Arrow of Time (Marauders)

by Andersson, Lina

“First of all, darling, you're not a part of that. You're a part of your family, your sister, your niece and her family. That's all you're a part of. You have no say in the rest of it. You never will have, so it's not on you.”

  “It's not that simple.”

  “Yeah, it is. What the club does isn't on you.”

  “But, Brick...” He wouldn't let me finish.

  “No! There's no 'but'. It's not on you.”

  “Ever heard that quote about the problem not being the acts of evil people, but the silence of the good people?”

  “Honey, you can scream your lungs out if it makes you feel better. We really wouldn't give a shit, because when it comes to the club, we don't give a shit what other people think.” I turned my head and looked at him; he was smiling. “So as long as you're not planning on going to the cops to rat us out, where you are and what you do or say, doesn't matter. It won't make a difference”

  I wasn't going to do that. That had actually not even been in my thoughts, and I shook my head.

  “I wouldn't do that.”

  “I know, that's not what I meant.” He looked towards the horizon again. “Girl, you don't have to change your opinions or convictions to be with him, you just have to decide if you're okay with him not sharing them.”

  “I'm not sure it's that easy.”

  “In the end, honey, it really is. Not the decision, that's tough as hell, but the facts are that easy. You've found a man you love and who loves you. He's going to protect you and provide for you, but do it in a way that you don't like. Can you live with that or not?”

  To me, it wasn't that easy. Could I live in a home with things I knew had been paid with money from that? How much of what I felt now just came from the shock of finding out? When I still didn't answer, Brick continued to speak again.

  “You also need to decide how long you're gonna keep running. You can't change the past, the things you've seen, done or been through. But one of these days you're gonna have to decide what you want your future to be, because that you can influence. You deserve a good future. You've gone through enough shit in your life.”

  “And you're saying I can get a good future here?” I might have sound a little sarcastic.

  “I can't answer that, only you can. What I can tell you is that I doubt Mel is all that fucking thrilled about how I make a living. She just decided that the good outweighed the bad.” I looked up at him and he smiled. “I can also tell you that the road is gonna be there, if you decide that it's too much, you can always leave. What you also need to remember is that leaving isn't just leaving Dawg. There's other people here who love you.”

  He was right. It wasn't just Dawg, it was all these people. Like Eliza, could I just leave her behind? And Lanie, my brave, beautiful sister.

  I saw that My Little Pony painted on my truck. Dawg hated it and I'd kept it there just to tease him. I'd caught him trying to paint it over and stopped him. It bugged him every time he saw it. I'd wondered how he'd managed to paint something so good, and he'd refused to tell me who helped him, but after seeing Vi's paintings and asking him about it, he admitted it was her. She'd apparently been worried that I'd get angry at her, so she'd sworn him to secrecy.

  Conflicting emotions were raging through me, and with a sigh I looked at Brick. I couldn't leave them all. I really couldn't, so sooner or later I'd have to come back and maybe I for once should just deal with shit immediately. Try it out for a change.

  “Well, I can't go home, can I?”

  “No you took care of that part,” he agreed. “Next time bring the key, and you can sneak back without anyone knowing you changed your mind”

  “I'll try to remember that.”

  “We have a guestroom.”

  “I know you do.” But dealing with it didn't mean waiting in the guestroom for Dawg to come and get me. “How bad a shape do you think he's in?”

  “Don't think he's gone through more than half of the bottle yet.” He stood up and held out his hand to help me up.

  “So how should I change the world now?” I asked as we walked to the car.

  “Fuck me if I know. I gave up on that years ago. Like I said, I keep me and mine safe and happy to the best of my abilities. I'm trying to raise my kids into good people, with good hearts, sound ideas and a lot of love. That's problematic enough at times.”

  “You're doing a good job, Brick.”

  I still wasn't sure it was that easy, that you could just raise walls between you and the world and live by your own rules. At the same time I'd known all along that that was exactly what they did. They created their own version of the planet, lived in it and didn't give a shit about what was going on outside of the walls.

