Broken Lies

by Rachel Branton

  “Sounds yummy. But speaking of your mom,” she said, “can we do dinner another Sunday instead? I’m not sure what I’m doing yet.”

  “Sure. I’ll let her know.”

  She could tell he was disappointed that she didn’t want to see his parents this weekend, but the weight on her chest wouldn’t go away—a weight that felt a lot like grief. What was wrong with her?

  Tyson put a hand on Saffron’s. “Have you decided if you’ll stay with me? I can sleep at my parents’ place for a while, if that’s a problem.”

  Saffron was saved from answering when the waiter came by with a wine list, but Tyson ordered without looking at it. How often did he come here? And how many of those times had he been with Jana? Impatient with herself, Saffron pushed the thoughts away.

  “So how did your day go?” she asked.

  “Great. Well, besides missing lunch. I assisted with a hernia surgery right before you came. I was worried they wouldn’t get her started in time, and I’d keep you waiting.”

  “Was it difficult?”

  “No, and I wasn’t the only doctor, so we had plenty of help. They need to make sure I won’t kill anyone until I finish residency.” He flashed a smile that showed he was joking.

  “It would make me nervous having someone checking up on me every second.”

  “It used to. Now I just tune it out and do my best. I love pediatric surgery. It’ll take me longer to specialize, but it’ll be worth it in the long run.”

  He continued talking, telling her about his first surgery, often lapsing into a few medical terms that had her head spinning. She’d need to get a dictionary and start learning about his life. Which she didn’t mind doing. She wanted to understand what he did, what he loved. When she’d first started dating Vaughn, she made him show her some of his animations while he explained the creativity behind them. She’d even sat in on a few of his lectures. But animation was a lot closer to jewelry design than surgery.

  “At least I didn’t make a fool of myself and lose my lunch,” Tyson said.

  Had she missed the whole story? Maybe it was because her stomach was complaining. She did feel a little light-headed and disconnected, the way she did when she hadn’t eaten for a while.

  When the mushrooms came, she ate more than Tyson did, and her lasagna was the best she’d ever tasted. But the weirdness in her stomach didn’t leave. She was content, though, to listen to Tyson talk. He told her about past patients, his plan of moving to a larger hospital, and a trip he was planning to Mexico for Christmas, which he hoped she’d join him on.

  “That sounds fun,” she said. “It’s weird, but I’ve never spent Christmas anywhere but at Lily’s House since I left home.” She didn’t want to be away this year, either, but being in a relationship meant give and take.

  “I can’t wait to meet this Lily.”

  “You’ll love her.”

  As the conversation moved on, Tyson talked about collecting coins, the powerful telescope he’d bought, and how he’d taken up golfing.

  “You know that’s stereotypical, right?” she said with a laugh.

  “Yeah, but I can’t get any of my colleagues to come look at the stars with me. I play only to bond with the other doctors. But I happen to be rather good.” He paused for a drink. “A lot better than I was at football.”

  Saffron began to realize she didn’t know Tyson at all. She knew the boy he’d been, but while that boy had a link to the present, he wasn’t the same person. He was a man now, with the dreams and experiences of a man. He had friends and hobbies and favorite foods she knew nothing about.

  They had a long way to go before they really knew each other, and they’d have to make all the adjustments new couples did as they figured things out. Make compromises. Maybe have a few fights. These past few days had given her the impression they were picking up where they left off, but that wasn’t exactly right. They’d both changed so much.

  All too soon the meal was over and they drove back to his condo. The heaviness in Saffron’s chest increased. She loved Tyson—no doubt about that—so why did she feel such dread?

  26

  Tyson pulled her up the walk, bursting with excitement. “I had the whole exterior restuccoed first,” he said. “I didn’t do that part myself.” He typed in a code, and the door opened with a whirring noise.

  “I like that,” she said.

  He grinned. “I thought you might.”

