Nex

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Yeah. Think you could send my mama that memo? She’s still in denial.”

  “She thinks we’re still getting back together?” he asked, sounding amused.

  “Yeah, we got into it this morning. She’s upset that I’ve met someone else. She thinks he’ll convince me to live in Tampa permanently and leave her behind.”

  “Is there a chance of that happening, you think?”

  It felt good to be able to talk to Scott as a friend again, especially after all the years we’d been each other’s confidante. “I don’t know.” I sighed. “I love Tampa, and I’ve got some great opportunities waiting for me back there.”

  “Including a future with Nex?”

  “Especially my future with Nex.” It was becoming clear to me nothing was more important to me than that.

  “Then you should pursue that, Jaci. Who knows how it’ll turn out? But if you don’t give it a shot, you’ll always regret it, right?”

  “But what about Mama?” No one knew better than Scott how much she depended on me.

  “You could offer to get her a place there if she wants to be close to you.”

  “You really think she’d go for that?”

  He chuckled. “No, I don’t. I think Hartwell is her home. It’s where she wants to be. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make a different choice. You’re an adult now, Jaci. Not your mama’s little girl anymore. You get to decide for yourself where home is.”

  Everything he said made perfect sense and I knew he was right, but a lifetime of conditioning was hard to overcome.

  “You make her the offer. If she decides this is where she belongs, you can go with a clear conscience knowing at least you tried.”

  “You know it’s not that easy, Scott. She doesn’t have anyone else to take care of her.”

  “Sure, she does,” he argued. “She has family and friends here, and she has me. I’ll look in on her as often as I can.”

  I linked arms with him, thinking how happy I was we’d come to terms and found an amicable end. “That’s so sweet of you, but she’s my responsibility. I can’t put that on anyone else.”

  “Listen to me,” he said, turning to face me. “You have always gone way above and beyond the call of duty where your mama is concerned, and let’s face it. She’s taken advantage of you at times.”

  I wished I could defend her, but I couldn’t. She had taken advantage of me. “But still,” I said, lowering my head. “She’s my mama. And she’s not well. We all know this disease is going to progress, and when it does, how can I live with myself if I’m not here for her?”

  “It’s going to progress whether you’re here or not,” he said gently. “But you shouldn’t live your life waiting for that to happen, nor should she. I think the best thing you can do for her is to encourage her to live independently for as long as she can. When the time comes she can’t do it anymore, you deal with that at the time. Maybe then she comes to Tampa or moves in with her sister or you get her some help. There are plenty of options.”

  He was right, but my sense of obligation had never let me consider any other possibility. In my mind, she was my responsibility, just as I had been hers growing up. “Thanks, Scott,” I said, giving him a hug. “This helped a lot.”

  “My pleasure.” He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before he said, “And this new man of yours better treat you right or I’ll have to hunt him down.”

  The thought of sweet and passive Scott challenging Nex was almost laughable, but I knew his heart was in the right place. “Same goes for you and Andrea. Make sure she deserves you before you give her your heart.”

  He stood, pulling me to my feet before giving me a hug. “We had a good run, didn’t we?”

  I smiled, recalling some of my favorite moments with him. “Yeah, we had a damn good run.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Jaci

  “Aunt Bea,” I said, tapping my knuckles against her open office door, “you got a minute?”

  “Always for you, sugar,” she said, waving her hand. “Come on in.” She settled back in her chair, tucking her pencil into her red updo. “How’s it been goin’ since ya got back?”

  “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” I licked my lips, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. After my talk with Scott in the park, I knew what I had to do. I just hoped I would have my aunt Bea’s support.

  “Fire away, darlin’.”

  Aunt Bea had always been the person I went to growing up when my mama and I got into it. She was a feisty, free spirit who always did it her way, and she was the first one to tell my mama she needed to “yank that stick out of her ass” and lighten up a little. I loved her for always having my back.

  “How is Mama, really? I mean, I know you’ve been to her doctor’s appointments with her, and I just need to know what he has to say about her condition.”

  “You know hers is a mild case. It hasn’t progressed much from last year, which is a good thing. Of course there’s no way of knowin’ what the future’ll hold. But none of us has a crystal ball now, do we?”

  “No, ma’am.” I bit my lip, betraying my nervousness. “But the doctor feels he has a handle on things? I mean, he thinks he’s got her on the right meds and—”

  “Jacqueline,” she said, leaning forward, “your mama’s fine. Why’re you asking me all this?”

  “Aunt Bea, I’ve got an amazing opportunity waiting for me back in Tampa, and I’m not sure I should take it.” I would also tell her about the incredible man waiting for me, but I didn’t want my strong, independent aunt to think I was making all of these decisions based on a man I hadn’t known all that long. Until she met Nex and saw us together, she couldn’t possibly understand how strong our connection was or how happy he made me.

  “Well, let’s hear about it.”

  “I’ve been offered a partnership in a new bakery.”

  “A bakery?” Her penciled-in eyebrows rose in surprise. “Well, that does sound right up your alley, but a partnership? What about school?”

