A Soldier's Promise

by Cynthia Thomason

  He appeared awkward, insecure, and for some reason Brenna found that endearing. He quickly took in her appearance from head to painted toes and said, “You’re ready for bed.”

  “Yes. And?”

  “Well, I have a few minutes.”

  “Until what? You run the risk of being late for the curfew you gave Carrie? Wouldn’t want to do that.” She looked at the clock over her fireplace. “You have forty-five minutes, to be exact.” Propping her arm on the side of her door, she smiled. “So, how do you want to spend them?”

  She waited. He didn’t speak, but his eyes were alert, his expression anxious. Something was definitely bothering him. “Are you waiting for me to suggest how we could fill those forty-five minutes, Mike?” she finally said. “I have a few board games inside.”

  “I thought we could talk.”

  “Okay.” She opened the door wider. “Come on in.”

  “No. I mean, no, thanks. Maybe we can talk out here.”

  “On the porch?”

  “Yeah. It’s nice and cool.” He shifted his weight from one booted foot to the other. “Unless you were planning to go to bed now.”

  Any number of comments came to her mind, but Mike obviously wasn’t prompting her for the usual flirtatious remarks. She settled for, “Not on the porch, I’m not.”

  She pointed to the swing hanging from her ceiling. “Sit. I think I can scrounge up some lemonades.”

  When she came back out with two glasses, Mike was perched stiffly on the swing, his feet planted solidly on the floor, his hands dangling between his knees. His gaze focused out over her shrubs before she cleared her throat and handed him a glass.

  She sat next to him, leaving plenty of space between them. “So, what do you want to talk about?”

  He took a sip of the lemonade and said, “How old do you think I am?”

  This was a detail she usually guesstimated right away when she met a new guy, but she hadn’t considered Mike’s age. He had a teen daughter so he was definitely old enough to vote. She thought a moment. “Thinking back to when we were in the pizza shop, I’d say about sixty.”

  He narrowed his eyes in confused concentration before a corner of his mouth lifted in what passed for a grin. “Funny. I don’t suppose you’re ever going to run out of jabs at my parenting skills, are you?”

  “I got a million of ’em.”

  “Okay, now seriously. How old am I?”

  She made a show of studying him. He was an interesting-looking man. There was nothing soft about him. His dark hair, though mussed and longer than he might have liked it as a soldier, was coarse and thick. His jaw was squared, his eyes intense. Every line had been earned from experience. Even the slight stubble of beard that had grown since his last shave was rough-looking. She fisted her hand to resist touching it with the tip of a finger.

  “That’s enough time, Brenna,” he said. “You don’t need to count every gray hair.”

  “All right. I’m guessing thirty-five, thirty-six.”

  “People always guess my age as more than what it is. But you’re close. I’m thirty-three.”

  “We’re only three years apart,” she said.

  “Wow, you’re thirty-six? That’s surprising.”

  Her mouth opened in shock. “Younger, Mike. Younger!” When she realized he was grinning with triumph, she added, “Okay, you get a point for that one.”

  “I got a million of ’em.”

  This was cute Mike. Brenna could learn to like him. “Don’t gloat,” she said. “Now, why is it so important that I know your age?”

  “Well, you can count backward, right? I’m thirty-three. My daughter is going to be fifteen in a couple of weeks.”

  “You’re a young dad.”

  “Young, yes. It’s possible I’m also insensitive and clueless, too—all those things Carrie has been pointing out to you.” He clenched his hands between his knees. “But there is one thing I know plenty about.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I know what a kid’s mind is on when he gets a girl alone in his car. I know because I’ve been there. I was seventeen when Carrie’s mother and I... Well, we made a mistake.”

  “I should point out that times have changed. Abstinence is practiced by lots of teens today. And not all boys are alike. For instance, you didn’t have Bobby and Diana as parents.”

  He conceded her point with a nod. “No, I didn’t. My parents weren’t bad people. They just sort of left me on my own.”

  “You hadn’t heard of protection back then?”

  “Of course. But I wasn’t so experienced at the time. I sort of forgot.”

  Brenna figured she could be called insensitive herself if she said what she really thought. Too bad Mike hadn’t had a teacher like her to explain all the hazards of dating and marrying too young. She’d already volunteered to teach a family-life course at the Cultural Arts Center. The school board had cut the budget for the publicly supported semester-long class two years ago. Kids needed to have certain facts before they started dating, and they should know that a baby is a twenty-four-hour responsibility. Unfortunately, many teens didn’t have someone to go to for honest dialogue on these important topics.

  “Thanks for not commenting on how stupid I was,” he said.

  “You weren’t stupid. You simply didn’t have someone you could trust to talk with you about these matters. I plan to drill the message of protection into my family-class students when the center is open.”

  He seemed surprised. “I assumed the Cultural Arts Center was just for music and theater and things like that.”

  “It is, but in a larger sense, it’s for any class that has been cut due to budget restraints. And the word cultural covers a large realm of topics.” She paused as an idea suddenly occurred to her. “For instance, you could even teach a class for girls on simple auto repairs.”

