by Darcy Kent
Every dirty novel you’ve ever read, every porno movie you’ve ever seen, had nothing on the way this man was touching me. One hand had already taken off my shirt and bra, the other continued rubbing my wet heat.
His tongue traced mine as my mind caught up to what we were doing. The sensation he was causing deep within me was driving me batty. Freaking batty.
I loved every feel, every erotic touch. His erection pressed against my thigh while I bucked my hips underneath him.
“Do you want me, Helena?”
“Yes, fuck yes,” I screamed.
“Tell me, tell me what you want.”
He stood from me as I lay there panting, he lowered his jeans to the floor, discarding his boxers in the process. His smile broke free across his face as his eyes raked over me. His body was pure sex, his eyes were trance-like as he gazed into mine.
“I want you to fuck me, Ryder,” I said, hoping, wishing, praying he would.
“Where?”
“Everywhere,” I yelled.
Pleased with my answer, he climbed onto the bed and hovered over me. He brought his lips down, and I leaned up to taste them.
They tasted so good, so damn good. He leaned back a bit and grabbed his throbbing cock in his hand. He pumped it a few times while his eyes caught mine.
“I want you so bad, Helena. I don’t know what you’re doing to me.” He pushed himself inside me after he had the condom in place.
It felt so good, so big. His dick was stretching me out, but I loved every moment of sex with him. He watched my face like I was made of glass and he was afraid of shattering me. My hand flew to the side of his cheek in a tender touch as I brought him down. Our lips hovered over each other, and that’s when I noticed the intense feeling my body was building to. My orgasm was close, showing her existence looming closer.
“Ryder, please.”
“Please, what? What do you need Helena, tell me you need my cock? Tell me you need me.”
I told him, and I repeated it so he knew I meant it. He rocked into me harder, going deeper than before. My legs wrapped around his back, and he reached behind him to trace his fingers along my calf. It was sexy.
“Tell me you want my cock. Tell me you want me.”
I screamed it back to him, begging for release. The feelings were building and I would tell him anything to have him never stop.
“Tell me, Helena.” The way he moaned my name, the way his eyes held mine- it was too much. Too insane.
I told him again how badly I wanted him as he kept up his punishing pace.
“Tell me you love my cock,” he groaned out.
“I love it. I love your cock,” I cried. And by crying, I was almost in tears of how emotional I was feeling, how insane our connection was. His chest pressed against my hard nipples, his hands running in my hair, across my cheek, and down my body. His breath across my lips, I begged for more.
“Tell me you love my cock, tell me you love…”
My mind was hazy, enjoying this moment. In this moment, I knew what Ryder wanted me to say, but how could I say that to him. How could I tell him I love him? Did he love me? No, crazy.
He begged me to tell him, pleading to my inner girly emotions. You know, the emotions that want the great love affair. The part of every girl that wants the romance. The great love story. The epic man.
This wasn’t me, was it? I was growing confused as my body was coming close to unraveling, and I clamped my mouth shut for fear of shouting at the top of my lungs I was in love with him.
His body picked up, as my body slammed down all around me. My orgasm ebbed and flowed like the ocean. My body shook and spasmed as he followed right after me. Shouting my name as he came.
He snuck a glance at me as he made his way out the door to head to the bathroom. When he came back, we kissed and then fell asleep in each other’s arms. It was the first time we actually slept in the same bed together…like just slept.
Chapter Seven
──────────────────────────
The moment I woke up, I knew I was in the bed alone. I jumped to my feet as my eyes darted to the clock. It was still early. Was Ryder still here?
I heard a commotion in the kitchen and peeked my head out of my bedroom door. Ryder was in the kitchen, then he was lacing up his shoes and I sprang into action. I slipped on my shoes, threw on a sweater and pulled my hair back into a band.
Ryder left the house, and I slid right out after him two seconds later. He walked down the busy streets of New York City, and I followed. Not too close, definitely not far enough to lose him. I had to know.
Where was he going? Where did he live? Please someone tell me something about this guy?
I was afraid for a moment I would lose him if he dropped down into the subway tunnels, but I stayed hopeful, and right on his fucking tail. Actually, I was pretty good at this shit, and thought about starting a future in private eye work.
When Ryder slowed near a building, I paused. He walked up the steps and disappeared behind the glass door. I took a few steps toward the entrance, but not wanting to be seen I decided to hold back a few minutes.
When I felt the coast was clear, I stepped inside the building. It was a huge lobby, and I didn’t know what I was doing. A man behind the counter glanced at me, asking me if I had an appointment.
“No, I’m sorry.” I stepped up to the counter and peered at him for answers. Why couldn’t this random man behind the counter answer all of my unasked questions about Ryder?
“Well, Dr. Nevins is very busy. Maybe you can make an appointment and come back.”
“Sure, absolutely.” I turned on my heel, and bolted from the building.
Gained with enough to play detective a little more, I pulled out my phone and typed in the name. Images of a Dr. Dawn Nivens filled my phone. She was a PhD, a psychiatrist, specializing with PTSD patients from the military. Military? Ryder was seeing a shrink?