  But Brick was right, too. I couldn't keep running forever. Standing by the truck I turned towards him.

  “I love you and... I promised Lanie I'd tell you this,” I took a deep breath. “I forgive you for telling Dawg about me.”

  “Oh, I know you do.” He got into the truck and then turned towards me when I sat down in the passenger seat. “Do you like dogs?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Got this buddy down at the dog rescue center, takes care of dogs. Could give him a call.” He smiled when I stared at him. “I know you're not saving the world, just dogs, but it's something.”

  “Are you giving me one of those 'offers I can't refuse' so I'll stay?”

  “Maybe,” he answered with a sly smile. “So should I give him a call?”

  I nodded. “Yes, please.”

  “My house or the clubhouse, girl?”

  “Clubhouse,” I mumbled. Might as well get that over with.

  -o0o-

  When I walked into Dawg's room, he was lying on the bed. The bottle was on the nightstand, and he hadn't been drinking that much. It was more than half full. He looked surprised when he saw me.

  “Hi?”

  “Hi. Brick caught me and dragged me back.”

  “Really?” He smiled.

  “No.” I dropped the backpack on the floor, walked up to the bed and crawled towards him. “We talked. I need to tell you something.”

  I laid down and rested my head on his shoulder, and then I told him about Togba. I told him about other things, too. He asked me about when I'd treated gunshot wounds. We talked for hours. Somewhere in the middle, he ordered food for us and Bucket brought it in.

  Finally he turned towards me, carefully stroking my cheek.

  “If I'd known, I would've told you differently.”

  “I know. Not sure you would've told me at all.”

  “I would've, but not like I did.” He gave me a careful kiss. “So you used to cook and eat bugs?”

  “Yes. They're not bad.”

  He nodded. “I hate to tell you this, but it does explain why you can't cook for shit.”

  “I'm not that bad!”

  “Honey, I could've killed people with your muffins, you even managed to mess up mac and cheese!”

  “Think you can live with that?” I mumbled.

  “Baby, if you can live with my flaws, I can order in. Think you can?”

  I nodded, and he visibly exhaled. He'd obviously not been sure about it.

  “So how did you talk to them?”

  “The kids?” I asked, and he nodded. “English is the official language in Ghana.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes,” I gave him a kiss. “Any other questions?”

  “Just one,” he mumbled against my lips. “When I ask you to marry me, what kind of a ring should I have?”

  “You're gonna ask me to marry you?”

  “Eventually. I'd like to know, just so you don't throw me out.”

  “Just ask me, you don't need a ring.” I stroke his cheek. “Not sure I want Marauder ink right now, though.”

  “I kind of figured you wouldn't,” he said and had a sad smile. “Think I can put some other ink on you?”

  “Yeah. Something for you. I'd like that”

  It wasn't perfect, all this, but it
was still the best I'd had. I had a family here, staying wasn't just for Dawg, and it wasn't for the rest of them either. It was for me.

  -o0o-

  Friday, July 5th

  DAWG SAW EDIE WALKING from the truck with a laundry basket and ran up to her after getting off the bike.

  “Been fondling my underwear?” He said as he took the basket from her and gave her a kiss.

  “Licked on all of them as well.”

  “Nice.”

  “Thought you'd like that.” She pulled out her keys and unlocked the door. “Vi is coming today as well.”

  They were having a girls' night. Eliza had informed him that the movie they were going to watch that night was 'Spirited Away' and that he wasn't in it at all. That was apparently the punishment for not planning on being there for the girls’ night. But she hadn't told him that Vi was coming.

  “Didn't know that.” He put the laundry basket on the floor. “Why?”

  “She's... I don't know. She seems...” Edie looked at him with a small smile. “I don't know, she just seems lonely.”

