Heaviness dragged at his limbs, but he forced himself to make his way to the station. Maybe there was a phone number on the door he could call to find out who’d been working. Ask them if they’d seen a young boy traveling alone.
But the glass door boasted only a closed sign and posted hours―the station wouldn’t reopen until nine the next morning. That was nine hours from now. They couldn’t wait that long.
He called the police station and filled them in on his hunch, and they promised to investigate who had been working and where the last buses of the day had been headed.
Then he circled the perimeter of the small building, checking in every nook and cranny he could find, even the dumpster. But there was no sign anyone had been there recently.
He didn’t understand. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Leah was a good person. She was only trying to help this kid. To give him the family he’d never had. She shouldn’t have to go through something like this.
It just went to show that she was wrong when she said God was in control. When she said to trust him. She’d trusted this so-called God, and look where it’d gotten her.
There was no God.
When he returned to the front of the building, Austin tried to peer inside. In the faint glow of the security lights, he could see the building was empty.
But he didn’t care.
He lifted a hand to pound on the door as hard as he could.
The shock of the impact reverberated through his body, and he hit the door again. And then again, putting all his fear and pent-up anger into each blow.
It didn’t make sense. It shouldn’t make him so angry to realize, once again, that there was no God.
But he’d been starting to hold onto a tiny tendril of hope that maybe Leah was right and there was a God and maybe he did answer prayers.
And now.
Now he knew he’d been wrong about that. Again.
He dropped his forehead to the glass, letting its cold pierce through him. He’d run out of ideas. There was nowhere else to look.
A knifing pain sliced through him at the thought of Leah’s loss.
Of his loss.
He hadn’t meant to get close to Jackson―he’d warned himself not to―and yet over the past few weeks, Jackson had become more than the neighbor kid to him. The boy felt more like a son.
He almost didn’t register the clicking sounds over the harsh in and out of his own breaths. He kept his eyes closed and worked to slow his breathing so he could hear better. It sounded kind of like the bolt of a lock.
His eyes popped open just as the door next to him pushed out.
Jackson stood on the other side, mouth open, staring at the spot where Austin’s foot should have been.
Austin swung forward on his crutches, then let them drop to the ground as he pulled the boy into him with one arm. With the other, he reached into his pocket for his phone.
Chapter 31
Leah had never understood happy crying.
Until tonight.
She hadn’t been able to slow the tears flowing down her cheeks since the moment Austin had called to tell her he’d found Jackson.
As the three of them sat crammed into the front of Austin’s truck now, she swiped at her eyes. If she didn’t get herself under control soon, both guys were going to think she was crazy.
She’d insisted that Jackson sit up here with them instead of in the back so that he could warm up after spending half the night in the bus station.
From the little Jackson had told Austin―and Austin had relayed to her―by the time Jackson had gotten to the bus station, the last bus had already left for the day. So he’d hidden in a supply closet until the station was closed and locked up for the night. He’d been planning to use money he’d swiped from Leah’s purse to buy a ticket in the morning.
Every time she thought of it, her heart skipped. If they hadn’t found him―if Austin hadn’t been there―Jackson might have disappeared from her life forever.
But God had put Austin in exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
Even after her faithless refusal to pray.
Leah’s heart swelled at the reminder that in spite of her own frailties and sins, God loved her. He was still working in her life even when she failed to acknowledge him.
She turned toward Jackson and Austin. It was impossible not to notice how the boy’s gaze kept tracking to Austin’s missing limb.
Leah wanted to tell him that it was okay, that it didn’t change who Austin was, but she needed to let Austin be the one to address that.
When they pulled into the driveway, Austin shut off the truck’s engine, and the three of them sat, their breaths the only sound in the small space.
Finally, Austin opened his door and slid off his seat, then reached into the back to grab his crutches.
The movement unstuck Leah from her seat, and she opened her door as well. The moment she was on the ground, Jackson scooted out past her and trundled to the front door.
Austin came around the truck to stand at her side.
“Thank you.” There was so much more she needed to say, but she couldn’t. She wound her hands between Austin’s crutches and his torso to crush him in the tightest hug she could manage.
His hands rested on her back, and he dropped the lightest touch of a kiss onto the top of her head. “I’ll let you get some sleep.”
She nodded, though she didn’t see how that would be possible. What if Jackson ran away again the moment she closed her eyes?
Austin glanced toward her house. “Unless you want me to stay. I don’t sleep much anyway. I could sit up in the living room . . .”
Leah shook her head, but even she could tell the gesture lacked conviction. “You don’t have to do that.”
But Austin was already working his crutches toward the house. “Whatever makes things easier for you, that’s what I have to do.”
Leah followed him inside, offering her eightieth prayer of the night to thank God for him.
“I’m going to go talk to Jackson. Or try to at least.” She didn’t hold out much hope that he’d respond, given the fact that he hadn’t said a word to her since he’d been found.
