I’d been contemplating, for hours, about what would be the best way to approach this subject without freaking her out too badly. Hopefully she’d be able to grasp what I had to say.
“Well, what exactly did you have in mind?” she asked, her eyes twinkling in a knowing manner as I turned into the parking lot of my apartment complex.
“Not that,” I replied with a laugh, even though I did wish I could forget all this and seduce her like she so obviously wanted.
Sighing, she looked crestfallen. “Is something wrong?”
Parking, I turned the car off and stared at her. “Nothing is wrong—at least I don’t think it is. Come inside and let’s have that chat that keeps getting put off.” Opening the door, I got out and went around to help her. “And turn your phone off. I don’t want us getting any more interruptions.”
Accepting my offered hand, she frowned a little. “This sounds ominous.”
Chuckling, I squeezed her fingers and gently pushed some comforting vibes into her skin—not enough to influence her decisions, but just to help her nerves. I couldn’t have her getting scared, already.
Closing the door behind her, I grabbed my luggage out of the trunk and we headed inside.
“What’s going on?” Skylar asked as soon as we entered and I set my duffle bag on the floor dragging her into my arms.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I said softly, staring into her beautiful blue eyes.
“What?” Gaze locked with mine, I could feel her slightly shaking.
“Ego amare tu,” I whispered in my native tongue, all my feelings and hopes for the future wrapped up in those three little words.
She smiled. “In English, please.”
“I love you.”
I both saw and felt the joy that infused her.
“I love you, too.”
Unable to resist, I kissed her, holding her tightly and savoring that right now, in this moment, she returned my feelings. Her arms threaded around my neck and she kissed me back just as fervently.
Immediately, I could feel the sexual tension between us burst into flame and I had to drag myself away before things went too far.
“Wait,” I said, breathlessly, staring at her.
“Why?” Exasperation filled her features. “We just declared our love for each other. What’s holding you back?”
“There’s something else I need to tell you, first.”
“Then spill it, because you’re driving me crazy.”
Taking her by the shoulders, I steered her toward the couch. “I’m going to, right now. But you need to sit down.”
A wry laugh of discomfort escaped her. She sat and immediately began wringing her hands. I decided to just launch right in.
“These last few weeks with you have been some of the most amazing of my life, and that’s saying something. I know we haven’t known each other that long, but every time I think of my future, I see you in it.”
Smiling softly, she relaxed a little. “Go on.”
“When we first met, I wasn’t looking for anything long term, but I was totally interested in getting to know you and possibly having a fun, casual, sexual relationship with you. Then I found out you were still a virgin, and it changed everything.”
Her smile disappeared and tiny frown lines creased between her brows. “How does that change things? I don’t understand.”
Sitting beside her, I took her hands in mine. “Where I’m from, we have strict rules about what it means to sleep with a virgin. It’s something special—something that cannot be done without commitment. I’ve held back and evaluated my own feelings for you, but I can’t make this step without you understanding the complete truth and what the weight of the decision to lie with you actually means to me.”
“Where you’re from? Rules regarding sleeping with a virgin? Ryder, what are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying . . . ,” I paused taking a deep breath. “I’m saying that if I sleep with you, it will bind me to you for the rest of your life—much like you would consider your earthly marriage vows, but stronger, unbreakable.”
“Earthly marriage vows?” She shook her head. “What?”
“I’m not from Earth, Skylar.”
Fear shot into her features, followed by concern. “Ryder, you aren’t making sense. You’re talking like you’re crazy and it’s scaring me.”
“Don’t be scared. I love you. I would never hurt you. That’s precisely the reason I’m telling you all this—to protect you—to be honest with you.”
She gave a half-laugh. “And telling me you’re not from Earth is being honest with me?”
I nodded. “It is. I need you to just hear me out for a few minutes. I’m prepared to prove my statement, just please listen to me.” When she didn’t say anything, I continued. “I’m from another race, called Wanderers. Wanderers are the offspring of Angels in Wanderer form. I’ve traveled all over the Universe and have lived so many lifetimes. I couldn’t even begin to give you an accurate accounting of all of them.
“I’m here to observe Earth, I like research and analyzing things. It’s kind of a hobby of mine. Only this time, my visit to Earth yielded a discovery that I’ve never found in all my years of existence. Love. I’ve never been in love . . . until I met you.”
Disbelief filled her eyes. “Offspring of Angels?” She squinted at me. “Then where are your wings?”
I smiled. “Cloaked from your vision, to keep my identity safe.”
“Then show them to me.” Pulling her hands from mine, she folded them across her chest clearly thinking I couldn’t do it.
“Very well,” I replied. Slowly, I mentally released my wings, carefully unfolding them to her view.
A small shriek escaped her as her jaw gaped open. Staring back and forth between my huge black wings and my face, her breathing increased.
“I’m not lying to you, Skylar, and I’m not crazy. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of your life, but you will have to accept me, first. I won’t pressure you. Take all the time you need, ask me any questions you want—I’ll tell you everything.”