  So he remembered that too. One time she’d lost her house key and had been too afraid to tell her mother about it. Fortunately, they’d retraced their steps to the mall where they’d been hanging out and found her keys in the lost and found. She’d told Tyson that one day she’d have a house with a keypad.

  The condo opened to a small entry that almost immediately joined a vaulted living room. A narrow staircase on the left side of the living room led upstairs. “Three bedrooms and two bathrooms are up there,” Tyson said. “But let’s start down here first.”

  Two doors off the living room revealed a small office and a bathroom, and a modest kitchen and dining area made up the rest of the main floor. “I sanded and stained the cabinets, installed the cherry baseboards, and painted all the walls,” he said. “I also put new carpet in the living room. But this awesome granite countertop was already here.”

  “It’s very nice. Cozy, yet large enough for . . .”

  “For a family.” He took her hand, spreading warmth through her. “See the patio? I put that in stone by stone. I even made the garden boxes. The trellises are for grapes.”

  “You garden?” One more thing she didn’t know about him.

  He blinked and stuttered. “I-uh-I-Jana does.”

  “Oh. They’re nice.”

  So he’d put in the raised garden boxes and trellises for Jana. For Jana, who could still feel a connection with Tyson. What else had she contributed? Had she helped pick out his furniture like Saffron had at Vaughn’s place? Helped him decide on paint color or the window shades? Maybe it was better not to know.

  Next, Tyson took her upstairs and showed her two small bedrooms and a master suite. The king size bed was unmade. “Sorry about that,” he said. “I was in a hurry this morning.”

  Did he ever make the bed? Saffron didn’t know. Maybe Jana made the bed when she stayed over. Maybe she’d planned on living here. The idea of Jana and Tyson here together made Saffron’s heart hurt, but she wouldn’t let that ruin what she’d waited so long for. She loved Tyson.

  “What’s wrong?” Tyson stepped closer, putting his arms around her.

  “Just kiss me,” she said. That would do it. His touch would get Jana out of her head and help her forget this afternoon with Vaughn.

  He kissed her, softly at first, but then with more assurance. His hand dropped to her waist, pulling her tightly against him. Kissing him was wonderful, familiar and new all at once. Like putting on a beautiful sweater she’d forgotten she owned.

  Yet something was clearly missing—something that had been in her kiss this afternoon with Vaughn.

  She wasn’t giving up that easily. She kissed Tyson with more passion, putting her arms around his neck. Make me fly, she thought. I need to fly.

  But her feet stayed firmly on the ground.

  Her body reacted to his touch, pulling her deeper into the kiss, but mentally, she had stepped away. Because with a sudden bright, blinding realization, she knew that as good as it was kissing Tyson, she wanted to be kissing Vaughn.

  Vaughn Abrams, her boyfriend turned friend. Animator, school teacher, and river guide. He made her soar with his kiss. He made her laugh and feel safe. He knew her heart.

  She broke away. “Wait, I don’t think . . .”

  “It’s okay,” Tyson murmured, loosening his hold. “We’ve got time. Why don’t we go downstairs, cuddle up, and watch a movie? Take it slow. We’ve waited eight and a half years. What’s another few weeks or months?”

  “It’s not that . . . it’s—” She searched his dark eyes for a way to
tell him. “Don’t you think . . .? It shouldn’t be this hard.”

  “What are you saying?” He swallowed, watching her warily.

  “That maybe we’re trying too hard.” She stood there, wrapped in his arms, not knowing exactly how to explain. “I mean, we both went on with our lives these past eight and a half years. Maybe not completely, but we did go on. We have friends, family, our careers, people we really care about.”

  “I still missed you.” His voice was hoarse and almost pleading.

  The pleading blasted through the last bits of the barrier she’d created around her heart. She welcomed the pain because with it came the realization of what had been hiding underneath—the emotions the numbness had masked too well.

  “I missed you so much,” she said. “Especially at first. But not every moment. I still made my goals. I helped a lot of young girls, taught myself how to design jewelry, and took classes. You became a doctor.”

