by Ivy Knight
His words feel like another slap to my face.
I take a deep breath and the air hitches on its way out as the tears I held back start to stream down.
"Is that all?"
"For right now," he responds. My head drops and my tongue darts out moisturizing my dry lips as I head out.
Chapter 51
I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. Born with a label, I never worried about what I'd do once I graduated school. I always knew I'd help the family out by working on the field and eventually marry Alessio creating a new alliance.
But when Nick ripped that label into shreds and I escaped his hold, I prospered for something different. I wanted a family. Not the one I was born with, but one that didn't persuade my every decision to profit them.
I wanted to be okay. In every sense of the word, I wanted everything to be okay. I wanted being weak to be okay, I wanted being happy to be okay, I wanted forgetting to be okay, but today, I know that everything I wanted was never okay.
The title I was born with, will always follow me as long as the approval of my family isn't given to me.
I can run, I can hide and I can fight, but in the end, I'm only as strong as I'm willing to push myself and frankly, it seems I've lost it all trying to keep myself together for the past two weeks.
"Summer?"
For a moment, everything goes black before I find a pair of brown eyes looking at me with concern. His face displaying a small smile visible through his grown beard, I find it hard to utter a word.
"Are you okay?" his hand extends out resting on my left shoulder.
His touch is gentle to an outsider, but invasive to me, causing me to jerk.
"I'm sorry," I sigh heavily.
"It's okay," Alessio replies unsure of the situation in his hands.
I clear my throat and let out a deep breath before I lift my head. Putting on a smile, I realize that he's still standing at the door.
"Uh, I'm so sorry you weren't – your flight wasn't supposed to land until later this evening?" I inquire.
"I had to leave Italy two days ago for an urgent meeting elsewhere and this was the only flight I could book. I realize I should've informed Xavier beforehand. My apologies."
"Uh, no it's fine. Come in," I open the door further giving him room to enter. He walks in carrying two suitcases.
"Roe!" I yell. Two seconds later, he comes. "Can you take Alex's stuff up to my room?"
He nods in response and takes Alex's luggage up without wasting another second.
"Is no one home?" Alessio questions.
"Father is at a meeting and everyone else is attending to a shootout downtown that killed six of our men. Severely injured three," I explain.
"And you didn't go along to assist, because?"
"I rarely do field work considering I need to be alive to marry you," I retort.
"I see," he nods, bobbing his head.
"Do you want to eat or freshen up first? I can show you to our room or to the dining table."
"I think freshening up sounds like a good idea," he replies.
"Okay," I say as I head in the direction of our room. "So, how's Lucas?"
"He's old, sitting up now. He's with Elenora if you're curious."
"Elenora?"
"The woman I once wanted to marry."
"I see, I'm sorry."
"I'm sure we've both lost a lot more than we once expected to," he assures.
"I guess we might have," I say as I open the door to my room. "So, by now if you haven't figured it out, we're sharing a room. The closet has my clothes in it, but the dresser is empty for yours and there's extra stuff in the washroom cupboards if you ever run out of anything."
"Thank you," Alessio replies.
"No problem, I'm just gonna head downstairs and see what the chefs are cooking up. It might be a while until everyone gets home though."
"Of course, I understand."
"Okay, I'll be downstairs then if you need me."
"Okay," he bobs his head.
...♛...
Sitting at the table, I play with the food on my plate. Father and Giuliano both arrived earlier and are making small conversation at the table. I see their mouths moving, yet can't hear a word.
Everyone else hasn't returned. I've tried calling Anthony and even Dean, but they're not picking up.
"Summer?"
"Huh? Sorry."
"We were talking about what date would work best for all of us," Giuliano explains. "The engagement party, we think, should be held next week on Friday."
"That works," I smile.
"And the wedding?"
"Oh, uh I..." I look around the table. Every one of their eyes are tuned on me waiting for my response. "I was thinking any time after graduation. I know it might be a little late, but I'd like to finish my education and have some time to tie up loose ends here before I move to Italy."
"A June wedding sounds perfect," Alessio comments. His words are short, but I know they're enough to get Giuliano and my father to both agree.
"I'm sure we can make that work. What date does school end?"
"Twenty-eighth," I reply.
"How does the thirtieth of June sound then?"
"That sounds great," my father answers.
"Okay then, the wedding is set for the thirtieth of June," Giuliano smiles.
With not much excitement, I display a small smile in reply.
'You okay?' Alessio mouths from across the table and I bob my head in an effort to assure him.
"Father!" The whole house rattles as the front doors bang open.
Everyone from the table gets up without hesitation and runs to the front door. Soaked by the rain, I find Alec carrying Amelia in his arms. Her eyes closed, both her and Alec are dripping of blood.
On the side, I find Vince and Anthony helping Kai who is still conscious, yet hardly manages to keep his eyes open. Dakota, Cole and Dean on the other hand seem better than the rest. They're covered in blood, but whatever injuries they're supporting, aren't as severe as the rest.
"Alec, take Amelia to the hospital room upstairs and get the nurse to look her over until the doctor comes. The rest of you stitch yourselves up," I order.