Austin squeezed her arm as she walked past, and she tried to gather what strength she could from the gesture. It was well after one in the morning, and the need for sleep pulled at her eyelids, but she couldn’t go to bed without talking to her son first.
She knocked on his door but didn’t wait for his response before opening it. The relief of seeing him in here shouldn’t slam into her like this―after all, they’d been home for all of three minutes―but still, she sagged against his door.
Her eyes fell on the PBJ on his dresser, and she reached for it, then passed it to him. “You have to be hungry. Why don’t you eat this before you go to sleep?”
Jackson shrugged but snatched the plate from her and took a bite that devoured half the sandwich.
“I know things have been a little rocky between us lately.” Well, not so much lately as from the moment Jackson had arrived at her house. “But I don’t understand why you felt like you needed to run away. Are you that unhappy here?” She managed to hold off the tears that threatened but couldn’t prevent the crack to her voice.
When Jackson didn’t answer, she lowered herself to the edge of his bed. He watched her but kept eating.
“Look, Jackson. I love you.”
The boy’s eyes focused on his plate, but Leah wasn’t going to let his lack of a reaction keep her from telling him how she felt. “I love you so much that no matter how many times you run away, I’ll come find you. I’ll search and search and search. Even if it’s a hundred times.”
“Like Jesus with the sheep,” Jackson muttered.
Leah’s heart just about burst. She knew Dan had preached about the parable of the lost sheep a couple weeks ago. But she could never be sure if the message was getting through to Jackson.
“Exactly like that.” She swallowed. She wa
sn’t sure she could make herself say the next part.
She gathered her hair at the nape of her neck and took a long, shaky breath. “If you really don’t want to stay with me―” She sniffed and blinked to clear the moisture from behind her lids but forced herself to keep going. She had to do what was best for Jackson. No matter how much it hurt her. “If you think you’d be happier with someone else or in a group home, then I’ll respect that. You’re old enough to make that choice.”
At last, Jackson looked at her, but she couldn’t read his expression. Was he happy? Angry? Hurt?
His eyes were blank.
“I don’t want to go to another family.” Jackson’s hands fisted in his comforter.
“Do you want to go to a group home?” Leah tried not to let the hope lifting her heart leak into her voice.
The boy shook his head, and any prayer she had of not getting her hopes up was shattered.
“Do you want to stay here? Maybe talk about adoption?” She bit her lip, trying to resist the smile that threatened to burst out. If that’s what tonight had been about―showing Jackson that he belonged with her―then maybe it had been worth all the worry and fear.
“I don’t want any family.”
Leah’s heart crashed to the floor of Jackson’s bedroom. “Why not?” she managed to whisper past the glass shards blocking her windpipe.
Jackson got out of the bed and stomped to the other side of the room, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms in front of him.
“What’s the point?” The combination of hurt and anger in his voice tore at her. “Families tell you they’ll be there for you forever, but it’s all lies. You know what my mom said the morning she―” His gaze collided with hers, and Leah longed to go to him and wrap him in her arms. No kid should have to know this kind of pain. But she forced herself to keep her seat and let him talk.
“She said, ‘It’s you and me forever, baby.’ I’ll never forget that, the way she called me ‘baby.’ And she made me a peanut butter and jelly, my favorite, and said that after lunch we could go to the park if I sat at the table and ate like a big boy.”
“And I trusted her.” Jackson shook his head as if he couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been. “I ate my sandwich, and then I went to find her to ask if we could go to the park. But she―” He dropped his eyes to the floor, kicking at the crack between floorboards with his toe.
“She was dead,” Leah filled in for him.
Jackson nodded, not blinking. “So forever lasted less than an hour with her. And then they put me with this family that I thought was nice. But they kept me for less than a year before they got rid of me. And then there was another family. And another one. Some of them promised to adopt me. But none of them did.”
Leah stood, daring to take a few steps toward him. “Jackson, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of that. I wish I could take it away. I really do. But I can’t. The only thing I can do is tell you I’m not them. I do want to―”
“No.” Jackson’s yell startled her into stillness. “Don’t say it. I don’t want you to. You’re dumber than me if you think I’ll believe it this time. Why don’t you save us some time and admit what all those other families found out? I’m a bad kid, and nothing’s going to change that.”
“You’re not a bad kid.”
Jackson pushed off the wall, striding past her to get to the other side of the room. “Yes, I am. I didn’t know why until yesterday. But now I know there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Until yesterday? You mean punching Trent? That doesn’t mean you’re―”
“It’s not about punching Trent. He deserved it. He was making fun of Adam because he has one arm that’s shorter than the other. He’s a total―”
“Wait.” Leah had never considered that Jackson might be standing up for someone weaker than himself when he punched Trent. Not that it made punching acceptable, but it did change her perception of the situation. “You were defending Adam?”
“He can’t exactly defend himself.”
Leah tried to sort out her thoughts. “We’ll talk about why hitting isn’t the way to do that later. But first, I want to know why you say you’re a bad kid.”
Jackson slouched against the wall. “I just am,” he mumbled.