Walking back to my place, my mind swirled with so many questions. I needed answers, and it was time Ryder started answering them.
When I made it back to my apartment, I opened the door and was met with Grant’s big eyes.
“Hey, Helena. How are you? It’s been a while, so I figured I’d stop by.”
“What in the morning? Before noon?” Anyone who was anyone in my life knew I never made it out of my bed before noon. Working in a bar, well, it was a zombie life I led. I was fine with it too. Early to bed, early to rise….I was the complete opposite.
“I just haven’t heard from you. I was worried.”
“Ha, yeah sure,” I said, pushing past him and flinging my body onto the couch.
“So, how have you been?”
“Really, Grant? You’re going to come over here and start with idle pleasantries? Please, I think you should go. It was fun while it lasted.” I’ll admit I was rude, a little rough around the edges, but sugar coating something that was never was….was well, just plain dumb. Nothing that never was- wasn’t. Okay, just some ridiculousness to consider.
Anyways, his eyes were wide like the ocean, and his mouth opened and closed like he was bobbing for apples at the damn county fair. He stood center in my living room, when there was a knock on my front door.
Oh God, kill me please. Who could that be?
Grant held his hand out for me to stay seated as he walked to the door and flung it open. And of course, right on fucking cue was Ryder. Looking dreamy and out of sorts as well. When I noticed his expression, I rose from the couch. Afraid to get too close.
Okay, Grant was being a hindrance and I needed him to go, because staring at Ryder he didn’t appear so good.
“Grant, I think you should go,” I said, making my way to the door.
Ryder stepped inside and his smile was immediate. “Yeah Grant, I think you should go.”
“What?” Grant still didn’t get it, did he?
Ryder chuckled, a sexy chuckle at that and crossed his arms over his mass
ive muscle-clad chest. “You heard the lady.”
“Fuck you,” Grant spat as he rushed out the door.
I didn’t think I’d be hearing from him ever again. Good.
Ryder walked inside and sank onto the couch as I shut the front door. The air was thick, and all of that. Swirling in the air was my questions I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I mustered up some courage and sat down beside him.
“You have to level with me Ryder, what’s going on?”
He turned to face me, fear in his eyes and then he let out a loud breath. “Fuck, okay I’ll tell you everything.”
Finally, my body wanted to stand up and start singing ‘Hallelujah’ while dancing simultaneously along with it.
His face grew solemn, and I could tell by the way he was hesitating he didn’t want to continue. I grabbed his hand in mine and offered him an encouraging smile. See, I could be nice when I wanted to be.
“I was in the military…fuck, no, I fought hard for my country. I saw things no one should ever see. I experienced things no man should ever have to experience.”
I scooted closer as he continued, “After my time overseas, I left the military and now I don’t know. After I left I came home, and everyone expected me to go back to normal. But, how could I? I didn’t even know what normal was anymore.”
“I’m sorry.” I was at a loss for words and tried my hardest to offer up some profound words of wisdom. But, let’s face it…I knew nothing of war. I knew nothing of what these brave women and men fought for to ensure our freedom.
He drew in a breath before he continued, “When I came home, my mother would stop by daily to check in on me. It was driving me insane. She figured I needed to talk with someone, and set up an appointment with a psychiatrist. I was furious, so I got the job at the club to piss her off. Then I stopped going home.”
Again, at a loss for words I just nodded.
“Then it wasn’t long until I couldn’t feel anything anymore. Like anything, I became a shell. Just kind of going through the motions. Do you know what that’s like, Helena?”
I shook my head. “No.”
Maybe I did, I mean it wasn’t like my life was all glam and glitter. I was a barmaid, and going nowhere. I felt things, but lately it felt more like all I ever felt was anger. Why was I always so angry? I spoke up before he could respond, “Actually, I haven’t felt anything in a long time either, well except for anger.”
“Why are you so angry?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
Ryder’s eyes met mine and he leaned in to grab my cheek with his hand. “Helena, for some reason you are the first person to make me feel, again.” His lips met mine, and I couldn’t think straight.
My heart opened, and I wanted to feel again too. All of my life I couldn’t understand how I got to this point. A few weeks ago, I wanted more than anything to leave New York, thinking it was the city’s fault as to why I was always angry. But, no it was me.
“Ryder, I want to feel you,” I muttered.
Ryder’s eyes held mine as he pressed his lips to mine again. He picked my body up off the couch and carried me off to my bedroom for one of the most intense love making sessions ever. I’d tell you all about it, but it was personal. Just me and him, together.
Chapter Eight
──────────────────────────
The next day, I asked Ryder about taking me to his place.
“Just one tiny peek,” I said, fixing my hair in the mirror.
“It’s messy.” He smiled.
We cleaned up our breakfast from the kitchen, and walked outside. The brisk air was cold against our skin as we hurried along to the subway platform.
“Are you nervous?” I asked as I watched him quietly stare out the subway window.
“Not nervous, just anxious.” His eyes shined as he spoke.
