The Wazir and the Witch coaaod-7

by Hugh Cook

  As Uckermark led the way onward and upward, Manthandros Trasilika asked no questions, thinking that what was left of his dignity would best be preserved by a decorous silence. But his priest was not so continent.

  ‘Where are we now?’ said Jean Froissart, catching a glimpse of a moody sky through a slit window.

  ‘In prison,’ said Uckermark. ‘Moremo Maximum Security Prison.’

  ‘I have to go now,’ said Shabble, who had spied that same window.

  ‘Go?’ said Uckermark. ‘Where?’

  ‘We’re sacrificing,’ said Shabble in great excitement. ‘Had you forgotten? We’re sacrificing a Sacred Moth to the Holy Cockroach. Today. Remember?’

  ‘Oh,’ said Uckermark. ‘I remember. Off you go then.’ Whereupon Sha bble, imitating a teenage cultist, drum-rumbled thrice then slipped ou t into the open air.

  Uckermark was disappointed to see the imitator of suns flirt away through the window, for there were responsibilities (the carriage of messages and such) which he would liked to have placed upon that jaunting bubble. But the corpse-master knew he would lose Shabble’s services entirely if he tried to compel the eternal child with disciplines alien to its nature. Shabble would do much if persuaded that the doing was fun. But, as Ivan Pokrov had ultimately discovered, Shabble was not prepared to be a slave.

  ‘You mean to hold us here as prisoners?’ said Froissart, once Shabble had departed.

  ‘No,’ said Uckermark. ‘Merely to provide you with… with private conference facilities.’

  And he refused to say more until he had introduced his guests to Bro Drumel. This most anxious of warriors, the semi-suicidal career soldier whom Nixorjapretzel Rat had earlier tried to blackmail, still had control of Moremo, for Master Ek had not yet seen fit to remove him from the post of Governor. Indeed, why should Ek interfere? The management of a squabbling brood of prisoners meant nothing to him; and, if Drumel was ultimately to be judged as a traitor, there would be plenty enough time later for his arrest, trial and execution.

  Despite his many worries, Bro Drumel laughed out loud when Manthandros Trasilika declared himself warrior. That disconcerted Jean Froissart more than anything else which had happened to date.

  ‘So,’ said Drumel, when he had recovered himself. ‘You are wazir, are you? What next, then? Mutilator of Yestron?’

  ‘Humour ill becomes either you or the occasion,’ said Trasilika, who was very close to losing his temper. ‘Aldarch the Third has pulled fingernails for less.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ said Bro Drumel, sobering somewhat. ‘But we have killed one Manthandros Trasilika already, and one Jean Froissart. If there is a penalty for killing members of such breeds, then we are damned already. And if we kill them not — why, then our island risks overpopulation. For-’

  That did it.

  Manthandros Trasilika lost his temper.

  An impressive sight he made in his rage; and many were the spectres of doom which he invoked as he cursed Bro Drumel. All to virtually nil effect. For Drumel was convinced that this Trasilika was as much of an imposter as the first.

  ‘Very well,’ said Uckermark, once Trasilika had said his piece. ‘Now we know who he is, or who he pretends to be. Where can we stash him for the moment?’

  ‘It’ll have to be in my personal quarters,’ said Bro Drumel. ‘Unless you want him clamped in fetters below.’

  Uckermark thought about it.

  ‘Your quarters,’ said he at last. ‘At least for the moment.’

  Bro Drumel rang for guards and had the two children of Wen Endex taken away.

  ‘Well,’ said Drumel, when that had been done. ‘What do you want to do with them? Sell them to Master Ek as sacrifices? Or what?’

  ‘I thought we could use them,’ said Uckermark.

  ‘Use them! They’re patent frauds.’

  ‘That may be so,’ said Uckermark. ‘But let’s see what Dardanalti has to say before we write them off entirely.’ After some persuading, Bro Drumel sent word to the pink palace: a message to tell Dardanalti he was wanted in Moremo. Then, Uckermark joined the new Manthandros Trasilika and the new Jean Froissart in Drumel’s quarters.

  Uckermark, a veteran of many long sea journeys himself, had the wit to have fresh food served to those quarters simultaneously with his own arrival, a move calculated to soften the temper of the obstreperous Trasilika.

  ‘Well,’ said Trasilika, when Uckermark entered his presence, ‘what now?’

