Regency Romance: Fallen Duchess (A Historical Victorian Murder Mystery Love Regency Romance)

by Tracey D Morgan

  I held him and rocked him as it naturally came to me. For a moment, I didn’t want to promise something I couldn’t even be sure of, but any peace of mind was better than none. “He’ll never hurt us again,” I said to him.

  Thomas seemed content with that and fell asleep in my arms shortly afterward. I stayed wide awake, thankful that all eyes were finally off of me and my son. I watched as the train pulled off. Once it started moving—if only for a little while—I felt invincible.

  Chapter 2:

  It took a long time before we finally reached Montana. Along the way, I was able to spend time with Thomas in a way I hadn’t in a very long time. The journey was new to him. He liked seeing how the landscape changed as we traveled across the states. Every stop, I splurged on him, even if I shouldn’t have. Lollipops, trinkets, cards. He finally had what I only wished I’d been able to give him all this time.

  Even though we weren’t poor folk, we had to live like them. Nathan never gave us much of an allowance. Instead, he used money to drink himself silly and invest in bad ideas. He once had a decent head on his shoulders, but he turned into something else after Jacob’s death.

  The journey was finally over, though, and I was thankful that my bruises had healed well during the trip. Now I would be presentable to David. Even though Thomas was talking about a story inspired by this journey he made up, I found myself only occasionally tuning in to hear him. I felt a little bad about that, but I couldn’t help but wonder more fully now about what my experience would be like when I got off this train. After so long of traveling, the reality was setting in that I would eventually have to come face to face with David—or nothing at all. Worse yet, I could come face to face with another woman. It left me feeling anxious and petrified of a bad outcome. There were more of those than good ones.

  The train pulled to its final stop, and I felt it all hit me like a ton of bricks. This was it. Thomas and I stepped off the train, and we quickly made our way to a small map of the town. I traced it, finding his house before hailing down a wagon to take us there. We got in, looking at the vast difference between back home and here. The mountains were majestic, and everything had a different tone to it. Something was alluring yet very alien about this place.

  “You don’t look like you’re from around here,” the driver said.

  “We’re not. We just came from the Northeast,” I said.

  “Well, you sound like a Southerner,” the man said with a chuckle. “War transplant, I guess.”

  “You’d be right,” I said. I didn’t often speak very freely about that, but it didn’t matter much here. I knew that without even having to ask.

  Our conversation turned to small talk for a bit, but other than that, the ride was quiet. Thomas didn’t say much. He was looking around at all the new things to see. I was more interested in thinking about what I might encounter again.

  I didn’t have to think for long, though. After a short while, we ended up just outside of town in an area that was more gorgeous than anything I’d ever seen. There was greenery for miles, beautiful mountain peaks in the distance, herds of cattle grazing freely on the plains. I was awestruck. A quaint house sat off a bit down a dirt road that the wagon turned on, and I knew this was it. So many emotions and worries filled me. I was sure Thomas noticed because he took my hand and pumped it lightly. It was his turn to reassure me now. I smiled at him as the wagon came to a stop.

  “Well, here we go,” I said. For a moment, I considered leaving Thomas. I didn’t want him to be any more frightened than he already had been, though, so I took him with me. As I walked toward his door, however, I started to think it might have been a better idea. I could feel my body trying to turn back several times, but something kept me walking right up to that door.

  With a deep sigh to prepare me for what had to be the most harrowing moment of my life, I knocked. Everything was quiet except for the distant noises of the cattle. Field hands, alerted to our arrival, were peeking out from the sheds and the barns now. There wasn’t an answer for quite a long time, but just as I was about to knock again, the door swung open.

  I can’t describe to you how shocked I was to see what I saw. I had expected David to be very handsome. I had expected him to be very fit from his time in the military and his new occupation. But this was beyond all of that. Before me was a tall, thickly muscled man. He wasn’t dressed proper—just his undershirt, pants and boots muddied from his work—but that didn’t matter. His eyes were dark and mysterious, and he had thick locks that my fingers were dying to run through. David knocked me off my feet.

