Mary Burton

by The Lightkeepers Woman

  Laughing, Caleb picked up a piece of driftwood and tossed it down the beach.

  Alanna had a clear view of his profile and allowed herself a moment to study him. The sun had added a few crinkles around his eyes, deepened the lines around his mouth, but both made him more attractive, if that were possible.

  She cleared her throat, trying to steady her emotions. All night, she’d been surrounded by his possessions. A weathered blue shirt, charts with his bold handwriting on them, the mug he drank from—all reminders of the man.

  They’d shared so much yet she didn’t know how to talk to him. She truly did not want to spar with him anymore. Little time remained before she left the island and never saw him again. “You must be exhausted,” she said.

  He squatted beside her, his hands clasped together and draped over his knees. He scooped up a handful of sand and let it trickle from his fist. “I’ll get some sleep soon enough.”

  She kept her voice light. “It’s hard to believe there is more bad weather coming.”

  He shrugged. “Warm sunny days are just as common as cold rainy ones these last days in May.”

  She picked up a handful of sand and let it filter through her fingers. “You’re right. I’d forgotten.” The weather in Richmond was much like the coast. They’d picnicked on the beach in early May once. The sun had been hot, the breeze soft and they’d lain on a quilt for hours talking about their future. They’d even named their first child. Adam if it was a boy. Elizabeth if it was a girl.

  “It’s been two years since I’ve been to the ocean,” she managed to say.

  He rubbed his hand over his face. “I doubt I could sleep without the sounds and smells.” He kept his face turned partly away, his emotions hidden. “Why’d you stay away from the ocean? You always loved it.”

  “After Father lost his company, he couldn’t bear the sight of the ocean. We never left Richmond again. He spent nearly a month locked in his room with the curtains drawn. And then he died.”

  The lines in his forehead deepened. “Did he ever give a reason why he killed himself?”

  “I thought he was despondent over the accident. Now I realize it was much more.” It was her way of saying that she believed him.

  He stared at her a long moment then shifted his gaze to the ocean. A heavy silence settled between them.

  Her gaze skimmed from the light past the barren dunes to the bleak horizon. “Why would you come to such a place? It’s the end of the earth.”

  Caleb shoved out a breath. “Exactly what I was looking for.”

  Guilt blew through Alanna like a cold wind. She knew from friends that Caleb had been ostracized from society and the shipping business. No one would speak to him, let alone hire him.

  “I met a man in town. His name is Sloan. He seems protective of you.”

  “I saved his nephew when his boat turned over in the sound.”

  “Do you see people from the village often?”

  “Every few weeks.”

  “You must get lonely.”

  Though Caleb was but inches from her, he felt a million miles away. “It’s part of the job.”

  She wanted to tell him she was sorry. But the words sounded so paltry, and they died in her throat. She’d shared all her hopes and fears with this man once, yet she’d never felt more alone in her life.

  The isolation grew unbearable. Alanna reached her hand out to Caleb. She laid her hand over his. He tensed but did not move.

  She turned his palm over and studied his hands, rough from the cold and wind. Strength and raw power radiated from them. His lifeline stretched across his palm. An old soul, an aged gypsy sailor had said about Caleb once.

  “These last few days have been harder than the last two years,” she said.

  He stiffened, but didn’t speak. She felt his pulse thud harder against the tender skin of his wrist.

  “Hating you was simple and pure,” she whispered. “It was black and white, no room for pain. But I can’t hate you anymore. I don’t want us to be enemies.” Unshed tears burned the back of her throat.

  He pulled his hand away from hers and laid it on her shoulder. Through the fabric she could feel the warmth of his skin. “You want me to be your friend?”

  “You make it sound so awful.”

  He laughed as if he were teetering on insanity. “I can’t wish you good fortune and watch as you marry another.”

  “Why not?” Liquid flames shot through her veins, making her dizzy.

  “Because my thoughts are not the least bit friendly toward you.” His gaze pinned her. “Every time I look at you I want to strip you down naked and make love to you.”