Leah waited. Maybe that was all she was going to get. Already, he’d said more in the past twenty minutes than in the entire month they’d been together.
“My mom was an addict.” The boy’s voice was low, and Leah moved closer so she wouldn’t miss anything.
“I’m afraid she was, honey. But that doesn’t mean―”
“Mr. Giles said in health class that addiction is hereditary.” He lifted his gaze to hers as if challenging her to argue.
She paused, thinking. She didn’t want to mislead him. But nor did she want him to go through life thinking he was destined to fall into addiction. “It’s not quite as clear-cut as that. It’s not like inheriting your blue eyes. Just because your mom was an addict doesn’t mean you’ll be one. God gives us all a free will, to make those choices about things like what we put into our bodies. And it’s my job to help you make good choices. To resist those temptations. And, if you ever fall into them, to always love you and forgive you. And to remind you that Jesus loves and forgives you too.”
Jackson didn’t say anything, but the tension in his shoulders eased, and his head drooped.
“Why don’t you get some sleep now, and we can talk more in the morning?”
Jackson moved to the bed. Leah waited until he was tucked under the covers, then flipped off the light. She stood in his doorway, watching him lying still in bed for a moment.
“Goodnight, Jackson. I love you.”
He didn’t respond, but that was okay. She hadn’t expected him to.
She only hoped that he’d believed her when she said it this time.
Chapter 32
“Pancakes?” Leah’s sleepy voice from the entryway to the kitchen lifted Austin’s mouth into a smile.
“I thought you could use them after last night.”
Leah had been too worn out after talking with Jackson to tell him much about their conversation, but from what he’d gathered it had made her, at least, feel somewhat better.
He, on the other hand, had sat up on the couch the entire night, unable to shut off the images of what could have happened.
It had been too close. Way too close.
Thinking about what he could have lost had almost brought him to his knees more than once during the night. He’d even gone so far as to say a quick prayer of thanks for Jackson’s safe return.
“Is Jackson up yet?” Leah shuffled into the kitchen and started setting the table.
“He got up a while ago. We talked for a bit.” Austin had used their time alone together to apologize to the boy for not telling him the truth about why he couldn’t play hockey. Jackson hadn’t had too many questions about Austin’s leg―other than how it had happened and if it hurt―and afterward, he’d returned to his room.
Austin wasn’t sure yet if that was a good sign or a bad sign.
“Thank you for staying.” Leah touched a light hand to his arm as she reached past him for the butter, but her voice was semi-guarded.
Because of the way he’d left her last night after their date? Before everything with Jackson?
“Leah. About last night. I’m sorry.”
She set the butter down and slipped her arms around him, crutches and all. “I am too. And I really am praying for you. That things will work out the way you want, and you’ll be redeployed.”
He nodded and let himself do what he’d been dying to do all morning.
Her lips were soft and yielding against his, and he let himself sink into the moment.
Until Leah pulled back abruptly, snatching at the butter and moving around the table.
Austin blinked. It took him a second to figure out why she’d pulled away.
But then he spotted Jackson, staring between
them with a revolted expression.
“Good morning.” The forced casualness in Leah’s voice almost made Austin laugh, but he managed to hold it in.
“Want some pancakes, dude?” He only asked it out of habit, though he knew what the answer would be.
But Jackson wiped his hands on his shirt and said, “Sure.”
Austin could feel his mouth open as he turned to Leah, but she grinned at him and raised her eyebrows. Apparently she had the same thought as he did―don’t make a big deal about this, or Jackson might change his mind.
So, as if this was what he did every day, Austin loaded a plate with three pancakes and passed it to Jackson. Then he filled one for Leah and another for himself.
As they sat there eating together, Austin couldn’t keep the thought from edging its way in: They made a nice family.
Chapter 33
“So, when will we be planning one of these for you?” Peyton nudged Leah as she dropped her cake decorating supplies onto the counter.
Leah continued garnishing the elegant cups of tomato soup with basil. The bride and groom had chosen the perfect meal for a December wedding, from the tomato soup appetizers to the beef tenderloin and roasted potatoes to the hot chocolate bar.
“You’re getting a little ahead of yourself.”
Sure, the week since her date with Austin had been perfect. She and Austin and Jackson had eaten dinner together every night, and they’d actually convinced Jackson to play a board game with them last night. And then there’d been the kisses she and Austin had shared, and the quiet conversations they’d enjoyed together.
But that didn’t mean she was planning their wedding. It’d taken her this long to be ready to date anyone. She was nowhere near ready to get married.
Even if the flutter in her tummy every time she considered it said otherwise.
“Oh, come on, Leah. Anyone can see that’s where this is going.” Peyton bent to pipe a flower onto the three-tiered cake.
“I can’t.”
“Of course you can.” Peyton added a last flourish to the flower and lifted the piping tip. “I can see it in the way you look at him. You’re in love.”
Not Until Christmas Morning (Hope Springs Book 5) Page 18