  I stood there, numb and mouth agape. I was sure I looked silly, but my mind was lagging behind my actions. He seemed startled to see me standing there. A smile couldn’t help but settle on his face in response to my reaction.

  “Well, there’s no mistaking it. You’re Wendy,” he said, leaning on the doorframe. “What are you doing here?” he asked, looking at me in disbelief.

  I hadn’t prepared anything to say to him about this. Of all of the things I’d thought to say to him, why I had come wasn’t one of them. I didn’t want to say the wrong things and scare him off, but I didn’t have a choice but to wing it. “It’s been awhile since you sent your last letter,” I said. (I mentally slapped myself for that one. If that didn’t sound absolutely desperate, I didn’t know what did.)

  He chuckled, and I was thankful he could tell I was just not myself. “It’s OK if you don’t really want to say right now. Why don’t you and your son come in so we can talk? It really is good to finally meet you in person,” he said smiling down at me and then over to a shy Thomas

  Thomas seemed wary of David, but a hesitant smile spread across his face. With David’s acceptance, I asked the driver to bring in our bags.

  I sat Thomas down, but he clung to my skirt, still not entirely sure about David.

  David noticed his behavior and gave him a kind smile as he crouched down to his level, “Now then, what’s your name?” he asked, his forearm settled on his knee.

  Thomas didn’t answer. Instead, he continued to stare at him with his curious blue eyes.

  “Well, you’re mighty quiet. You know, that’s all right. I’m sure we’ll be good friends in no time,” he said, giving him a smile.

  Thomas seemed to buy that, and it made him gravitate more toward David. A thin grin broke out across his features. I hoped that David was right and that Thomas would grow to like him. The last thing I wanted was my son to be uncomfortable.

  I giggled, and David walked us inside. “You know, maybe we could go out back. There is plenty of field for him to play around in,” he said pointing out a large window.

  Thomas was more interested in looking at all the trinkets. David had figurines that were made out of brass and copper. Many resembled trains or ladies and gentleman dressed finely. I had the feeling they weren’t something he’d pick of his own volition. “Someone has good taste in décor,” I said with a smile as I nodded to Thomas.

  “That curiosity is a good thing. He seems like a smart kid, so I’m sure Jacob was really proud of him,” David said as he finally took a seat at the kitchen table. He looked across at me for a long time. I could feel my heart in my throat as he examined me. I wondered what he thought. Was I pretty or just some desperate, washed up widow looking for someone to pay my child’s way through life? I hoped the latter wasn’t the case.

  Before long, he finally spoke. “You’re awfully beautiful, Mrs. Reins,” he said lacing his hands as he got a bit more settled in his seat.

  His words made me feel warm inside, but I was also very nervous. “Why thank you,” I said kindly, though I knew I was mumbling a little.

  He nodded in response and was quiet for a time. “I suppose the biggest question at hand is what we need to get to the bottom of then,” he said.

  I nodded hesitantly. “I know I might seem a little odd to you, coming up here unannounced, but I … ” I stopped short as I felt the explanation caught up in my throat.


  David gave me a worried look. It seemed as if his deep eyes were trained on my soul. “Whatever it is, your words are safe with me, as God is my witness.”

  I knew David was a man of God. He was good and sturdy, and maybe I was just being silly by not expressing myself. “Back home, my husband’s brother is causing me and my son all sorts of trouble. Each day, the kindness you’ve shown me sees me through,” I said quietly.

  David listened to me intently before asking a question. “Brother—that Nathan fellow that Jacob was always talking about?” he asked.

  I wanted to explain everything fully, but I was hesitant. It was still difficult to come to terms with the fact that we were going through this. I was also mildly uncomfortable talking about it in front of Thomas. I knew he was still a baby, but he’d surprised me before with things he’d repeated. I pushed my worries aside for the greater good. I wanted this to work, and that meant getting over my fears.

