gave a dismissive wave. “No, I didn’t mean that. The feelings I have for Gage go much deeper than a mere brother. What I meant to say was that he knows me as well as one of my brothers, and well, we’ve loved each other for so long, it’s only right that we marry.”

  “Oh.” Adella picked up a blanket, pretending to examine it. For some reason, Violet was lying through her teeth.

  “Why all the questions?”

  Adella shrugged. “I’ve just noticed a few things that are out of place.”

  Violet faced her. “What do you mean by that?”

  Adella studied her cousin’s curious gaze. “Well, last night, for example, while we were at the house, Gage put his arm around you only once, and it didn’t stay around you very long. He didn’t walk around with you or hold your hand.”

  Violet snorted a laugh then quickly put her hand to her mouth. “Are you jesting with me? Of course you are, because you cannot possibly be serious. You’re worried over little things like that?”

  “It’s not a little thing. If Gage really loves you, he wouldn’t be able to stay away. He’d touch you like a precious piece of glass, delicate and tender, and when his eyes met yours, they’d smolder dreamily as if he’d never seen anything so breathtakingly beautiful in his life.”

  A louder laugh erupted from Violet, but this time she didn’t cover it. “Adella, you sound as if you’re the one in love.”

  Panic surged through her. Guilt pricked her conscience. “What?”

  “Adella? Have you had those feelings before? Were you in love with a boy in Lewiston?”

  Adella slowly released a puff of air between her lips, and then shook her head. “I did like one man—the mayor’s son. I think I was infatuated, but I don’t know if I was in love. However, I did a lot of dreaming, and I know when I finally do fall in love, I’ll act the same way I’ve just described.”

  The smile slowly left Violet’s face as she turned back to the clothes. “Gage and I used to be that way when we were younger. Now that we’re adults, things have changed. We know we love each other, but we don’t always have to touch or kiss.”

  “What?” Adella gasped in surprise. “He doesn’t kiss you?”

  “Shh,” Violet hushed her, pulling her closer. “We kiss, but not often,” she ended in a whisper.

  Adella’s hands clasped tightly with her cousin’s. “Violet, you certainly don’t sound like a woman who wants to get married.”

  “Of course I want to get married. I’m twenty-five years old. If I wait any longer, I’ll be considered an old maid.”

  “If you ask me, Gage should be more attentive. I wouldn’t want to marry someone I love as a brother.”

  Violet shrugged. “Gage is just acting normal.”

  Adella wanted to gasp again. Normal? This couldn’t be normal, especially when she’d experienced something entirely different with Gage this morning. “What is that supposed to mean—he’s acting normal?”

  “It means he doesn’t like all that cozying and kissing. He shows his affection in other ways.”

  In disbelief, Adella shook her head, still not connecting to what her cousin was telling her. Perhaps they weren’t talking about the same man. “You have got to be jesting! I thought all men liked kissing.”

  “So did I.” Violet sighed sadly. “I suppose Gage is just different.”

  “For some reason, I find that hard to believe.”

  Violet’s brows drew together. “Be nice. I know you don’t like him, but at least give him the benefit of the doubt. Gage is a good man, very loyal, very dedicated, and always trustworthy.”

  Adella’s bark of laughter rang out and echoed through the almost empty store. “Violet? You’ve just described Gage as if he were an old, obedient dog.”

  It took a second, but Violet’s mouth twitched into a grin. “Let’s drop the subject.” She handed Adella a skirt. “I want you to try this on.”

  “Why are we shopping for me? You’re the one who needs clothes. In fact, we should be buying things for your new home.”

  Violet shrugged. “We’ll do that later. Right now, I want us to be girls again. As you said this morning, we haven’t done much together, and it’s high time we did. Besides, where else will you spend that reward money?”

  “No,” Adella replied. “I think maybe I’ll save the money for now.” Since Uncle Marvin was in need of money for a good doctor, she figured the
reward money could go to him.

  The subject about Gage dropped as Adella and her cousin walked to another shop. Violet chattered on about other things, but Adella couldn’t stop thinking about what they’d talked about. Violet’s Gage and the man who held Adella so passionately in his arms this morning were two different men. Grudgingly, she admitted he was a caring person. Whether he’d been like that in Lewiston, she’d never know, but here in Bonner County, she saw him in a different light. Even when he had hog-tied her to the horse, he’d been worried about her comfort which was why he didn’t want her walking to town.

  She frowned. Finding Gage’s faults were going to be a lot harder than she’d originally thought. Especially if she let herself think nice things about him.

  Later that evening after the dinner dishes were washed and put away, her cousins went their different ways, leaving Adella by herself. She decided to check on the livery stable. She hadn’t stepped foot inside the barn since this morning, and she felt the urgency to see if Nate and Charles had closed up shop properly.

  Not wanting to ruin her dress, she slipped on another pair of tight trousers, a regular blue cotton shirt that stretched apart at the buttons, and a pair of Nate’s old boots. She glanced down at the clothes and grimaced. Obviously, she couldn’t wear these much longer because they were so small, but since she was going to the livery there was nothing else to wear.

  The five-minute walk from the house in the quiet night did her good. The lantern gently swung beside her as she carried it into the barn. Right away, she noticed her cousins had already fed and watered the horses. As she moved from stall to stall, she admired the quarter horses that had been brought in this morning for boarding. When she passed by the hayloft her gaze lifted to the rafters and she smiled. She had spent much of her adolescent years up there hiding from her cousins in a playful game.

  A sudden noise drew her attention to the barn door. Her heart hammered wildly when she recognized Gage’s tall frame silhouetted against the moonlight as he came running in. When he saw her, he came to a complete stop.