  Chapter Eight

  Shocked by his earthy language, she jumped to her feet. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t form any words. Heat flooded her body.

  “You’re going to catch a fly,” Caleb said easily.

  She snapped her mouth closed. Finally, stumbling, she sputtered, “You’re not serious.”

  Caleb rose and calmly brushed the sand from his hand. His gaze trapped her. “I’d make love to you right now on this beach if you gave me the word.”

  His raspy voice ignited scorching memories of their last night together—his lovemaking, the erotic words he’d whispered in her ear, and the way her body enveloped him when he entered her.

  She’d spent the last two years telling herself that the passion she’d shared with Caleb hadn’t been as intense as she’d remembered. She’d come to believe that her memories had gotten tangled and distorted by time and loneliness.

  That kind of desire didn’t exist between a husband and wife. Her parents had certainly never felt that way about each other. Their relationship had been cordial, polite, if not a little distant. When her mother had died of a kidney disease, her father had gotten on with his life without difficulty.

  Now, the desires she’d worked so hard to forget came roaring to life. They raged inside of her.

  “I—I don’t think that kind of talk is appropriate given our circumstances,” she whispered.

  He shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned so close to her she could see the shards of blue in his eyes. “Just being honest, friend.”

  “You’re making fun of me. Friends don’t speak to each other like that.”

  He feigned innocence. “That’s how I speak to my friends.”

  “Well, I’m not one of your male friends.”

  “Exactly.”

  Alanna raised her hand to her racing heart and stepped back. The passion they’d shared had nearly ruined her two years ago. She would not give in to it. She would not!

  She struggled to catch her breath. “I won’t sleep with you again.”

  His white teeth flashed. “I wasn’t talking about sleep.”

  Flustered, she shook her head. “There you go playing with words again. You know what I mean. I’m not going to do that with you again.”

  He circled behind her, yet remained close. His chest skimmed her back. “Aren’t you a little curious?”

  Her mouth felt dry. “About what?”

  “If that is still as good as it was before.” He circled around, his gaze reminding her of a shark as he hovered close before a kill.

  “I don’t think about those nights.” In truth, she had remembered every time he’d touched her, but exploring the memory was like sailing into dangerous waters.

  Cold blue eyes narrowed in speculation. “Sure you do. You think about it every time you undress. Every time you slip into a hot tub. Every time you are alone. You remember what it feels like to have my hands on you.”

  A violent wave of heat shot through her. “I don’t!”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “And you know what else? You’re wondering if you can live with Henry and a lifetime of his lukewarm lovemaking.”

  She wiped her palms against her pants leg. When Henry kissed her she felt nothing. Nothing. Unless she allowed memories of Caleb to drift into her mind. “That’s not true,” she whispered.


  A half smile tugged at the corner of his lips as if he knew he’d struck a nerve. “I’ll bet his kisses are polite, neat. He doesn’t muss your hair. He doesn’t leave your lips feeling bruised. Your heart beating fast.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut. “Real love is deeper than just passion. Real love is born of respect and kindness.” These were the emotions she felt when she thought of Henry. Her thoughts tumbled in her head. “I love Henry.” The words sounded forced, as if she were trying to convince herself as much as him.

  He laid his hands on her shoulders. Opening her eyes, she jumped as if she’d been shocked. “If you came to my bed, I’d muss your hair. Your heart would slam in your chest. And every muscle in your body would know that I’d made love to you.”

  For just the briefest moment, she let herself imagine what it would feel like to have him inside her again. She imagined his naked chest brushing against hers. His lips kissing her. A delicious ache spread through her body.

  Alanna froze. Good Lord, what was she doing? This was wrong. Caleb steered her toward dangerous waters again.

  Henry had never made her feel like this. He’d never made her want so. And wanting was so dangerous. It turned the wise into fools. It made the sane crazy. Still the wanting thrummed in her veins like an opiate.