  I continued with what I was saying. “I am talking about Nathan. He’s a wife-beater and a jealous man. Honestly, I don’t like admitting this all to you after I just showed up, but I don’t know what else to do. He’s still mad at me for not marrying him. I never felt anything for him. I loved Jacob, but that made him angry. He was always used to getting what he wanted, and Jacob was kind of the underdog. I guess it just rubbed him the wrong way when Jacob won me,” I said looking off worriedly. “I don’t want you to think I’m just a huge mess coming to you. I just … ”

  “That’s enough, Wendy,” he said in a gentle but firm voice.

  I was startled out of my insistent rambling and explaining.

  “I told Jacob I would take care of you and your boy. I’m not going to turn you away or ask questions. I heard enough about Nathan from Jacob. There’s a reason why he left you in my care. The only issue is I just have my own reservations,” he admitted.

  I nodded to him. “I know. I just couldn’t bear to see the one good thing in my life stop cold like that. It may sound silly, but it was the light of my day,” I said honestly, though I felt like I was being a bother. Here I was making it difficult on him. I knew he had reservations, but for some reason, I wanted those to go away. I wanted something new to begin. I worried often that my desires were being fueled by my loneliness. I was missing real male companionship. Jacob had been gone from me long before he passed away. His training and traveling for the military made this difficult for the both of us, and the likelihood I would receive word from him was shaky. I often didn’t receive letters he’d promised he’d sent, and then I was given the harsh news of his death.

  It was these thoughts that made me wonder if David thought I didn’t really love him. I’d never seen him before in my life, but I knew the connection was deeper than what many might think it was. I knew David was made for me. His words were worrisome, and I started to get a little desperate for him to see that it was more than loneliness pushing me.

  “But the letters,” I said as I pulled my suitcase onto the table. I opened it and removed a small box where I stored every conversation.

  He gave it a curious look, brows rising in surprise. “You kept every single one,” he said in disbelief.

  “I would have never thrown away the memoirs of my husband or the great talks we’ve had. They’re dear to my heart,” I said. I gave him a serious expression as I looked up from them. “You can’t tell me that in those letters there wasn’t something there,” I said.

  He looked down. “Wendy, I’ll be the first one to tell you that you’re an amazing woman. I just think you need some time to clear your head. I don’t mind that one bit, and I’m definitely not going to let Nathan terrorize you if you feel like that’s what’s happening. I will do everything in my power to make sure you and Thomas are safe. It’s what Jacob would have wanted,” he said.

  At his words, I was quiet for a moment. “But is it what you want?” I asked.

  He gave me a look that could have been taken in many ways. Surely the feelings were mutual, but now I worried. What little history we had was connected by Jacob, and it made it difficult for either of us to make the steps we needed to be honest with ourselves.

  He stood up. “Tonight you can make yourself at home in the spare room with your son. If you want, he can have his own space, but I figure you want him nearby,” he said.

  Just like that, the conversation ended. I could tell we were both just hiding behind our true feelings, but what could I do? I knew in the end I wanted to marry him. I wanted to be with David. I had planned to ask him to accept me as his wife all along, but in light of everything, I worried. I feared it wasn’t the path God might be intending for me. How could we come together when we were pushing each other apart?

  Chapter 3:

  A week passed. The time I spent with David had settled into an awkward routine. Our conversations were stiff and fruitless. We ended up eating dinners quietly and not really saying much to each other. I would cook and tend the home while he worked in the fields. Thomas was content to be living in a home where the man wasn’t an abusive tyrant. To him, the entire situation was perfect. To me, I knew there was only so long this arrangement could last. I had to bring up my real feelings. Valentine’s Day was right around the corner, but I felt lonelier than ever—even though I was right near the man I longed for.

  It was night time when I stepped out to find David sitting on the porch rocking slowly in a chair as he enjoyed a cigar. The field hands had gone home for the night, and Thomas was sound asleep. It truly was just he and I at the moment. It was rare I got this opportunity, so I seized it and didn’t let go.

