Another Mazzy Monday

by Savannah Young

  Then George says, “If you tell the people of New Jersey that you’re gay, they’re going to want to know if you’re in a relationship. What are you going to say?”

  For the first time in my life I actually see some genuine emotion on my brother’s face. He sits down on the footstool in front of George and asks, “What do you want me to say?”

  George shakes his head. “It’s not just you coming out of the closet, Drew. You’re forcing me out of the closet too.”

  “I know,” Drew replies.

  “My mother goes to Mass every day.” George looks defeated. “She thinks being gay is a sin.”

  “Your mother loves you, George. She adores you. I really don’t think that’s going to change.”

  He nervously bites the inside of his cheek. “I hope you’re right.”

  “Speaking of parents,” I pipe in. “What about Mom and Dad?”

  “Will you go with me when I tell them?”

  I’m not sure how to respond. My perfectly put-together brother has never asked me, his messed-up little brother, for anything in his life.

  “Okay,” I say finally.

  “And I’d like you there too, Mazzy,” Drew urges.

  When I glance over at Mazzy her eyes are wide and she looks like she’s still in shock. I’m sure my brother hasn’t even considered how this will impact her. Her name is going to be pulled through the mud. The media will either accuse her of being ignorant because she didn’t realize she was engaged to someone gay or they’ll accuse her of being involved in some kind of cover-up. Either option will make her look bad.

  “If you’re going to come out I think you need to pay Mazzy more.” I stare at my brother for emphasis. “You know the press will rake her through the mud. She deserves a lot more than what you’re paying her.”

  My brother nods, “Of course.” Then he turns to Mazzy. “I’m really sorry about all of this. And it’s not your fault. I’m one hundred percent responsible and I’ll make sure the press knows that. I’ll tell them you’re completely innocent in all of this.”

  That seems to calm Mazzy down a bit. At least she no longer looks like she’s going to cry at the drop of a hat. I want nothing more than to take her into my arms and hold her, and that makes me realize that I’ve been living a lie as well.

  I glance over at Mazzy and I ever-so-slowly try to reach for her hand. It’s a test. To see if she wants to make our relationship public and stop lying about how we feel about each other.

  I hold my breath waiting to see how she’ll respond. Half of me thinks she’ll pull her hand away. Not that I’d blame her. The entire situation is completely messed up.

  To my surprise she doesn’t pull away. On the contrary her hand grabs on to mine like a magnet. And when I glance at her she smiles and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.

  “Since we’re all being honest and putting everything out there,” I say. “I also have a confession.”

  When Drew turns his attention back to me his eyes land right on our laced hands. “I know.”

  “You know what?” I probe.

  “About you and Mazzy. It’s pretty obvious the two of you are crazy about each other. You can’t keep your eyes off of each other.”

  “I know too,” George adds.

  “Is there anyone who doesn’t know?” Mazzy asks.

  “Mom and Dad,” Drew and I say in unison. We may not agree on much, but we both know our parents.

  ***

  Drew and George furiously dialed everyone on their campaign team to make sure they were aware of the news and asking them for their support. They also enlisted the help of their PR team to arrange a last minute press conference and help Drew craft the perfect message.

  Once all of those details were taken care of it was time to visit our parents.

  “I’m going to let you do most of the talking,” I tell my brother as the four of us approach the front door of my parents’ house.

  “And how is that different than any other time in our lives?” Drew jokes.

  I’m glad to see my brother has retained his sense of humor even if he’s never been all that funny.

  When I take Mazzy’s hand I ask, “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

  “I don’t want them to think I’m some kind of slut.”

  I smile. “I don’t think you can be a slut when you’ve had sex a few times with the same person. It’s kind of the opposite of that.”

  “Your mother is going to hate me.” There’s genuine concern in her voice.

  “Join the club,” I offer.

  Drew takes in a deep breath before he rings the doorbell.

  When my father opens the door I’m surprised to see that he’s a bit disheveled. That’s not like him. He’s usually completely put-together just like Drew. Maybe someone in the media has already gotten to him too.

  “Come in.” His tone is clipped as he steps back to make room for us to enter.

  My mom doesn’t look much better. She’s not wearing any makeup and her normally well styled hair is a bit askew.

  “Why don’t we sit down in the living room,” my dad suggests.

  As we follow my parents I try to remember the last time I was in that creepy room. The antique furniture and decorations they selected for the room always made me think of a funeral home. I wouldn’t go anywhere near it when I was a kid.

  It’s not much better as an adult. The room is cold and sterile. It doesn’t feel lived in probably because my parents rarely use it.

  Mazzy and I sit on a small loveseat and Drew and George take seats on the couch. My parents both sit in high-backed chairs on either side of the loveseat.

  After a few moments of uncomfortable silence Drew begins, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I called this meeting.”

  “Let’s cut with the crap,” my father interrupts. “We all know why we’re here. We want to know what you plan on doing about it.”

  Drew looks completely struck, like my dad just slapped his face. And I guess he did verbally. It takes a moment for Drew to regroup before he says, “What exactly do you know?”