  He shook his head.

  “What? You don’t think our fragile Southern belles should learn how to change a tire?”

  “I know better than to admit that to you.”

  “Everyone should know what to watch for when they’re driving an automobile—how to know when your oil is low, when the engine needs water... I don’t know, lots of potential problems.”

  “You’ve got a point,” he said. “I guess I could give it a try.”

  She wanted to get back to the subject that most interested her—Mike’s past—so she redirected her next question. “So you and your girlfriend found yourself in an age-old pickle?”

  “That’s right. I keep thinking of that movie title It Happened One Night.”

  “And Carrie is what happened?”

  He nodded. “I never regretted having Carrie, though I had to put some plans on hold while I tried to earn a decent living for my family. And I cared for Lori—that’s my wife’s name—I really did. We’d been going together for a while, but that night in my car was the first time...”

  “I get the picture. All it takes is one time.”

  He looked down at his shoes. “Yeah. Lori and I planned on having another kid one day, when I got out of the army. We finally saw the wisdom in having a plan.”

  Brenna rested her elbow on the back of the swing and gave him a serious look. “Carrie may not have been planned, but she has turned out pretty great, Mike.”

  “I know. I love her. I really do.” He raised his face and met Brenna’s gaze. “I haven’t been there for her as much as I should have been, but Lori was a good mom. Those two got along like they were best friends. Don’t get me wrong. Lori had to discipline her, but she had a way of doing it that was gentle, caring. That was the kind of woman she was.”

  “She sounds like a wonderful person. I’m sorry for your loss.”

  He rubbed his thumb and forefinger over his eyes. “Th
anks.”

  She sensed there was more to the story but didn’t force him to tell it. Whatever he hadn’t said was probably intensely personal and, she was certain, painful.

  After a few minutes he said, “I tried to make a go of being a husband and father. I enrolled in college but only lasted a couple of semesters. Working at night and going to school in the day—I couldn’t cut it. I never was a particularly good student.”

  “So you joined the army?”

  “The reserves at first so I could be close to my family. But I wasn’t making enough money so I went full-time. The army paid me extra to go overseas. From that point on, I made enough to support Carrie and Lori.”

  Knowing that must have been a tough decision for a young dad, Brenna said, “What were you hoping to study at college?”

  He chuckled in a self-deprecating way. “You probably won’t believe this since my specialty in the army was mechanics, and that’s what I’m doing now. But I had it in mind to become a teacher, a history teacher. You wouldn’t guess it to look at me, I suppose, but I read a lot. I’m fascinated by why things happened, how history repeats itself no matter how much we think we’ve learned. It’s all cyclical, you know.”

  “Enthusiasm and passion for your subject matter is the most important quality of an effective teacher.” Brenna twisted her body on the swing to look more clearly into Mike’s eyes. “Why don’t you go to college now? You can start with a few classes a couple of nights a week.”

  He gave her an incredulous stare. “You’re kidding, right? Now I’ve got Carrie to look after full-time?”

  “She’s old enough to stay home without you for a few hours. Or you could drop her off at my place when you go to school.” Yikes, did I just say that? “We have great universities nearby in Augusta and Athens.”

  He shook his head. “An education is not really in my budget right now.”

  “Get a government loan. Use the military benefits that must be owed you.”

  “I don’t know. I’d feel pretty stupid walking around campus with a bunch of freshmen. Besides, I don’t know if I could succeed. I haven’t studied in a long time.”

  “You just told me you read a lot. What do you think studying is? It’s reading, listening and doing.” She smiled. “I know you are good at reading and doing. The listening might take some practice....”

  He laughed. “I’d better quit coming up with excuses. You seem to have an answer for all of them.”

  She placed her hand over his knee and then pulled it back. Perhaps he would resent the familiarity. Or misinterpret it. But for this one moment she felt she was making a connection with Mike.

  “Look, the army worked well for you for a long time, enabled you to take care of your family. But you’re not likely to go back now, so why not think of your future and what you really want to do? This point of your life could present a really worthwhile opportunity.”

  “I thought I wanted to come here,” he said. “Start over in a safe, comfortable space where Carrie and I could get to know each other.” He rubbed his nape. “But you can see that isn’t working out too well. All Carrie talks about is going back to California, how much better California is than Georgia. Carrie is my responsibility now. She’s my future. I have to consider her needs.”

  “Of course you do,” Brenna said. “But you’re new at this fathering business, and you’re likely to make some mistakes. Despite all that, Carrie loves you. I can see that even if you don’t.”

  “Then why do I feel like everything I do is a failure?”

  “You’ll get the hang of it. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to have all the answers now.”

  He leaned back in the swing, resting his head on the back and looking up at the ceiling. “That’s just it. I didn’t have time to ask Lori all the questions. By the time I got to her, she wasn’t strong enough to fill me in on all the details of our little girl’s life.” He blinked rapidly. “Little girl? Ha. That’s the way I remember her. And when Lori said I should protect her, keep her from harm, that’s all I could think about, and all I think about now. Keeping a promise by protecting our little girl.”