  “I’d keep working on my degree part-time, but the bakery would definitely be a full-time commitment. And, uh, I’d be investing the money I’d saved for tuition into the business.”

  “You think that’s wise?” she asked. “I know how long it took you to save that money.”

  If Mary and Mac were willing to invest in their dream, I wanted to be brave enough to do the same. “You were always the one telling me, ‘no risk, no reward,’ right?”

  She laughed, a raspy sound that made it sound like she still smoked a pack a day, even though she’d given up the habit years ago. “I did say that, didn’t I?”

  “This is a really great opportunity, Aunt Bea. The business is already doing well, but they’re looking to expand into occasion cakes and cupcakes—weddings, specifically.”

  She flashed a quick grin, pointing a frosted pink nail at me. “Remember that wedding cake you made when the Donseys got married a few years back? It was so pretty, everyone in town wanted you to do theirs. You could have had a nice little business there if your mama hadn’t put the kibosh on it, claimin’ you were making a mess of her kitchen.”

  Ah yes, another opportunity my mama had quashed. Not that I could blame her entirely. I didn’t stand up to her when I should have. But things were different now. I was different. “Those were pretty simple cakes. The ones I’d be making in Tampa would be nothing like that.” I withdrew the brochure Mac gave me from my purse. I’d been carrying it around with me for weeks, looking at it every chance I got. “I’d have to take some classes to learn how to do this.”

  “Sure is pretty,” Aunt Bea said, glancing through the brochure. “Sounds like you’ve got things all figured out, so what’s the problem?”

  “My partners in this business would be my new boyfriend’s sister-in-law and her mother. You think that’s just asking for trouble?”

  Aunt Bea laughed before sinking back in her chair. “Oh yeah, your mama mentioned you had a new man in y
our life. She made him sound like some outlaw biker, but that doesn’t sound like your type, so I assumed she was just exaggeratin’ again.”

  At least my aunt had some faith in me. “Mama doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” I said, trying to suppress my bitterness. “Nex is a college graduate with a great job and beautiful home, definitely not the loser Mama’s tryin’ to make him out to be.”

  “I already knew that, honey,” Aunt Bea said, shooting me a placating look. “You’re a smart girl. You know how to pick ’em.”

  “Thanks.” I took a deep breath. “So here’s the deal. I love Nex. He loves me. I can really see a future with him, but if for some reason things don’t work out, you think it’s crazy for me to go into business with his family?”

  “I don’t know. Are they the type that would hold it against you if you were the one to dump him?”

  I thought of Mac and Mary and how wonderful they’d already been to me. “No, they have no problem drawing the line between business and personal.”

  “Then I guess you have your answer, don’t you?”

  “But what about Mama?”

  “Your mama is a grown woman who can take care of herself.” When I started to remind her of my mother’s ailment, she raised a hand to silence me. “You probably don’t remember your Nan too well, ’cause you were just a toddler when she passed. But that woman was as strong as a bull. Lost both of her legs to diabetes and still managed to do most of the things you and I do.”

  “Really?” It was nice to know I came from strong stock. “I remember seeing pictures of her in the family album, and of course Mama mentions her from time to time, but she never really talks about her disability.”

  “That’s ’cause Nan never saw it as a disability. According to her, it was just ‘the ability to do things a different way,’” she said, making air quotes around the words. “She got creative, starting chopping veggies at the table instead of the counter, had Granddaddy modify things so she could still do her chores. She figured out a way, and your mama will too if it comes to that.”

  “But I can’t shake the feeling I’d be abandoning her if I decided to make Tampa my permanent home.”

  “That’s because she’s done a real number on you,” Aunt Bea said, shaking a finger at me. “And that’s a damn shame. You’re not her caregiver. You’re her daughter. She doesn’t need anyone to take care of her. She just likes to be pampered, always has.”

  I laughed, thinking that accurately described my mother, and no one knew her better than her older sister.

  “The house next door to mine came on the market a couple of weeks ago. I told her to buy it so I’d be close enough to look in on her should the need arise. But she didn’t wanna do that. You know why?”

  I had a feeling, but I shook my head, waiting for my aunt’s response.

  “’Cause then she wouldn’t have an excuse to lure you back here. She’s using that damn illness to keep you right here where she can keep an eye on you, and that’s not right. You’re a grown woman. You have your own life to live, and you need to get the hell out of there and start livin’ it, girl.” She gestured to the door. “We’ve got things covered here. Don’t you worry about a thing.”

  I rushed around the desk to hug her. “Thank you so much, Aunt Bea.” She has no idea the gift she’d just given me, the real gift of freedom I’d been seeking when I first moved to Tampa. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, sugar,” she said, planting a kiss on my cheek that no doubt left a frosted pink lip stain, not that I cared. “Now don’t waste any more time,” she said, framing my face with her hands as she looked into my eyes. “You’ve already wasted enough precious time livin’ for someone else. It’s time for you to make your own way.”

  ***

  The house was quiet when I walked in. I wasn’t surprised to find Mama nodding off in an easy chair with a paperback in her hand, even though it was only four o’clock in the afternoon. She claimed the medication made her tired, but I sensed it was her inactive lifestyle more than anything that sapped her energy.

