Cherry Blossoms: A Losing His Wife Novel

by KT Morrison

  Standing on either side of him now, Rocco and Dino, two hockey-playing neanderthals with big dicks. And she’d fucked one of them already. Sucked him and put her finger up his ass when he came in her mouth. Probably. Most assuredly. The other one he knew she wanted to do those things to. And he told her she could. He had a fantasy where she did them both at the same time. He felt a sudden guilt, like maybe he was corrupting her. She’d been reformed and he’d been her redeemer and now here he was urging her to be her old bad self. Just because it made him hard and he wanted to be like that old nostalgic Geoff that made everything better for her after she messed up with yet anther bad boy. This was who she was though. She was a bad girl. She wanted this too. They both wanted it—and now they were married and inseparable. Rock solid. This would be fun and they would enjoy it and then it would be over and just a sexy memory for them.

  The two big brothers were watching her now too. Both turned, their shoulders against Geoff, swigging Canadian from their bottles and leaning back against the worn rail of the bar. Nia danced in the lit room, danced now to Kim Mitchell while the haggard drunken old bikers encouraged her and her friends. All of them having fun, shaking their asses, hands up over their heads, five young women screaming lyrics at each other through their drunken smiles. He loved her more than anything.

  “Ay, you believe this is the guy who stole your Nia?” Rocco said, leaning forward and talking to his brother.

  Dino looked down at Geoff, his face grave and unimpressed.

  Geoff said, “Hey.”

  “Hey,” he said, slow and steady, his expression not changing.

  Geoff looked back to Rocco, staring at Nia, licking his beer-soaked lips, his eyes red and watery, shaking his head in apparent admiration.

  “Yeah,” Dino said, watching her too, coolly and level, his eyes locked on her body out there. “She was the one. Fuck, was she something.”

  The way he said it squeezed at Geoff’s insides, made him twist and hurt in a strange and exciting way. She was something, but her heart was all his.

  “The one what?”

  Dino turned to see his wife Stacy next to him. Not smiling, not having fun. Stacy was striking, a beautiful face and a great figure, but she’d been giving birth and raising kids for some time now and she was no Nia. She knew she was no Nia. She watched her out there, standing like her husband and his brother, and the woman’s husband.

  Dino shifted, uneasy but he didn’t say a thing. Then he turned his back to the room and put his elbows on the bar and rubbed his face, looking off to the side, out the window at the lake but just seeing his own reflection.

  Stacy watched Nia dance. Her eyes filled with hatred, her once pretty mouth turned down and creased with lines.

  NIA

  They’d asked Geoff to help get Dino’s motorcycle into Rocco’s truck and her husband fumbled around back there, had struggled lifting the chainsaw to make room. They’d all decided that Rocco had too much to drink to drive home and it had got really late. No one could talk sense to him and he was stubborn as a bull. It took Dino’s wife Stacy to reason with him, calm him down. So they backed that huge pickup to a hill and Geoff struggled to clear the bed and make way. Then Dino used one of the two long adjustable wheel ramps Rocco used for tractors and his ATVs and he rode his old fat-tired Indian along from the hill and into the bed of the pickup. Geoff helped him tie it down with ratchet straps and he pinched his thumb, saying, Good thing it wasn’t my drawing hand. Rocco wasn’t so drunk he was passed out, just drunk enough he shouldn’t be behind the wheel of his monster truck. He climbed into the passenger seat and Dino drove, Stacy laying down for a nap in the back seat.

  Geoff held her close to him and they waved while they drove off, then they got in the car and headed home, following along behind Dino until they lost him on the 400 as he was a much faster driver than Geoff.

  “Thanks for coming all the way up to see me, Geoff. I’m glad you came.”

  “That thing in the bathroom, I mean, hoo...I’d drive any distance for that.”

  She smiled at her reflection in the side window. “What’d you think of Rocco?” she asked him. Knew the answer, saw the way he’d acted. She still wanted to know.

  “What was with all that chicken parm shit?”

  “I don’t know,” she laughed.

  “He wants to fuck you.”

  “Yeah, I think he does.”

  Geoff gently shook his head, said, “I don’t know...”

  “What don’t you know?”

  “I don’t know about him.”

  “He’s my boss, Geoff, I can’t anyway. He’s married. He has kids.”

  “You’re married. You have a kid.”

  “Fuck, Geoff, this was your fuckin ide—”

  He put his hands up in surrender, said, “I know, I know...I just mean you don’t know what goes on in other people’s marriages.”

  “Yeah,” she said, slumping back in her seat now.

  “I can’t believe I’m letting you do this.”

  “Letting me? Geoff, you’re begging for me to do it.”

  “Not begging.”

  “Don’t put this on me, make me sound like I’m forcing this on you.”