“I . . . I think I’m going to faint.”
Immediately, I cloaked my wings, seeing that she was clearly over-stimulated. I went into the kitchen and got her a glass of water. She drank several large gulps before setting it down on the coffee table.
“You’re an . . . an Angel?”
I shook my head. “I could be, if I wanted to be, but I’ve renounced my angelic status in order to receive free agency to travel the Universe and learn and see things for myself—with the Creator’s blessing, of course.”
“The Creator. You mean God?” she asked and I nodded. “You actually know God?”
“No. I’ve never met Him. Only the highest of archangels are allowed into His presence. But I can tell you, He is a loving, benevolent God, who desires all His creations and children to be happy. That’s why He’s allowed those of us who chose to roam the free will to do so.”
“And you’ve never found love in all your existence?”
Smiling, I sat back down beside her. “Never. Not until now.”
“So having sex binds you to people?”
“Having sex with a virgin binds me,” I corrected.
“Oh. So you’ve had sex before?”
I chuckled, slipping my hand into hers. “Yes, but never with a virgin. I’ve never been bound before.”
“And what does that mean, being bound?”
“It means my soul will be locked with yours for the rest of your life. I won’t be able to have sex with anyone else as long as you’re alive, and if you ever decided to leave me, it would feel like death to me, until the moment you died.”
“But how could we live together? I’ll get old while you keep looking like this.”
“No. I can alter my appearance so that it appears that I’m aging. I’d change, just like you.”
“And when I die?”
I sighed. “Then our time wou
ld be up. Your soul would go to the afterlife in Heaven and I would continue to live on as I always have. I’d never be able to join you there. I’m immortal. I will always exist in this form.”
“That hardly seems fair,” she mumbled.
“I agree. It would be difficult.”
“Yet, you’re willing to risk all that just to spend a lifetime with me?”
“I am,” I replied without hesitation. “I love you and I will cherish every single second I can spend with you.”
She bit her lip, studying me. “What about children? Can we have them?”
I nodded. “Yes, we can; but they would be immortal, as well, bound to this earth for eternity—not entirely Wanderer—not entirely human. They would appear human, but with greatly strengthened abilities.”
“So, when I die, I’d not only lose you, but my children, as well?”
“Yes.” There was no easy way to sugar coat this for her.
Standing abruptly, she walked away from me, placing a hand on her hip and running the other through her hair. My heart ached as I stared at her back, my eyes traveling over her perfect figure. I wanted so badly to be with her, to hold both her heart and her body. I wanted her to turn around and tell me that it was all going to be okay, that she was willing to work it out with me.
But I knew that wasn’t going to be the case. I could feel her trying to place a wall between us as she attempted to distance herself from me.
Turning, she faced me. “I . . . I don’t know what to say to you, Ryder. Is that even your real name?”
“My name is Ecarinu. Translated into your language, it means Praise and Glory. Whenever I join a new society, I take a new name that will blend in with that race of people.”
She snorted, staring. “That race of people. How many races are there?”
“Innumerable . . . like the sands of the seas.”
“I can’t do this,” she said suddenly, moving toward the door. I jumped up, hurrying after her and snatched her arm.
“Skylar, please.” I was reduced to begging. “Please don’t make a decision right now. I love you. More than my own life, I love you.”
Tears filled her eyes as she stared at me. “I love you, too, but I’m going to need some time to think about this.”
Releasing her arm, I stepped away from her. “I understand. Take all the time you need, but please don’t forget that I love you.”
Biting her lip, she nodded briefly and left. I didn’t know how long I stood staring at the door, with my heart in my throat, every nerve in my body feeling like it was going to explode.
I’d risked everything by telling her the truth, and I had no idea if I’d ever see her again.
I prayed to God I would.
Chapter Twenty
Skylar
Coward or not, I ran. I couldn’t stay there while the world around me seemed to crumble away.
Bursting from the building and out into the street, I didn’t hesitate to run, leaving my car where it was parked. I was too terrified to look back, in case Ryder followed me—not that he couldn’t catch me if he wanted to, but I needed space.
I knew he loved me, he’d repeated it throughout the conversation. They were the words I’d secretly longed for him to share so I could do the same, removing what I’d thought was that last obstacle between us.
Gulping in fortifying breaths of fresh air, I couldn’t believe how wrong I’d been. Not about how we felt about each other, but about whom I’d thought he was.
Thoughts spinning inside my head, it didn’t matter what direction I went as long as I kept moving, the steady pounding of my feet on the sidewalk providing a calming rhythm to my frazzled nerves. If I stood still, that overwhelming sensation would bury me; and what I desperately needed right now was clarity—clarity to process the bombshell my boyfriend had just revealed and somehow try to decipher what that meant; so we could move on from it—if we could move on.
In the blink of an eye, Ryder had changed everything.
Life had been blissfully perfect and then, with each startling revelation, he’d begun unraveling the foundation our relationship stood on. Whether I liked it or not, and regardless of how much he’d confided in me over the past few weeks, there was no denying the simple fact that the startling truth had reduced him to a stranger before my eyes.