  He put his arms around her and gave her a kiss. When she'd told him about Togba he'd understood that thing she had for being around kids. She liked them, and she also had a big heart. So seeing someone like Vi, who mostly sat quiet and watched people, probably made her all mushy. He liked that about her. Vi was a bit lonely; she was also really, really shy, and he'd heard she had a lot of problems in school. He liked her, though, and he still owed her for helping him paint that horse on Edie's truck. It wasn't her fault that Edie refused to remove it.

  “She'd like that.”

  “Think she needs to get away from Ella a little.”

  “Ella?”

  “They argue a lot. Or rather Ella yells. It's... I don't like it.”

  He hadn't noticed that, but figured Edie saw a lot more of the women and kids than he did. He gave her nose a kiss.

  “So if I come home tonight, am I gonna have to sleep on the couch?”

  “No. Lanie's bringing an air mattress for the girls to sleep on. They're going to sleep in the living room. So you can sneak in if you're not too drunk.”

  It was church and then the usual party. Edie'd been with him to some of them; otherwise he tended to make sure he was capable to drive home.

  The huge fight about blood diamonds had been their worst, even if it wasn't the one where they'd yelled the most. He still knew it was the worst for her. It was just a month earlier, and things had been a bit weird for a while after it. He hadn't brought up the ink again, and he knew she wouldn't do the regular Old Lady’s tattoo, but she'd agreed to do something that was for him at least. They hadn't talked about it again, but the last week it seemed like they were back on track. He gave her a long, deep wet kiss with a lot of tongue, and when he broke it off she hit his arm.

  “Damn! You can't do that and then leave!”

  “I'll be back tonight.”

  “Can't have sex when there's kids here,” she laughed and went for the kitchen.

  “Gonna have to do it when we have our own kids. Not gonna stop fucking you just because we have kids.”

  She halted and turned around, staring at him.

  “You want kids?”

  “Not now, but in a few years... sure.” He noticed she was still staring at him. “Why? You don't want kids?”

  “I... hadn't thought about it.”

  She looked terrified and deeply shocked.

  “Are we gonna have another fight now? 'Cause I'm in a bit of a hurry and I don't want to have to pay the fine for missing church.”

  “No!” A smile broke on her face. “No. I just... I hadn't thought about it. But I think I'd like to have kids with you. Some day. Not now. In like five years or something.”

  He exhaled in relief, walked up to her and picked her up, holding her ass.

  “Something like that. No hurry, wanna have you to myself for a while.”

  “Go! You'll be late,” she laughed. “I'll see you later.”

  After church he hung out in the bar, and Bear came up to him.

  “Tell your Old Lady 'thanks' from me. Think Vi needs some time off from her mom sometimes.”

  “I will.” He didn't want to ask what that was about. No need in prying in other people's shit unless they felt like sharing. “It's no problem. She likes having kids over.”

  Bear nodded. “Think Ella's just... I don't know.” He shrugged. “I live with three women, and I don't get two of them most of the time. I get Vi. She's like me.”

  Dawg was about to laugh at the big, bearded guy comparing himself to the tiny, skinny girl who was probably stuffing her face with pink food in his living room at this very moment. But then he got it. Quiet people, who mostly observed others. There were some likenesses.

  “Edie'll take care of her.”

  Bear nodded and then dug in his pocket and gave Dawg a piece of paper.

  “Got you an appointment with Sami.”

  “Thanks, man!”

  “No problem,” he said with a smile and took off again.

  He wasn't that very drunk when he snuck inside the apartment. The two girls were sleeping on the mattress on the floor. Vi snuggled together in a tight ball and Eliza sprawled out on her back; he almost laughed at how telling how they slept was.

  Once he was in the bedroom he dropped all his clothes on the floor and got into the bed.

  “Nibbles,” he whispered into Edie's ear.

  “Mmmm...”

  “Got you an appointment with that tattoo guy I talked about. Next week. Still up for it?”

  She turned around and slung her leg over his hip.

