Pulling her into my arms, I stared down into her beautiful blue eyes that reminded me of Tartaran.
“Activate Tartaran,” I whispered, hanging on to her as Pellerarous melted away beneath us. Instantly, we were bathed in the blue glow of the intergalactic star fields.
“What is this place?” Skylar gasped.
“These are the blue nebulas of Tartaran,” I replied, softly. “I think of them every time I look into your eyes.” She glanced at me. “Your eyes are as beautiful as some celestial event. I keep getting lost in them.”
She continued to stare at me, tears filling her eyes. “I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you, too,” I replied, bending my head to capture her mouth with mine.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Skylar
Staring at my bedroom ceiling, my mind still whirled and buzzed, trying to process everything I’d heard and seen throughout the day.
It was funny how in the blink of an eye, everything could change. Not just with Ryder’s confession, but also with how I felt within myself. It reminded me of the summer my father had taken me deep sea fishing and we’d become caught in a tumultuous storm.
As waves battered hard against the vessel, tossing us back and forth, I could still hear my father’s voice as he yelled over the noise of the wind. “Hold on tight, Skylar. I know it seems overwhelming now, but it won’t last forever!”
“I’m scared, Daddy!” Lightning flashed through dark, ominous clouds, sending reverberating sounds of thunder crashing through the air.
“I know, honey. Close your eyes. Imagine yourself somewhere safe!”
I didn’t think he’d meant it to become such a powerful life lesson, but here I was, many years later, using his counsel as a way to keep myself from drowning in confusion. Ryder hadn’t meant to throw me into such a chaotic state. He’d simply needed to be completely honest with me so our relationship could thrive.
Each time I closed my eyes, I saw Ryder—the look on his face as he desperately tried to help me understand, the pleading in his eyes because he knew there was a good chance he’d lose me. Even though it had rattled me to my very core, testing my very limits, I’d gone back inside his apartment knowing I couldn’t walk away.
Things were far from resolved in my mind, but I at least had that quiet assurance. My father had told me to picture myself somewhere safe, and despite the fact that everything felt like it was in a state of upheaval, that place hadn’t changed.
Safe was anywhere Ryder was. He was the one I always came back to.
“And then he blew my mind completely,” I whispered, shutting my eyes as memories flooded back in. I’d thought he was incredible before, when he was simply a regular guy, one who brought out the best in me whenever we were together.
Finding out he was a Wanderer, a being so much more beyond human, was intimidating at first, but it ultimately didn’t change who he was—his heart, his capacity for good, his ability to pursue his hopes and dreams.
That was the Ryder I’d fallen in love with. And lying there, in the stillness of my room, I still felt that way. Yes, being with him now involved complications; but deep down, I had to believe I was strong enough to face them. If I believed in the power of love, if I truly trusted myself, there was no way I could simply stop how I felt and move on.
In the midst of logic trying to dictate how hopelessly impossible the situation was, my heart refused to give up. Of course sacrifices would have to be made—every relationship demanded them in some way—but the one being asked of me had a steep price.
Did I have the courage to pay it?
Yet, how could I possibly not?
It wasn’t just the fact I loved being with him, enjoying the way things seemed easy and natural between us. No, there was something more.
“There are some other things I want to show you.” I recalled Ryder grinning as he pulled me toward the closet in the room he used as an office. I’d been in that room countless times before, entering data into his computer from the various research trips we’d taken together.
I’d never suspected something truly wondrous lay just out of sight, behind that sliding door. As he called up each new hologram, sharing his life with me through glorious images of faraway places, I’d wanted to weep.
This was what it meant for him to be a Wanderer. He’d experienced each and every color, explored such beauty, yet he’d done it alone. My heart hurt for him, and I ached to instantly yell out that he now had me, forever.
But he wouldn’t. Not forever.
While I wanted to spend the rest of eternity traveling the universe with him, our love—no matter how epic it felt—had an expiration date. Even then, my soul whispered it would be enough.
“Show me Luciesia, Ryder. I want to see those flowers!” And he did.
“This is one of my favorite places to visit, sweetheart. Have you ever seen a more beautiful sky?” Pointing up, I gasped in surprise at a pale sun glowing, flanked by two smaller ones. It was hard to comprehend that, to Ryder, this was normal—such sights were something he’d grown accustomed to seeing.
Spending hours hidden away in his portal—trapped between realities, but free to finally be ourselves—I could’ve stayed lost in his world. Gone was the need to conceal his identity and withhold his extraordinary gifts, and I loved experiencing everything he shared.
“How are you feeling? Is it too much?” Gently smiling, Ryder caressed my cheek, the contact sending ripples of pleasure through me.
“I had no idea this existed!” I exclaimed, turning around in a circle, trying to take in every new detail. Wide-eyed and in awe, any fear I’d felt evaporated. There was no need for him to offer me more calming touches.
“This is just the tip of the iceberg. Name it and I’ll take you there. I want to show it all to you. Every corner, every oasis, every flower filled field . . . I want to leave no stone unturned with you.”
“That would take forever, Ryder.” I laughed.