I didn’t like that he felt anxious, or anything. I wanted him to be comfortable to share his life with me. I wanted to push him further, but kept quiet. Maybe another time. We have time to share. Right? This isn’t ending anytime soon. I hoped.
A little while later we stood in Brooklyn, in front of a large brownstone and gazed up at the many windows.
“This place is really nice,” I said as he led me up the stairs.
“Yeah, I guess.”
It’s like he took it all for granted. Like he wasn’t pleased with where he lived. Again, my mouth was shut not questioning anything. Just happy to tag along.
He let me into his apartment, and I glanced around. Not much life dwelled here. Just random photos on the walls of nothing in particular. Is that a car in one?
“It’s nice,” I said, moving closer to the gray sofa.
“Want a tour?”
“Yes, please.” We sounded too formal, and I could tell he was nervous. I wondered why.
He led me around his stiff apartment. His master bedroom was all gray walls and white sheets. No real personality of anything.
At work Ryder was always laughing, he was the life of the party. But, here in his home it was different. A vacancy of himself exuded.
“This place doesn’t really seem like you.” I poked at the little green plant on the windowsill of the kitchen.
“It’s not. My mother decorated it. She felt this was how I needed to live. She says this is the house of a grown-up.”
“Oh.”
A grown-up, right. Yeah, I didn’t think I fell into that category either. Yet, I was grown. My apartment with the purple frilly comforter, and posters hanging around my room was all me.
When did society enforce a grown-up standard?
“Is that why you avoid it?”
“I just can’t grow up. Not like Peter Pan or anything. I feel like I can’t uphold the standards she has for me.”
I sat on the couch, and he sat next to me. “I know what you mean.”
“Do you? Like, after the war everyone expects me to just fall back into the swing of things and follow suit. But it’s hard.”
“No, I get it. My parents are always bugging me about college and getting my life on track.”
He scrubbed a hand against his jaw. “I just don’t think I can do it. Life is so fragile. I realized that overseas.”
“Yeah.”
“I had a friend Timothy. He was great, from Illinois. He used to laugh a lot. At anything. You say a joke, he’d laugh. Even if it wasn’t funny.”
I smiled. “That’s sweet.”
“He was killed in the line of duty. And I realized life is short. It could all be over in the blink of an eye. And then what are you left with. A life that didn’t mean shit.”
“Once it’s over it’s over.” I knew what he was getting at. And yeah, I agreed.
I didn’t want to be doing something I hated, just so one day I’d look back on my life and it’d be over.
“Yeah.” He leaned his head back into the couch.
“So, what do you want to do with your life?” I asked.
He opened his shining eyes and gazed at me. “I want to help people.”
“Help them how?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe counseling war veterans.”
I study him for a moment. “I think you’d be good at that.”
“You do? Why?”
I leaned over, planting my lips on his cheek. “Cause you’re a caring guy underneath all this bravado.”
“You think so?” He laughed. He used his fingers, tickling me along my ribcage as I squealed.
When he stopped, his eyes held a hint of sadness but it quickly was replaced by lust.
He lowered his head, capturing my lips with his. I opened my mouth to him. He kisses so good.
It moved me to want to be a better person. To make him see that I want to help him in his quest of finding himself.
As he kissed me, I made a vow to never let him go. I hoped and prayed he was making the same vow.
He tugged his fingers through my hair and I let out
a soft moan. He pulled me closer to his strong body, and I knew I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop.
“Ryder, make me come.” I was so forward, so unabashedly unashamed.
“Oh babe, I’ll do anything you ask.”
I wanted to ask him to be with me. To never stop. To move in with me permanently. But, I continued kissing him as he laid me back against the couch.
His hand was up my shirt in no time. His mouth following right behind. He sucked down along my nipple, and I yelped in delight. He threw my shirt off, and unsnapped my bra.
His eyes dug into mine as I felt my body build with heat. I didn’t want him to stop.
I ground my hips against him, and unzipped his zipper.
“Fuck, Helena,” he groaned.
He tugged his shirt over his head, showcasing all of his yummy muscles, and I tried not to drool.
After all the clothes were off, and the condom was set in place. Ryder took his sweet time making me come over and over. All night long.
Chapter Nine
──────────────────────────
A few days later, I was getting somewhere with Ryder, but I still had a niggling sensation rooted deep within. What do I want in life?
I didn’t know anything about military life or PTSD and wasn’t sure how much I would be able to help Ryder in the long run. Although, he did say I was the first person to make him feel anything.
And, if I’m being honest. He has been the first person to wake me up from this mood of destruction I felt as if I lived in. Like a sun had come into my orbit to make everything fall into place. A sense of awareness and all that other jazz was now this utter mess inside me and I wanted to figure my life out. But how?
I decided not to think about it too much as I woke up and traveled into my living room. Ryder was nowhere to be found and I figured he was with his shrink.
Maybe I should see one?
I picked up my phone and dialed Waverly’s number.
“Hey,” I said into the phone when he picked up on the second ring.