  “You want me,” he whispered.

  “This isn’t what love is about.” Unable to resist, Alanna raised her finger to touch his scarred face. It felt rough, marred. The face she’d touched a thousand times felt nothing like she remembered.

  Tension radiated through his body, as if he’d read her thoughts. The pain and the loss they’d endured returned and overshadowed the moment.

  His lips twisted into a cynical smile. “You keep talking about love. I’m not talking about love. I’m talking about sex.”

  She should have left right then and there and returned to the cottage. But she didn’t. “You can’t have one without the other.”

  Desire still burned in his eyes. “I can assure you that it’s very possible. We can go back to my room now and I’ll show you.”

  His crude words hit their mark. She heard his message loud and clear. He wanted her, but he didn’t love her.

  Tightness banded her chest and she felt as if all the air were being squeezed from her lungs. Unshed tears burned at the back of her throat. It shouldn’t matter that he didn’t love her anymore.

  But it did.

  Hours later as Caleb had predicted, another storm swept over the Outer Banks with violent force. However, Alanna was oblivious to the high winds and pelting rain. She’d done her best to keep busy. First she’d pulled vegetables and meat from the larder and started a stew. She’d only learned to cook last fall—when finances had forced her to let her cook go. But she discovered that cooking could be a pleasant escape. Though her meals weren’t fancy, they were hearty and tasty.

  Then, she’d cleaned the pantry, scrubbing the shelves until her hands were numb and her back ached. But no matter how hard she couldn’t wrestle free of the sadness that had settled in her bones.

  Caleb didn’t love her.

  She sat in the parlor next to the hearth where a fire blazed. Draped over her lap was the cast-off dress she’d found in the trunk earlier. Scissors in hand, she worked at undoing the garment’s bodice seams. She’d wear the dress home, but after that, she never wanted to see it again. She wanted to forget every moment she’d spent here.

  Alanna would give everything she owned if she could turn the clock back. She’d have lived her life so differently two years ago if given the chance. She’d have read his letters. She’d have found the strength after her miscarriage to go to him and tell him about the baby so they could have mourned together.

  Caleb didn’t love her.

  So many mistakes, so many things had gone wrong. Knowing the past was unfixable tore at her heart.

  A gust of wind knocked a branch against the window. Alanna started and pricked her finger with the needle. Annoyed, she sucked the tip of her injured pinkie as she looked up at the window.

  She set her sewing aside and walked to the window. When was this storm going to end? She wanted so desperately to leave.

  Lantern light flashed near the boathouse. Through the rain and wind she saw Caleb, wrestling the boathouse door closed. Once he’d secured the door and held the lantern high, she could see that he’d pulled out a dory on a low-lying wheeled cart. He tied the lantern to the end of the boat and started to drag the trailer over a rutted path that cut through the dune.

  She stared up at the gray-black sky. What was he up to? “Dear Lord, he can’t be going out into the ocean.”

  Caleb guided the boat closer to the dune. No man in his right mind would attempt the seas in a storm like this alone.

  Except Caleb.

  Her reaction was instinctual and she didn’t question it. She had to help him.

  She grabbed her coat and pulled on a stocking hat. Tucking her head low, she ran into the rain across the yard toward Caleb. She caught up to him at the base of the dune. Staring at the boat, she marveled at the incredible strength required to pull it this far. “Where are you going?”

  He didn’t spare her a glance as the rain pelted his face. “Go back inside, Alanna.”

  She stared at his grim features. “You are not going out into the ocean.”

  He stopped and pointed toward the ocean. Rain dripped from his face. “Look.”

  Her gaze followed his outstretched hand toward the sea. A small schooner had run aground. It listed on its right side. Torn white sails flapped in the wind. On the deck of the ship stood four figures, clinging to the cracked mast. “Oh my God! When did that happen?”

  “They’ve been skimming the coast for a couple of hours. I shot off warning flares but they didn’t see them. They ran aground a half hour ago.”