  They drove in silence a while and she watched out the windows. She watched the black tree horizon slowly slide along, the swishing guardrail of the 400, listened to the hiss of the tires on the asphalt. She was into this now. She really was. She was looking forward to being with another man. There was something her sweet and loving husband didn’t deliver and it had nothing to do with the size of his completely average penis. There were things she liked that she didn’t feel easy about enjoying. And the idea was so exciting—that those old teenage Nia fantasies could be brought back to her, all those things she would masturbate over and then later, when she was older, get, could be hers again.

  “What do you want from this?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What do you want that’s not me?” Geoff was a mind reader.

  She said, “I love you, Geoff.”

  “Yeah, I know, but there’s...I don’t know, you want someone else because it’s hot. We both agree. But you’re not going after some 160 pound guy with blonde hair and a beard. What is it you want? You like...what?”

  “We went over this, Geoff.”

  “Yeah, but what’s missing. Is it just physical?”

  “No. Yes and no.”

  “What’s the no?”

  “The no? Fuck, Geoff. The truth? The tr—”

  “We’re only doing truth, Nia, from now on...remember?”

  “Yeah. Okay, yeah. The truth is I like it rough.”

  “You do?”

  “I like it...really rough.”

  “How rough?”

  “Rougher than you’re ready for.”

  “Holy. Okay.”

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah. Turned on.”

  “Really?” she laughed. Watched him as he drove, saw the look on his face, a wild and desperate and somehow sad expression.

  “Incredibly turned on,” he said.

  “That’s good,” she laughed and she shook her head.

  “You relieved?”

  “Yeah, I really am. It feels good to say it.”

  “So you want a guy on the side who really fucks the shit out of you?”

  “Basically. I can’t believe this.” She couldn’t help a smile spreading across her face. She tapped her thumbnail on her bottom teeth and looked out the window again. She could say it, but she could still feel self conscious about it.

  “Me neither. You think I could ever be rough?”

  “No, Geoff. I don’t want that from you. It would be fake. You’d be acting. I would be so aware of that it would take me out of it. I want it hard and...male. Animal.”

  “Okay,” he said.

  “You still okay?”

  “Mm-hmm,” he nodded. “Yeah, I feel...crazy but, yeah, I’m okay.”

  “Don’t change yo
ur mind.”

  He shook his head no and watched out the window as they swept along the highway. It was out. Kind of. It felt good at first. But she saw a sheen of sweat develop on Geoff’s face, saw his dry skin take on a shine right before her eyes. And she wondered if she’d had too much to drink. There was honesty and then there was temperance. Maybe the things she kept inside should be kept inside. Maybe honesty wasn’t as important as everyone said it was. She covered her face up with her hands and rubbed at her eyes. She should keep it inside. It was better inside. She wished now she hadn’t called Geoff to come tonight.

  7

  Probation

  Thursday, June 22nd

  NIA

  “Wow, hi, Nia!” Miss Jessop said, “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

  “I’m back working now,” she said.

  “I know, Geoff told me. Must be exciting.”

  Nia stood and talked with Odie’s teacher, holding Odie’s hand while they caught up. It was the last week of school and she asked Miss Jessop about her summer plans and they talked about how work was going for Nia. Rocco was away this morning doing something personal with his family and he didn’t need Nia in until 10 A.M. so she took the opportunity to walk her little girl to school since she missed that morning time with her. Now she stood and talked like she used to just a month ago and she felt like such a different person than she was then.

  It was a bright spring day, they stood on the sidewalk out front of Alastair Lessing under the canopy of an old and low oak tree. Nia was dressed for work, standing tall in her heels over the young teacher. She had a short slim skirt, black with black leggings and a black cashmere sweater and a thin patent leather belt with a silver buckle. Dressed for work. Dressed like a professional. She’d bought a watch too. A nice one, a little alligator Gucci, even though she mostly used her phone to tell time. A mere month ago she would have been here, just like now, but with Uggs, possibly pyjama pants, yoga pants if it was Monday, Wednesday, or Friday. Her messy hair would have been tied back and she wouldn’t have worn makeup. Now she was glossed, showered, and perfumed and she felt like a million bucks. She talked different too, she felt it, a confidence in her tone with Odie’s teacher. Getting a job had done wonders for her self esteem and she didn’t even realize how meek she had become.

  She glanced at the Gucci, said to Odie, “Well, we better get you in.” They walked with Miss Jessop to the school bus chaos at the front entrance and waved as she went on without them and she kneeled to talk to her daughter.

  Odie said, “You miss me, Mom?”

  “Miss these morning like this? I sure do, O.”

  “Me too,” she said and she leaned in and gave her a sweet hug. “Mom, why do you have to work?”