“Then spend forever with me,” he’d answered quickly, not realizing his error until it was too late.
It didn’t matter how many holograms we enjoyed, nothing would change the fact that we didn’t have forever. And it was with that thought, and a heavy heart, I’d taken my leave, driving home and crawling into bed.
Alone.
The image of his haunted expression continued to linger in my mind. I couldn’t escape it.
“You need to make a decision,” I murmured, letting out an exhausted sigh. “That, or sleep.” Pounding on my pillow in an attempt to get comfortable, I closed my eyes again, hoping this time my mind would quiet.
Instead, it grew louder, each thought clamoring for attention. Left with no other choice, I slipped out of bed and picked up the one thing that had never failed to ground me in the past.
I always made it a habit to have an empty canvas set up for moments just like this—where I could find clarity in the midst of chaos. My problem wasn’t that I couldn’t find the answer I desperately needed—the issue was that it was just too noisy in my head to discern it.
Breathe, Skylar. Let it come. Inhaling deeply, I momentarily closed my eyes, the pressure that had been building inside me ebbing away. It didn’t take long until I felt it—that precious moment when my imagination took over, causing my hand to move. There was no trying to control the stroke. No overthinking the placement of color.
With each inhale and exhale, I simply let go, falling into the magic of creation.
For every artist it was different. Some describe it as a frenzy that pushes them on until they suddenly realize their project is finished. Others have defined it as an out of body experience where they’re no longer themselves, but an extension of their muse.
For me, it was an inspiring blend of both. It often felt like a switch being turned on, a soft click signaling I’d tapped into the talent I’d been greatly blessed with. While I was aware of my surroundings, there was no fighting the pull of my vision, each gliding brushst
roke across the canvas engrossing me deeper.
There was a certain thrill about becoming that immersed. While I was always present in the process, there was still that element of surprise once it was over and I caught that first glimpse of the results. It was the closest I’d ever come to magic—to that otherworldly creative power I now knew Ryder possessed.
It was one more thing that tied us together.
Time raced past, minutes turning to hours, but I didn’t pay any attention, my canvas receiving my entire focus. And then it was done. Finished. I placed my brush down, my heart racing from exhilaration. As I slowly came down from the high that painting gave me, surprise was definitely not the word I’d use to describe the shock that ricochet through me.
I should’ve known that logic and reasoning wouldn’t be how I would reach my decision regarding Ryder. Focusing on my jumbled thoughts simply added to the mayhem and confusion.
When stripped down to my most basic, I relied on my instincts—or in this case—my subconscious to show me where my heart lay. It wasn’t in the “what ifs” or “impossibilities.”
Surrounded by the vibrant colors he’d shown me in the hologram projections, Ryder stood before me with a beautiful smile on his face, his eyes alive with love and adoration. He stared at me, his gaze jumping off the canvas, warming me as if he were actually there, in the room with me.
But that wasn’t what caused a lump in my throat to form or tears of joy to fall over my cheeks. In a pure blend of both of us, he cradled a small infant in his arms—our child. Without thinking, I’d drawn my true heart’s desire, decimating all doubt in one magnificent masterpiece.
The longer I stood there staring, soaking up each subtle nuance I’d captured, the more the truth screamed at me, urging me into motion.
Scrambling to dress, I quickly grabbed my keys, not wanting to wait a second more.
If Ryder and I only had this life together, I didn’t want to waste any more time.
I loved him.
He loved me.
And that was all that really mattered.
***
Decision made. I’d take any kind of life with Ryder, as long as we were together. I couldn’t stand how long it took to drive to his apartment. I found myself silently yelling at the slow driver I found myself behind, groaning as it felt like the world had slowed down to a crawl.
Patience was definitely not one of my virtues, even as I came to a stop outside Ryder’s building. Almost choking myself on the seat belt as I tried to jump out before I released it, all I could think about was getting upstairs, into his arms, his mouth on mine.
Taking the steps two at a time, there was no hiding the smile as I recalled the moment I saw my painting and realized its significance.
“Ryder!” I called out, pounding on his door.
After a few moments, he appeared, his hair disheveled from sleep. Even though he hadn’t been expecting me, a flash of surprise filled his eyes before concern replaced it. “Skylar? Are you okay?” Reaching for me, Ryder attempted to pull me into his apartment.
He didn’t have to, however. Throwing my arms around his neck, I held him tightly, laughing and crying at the same time. “Yes! My answer is yes!” While it wasn’t the smooth response I’d planned, it definitely encompassed the feelings bursting inside me. The second I saw him, I couldn’t keep it inside.
“Yes?” Ryder’s breath was hot against my ear and I heard the tremble in his voice.
Letting him go long enough to grab his face between my hands, I kissed him, hard. I poured everything into it—my hopes, my excitement, my commitment to take this journey with him. Although this wasn’t the first we’d shared, this would be the kiss I would always remember as the precise moment everything fell into place for us.
Ryder’s arms encircled my waist, lifting me slightly off the floor as he deepened the passionate assault I’d started. The burning desire that always seemed to erupt between us whenever we touched instantly flared. Just when I’d feared this would be the end for us, it had proven to be the opposite.