  “Oh,” she said, grasping her chest. “I didn’t expect you to be home so early. Things slow at the diner today?”

  “I didn’t work today,” I said, sitting in the chair across from her.

  “Why not?” she asked, frowning. “You’re not gonna be able to make money if you’re not workin’ now, are you?”

  “No, ma’am.” I’d rehearsed everything I wanted to say to her on the walk home, but I always got a little tongue-twisted when I had to deliver bad news to the woman who’d raised me. “But I’m not going to be working at the diner anymore.”

  “What’re you talking about?” she asked, frowning. “You know there aren’t many summer jobs here. It was good of your aunt to make room for you. And you repay her by telling her the diner isn’t good enough for you now that you’ve got some rich sugar daddy?”

  I clenched my teeth, barely suppressing the urge to lash out at her. “Nex is not my sugar daddy. For one, he’s not that much older than me, and for another, I always earn my keep, Mama. I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” I glared at her, letting her know I had her number and was done putting up with her crap. “I can take care of myself, just like you can take care of yourself.”

  She huffed. “Maybe I can take care of myself now, but who knows how much longer before this damn disease—”

  “None of us know what the future will bring,” I said gently, trying to put myself in her position. In spite of her abhorrent behavior, I knew she was genuinely frightened at the prospect of being incapacitated. “You can’t live the rest of your life assuming the worst will happen. The fact is you just don’t know. God willing, this is as bad as it will get.”

  “You’ve always been a glass half-full kinda girl,” she said, rolling her eyes as she dog-eared a page of the book she’d been reading before setting it down. “But I can’t afford that luxury. I’ve had to be a realist.”

  “Maybe I am an optimist,” I conceded. “And maybe sometimes I do expect the best and get disappointed, but I’d rather do that than expect the worst and be right all the time.”

  She set her silver-framed reading glasses aside before asking, “Just what are you trying to say, young lady?”

  “That I love you, but I’m done living this way.” I straightened my shoulders, looking her in the eye. “I’ll always be just a phone call away if you need me, but I need to start building a life of my own. In Tampa.”

  “This is because of that man, isn’t it? That’s the only reason you’d be sassin’ me like this.”

  “You’re wrong.” I replayed the past year in my mind, the challenges, obstacles, and victories, and realized I’d do it all again in a heartbeat just for the thrill of being in charge of my own life. “Nex respects the fact I’m able to make my own choices and supports me in anything I decide to do. Because he loves me, Mama. That’s what you do for someone you love—support their dreams, even if you’re scared for them. Or yourself.”

  Her eyes filled with tears, forcing her to look away. “You’re saying I haven’t supported you?”

  “You have, as long as what I wanted aligned with what you wanted for me. As soon as I opposed you, you made it clear your love was conditional.”

  She gasped, wiping away a tear. “How can you say that to me? I’ve done everything for you. I built my whole world around you!”

  “Maybe that was your first mistake,” I said quietly. “I should have been your daughter, not your world. Maybe if you’d kept things in the proper perspective and tried harder to move on with your life without Daddy, we wouldn’t be sitting here today, resenting each other.”

  “You resent me?” she asked, sounding hurt.

  I knew this was the time to be honest, no matter how painful it was for both of us. “I resent the fact I’ve never felt free to live my own life.” I looked around at the old house we’d shared since the day I was born. “Aunt Bea told me about the house next door to h
ers being up for sale. Why don’t you make an offer on it?”

  She frowned. “This is our home,” she said, gesturing to the worn antique furniture she’d inherited from her own mama. “This is where you grew up. It’s where all of our memories are.”

  “Maybe it’s time for both of us to make new memories, Mama.” At her pained expression, I reached forward to take her hands. “It’s not too late for you, you know. You’re only fifty, still a young woman. You could find love again.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. No man would want me with all my problems.”

  I tapped my finger against my temple, unable to suppress my smile, which she thankfully shared. “Most of your problems are up here, and you can surely fix that.”

  “You think so, do you? When did you get so smart?”

  “I had a pretty smart lady raising me. How could I have turned out any other way?” I moved over, sitting on the arm of her chair as I put my arm around her shoulders. “Your life isn’t over unless you choose to believe it is. You could have so many wonderful years ahead of you.”

  “I know,” she said, sighing as she rested her head on my shoulder. “There is this nice man at church who’s asked me out a few times. Maybe I should take him up on it?”

  “I think you definitely should,” I said, kissing the top of her head. “And I think you should start trying to be more active too, Mama. Get out for a walk every day, just as far as you can. Go back to your water aerobics classes at the community center.”

  “Maybe you’re right. I should do more.”

  “And you should think about selling this place too. Move in next to Aunt Bea or get an apartment and use the money to travel. I know you’re a bit young for the seniors’ group, but I bet they’d let you go on some of those trips with them if you poured on the charm.”

  She giggled. “Since when I am charming?”

  “You are when you choose to be.” I squeezed her shoulders. “You let Aunt Bea help you put this house on the market and find something else. When you’re ready to pack up and move, Nex and I will come and help you.”