"Bring Kai to the couch."
Vince and Anthony nod and help him over to the couch where they lie him down.
"Bring the first aid kit," I tell Anthony before I kneel down to Kai's level.
"Stop," Kai jerks back in pain.
"Shut up and stop moving," I order. Without hesitation, I rip his shirt off and scan over his abdomen.
There's bruises everywhere, but since the cuts aren't deep, my nervousness lessons. My eyes travel lower, down his abdomen, where I find the source of most of his pain. It's a deep knife wound, about three inches wide.
I turn him to the side to see if it goes all the way through, but I sigh in relief when I see the skin on his back still intact.
"I need a shirt," I turn my head and tell Alessio. For a second, he stands there thinking, but then takes off his own and hands it to me. "Thank you."
"Here," Anthony hands me the first aid kit.
"Okay, Kai. This is gonna hurt like a bitch," I warn before pouring an antiseptic onto the wound.
"AH-UGH!" he grits his teeth squirming around.
"I need you guys to hold him down, there's no numbing cream," I tell Anthony and Alessio. Alessio stands holding Kai's shoulders down while Anthony keeps his legs down.
Finding the top of the wound, I insert the needle in and out through the other end. I hesitate each time repeating the motion, because every time, Kai screams loudly against his bests efforts not to.
"Why are you here?" Kai speaks through his gritted teeth trying to distract himself through the pain.
"Business," I explain. Alessio looks at me with a skeptical look and I nod my head indicating him not to say anything.
"Summer, you-"
"I know how to stitch the wound properly, Anthony," I cut him off with a stare te
lling him to stop talking.
"What – business?" Kai grits.
"Summer fucking White!" I hear Dakota yell from the other side of the room.
"What?" I groan. Dakota stands towering over me and waits to continue until I'm done stitching up Kai.
Once I'm done, I stand up cleaning my hands with some wipes from the first aid kit.
"You're engaged to Alessio?"
"She's what?" Kai words sitting up.
"Fucking lay down, Kai. The stitches are only temporary," I explain pushing him back down.
"Ugh- fuck," he groans.
Before I can turn back around to face Dakota, Kai stops me by holding my hand and preventing me from walking away.
"Are you marrying Alessio?" he asks. His eyes are wide open and waiting for my answer.
"I am," I reply lowly. His face already contoured into an unreadable expression, I have no idea how he's reacting to the news. But it's for the best. This way, it'll be easier for me to convince myself to not hope for something that I can never get.
Once Kai's grip falls, I turn around to face Dakota.
"I'm marrying Alessio and I was waiting until it was official to tell everyone."
"So is that why you haven't talked to anyone for the past two weeks? Amelia, Alec, Cole and I have been stressed the fuck out trying to figure out what happened to you."
"Dakota, I don't think this is the best time to discuss this matter. I'll talk to you guys about it later, but for now, can someone tell me what happened?"
"We took most of the men down when we got there, but more and more kept on coming out of nowhere. We eventually got outnumbered. We couldn't save anyone we went to save," Anthony explains.
"How many did we lose?"
"Twelve. Did you get them all?"
"We did, I need to get cleaned up before I go to the meeting," Anthony says.
"Let me do it, you need to rest," I urge.
"No, I knew them. I fought alongside them and so I owe it to them. Vincent, Dean and I owe it to our men."
I nod agreeing. With that, he takes his leave.
"I'm going to head up and grab another shirt if that's okay with you?" Alessio questions.
"Of course, you don't need to ask, Alex."
He bobs his head before heading up.
"I'm gonna go see if Amelia's still doing okay," Dakota lets me know.
"Okay, I'll stay with Kai to make sure he doesn't lose conscious."
"Okay," Dakota says.
Once I'm left alone, I decide to take a seat on the floor next to the couch keeping my eyes on Kai.
I don't even remember the last time we've been alone in a room together never mind me even looking at him for longer than five seconds.
My eyes first fall on the blood from his cuts sliding down and off the leather white anterior of the couch. His hair is still soaking wet, draping over the front of his eyes. As if reading my mind, his hand lifts up brushing the strands of his hair back revealing a deep cut through his right eyebrow. The rest of his face is bronzed with dirt now drying in patches on his skin.
Without thinking, my hand reaches out feeling his stomach. He huffs groaning in pain.
"You're so cold, Kai," I word. Immediately, I get up to get some blankets but Kai stops me.
"Stop it, Verano."
"Kai, I'm not-"
"No," he cuts me off, standing up onto his feet.
"What-"
"I don't need your help Summer, so let it go."
"I work for you, so it's my responsibility to help you," I argue.
"You work alongside me. It's your responsibility to do what's best for the both us."
"And what do you think is best for the both us?" I question.
"For you to stay away from me," his eyes darken as he speaks.
"That's what I've been doing and that's what I'll continue to do, but I-"
"But nothing. Go to Alessio, Summer."
"So is that what it's about? Alessio? About me marrying him?"
"No, it's more than that."
"Then explain it to me, because I'm not catching on."