  “That’s instinctive, Mike,” Brenna said. “Dads want to protect their daughters. But Carrie isn’t so little and she needs more from you than just protection.”

  He sat up straight again and looked at her. “Maybe you can help.”

  Brenna almost laughed. “You want my help? There’s a one-eighty if I ever heard one. Remember, I don’t have kids of my own.”

  He had the decency to look guilty. “I’m sorry I said that. You don’t have to have kids to be good with them.”

  She felt the need to correct him. “I’m good with them as a teacher, that’s pretty much it.”

  “That’s not true. You can help her with the things I can’t, you know. Girl stuff.”

  “Girl stuff?”

  “Shopping, clothes, that kind of thing.”

  She couldn’t help noticing he hadn’t mentioned boys. For a girl Carrie’s age, the topic of boys was definitely girl stuff.

  He looked around Brenna’s porch, pointing at various objects—hanging flower arrangements, the wreath on the door, the colorful metal umbrella stand. “You have all these...things. I’m thinking it would be okay if you took Carrie shopping sometime. Her birthday’s coming up soon, and I don’t have any idea what to get her.”

  Oh, no. She wasn’t falling into that trap. “Or maybe you could take her shopping. It’s another opportunity for you, Mike, to get to know her.”

  He shook his head. “If I’m in a woman’s store more than two minutes, I get the shakes. The walls start closing in.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “It’s true. The one time I took Carrie to a decorating store to buy things to fix up her room, she started fingering everything, smelling every candle, plumping every pillow. I was ready to jump out of my skin.”

  “You poor baby. Did she buy anything?”

  “No. She said I made her nervous. The whole trip was a disaster. That’s why I thought you—”

  “I’m not your answer, Mike.” Just thinking of such a personal commitment to Carrie made Brenna cringe. Should she tell Mike about her past so he would understand her reluctance? Sure, maybe offering friendship to this one child would turn out okay, but it could lead to another child, another year...and another, until who knew... Marcus all over again.

  “Mike, you should understand something about me,” she said.

  “What?”

  “I made a vow a long time ago that I wouldn’t get involved in my students’ lives on a personal level. I’ve already broken that rule numerous times where Carrie is concerned.”

  “I don’t understand,” he said. “Why wouldn’t you want to get involved? Kids are your business, aren’t they?”

  “Teaching them is my business. Being their buddy isn’t.” He still looked confused by her attitude so she added just enough to make him consider her position. “Look, a few years ago, I got mixed up with a middle school boy who had some problems. I tried to help him out, and I only made things worse. Much worse.”

  “How could you make things worse?”

  “Believe me, I did.” And the kid ended up in the hospital and I’ve never forgiven myself for the way I handled the situation.

  “I’m just talking about a trip to the store. I figured you two would enjoy it.”

  “It’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy it. It’s that I don’t want to develop that level of intimacy with someone else’s daughter. If you need a counselor for Carrie...”

  His lips thinned. “Don’t go there, Brenna. In California, that’s all I ever heard. Counselor, therapist. Carrie didn’t want to go, and I don’t want to force her. She’s okay. Or she will be.”

  “Fine. I think she’ll be okay, too.
”

  “Brenna, I’m just looking for a favor from you.”

  “I think you’re looking for a way out of a situation that makes you uncomfortable.”

  “Okay, that, too. But it would mean a lot to me. You’d be a great role model for Carrie. She already likes you.”

  “I like her, too....”

  He sensed her weakening and pushed harder. “Then say you’ll at least think about it. It’s not like you have to go tomorrow or anything. Her birthday’s two weeks off. You set the date.”

  He waited, his expression hopeful. Could she do this again? Should she? The circumstances were obviously different now. Carrie wasn’t suffering anything similar to what Marcus had.

  “Well, will you think about it?”

  “Okay, I’ll think about it, but no promises. There’s a bed and bath shop in Augusta.”

  “That’d be great, Brenna.”

  “I only said I’d think about it.”

  “I know.” Despite his apparent appreciation, his eyes narrowed.

  “What’s the problem now?”

  “I was just wondering. I’m not a rich man. You’ve seen the cabin. It’s pretty basic, nothing fancy. What do you suppose a room makeover for a teenager will cost? Would a hundred bucks do it?”

  Brenna had spent more than that on her down comforter. Maybe this was her way out of this dilemma. But she heard herself say, “Yeah, I think we can manage to make a few changes on a hundred dollars.”

  He set his nearly untouched lemonade on the floor but didn’t stand.

  “Is there anything else, Mike?” Brenna asked. “Your reason for stopping by was to ask me to go shopping with Carrie?”

  “Not entirely.”

  “So there’s something else?”

  He half grinned. “I owe you, that’s all.”

  “You owe me? I haven’t agreed to do anything yet. I’ve only given you some advice, and that’s free.”

  He leaned closer to her on the swing. “No, not for the advice. I’m still not sure I’m even going to take any of it.”