  “Yeah. We did what we had to do to survive.” The line of puzzlement between his eyes told her he didn’t understand where she was leading.

  “You can’t tell me there haven’t been times since I came back that you didn’t wish you’d already asked Jana to marry you. Or wished I could be as good with your parents as she is. Or that I understood all that doctor stuff you were spouting at dinner.”

  “Is that what this is about?” His mouth curved into a gentle smile.

  “No, that’s not it.” He’d know that if he knew her at all. But he didn’t know her—he only knew the girl she had been.

  “Of course we’ll have to learn about each other,” he continued. “That’s only natural. But you know it’ll work between us.” He leaned over and kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m crazy attracted to you, and I love you.”

  Saffron nodded. “Me too, but there are more lives involved than just our own. How can we forget that? There are your parents, there’s Jana . . .”

  “And Vaughn.” He spoke the name with a hint of anger.

  She inclined her head in acknowledgement. She’d be a liar if she didn’t because Vaughn had never been far from her mind since leaving Phoenix. “I love being with you, Tyson, but besides feeling like I’m ruining everyone’s lives, I’m also experiencing this huge sense of loss.” She brought her hand up between them, pressing it into her heart. “I can forgive, but I don’t really want to forget, and being with you, with your parents, is like reliving the past every day.”

  “That’ll change. Fade with time. We only have to make it through this first hard part.” But he didn’t say it with the same conviction he’d used when he said he missed her. It seemed they both had the same doubts. Maybe it would never be okay. Maybe they’d missed their chance.

  Tears started down her cheeks. “Is it hard with Jana?”

  He shook his head once, almost sharply as if he regretted doing so. Maybe if he’d added that he didn’t care how hard it was with Saffron, his answer wouldn’t matter. Maybe if he kissed her again they would still be able to make this thing work.

  He didn’t.

  “I know if I’d stayed all those years ago,” she said, “or if you’d gotten my call, that we would still be together. We would have been one of the few who made it, but now . . . I think we’re trying too hard.”

  The next words would be the hardest, but Kendall’s talk of trying to prove something to her mother and Jana’s obvious belief that Tyson couldn’t let Saffron go because of their son’s death made them necessary. “Today I feel . . . I wonder if maybe we want to be together more to make up for the past than because we love each other now.”

  He didn’t say anything for a long moment. He simply stared, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. Then he said, “Why do I feel this way about you? Why did I feel when you came back that my life suddenly made sense again?”

  She understood exactly what he meant. “I think”—her voice dropped to a whisper—“we needed to say goodbye.”

  Tyson leaned into her, tightened his arms around her body, and buried his face in her neck. For long moments, they stood there holding each other as if they’d never let go. “I still love you,” he whispered.

  “I love you too. I suspect a part of me always will. But you’re in love with Jana.” And I’m in love with Vaughn.

  He didn’t lift his head, and she felt the wetness of his tears against her skin. “We could still make it,” he whispered.

  “I know. But we don’t need to anymore.” She pulled back, seeking his eyes. “I know you’re okay. You know I’m okay. We also know deep down that we’re both in love with someone else.”

  Tyson didn’t deny it. “Is he good to you?” his voice grated like gravel under their feet.

  Saffron nodded, the tears still falling, though she felt lighter than she had in days. “As good as you are to me.”

  “I’m glad. Or else I’m not sure I could let you go. There’s so much I need to make up for.”

  “No, you don’t. It’s enough for me to know the truth of what happened when I left.”

  “I’m trying to believe that.”

  “Believe it.” She stepped away at the same time his grasp loosened. “Thanks,” she murmured. “For everything. I’m going back to Temecula now, okay?”

  He said nothing, his face fighting for composure. Finally, he grabbed her hand and took her downstairs, leading her outside to her car. He gave her a last kiss on her cheek and another hug. Then he let her go.

  Safely in the car, Saffron rolled down her window. “Call Jana,” she said. “Call her right now. Tell her we decided we’re better off as friends.”