  ‘We wait,’ said Uckermark.

  ‘For what?’

  ‘I’ve sent for someone.’

  ‘Who?’

  Uckermark merely smiled.

  ‘Are you a torturer?’ said Froissart, studying Uckermark’s scars and tattoos.

  ‘I’ve introduced myself already,’ said Uckermark. ‘I’m a lawyer. Legal counsel for the Cult of the Holy Cockroach. Come. Will you not eat?’

  Uckermark’s guests succumbed to temptation and proceeded to glut themselves. After so many days of shipboard privation, a banana itself was an instrument of delight. Thus it happened that both Froissart and Trasilika were in a much better temper when Dardanalti arrived.

  ‘This,’ said Uckermark, ‘is a man well worth talking to.’

  ‘You do the talking,’ said Trasilika to Froissart. ‘I’ve no patience for argument.’

  As has been earlier remarked, Dardanalti was a dapper individual remarkable for looking crisp and fresh at all times, a truly remarkable achievement in the wilting climate of Untunchilamon. Dardanalti’s appearance made Trasilika acutely conscious of his own overfleshed, sweat-saturated body; and of his fatigue, which owed as much to unacknowledged fear as it did to the long trek underground.

  Froissart resented Trasilika’s abandonment of responsibility; and, opening the negotiations with less formality than politeness strictly required, said (in Toxteth):

  ‘Hi.’

  ‘Are you addressing my presence?’ said Dardanalti.

  To understand the scorn of these words, you must understand that they were phrased in Janjuladoola; and, furthermore, that Dardanalti took advantage of the social nuances of that tongue by adopting the forms that one of highest class or caste uses when speaking to an underman.

  ‘We crave acknowledgement,’ said Froissart, switching to Janjuladoola.

  ‘Speak,’ said Dardanalti. ‘Tell me your excuses.’

  This formal phrase, often heard in the courts of Obooloo, invites a guilty person to confess all.

  ‘We have no excuses to make,’ said Froissart, thus declaring his conscience to be clear. ‘We come to these shores on legitimate business. Aldarch the Third has charged us with the responsibility of proclaiming his rule in Injiltaprajura.’

  ‘Your pretensions ill become you,’ said Dardanalti. ‘We have executed one false wazir and priest already. The destruction of another such pair will be but the work of a moment.’

  ‘We… we are not… we… I’m telling you the truth,’ said Froissart. ‘Aldarch Three really did make us wazir and priest. We have, we have warrants.’

  ‘Such had the last false wazir,’ said Dardanalti. ‘We of Injiltaprajura are not strangers to the arts of forgery. No piece of parchment can give a fraud the rule of Untunchilamon, for we trust not to parchment alone. Rather, we rely on logic, precedent and interrogation.’ ‘Interrogate, then!’ said Manthandros Trasilika, unable to restrain himself any longer. ‘We’ve a shipload of sailors who will swear to the truth of our tale.’

  ‘Once Master Ek has disembowelled a couple, the rest may begin to sing a different story,’ said Dardanalti. ‘Your claims are ridiculous. Aldarch Three would never make a wazir of a child of Wen Endex. He hates all but those of the Skin.’

  ‘You don’t understand,’ said Froissart.

  ‘What did you say?’ said Dardanalti.

  There was death in his voice. He was of Janjuladoola race: and no child of Wen Endex may safely insult one of such genesis.

  ‘My lord,’ said Froissart, realizing his error. ‘The
ancestors of my ancestors were slaves of your forebears, and I, a slave, grovel at your feet in suppliant apology.’ ‘Truly your tongue is as honey,’ said Dardanalti. ‘But, were I Nadalastabstala Banraithanchumun Ek, you would no longer have a tongue at all.’

  ‘I spoke in haste,’ said Froissart.

  ‘But,’ said Dardanalti, ‘perhaps in truth. It would seem you claim for me a lack of comprehension. What, pray tell, is the aspect of reality which escapes my grasp?’

  ‘My lord of lords,’ said Froissart, ‘I meant merely-’

  ‘Explain,’ said Dardanalti, chopping abruptly from Janjuladoola to Toxteth.

  Froissart followed the implications of the language shift. Dardanalti was done with playing at being a Janjuladoola aristocrat in the presence of his racial inferiors. Now he wanted to get down to business.