  The day she’d nearly drowned the water had been so cold. “What’s going to happen to them?”

  He wrapped the boat rope around his gloved hand and started toward the water. Blankets were piled two deep in the bottom of the boat. “If I don’t get them off that boat soon, they’ll go down with the ship.”

  She glanced up at the churning seas and her stomach rolled. Memories flashed of falling into the water and of her lungs aching for water. Her hands began to sweat. The schooner’s dark hull shifted in the surf. Shouts of the victims reached the beach.

  She ran to the other side of the boat and grabbed hold of the boat’s rim. “I don’t know anything about rescues.”

  “Go back inside, Alanna. This is dangerous work,” he shouted over the wind and rain. “I’ve got my hands full as is and I don’t need to be worrying about you.”

  Alanna didn’t move. “We’re wasting time.”

  Caleb glanced toward the ship beyond the dunes and back at the tight set of Alanna’s mouth. He better than anyone understood just how stubborn she could be. “Just help me get the boat into the water.”

  Nodding, she forced her fingers to bite into the boat’s rim as she pulled in time with Caleb. It took all her strength and his to pull the boat over the dune and down through the soft sand to the water’s edge. Icy surf roared up the beach, splashing against her legs and seeping into her boots.

  Caleb seemed oblivious to the cold as he locked the oars in the oarlocks. “When we get the boat past the breakers, I’ll jump in,” he shouted over the wind. “You get back on shore and wait for me.”

  Grim-faced, Alanna nodded. She had no intention of leaving him, but understood this was not the time to share her thought with Caleb. He’d only argue and that would slow them down.

  Caleb waited until the waves were dashing back to the ocean before he shouted, “Push!”

  Alanna obeyed.

  The pull of the surf tugged the boat toward the spot where the waves broke. As the boat rolled over the waist-high waves, Caleb swung himself into the boat.

  “Go back to shore!” he shouted.

  Alanna gripped the side of the boat. “I’m coming wi
th you.”

  “Alanna, I don’t have time to argue,” he shouted.

  “Then don’t. Pull me aboard.” Her fingers were cold and her teeth chattered, but she swung her leg up and over the side of the boat. She tried not to think too much about what could go wrong.

  Caleb swore as he grabbed her by the coat collar and hauled her into the boat. She tumbled headfirst onto the boat’s hard bottom.

  With as much dignity as she could muster, she righted herself and faced Caleb who sat with his back to the ocean. Wordlessly, he glared at her as he started to pump the oars with his powerful arms. He strained against the tide until the current took hold of the boat and yanked her out to sea toward the schooner.

  A wave crashed against the bow. Alanna swallowed a scream and stiffened her shoulders. “I’m okay. I can do this!”

  “Steady,” Caleb said. “We’ll be just fine,” he said without a trace of worry.

  Alanna curled her trembling fingers into fists. She could do this. She could! Caleb was close. He was in charge. Everything would be fine.

  Oh God, oh God. How had she gotten herself into this?

  Caleb set his course, giving her a full view of the jagged scar on his face. It was a reminder of how she’d failed him. She would not let him down this time.

  As Caleb had said, the schooner was sinking, its hull cracked by a shoal. As they moved closer, she could make out the figure of a woman clinging to the mast. Next to her stood three men—two dressed as seamen, the other in a suit. Each wore the same tight masks of fear.

  “Hello there!” Caleb shouted as he maneuvered the lifeboat closer to the schooner. “Alanna, take the oars.”

  Alanna scooted forward and slipped into Caleb’s spot as he moved toward the front of the boat. She had to adjust her grip a couple of times before she felt as though she had a good hold. Keeping the boat steady was far trickier than she’d thought. Caleb had made it look easy.

  Like a cat, Caleb moved to the front of the dory with a thick circle of rope around his arm. He tied one end to his boat and then tossed the other end to the men on the wreck. “Pull us alongside of your vessel. When it’s secure we’ll start taking people on.”