  “David,” I said softly as I made myself comfortable in the chair adjacent to him.

  He smiled at me. “Can’t sleep?” he asked.

  “Not really. There are so many things on my mind,” I said quietly. “I can’t shake the feeling that what we have going on here just ain’t right,” I finally finished.

  He frowned somewhat. “I don’t expect you to think that this is a good arrangement. Thomas seems happy, but I know deep down you’re missing something,” he said. For the first time, I felt contact from him. He placed his hand atop mine reassuringly. “Being near you has reaffirmed that there’s something there, Wendy. I’ve been trying to figure it out, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being a terrible man by falling for another man’s wife,” he said.

  I could tell he was nervous about even admitting those feelings, but for some reason I couldn’t accept his answer. I felt hurt inside thinking about how selfish he was being and how stuck we both seemed to feel. “Jacob is gone, David,” I said suddenly. My hands were shaking, and the anger and sadness were welling up in me once more. “He’s gone,” I said.

  David looked at me shocked. “Wendy, I didn’t mean to … ”

  “Why would you send me letters telling me how you long for me to be in your arms or how the beautiful words I speak know no bounds? Why would you do all of those things just to reject me in the end? I love you. That’s why I came out here,” I said, my voice cracking with each word I spoke.

  “We both know these things take time to get over. You’re not thinking clearly about this. You have to admit that,” he said.

  “Didn’t you just say yourself that there’s something there? How long does it take for you to realize how you really feel? How long does it take for you to understand that people have to move on sometimes?” I asked.

  He looked up and let out a deep sigh before closing his eyes. “Wendy, how can I be sure you actually love me? You’re in a scary situation back home. An abusive brother-in-law who took all of your money is the only home you have, and you have a young son you have to take care of. Not to mention the fact that it hasn’t been long since you got the news about Jacob. Then here I come sending you letters. It’s not hard to believe that a woman would think she was in love in this situation,” he said carefully.

  I frowned deeper still. “I can’t believe you. You think this is all fake, that I don’t mean a word I
said to you. You think I’m just using you,” I said. I felt the hot tears streaming down my face. “I took a chance. With God on my side, I did what I knew was right. He was telling me I didn’t need to suffer anymore with Nathan. He told me my son deserved better. I always felt so warm when I got a letter from you, especially when we began to realize how we might feel for each other,” I said, bashfully playing with a piece of hair. “He would never steer me wrong, David. You’re the one for me. I need you to help me and love me all at once. It’s not one or the other. I feel so strongly for you, and I need you. You can’t let me down now,” I said as I wiped tears from my eyes with the back of my palm.

  Suddenly I felt arms around me as David embraced me in a comforting hug. His chiseled features melded perfectly with my frame and gave me the deepest sense of comfort this world could afford. Something about the simple gesture hit me at my deepest levels, and I couldn’t help but let all of my pent up emotion flow freely. I cried for Jacob and what I’d lost when he left us. I cried for all the murkiness in my life. I prayed for God to deliver me from the darkness and show me the light. I needed his guidance more than ever.

  David kissed my cheek. “Wendy, we’re going to be all right. I think we should just take this one day at a time so we know what we’re getting into. I can’t deny that what I said in those letters was all true—every last bit of it,” he said. “I don’t ever want you to think I didn’t care. I should have done the right thing and come and got you. I started the letters just to get to know you better. I needed someone who understood what I’d lost when Jacob died, too. My best friend left right in front of me. He knew he was going to go, but he was smiling the whole way,” David said, looking thoughtful now. “I got so wrapped up in the letters I nearly forgot what my real plans were. Then I started falling in love with you. I was supposed to bring you here, but then I got worried that I was stepping into territory I shouldn’t be. God knows that if Jacob was here, I would’ve never thought about something like this. I guess I’m still having trouble letting go, too,” he said.