  “Your mother and I got a phone call. From some blogger. He said he was going to run a story about you and your extracurricular activities in college. He wanted us to comment.”

  Drew’s face has turned pure white and he looks like he’s going to be sick. For the first time in my life I actually feel bad for my perfect brother, who maybe isn’t so perfect after all.

  After he takes in a deep breath Drew says, “This obviously isn’t how I wanted you to find out.” He sounds like he’s in agony. I never thought I’d live to see the day when my brother expressed an honest emotion. It’s definitely not as satisfying as I thought it would be. I feel bad for him.

  He continues. “I don’t think I should keep my sexual orientation a secret anymore. I don’t think I can even if I wanted to. And I don’t think I want to anymore.”

  “It’s not a secret,” my mother says. “We’ve always had an idea…”

  Drew’s jaw drops. Another first. He’s completely let down his guard and is actually responding like a human being rather than a robot programmed for political success.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” Drew stares at our mother.

  She heaves a sigh. “We thought you’d have an easier time in politics if you weren’t gay. So we never mentioned it.”

  “Did you think being gay would just go away?” Drew’s voice is laced with bitterness.

  My mom just shakes her head. She looks like a balloon that has been completely deflated.

  My dad’s lips are pursed so tight he looks like he just sucked on a lemon. “This will ruin your political career.”

  “I hope not,” Drew says. “I’m going to be completely honest. I’m going to tell the people of New Jersey why I lied and ask for their forgiveness. And I’m going to continue to run as an openly gay candidate.”

  “And you think the party will support you?”

  “They won’t ha
ve a choice. I’m not going to resign.”

  We’re all quiet for a few moments while it all sinks in. Then my mother clears her throat and finally speaks. “Is George your—um …”

  “George is my partner, Mom. He has been for five years.”

  That doesn’t seem to surprise my mom as much as I thought it would. She nods. Then she says, “What about Mazzy?”

  Drew responds quickly. “She is completely innocent in all this. She had no idea I was gay. I never told her.”

  “Not completely innocent,” Mazzy says and then she looks at me.

  “Mazzy and I are together,” I admit.

  My mom, the woman who never shuts up, doesn’t say a word. She just nods and looks down at her slippered feet.

  “When is the press conference?” my dad asks.

  “Tonight. Eight o’clock. I’m sure everyone is wondering why I’m calling one so late. They’ll assume it’s big news and it’ll probably be packed. But I’ve got to get ahead of the story.”

  My dad nods. We all sit in uncomfortable silence for a few more moments until my dad says, “Your mother and I will be there for you. We’ll support you.”

  Drew frowns like he doesn’t actually believe it. “You will?”

  My dad nods. “I’m not going to pretend that I understand it. And it will take me a while to get used to it. But you’re my son and I’ll be there for you.”

  I’ve never seen Drew cry, but I can see his eyes are getting wet. He does his best to blink back the tears.

  “Now let’s practice your speech,” my dad says. “You’ll need to get just the right tone if you expect this to work.”

  I can’t help but smile. My dad and my brother truly are politicians in every sense of the word. They can’t let something like my brother finally coming out stand in the way of winning the election.

  ***

  Mazzy and I decide that it’s best if we don’t hold hands at the press conference. The media will have enough fodder with my brother’s announcement. We don’t need to add our relationship into the mix. But we both stand next to my brother at the podium, along with my parents and George, for support.

  The small hall is packed with reporters. When Drew takes the microphone all eyes are on him. I notice a small bead of sweat roll down his temple. My brother has never looked so nervous in his life. Things are definitely changing.

  The crowd grows silent when Drew takes the stage. He clears his throat before he begins his speech:

  I’m sure you’re all wondering why I called this press conference. First and foremost I want to apologize. I lied to the people of the great state of New Jersey and for this I am truly sorry. I also lied to my family. And I lied to my fiancée, Mazzy. I’ve lived a lie my entire life. I’ve lived a double life for far too long. And I’m tired of lying. Being in the closet can make a person do things he wouldn’t normally do. One of the things I did was pretend to be engaged to a woman so that voters would approve of me and accept me. I didn’t think voters would accept me for who I am. No openly gay person has ever been elected into office as governor, or President of the United States for that matter, and I didn’t think you’d elect me if you knew I was gay.

  By remaining in the closet, I gave the impression that being gay is something to hide. By refusing to be honest with my constituents about who I am I was sending a message that being gay is something to be ashamed of. I no longer want to hide who and what I am. I thought I was being strong by staying in the closet, but now I realize it shows much more strength to come out. I thought I was doing the right thing by remaining quiet about my sexual orientation, by keeping it private. But I now realize as a public servant I no longer have a private life. And I realize the right thing is to tell the truth. I am gay. I have been in a monogamous, loving relationship with another man for several years, and I’m very proud of that relationship.

  Ever since I was a child I had a dream to be the Governor of the great state of New Jersey. I wanted to do my part to help my home state and also my country in any way I could. I didn’t think it would be possible for me to achieve this dream and be gay at the same time. I hope the voters of this great state will prove me wrong on Election Day. I hope you’ll vote for me, Drew Graham, because I’m the right person for the job. Period. Thank you.