  “Yeah.” She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Decided what of you I'm going to do?”

  “I was gonna suggest my cock, since you like it, but I don't think you'll agree.”

  “No. I wouldn't.”

  “So how about my owl? I know you like that one.”

  “I do.” She looked at him with big eyes. “How did you know that?”

  “You kiss it.” He had an owl on his right upper arm, facing forward, and he'd noticed that she often looked at it and sometimes put her lips on it. “I like that.”

  “It's nice. So, yes, I want that, in the same spot. Unless you've done that for some other girl.”

  “No. Frankly didn't have much thought behind it, I just liked it.” He dipped his head and licked her lips. “Mostly filling out space, but I like the idea of you having something of mine on you.”

  “So... wanna practice having sex with kids in the house?”

  “Yup,” he mumbled and pushed her over to her back. “I'm gonna want a lot of practice for having kids in the house and for making kids, I want to travel with you because I think that would be the best travel guide ever, and then I'm gonna propose and marry you, practice a bit more and then we'll have kids.”

  “And travel with the kids.”

  “We'll do that.”

  “We'll fight too.”

  “Oh yeah, I know that. Just, please, stay on this continent when you need to take off.”

  “I'll do my best.”

  EPILOGUE:

  It's a Truck, Baby

  -o0o-

  Saturday, August 9th, the following year

  EDIE STILL DIDN'T LIKE to celebrate her birthday, and Dawg knew that. The year before he'd taken her out to the desert, just like Vasco had told him that he had done on her birthday. This year she'd told him that she still didn't want any gifts, no cakes and no other people around. She wanted it to be just the two of them again.

  So he took her out to the same spot, put some blankets and pillows in the back of the truck and that's where they were sitting now, talking. It had been a good year; no big problems in the club, so that part of his life was good. The part with Edie was good, too. They still argued, she still took off when they argued, and it still drove him fucking insane that she did. She hadn't left the continent due to an argument yet, but she did take off to Vegas once and San Franci
sco another time. He hadn't gone after her. He figured that if she was pissed enough to leave the state he might as well leave her alone. She'd been gone for three nights on both occasions and came back all sweet and sorry, so it had been okay. It pissed him off, but he could live with it.

  She still had crazy ideas about other things. Like recycling, she'd thrown a beer bottle at him once because he'd put it in the wrong container. If he bought groceries she nagged about them not being eco friendly, and he had no fucking idea why because she still couldn't cook for shit no matter what kind of groceries he bought. He'd totally given up on the idea on her ever being able to cook. He figured he'd do the cooking when they had kids, or just take them up to Brick's. Mel was a great cook, and it would be her nephews or nieces anyway.

  Brick had come through when it came to her job. She was working at a dog rescue center, and on a fairly regular basis they argued about dogs; she wanted one and he didn't. Most often he won the argument by telling her that if she took off after a fight that fucking dog would be on its own, because he drank himself stupid at the club when she did. She took dogs home from work sometimes, for shorter periods to take care of them, and he was okay with that.

  She was sitting between his legs, resting against his chest, looking over the landscape.

  “I still miss him,” she mumbled. “I didn't know him for long, but I still miss him.”

  “I miss him, too.” He stroked his hand over the owl on her upper arm. It looked just like his, sitting down, facing forward and staring with big yellow eyes. “What did you talk about, when you two were here?”

  He'd tried to ask her on her last birthday, but she'd said she still wasn't ready to talk about him. They'd spent most of the night fucking in the back of her truck or talking about other things.

  “That it was selfish of me that I didn't let people celebrate my birthday, that it was a way for others, too, to show me how much they loved me.”

  “Sounds like the old man.”

  “Yes. And we talked about his daughter and about you.”

  “Me?” He'd known that Vasco had talked to Edie about him, just like he talked to him about Edie, but she'd never told him what he'd said. This seemed like a good opportunity to try again. “What did he say?”