It was the beginning of the real story of us—a tale that I was eager to now continue.
“Tell me I’m not dreaming, sweetheart. Tell me that ‘yes’ means what I think it means,” he whispered, our foreheads resting together when the kiss was over. “Please, tell me it means you’ll stay with me.”
“Yes, you beautiful man!” I laughed, joy infusing my body. “It means that I choose you. I choose us. I choose whatever future involves us being together.”
With a loud whoop, Ryder ushered me the rest of the way inside, kicking the door closed. “I love you so much, Skylar. I promise you won’t ever regret it.” The relief in his expression made my heart ache. He’d honestly worried that even after the amazing time we’d spent in his portal, my doubts would still prove too much.
“I know I won’t,” I answered, loving how much clearer everything was, now.
Slowly releasing me to stand on my own, Ryder kissed my cheek before nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck, kissing the skin there. “I couldn’t bear it if I lost you. Tell me, what changed? You weren’t anywhere close to making a decision when you left here?” he asked, moving to stare at me.
“It was something I painted, actually. Once I let go of everything, all the thoughts and confusion, it made it easier to see the truth.”
“There’s honesty.”
I nodded, unable to take my gaze away from his. “Exactly. And once I knew, I came straight here.”
Stroking my cheek, Ryder smiled. “You came home.”
“I did. Wherever you are, that’s where I’m supposed to be.” And I meant every single word.
“So, what happens now?” Ryder stared at me like he was afraid to blink and find me gone. “This is new for me.”
“It’s the same for me, but I have a pretty good idea.” Leaning in, I whispered softly in his ear, my fingers tracing over his chest, trailing lower, before stopping at the waistband of his pajama pants. “I think this is a great way to start our extraordinary life together.”
“Are you sure?” His body trembled beneath my touch in anticipation. “Once we cross this line, there’s no going back.”
I didn’t say a word. Instead, I removed my shirt, dropping it to the floor in one fluid motion.
Scooping me into his arms, he crossed the room, taking me to where the portal opening was. “I love you. And if you don’t mind, I have the perfect place to make this super special.”
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. “Then show me, Ryder. No more waiting.”
“No more,” he murmured, capturing my mouth, again.
As the world I knew melted away, replaced by one of his creations, I was glad my first time would be with him, with someone I loved so deeply.
And now, he would truly be mine.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ryder
“Activate Palacia,” I spoke, noting the small tremor, not only in my voice, but in my hands, as well. Skylar had consented and I was both thrilled and nervous. I’d never experienced nerves during sexual intercourse before, not even during my own first experience, with an older Glowcarion woman, who had no idea who I was, but was plenty happy to show me what pleasure was to be found.
Despite my past experience, this was my real “first”– the first time my heart had been involved, and definitely the first time the thought of binding myself to someone seemed like something wonderful—and not a trap I’d be stuck in.
I loved Skylar. I wanted all of her, and I intended to give her all of me in the process.
In truth, I loved the idea that another had never had her—that she would know only me in her lifetime. Her pleasure would always be found at my hands and I intended to make sure she was completely satisfied.
That’s what made me shake—knowing that this act between us would make her my responsibility, and I wanted to do right by her. I wanted her to be pleased with her choice.
Palacia burst into view aroun
d us and I heard her gasp beside me as she saw the stone castle sitting amid the fields of riotous flowers, the deep blue of Tartaran filling the skies above us with flickering starlight alongside double moons, casting almost a purplish glow over the Red Seas of Istanacious.
“What is this place?” she asked, breathlessly.
“It is Palacia . . . both nowhere and everywhere.” I glanced down at her radiant face. “I took all the places I love in the Universe—all the places that reminded me of you—and made this world for us. The flowers represent the colors of your paintings. The Red Seas remind me of your hair.” Pointing to the sky, I continued. “I already showed you the blue nebulas that match your eyes. And the stone castle is your skin, beautiful, beige, and with curves and arches all begging to be explored.”
“And the moons?” she asked, breathlessly.
“They are the light that shines from inside you,” I explained, my eyes drifting to her lips. “And they’re the light that will bathe your silky skin as I make you mine.”
Pressing her lips briefly to mine, she wrapped her arms tighter around my neck. “Don’t make me wait any longer, Ryder. I’ve been so impatient already.”
Chuckling, I nodded and continued forward, quickly making my way up the stone stairs of the castle, taking the most direct path to the master suite.
The castle was widely open to the outside, its tall arched stonework letting in both ample light and air. Entering the chamber, I carried her toward the only piece of furniture in the room—a large bed made up with white linen sheets that shone in the light of the moons. Placing her gently on the already turned back sheets, she looked like a fiery goddess, radiant in her iridescent glow.
“I love you,” I said, unable to keep the declaration from bursting forth. Running a hand over her neck and bra, down to her flat stomach, I sighed. Simply touching her was divine.
“I love you, too,” she responded, placing one of her hands over mine, sending shockwaves of her own emotions into me. I loved how connected we were—and we hadn’t even consummated, yet.
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