  Once my brother steps away from the microphone he’s bombarded with questions, but he just waves them away. He’ll have no choice but to answer them eventually, but it doesn’t look like he’ll be answering them tonight.

  “How do you feel?” George asks Drew as we all head into a back room.

  “Free,” Drew replies. “For the first time in my life I feel free.”

  “That went as well as could be expected,” our dad comments.

  Our mother has been uncharacteristically quiet since my brother came out. But I can see in her eyes that something inside is percolating.

  Finally she turns to Mazzy and says, “I hope you’re planning on moving out tonight.”

  If my mom had slapped her in the face Mazzy would probably look less shocked.

  Drew shakes his head. “That’s not necessary, Mom. She doesn’t have to move out right away.”

  “Well she’s no longer engaged to my son.” She looks Mazzy up and down. “It wasn’t even a real engagement, was it?”

  Mazzy is now blinking back tears and it’s ripping me apart.

  “And she was involved with my younger son while she was supposed to be engaged to my older son. What kind of a woman does that?”

  I can’t hold my tongue any longer. “Stop, Mom. This isn’t Mazzy’s fault.”

  My mother’s lips are pursed so tight they look like a raisin. Then she turns her rage towards me. “You’re not much better. You betrayed your brother with his fiancée.”

  “You can’t help who you fall in love with, Mother.” The words escape my lips before I have a chance to stop them. Do I love Mazzy? My declaration has surprised me.

  And it’s apparently surprised everyone else as well. Both my mother and brother are slack jawed and Mazzy’s eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen them.

  “She has to go,” my mother says finally once she’s managed to pick her jaw up from the floor.

  “What do you want, Mother?” I say. “Why are you being so cruel?” Not that my mother can’t be mean, but this seems like an all-time low for her.

  “I just want a normal family.” Now she’s the one who is blinking back tears.

  “This is normal. It’s your picture perfect ideal that’s not normal. This is what human beings are really like. We’re all perfectly imperfect.”

  My mother shakes her head. “This isn’t what your father and I worked so hard to achieve.

  “It’s okay,” Mazzy says. “I can pack up my stuff and go. I’ll phone my sister to pick me up.”

  Before I have a chance to stop her Mazzy hurries away. I notice that Drew didn’t defend her and he didn’t even try to stop her.

  “If Mazzy goes, I go,” I tell my mom. She doesn’t seem the least bit upset about my departure.

  Eleven

  Mazzy

  “Things could be worse,” Suzie says as she helps me pack up my clothes and personal items.

  “How could they possibly be worse?” I toss the camel pantsuit that Austin said made me look like Hillary Clinton into my suitcase. “The press has pulled me through the mud. The papers that aren't calling me a dumb blonde who fell for a gay man are basically calling me a liar who was just in it for the money.”

  “Can’t you be both?” my sister teases. She can always find a way to make me smile. “Look, we've got a quarter of a million dollars. It's enough to get our business started. People in Old Town won't care about all the political stuff as soon as they taste our waffles and French toast.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  She throws my new shoes into a smaller bag. “I’m always right.”

  “I'm sorry.” I heave a big sigh. “I just can't seem to get excited about much right now.
”

  My sister eyes me. “This is about Austin, isn’t it?”

  I nod. “I haven't seen him since he had the big fight with his mom. He knew I was going to be moving out today.”

  “I know you really like him.”

  “A lot,” I admit. “I'm just not so sure how he feels about me now that the shit has all hit the fan.”

  “I have a surprise,” Suzie says.

  I furrow my brow. “What's that?”

  “You'll have to wait and see. I think it will cheer you up.”

  Seeing Austin might be the only thing that could cheer me up at this point, but I don't want to burst my sister's bubble. She seems genuinely excited.

  Once the rest of my stuff is packed I take one more look around the room. As crappy as things have turned out part of me is still going to miss the lake house. And also miss spending time here with Austin.

  Suzie and I grab all of my bags and carry them downstairs and out to her truck. I take once more quick look back at the lake house as I shut the passenger door.

  ***

  “We’re going to make a quick stop,” Suzie says as she pulls into a parking space on the Main Street. Old Town has had its ups and downs but in the past few years it's been completely revitalized. As much as the locals hate to admit it a big part of the downtown business boom can be attributed to the tourist traffic at the Tawnee Mountain Resort.

  We both hop out of her truck and I follow Suzie down Main Street. She stops right in front of what used to be an ice cream shop, but has been vacant for a while.

  “What do you think about renting this spot for our restaurant?"

  I narrow my eyes at her. “What are you not telling me?”

  “I already spoke to the landlord. He's willing to give us a really good deal because the place has been vacant so long. It's a little too small for a lunch or dinner place, but I think we could make it work, especially if we do some take-out, with coffee and muffins, or some other baked goods.”

  I peek into the window. The place looks abandoned, lonely and empty. Kind of how I feel right now. But it also looks like it has a lot of potential. It’s roomier than I thought it would be and there’s something about the location that feels right.