"I see you and all I wanna do is kill you, Summer. I want to hand you over to Nick and I want you to suffer, but then I remind myself that you're already suffering. You're suffocating in these boundaries that your family has set and I haven't felt pleasure like this in a while," he smirks cruelly. "You deserve every ounce of pain and helplessness you're feeling because you were born with it. You can't give up something that is meant to be yours, no matter how much you fight it."
"If this is your way of thanking me for saving your life, don't," I reply just before breaking his stitches and sticking my fingers deep in his wound. He screams and tries to fall back but I grip his shoulder with my free hand holding him steady.
"I'm not suffering, Kai. It might look like I am, but look into my eyes and tell me that it's suffering you see. You can't do that, can you? Because it's not me suffering. The one suffering, is you. The words you spoke to me, made you suffer more than my betrayal ever will because we both know you didn't mean a single word you said. You wish you meant them, but you didn't."
I shift my finger a bit deeper making him groan. His eyes pure black, start to brim with tears. His body leans in as his feet give up on him and slowly, both of us get on our knees as I continue.
"And to see you punishing yourself like this is pathetic, Kai. For the past two weeks, you've been fucking anything you can stick your dick into but the second you hear me moving on, you try to make me feel like shit because your stupid ego can't take it. Well guess what? Alessio is gonna get more of me than you ever did and it'll be so much better, because I won't have to be high to do anything with him. Since you couldn't be a man then and you still can't be a man now, I realized I can't wait forever for you because that's another thing I was never born with."
"Summer, let him go!" I hear my father's voice.
Snapping out of the blur of rage, I realize that Kai is leaning onto my shoulder no longer being able to help himself up. My cheeks wet with tears, I slowly pull my finger out of Kai's stomach.
"I'm sorry, Verano," I hear Kai whisper into my ear before my father pulls him off me and helps him onto the couch.
"Infantem puella, I told you not to do this to yourself," my father complains. He squats down to my level and wipes away my tears.
"You've been so strong, Summer. Just a little longer to go," he whispers into my ear as he rubs my back.
"It's all about the presentation, pater," I smile whispering into his ear.
It's all about the presentation.
Chapter 52
"Where are you going? It's only... four," Donte groans squinting at his phone screen.
"Training," I word as I slip on my jeans and grab my shirt off the ground.
"You literally slept for two hours. You're gonna die at training."
"It's fine, I haven't been home ever since the engagement party. Alessio isn't pressing me to talk about it, but how long will his patience last? I'm engaged to him, yet I've been fucking you ever since," I explain.
"What he doesn't know, can't hurt him."
"And that's exactly why I'm trying to clean up my act up, to the point where he thinks I'm no longer fucking you."
"Thinks?" I can feel the grin on his face.
"Yes," I say as I gather my hair into a ponytail. "Now be a gentleman and wash my clothes for me, I'll pick them up later."
"Mm-hm," he mumbles.
"Bye," I word as I exit his room.
...♛...
Trying to lighten the weight of my body, I take the softest steps down the hall as I make my way down to my room. Standing in front of my room's door, with my shoes in one hand, my free hand wraps around the doorknob.
Taking a deep breath, I silently pray Alessio is sleeping before I twist the knob to let myself in. Finding the room brightly lit, I curse under my breath as I close the door behind me.
I walk in and find Alessio speaking in Italian through
the phone. His bare back facing me, I notice that he doesn't seem frustrated as he talks. Instead, he's quite calm.
Setting my shoes down on the side, I decide sneaking past him into the bathroom is my best option but as I proceed to do so, he turns around cutting his call.
"We should talk about this, Summer," I hear his heavy voice.
Like a culprit caught red handed, I look up at him.
"Alex, I-"
"Before you make the mistake of lying to me, I should warn you to consider who you're talking to first," he warns. If it were anyone else, I would've taken it as a threat, but coming from him, I know it's nothing more than recommendation on behalf of our friendship.
My eyes scurry away from his as I contemplate telling him the truth or not.
I know that he'll be okay with what's done, but I know he'll want me to stop and I don't know if I can.
I needed someone – anyone, and Donte was there. He was there and he's still here. No strings attached, just sex. No commitment, just fun. No stress, just us and for every low this family makes me feel, he gives me a better high.
"Summer?"
"I've been having sex with someone else," I blurt. "I can't stop, I don't want to."
I try to avoid his eyes, not in fear but because I'm not ready to see emotion in his eyes. Whether it's rage, sorrow or jealousy – I don't wanna see it. I can't be responsible for another person's emotions. I refuse to be.
"How long?"
"Ever since the engagement party," I reply.
"Summer, look at me," he demands calmly. I remain looking at the ground, not being able to bring myself to raise my head.
I know what I've been doing is selfish and wrong and I know that maybe, just maybe, Alessio will let these two weeks slide but it'd be wrong to say that what I've been doing, hasn't hurt him. Both of us have put our wants aside for what needs to be done, and in the process, have lost a lot. Clearly, my way of dealing with it has been more reckless than his.
"Summer, I won't ask again. Look at me," he says walking in my direction. When his feet come into view, I close my eyes.