  He put a hand on the window frame. “I am your friend. If you ever need me for anything, I’ll be there.”

  “I’ll hold you to it. Call her. Promise?”

  He grimaced. “I don’t know. I’ve hurt her pretty badly.”

  “But you chose her in the end. That means something. Please promise me? You don’t want to spend another eight and a half years regretting losing her.” She needed to know he’d be looked after. That someone would love him past this decision, one that forever separated him from atoning for their lost son.

  “Okay. I promise.”

  He stayed there watching as she drove away.

  She cleared the gates before the tears came again. She cried hard then, but not at losing Tyson or because she missed her son. Seeing Tyson again had healed the hurts of the past. No, she cried with relief at losing the heavy burden that had encased her heart for far too long. The numbing shield that had nearly caused her to throw away the light and love and laughter she shared with Vaughn. It was a cleansing cry, the kind that took away the bad so the good could spread and fill up more room in her heart.

  She understood as she hadn’t before that the heaviness she’d felt all day—no, that she’d felt since leaving Phoenix—was because of her relationship with Vaughn. Missing him and wanting him and mourning his loss.

  Lily’s words came back to her: Sometimes you’ve got to follow your heart.

  Saffron finally understood what her heart wanted, but how could she follow her heart now? She had no idea where Vaughn was, or if he’d want to see her. Calling him wasn’t enough—not after he’d said his goodbyes and let her go. She had to see him in person so she could make him understand it wasn’t Tyson she loved.

  Her mind raced as she ran through possibilities. With a sigh of relief, it came to her. She didn’t know where he was now, but she did know where he’d be tomorrow at ten—at his Datatoon interview.

  Please don’t let it be too late.

  27

  A loud clunk dragged Saffron from a deep sleep, the best she’d had in eight years. Groggily, she opened her eyes to see Kendall standing next to the bed in her room at the Rodeway Inn.

  “Sorry,” Kendall said in a whisper that could probably be heard in the lobby. “I was trying to get the rest of my things before you checked out. But I didn’t think you’d be here. Didn’t you take all your stuff yesterday? Why aren’t you at Tyso
n’s?”

  Memories of last night came rushing back. Saffron sat up abruptly, panic pushing away the sleepiness. “Oh, no. What time is it?” She’d set her alarm. Why hadn’t it gone off?

  “Almost nine thirty. Don’t worry. There’s plenty of time before checkout.”

  “It’s not that!” Saffron jumped from the bed, ripping off her nightshirt and digging for clothes that were in her open suitcase.

  “Then what?”

  “I have to get to Winchester before Vaughn. I searched Datatoon last night on the Internet and there are two parking lots. What if I miss him when he gets there?”

  “Slow down. You can just call him.”

  “No! I have to explain in person.” Saffron finished with her bra and yanked a T-shirt over her head. It wasn’t how she planned on looking when she went to see Vaughn, but it would have to do.

  Kendall placed her hands on both of Saffron’s upper arms, shaking her the tiniest bit. “Saffron! What are you talking about?”

  “I love him.” Saffron said. “I realized last night that you were right. I love Tyson, partly for the boy he was but mostly because of the past. Because I wanted to validate everything I went through—running away, losing my son. But Tyson’s a different person now. I’m a different person. And while I know we could make it work, my heart’s not really in it. I want Vaughn! I have to tell him before he goes back to Arizona.”

  “I knew it!” Kendall squealed, bouncing a little in her excitement. “I knew he was the one. It was that kiss yesterday, wasn’t it?”

  “Not just the kiss.” But Saffron couldn’t imagine living without kisses like those every day. She fished two sandals from her suitcase and tossed them over near the door. “Can you put anything you see of mine inside this suitcase and shut it for me? I need to brush my teeth. I have only two chances to find him—when he leaves and when he arrives, because I don’t know what car he’s driving. And it takes thirty minutes to get there. I have to hurry!” Without waiting for an answer, she ran into the bathroom, where she found her errant phone. No wonder she hadn’t heard the alarm.