  ‘Manpower,’ said Froissart, speaking with greater confidence as the empowering simplicities of Toxteth came to his assistance. ‘Al’three has lately been seeking outside the ranks of the Janjuladoola for officers of all descriptions. Talonsklavara has seen such a great slaughter among those of the Skin that other breeds must be employed.’

  ‘As slaves,’ said Dardanalti.

  ‘Talent has no immunity to a scimitar’s blade,’ said Froissart. ‘Those of the Skin can no longer supply an entire empire’s need for talent. Hence Al’three has turned elsewhere. Not for help with the governance of Ang, of course; but for the rule of cities such as Bolfrigalaskaptiko, and the rule of outlands such as Untunchilamon.’

  Dardanalti considered this.

  ‘You sound as if you expect me to be convinced,’ said the Janjuladoola lawyer. ‘But I am not. You suggest major changes in the practices to which Al’three has been devoted. Whatever the truth, Untunchilamon knows nothing of such changes. Friend Uckermark! I wish to speak to you privily. Come, let us withdraw.’

  Then Dardanalti and Uckermark left the newcomers alone.

  Once the Janjuladoola lawyer and the fire-scarred corpse-master had secured their privacy, Dardanalti said:

  ‘We’ll let them sweat for a while.’

  ‘Do you believe them?’ said Uckermark.

  ‘No,’ said Dardanalti, speaking frankly. ‘But, even so, they may have potential. If we can make the world believe them to be genuine.’

  ‘Difficult, difficult,’ said Uckermark. ‘Particularly when they’re such patent frauds. However…’

  The corpse-master had an idea.

  Back in Bro Drumel’s quarters, Manthandros Trasilika said to Jean Froissart:

  ‘Well. What do you think our interrogators are talking about?’

  ‘Nothing,’ said Froissart. ‘I think they’ve left us here to have discourse with our fear and panic.’

  ‘Then their ends are being fulfilled,’ said Trasilika. ‘I don’t like this at all. I don’t think they believe us.’

  ‘I’m sure they don’t,’ said Froissart.

  ‘But it’s true!’ said Trasilika.

  It was, too.

  Manthandros Trasilika and Jean Froissart had been associated with Aldarch the Third, the dreaded Mutilator of Yestron, thoughout the seven years of Talonsklavara. First they had supplied the Aldarch armies with weaponry, mostly cheap-shatter swords from the Collosnon Empire. Later, after proving themselves as spies, they had helped organize an intelligence service to supply the Mutilator with hard data on his enemies.

  At last, Aldarch III had shown his gratitude by making Manthandros Trasilika the wazir of Bolfrigalaskaptiko (albeit briefly) and by then dispatching him to Untunchilamon with Jean Froissart as his priest.

  ‘What now, then?’ said Trasilika.

  ‘Sleep,’ answered Froissart simply.

  ‘Most excellent of counsels!’ said Trasilika.

  And the two men laid themselves down on Bro Drumel’s couches to rest, conserving their energies for whatever challenges their captors might next confront them with.

  Both children of Wen Endex were sound asleep when Dardanalti and Uckermark returned in the company of a figure both cowled and masked.

  ‘May we know your name?’ said Froissart to the personage thus so s trangely garbed.

  ‘This man is for the moment but an observer,’ said Dardanalti. ‘He comes from Justina’s household. Apart from that, his name and genesis do not concern you.’ ‘Then why is he here?’ said Froissart.

  ‘Because he has a certain expertise in the conduct of trials by or deal,’ said Dardanalti.

  ‘What?!’ said Froissart. ‘You don’t mean-’

  ‘You heard me,’ said Dardanalti remorselessly. ‘You know yourself thought a fraud. There is only this single way for you to prove yourself.’

  ‘What way?’ said Manthandros Trasilika in some bewilderment.

  ‘He knows,’ said Dardanalti, nodding at Froissart. ‘Tell,’ said Tr asilika curtly.

  ‘There is one way for you to prove yourself,’ said Dardanalti, add ressing himself to Froissart.

  Who did not answer.

  ‘How?’ said Manthandros Trasilika.

  ‘If your priest will undergo trial by ordeal to prove himself true,’ said Dardanalti, ‘then his survival of such trial must necessarily prove the truth of his words.’