My Ryder—the one I loved with every breath, every thought, every feeling my heart contained—was not the Ryder I thought him to be.
With words like Wanderer, angelic beings, and other races, the man I thought I knew became lost to me. It was impossible to process any of it with Ryder standing there, his black wings unfurled from behind him, his eyes filled with sorrow and fear.
So, I’d done the only thing I could think of.
I left.
Hours passed in a blur, my thoughts a jumbled mess as I wandered aimlessly through the city. Slowly, however, the crushing feeling inside me eased—and with it came the ability to breathe, again.
Glancing up, I wasn’t surprised to find I’d come full circle, returning to Ryder’s apartment as if I had some sort of internal homing beacon inside me. Staring at the illuminated window, I wondered if he was in the same kind of agony I was.
Walking hadn’t really helped. I had no answers—had come to no conclusions.
Over and over, I’d argued back and forth with myself, logically trying to see the situation from every possible angle. What he’d revealed, the risk he’d taken in exposing his true nature, factored a lot into the ongoing debate in my mind.
I just didn’t know how to make it smaller. It was too big to comprehend, too overwhelming. Each time I’d tried to address just one point, my chest tightened with another pang of anxiety.
“I love you. More than my own life, I love you!” The sincerity in his voice told me he meant it. He’d meant every word, and that was the dilemma.
He loved me, and I loved him; but if we were to have any semblance of a future together, it came with restrictions—heartbreaking consequences for both of us.
There was something in the way he’d pleaded his case, the earnest need to help me wrap my mind around everything—it whispered that I truly was the ‘one’ for him. He’d chosen me to be the one to forge that bond with—to be the woman he tied his body, heart, and soul to for as long as time gave us.
Sitting down on the front steps of his apartment, I sighed. It didn’t seem fair. This wasn’t something we could resolve in one night. There were still so many questions to ask—so many honest and heartfelt conversations to be had.
He was a Wanderer, a descendent of angelic beings. The enormity of that was crushing enough, but at least somewhat manageable.
Sometimes the impossible happened, right? So we weren’t alone in the Universe. I could come to terms with that—it was awe inspiring and amazing, but an inner core belief I’d always hoped was true. Ryder had entered my life and forever changed it. Even if this was over between us, he’d altered my view of the world simply by expanding it—by showing me what was real.
The sound of a child’s laughter filled the air and I glanced up, noticing a young family passing by. Silently, I observed them. The parents, obviously very much in love, were doting on a young child being carried in her dad’s arms. The pretty little brown haired girl was wide-eyed with amazement as the man stopped every few steps to point out some new discovery for her. Murmuring into her ear, her face lit up with excitement before clapping her hands.
“Are you ready to go home, honey?” the mother asked, smiling as she watched on.
“No,” the toddler replied, shaking her head, her curls and ribbons bouncing. “Keep walking.” It was such an innocent request.
Hugging his daughter tightly, the father chuckled. “Okay then. One more time around the block.”
The exchange left a lump in my throat, tears welling in my eyes. I dropped my gaze back to the sidewalk. There were so many things I’d taken for granted—finding love, starting my own family, and growing old with my husb
and. While Ryder could give those things to me, I couldn’t shake loose the sadness that followed. Any child we had would be more like him. While they may share my features, my personality, or artistic tendencies, our children would forever share the one thing that would eventually tear us apart.
They would be immortal.
I would remain human.
I would die.
They would live on without me.
“Why is she crying?” The voice of the young toddler interrupted me. Looking up, I hadn’t noticed the young family hadn’t moved on; but had, instead, moved closer to where I was sitting.
Casting me an apologetic glance, he quietly answered her question. “Maybe she’s sad, Lily. Sometimes people hurt and crying makes them feel better.”
Squirming in her father’s arms, the little girl pushed against her dad. “I want down.” The moment he placed her on the ground, she ran over, throwing her arms around my neck, catching me completely by surprise. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her back.
“Don’t cry,” she said.
“Lily,” her dad warned, obviously embarrassed his child had interrupted a private moment. “I’m sure this nice lady would rather have some more quiet time to herself.”
Releasing me, I watched her bounce away, slipping her hand back into her dad’s.
“Thank you for the hug, Lily,” I said, before glancing up at her parents. “She wasn’t bothering me, at all. In fact, it may have been just what I needed. Your daughter is beautiful.”
“Thanks,” her mom smiled. “She’s a pretty good kid.”
“Yes, she is,” I agreed. “Have a good night.”
“You, too.” I watched as they walked away, Lily turning in her father’s arms to wave at me over his shoulder one last time before disappearing from view.
Her actions warmed my heart and made me realize I wanted a life like that. I wanted to raise a child with the man I loved. But I was scared—terrified even. As much as Ryder was now different, he was still very much the same as before. Nothing had changed in my heart. It didn’t matter if he had more secrets to reveal or how much those truths made my brain want to explode, I wasn’t afraid of him.
Wanderlust Page 14