  ‘I have documents to prove my case,’ said Froissart desperately. ‘I’m a priest of Zoz. Five years ago I converted.’

  ‘We’ve been through all that,’ said Dardanalti, with a trace of weariness. ‘The last wazir and priest also had documents. Perfect documents. They died.’

  ‘We can prove who they were,’ said Froissart. ‘Associates of ours, that’s who they were. I can guess their, their names. They must’ve been-’

  ‘Names from your past mean nothing to our future,’ said Dardanalti. ‘What matters is that you are outwardly no different to those we executed.’

  ‘No different,’ said Froissart.

  ‘Those we slaughtered were children of Wen Endex unknown to any in

  Untunchilamon,’ said Dardanalti.

  ‘You are the same. They had documents, and you-’’

  ‘All right,’ said Trasilika. ‘If a trial by ordeal-’

  ‘No!’ said Froissart. ‘No ordeal!’

  ‘But you are a priest,’ said Dardanalti. ‘Is not the ordeal the classic way for a priest of Zoz to prove himself true?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Froissart. ‘But, but-’

  Uckermark laughed.

  ‘Come,’ said the corpse-master. ‘We’ve played with our guest for long enough. Let’s settle to business.’

  Then Uckermark took it upon himself to explain what was truly proposed. The Empress Justina would make available resources (and Uckermark elaborated the nature of those resources) which would make it possible for Jean Froissart to come through a trial by ordeal unscathed. By surviving such a trial, Froissart would prove himself a true priest of Zoz, thus escaping the execution which would befall him were he to be thought false.

  ‘All we ask in return,’ said Uckermark, ’is that you pardon the Empress Justina and those arraigned alongside her.’

  Then he explained the imperial predicament.

  At last, Froissart said:

  ‘We would like to agree with this proposal, but Aldarch the Third gave us explicit orders. The witch must die.’

  ‘Then,’ said Dardanalti, ‘you will most certainly die with her.’

  At which point Manthandros Trasilika intervened. He wiped the sweat from his fleshy face, leaned forward and said:

  ‘Enough bickering. We agree.’

  ‘We agree?’ said Froissart, startled.

  ‘We do indeed,’ said Trasilika.

  ‘But,’ objected Froissart, ‘it would seem to me the risks of this enterprise are all mine.’

  ‘No,’ said Trasilika. ‘For if you fail your trial by ordeal then I must surely die with you. Very well. We have agreed. Now: how do I best announce myself as the incoming wazir?’

  ‘First,’ said Dardanalti, ‘I will send for the harbour master, that he may greet y
ou as is his right and duty. The pilot, too, for there is a fee you owe him. Nor may you escape the importuning of the ladipti man, for his charge is certain though his function is but mystical at best.’

  So spoke Dardanalti; then he dispatched messengers to summon those vital personages to the stronghold of Moremo.

  Thus the political struggle for control of Injiltaprajura and the island of Untunchilamon entered its most delicate and most interesting phase, with the salvation of many lives depending on the outcome of the strategies of deceit masterminded by the corpse-master Uckermark.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Nadalastabstala Banraithanchumun Ek, High Priest of Zoz the Ancestral for the island of Untunchilamon, was not exactly enraptured by the arrival of another pair of uitlanders claiming to be wazir and priest. However, Ek concealed his anger, for he was smooth; and subtle; and all the more dangerous for that. Master Ek was as smooth as the Coral Current which flows through the Green Sea, and as subtle as the sharkskinned death which swims in those waters, and as lethal to the unwary as that fearsome combination of shallows and sharks is to the inept pilot.

  As Manthandros Trasilika declared that his priest would prove himself true by submitting to trial by ordeal, Ek had to accept Trasilika as wazir — at least on a provisional basis. Though Ek was inclined to think this new Trasilika and his Froissart to be as fraudulent as the first, he was secretly impressed by their audacity. Froissart would dare the ordeal of iron? The man must be mad. Or truly sure of his faith. For, to the best of Master Ek’s knowledge, no priest of Zoz had proved himself by this test for at least four hundred years.

  Thus Nadalastabstala Banraithanchumun Ek acknowledged Manthandros Trasilika as wazir, and (on a provisional basis) consecrated him as such. This did not stop Master Ek from protesting vehemently when Manthandros Trasilika commanded the release of Justina Thrug and those arraigned alongside her: but he had very little say in the matter.