  “I don’t have to, baby. I want to. It’s a good thing,” she ran her hands up and down the back of Odie’s striped dress, felt her body filling out, getting away from her skinny kid frame and starting to get some flesh.

  “What are we going to do in the summer?”

  Nia said, “In the summer, baby? I don’t know. You’ll get to hang out with your Dad like you usually do.”

  “But you won’t be there?”

  “No, Odie, I’ll be at work, you know that.”

  “Yeah, but why? Why can’t you stay with us?”

  “Most mommies and daddies work, sunshine. You should feel lucky your dad gets to work from home and you can spend time with him. Most daddies aren’t like that.” She held her head back to look her baby girl in the eye. She was black-eyed and black-haired like her mom, a future knockout for sure too. She ran her hands through her thick hair, told her, “We’ll spend time on the weekends, okay? That’ll be our time.”

  “Promise?” she asked her, putting on a quivering-lip, trembling-eye look of heartbreak that Nia herself had perfected at that age as well.

  “I promise, baby.”

  “What do you want to do this weekend? Can we go to Centreville on Saturday? Remember when we—”

  “No, Odie, I have the bachelorette, you know, with Angie...”

  Odie nodded, pushing her sad little girl face as far as she could push it. She quietly said, “Okay,” and turned her eyes from her mom.

  “That’s just this weekend, Odie, we can go to the Island next weekend, okay?”

  “Can you come with Dad and me to the Book Expo?”

  “Of course baby, of course, I wouldn’t miss that.”

  “You promise?”

  “I do, baby.”

  NIA

  Trouble at home, that’s what she thought was bothering him. Rocco was quiet this morning, didn’t say much, just bumped around in the office before they left, slamming things around, closing drawers hard. It felt distinctly unrelated to work. It wasn’t the guys, it wasn’t the jobs, and it didn’t feel like he was mad at her. He seemed like he was trying to stay out of her way, not engage her. He spent a little time getting paperwork together and she stayed out of his office and worked on the laptop. When he stormed in he still handed the file folders to her gently. Then stormed off again. She wondered what it would be like to be married to a big intimidating hothead like him. His wife, Maria, must have her work cut out for her.

  Now they were stuck in traffic, crawling along the DVP, heading north, trying to make their way out to Markham. She’d entered all the data, had updated all the files and prepared easy-to-read reports for him and she was concerned because she looked like she had nothing to do. So she just sat there in the uncomfortable quiet, flicking through screens and going over all that she’d already done today, knowing it was fine but afraid to close the laptop.

  “Ay,” he said, breaking the silence suddenly and making her jump. “Your four weeks is up.”

  “My four weeks?” she said.

  “Probation.”

  “Probation?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  “Oh,” she said, getting a knot in her stomach now and wondering why she hadn’t known that and where he was going with this.

  “Listen,” he said, moving his huge hands on the steering wheel while he talked and keeping his eyes on the road, not looking over her way, “you’ve been good.”

  “Thanks.” Sensing a but and dying a little inside, hoping she would keep it together.

  He said, “Yeah, I honestly couldn’t ask for better.”

  “Really?” she bubbled hearing her elation in her own voice.

  “Yeah, what? You know you’re good. Haven’t yelled at you once.”

  “No,” she said, “you haven’t. Haven’t needed to.”

  “That’s right,” he said. “You’re serious. You don’t fuck around. That’s the shit I need. Really need right now.”

  “Yeah,” she agreed. Knew how much stress he was under.

  “You like it here?”

  “Of course, Rocco, I love it here.”

  “You like sittin with me all day?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “You pass probation.”

  “I do?” Feeling like she accomplished something, had made it, like it was a victory, even though, two minutes ago, she knew nothing about a probation.

  “Yeah, you do. I want you on a full-time salary, okay?”

  “What am I on now?”

  “Probation pay. I don’t know. Just give yourself a raise, okay?”

  “Give myself one?”

  “Yeah.”

  That was stressful. How much? Was this a test too? Like how well she knew the books she should figure out her value. He was already paying her more than he should...now more?

  “Okay,” she said.

  “And next month—Pool Expo. In Montreal...I need you to come with me.”

  “Sure,” she said.

  “It’s a weekend. All weekend...you’ll stay with me in a hotel.”

  “Okay,” she said, her stomach started fluttering at the thought. Was he saying something here—he was, right?

  “Your own room, okay?”

  “Uh-huh,” she nodded, felt him
watching her profile.

  “If you want,” he added.

  “Okay. When?”

  “July fifteen-sixteen. We fly out the Friday.”

  “Yeah, that’s great,” she said, opening her calendar. Odie was about to get a look at how the real world works, not all that fantasy and coddling she got from Geoff. That was the weekend of the Book Expo.

  8

  Bachelorette

  Saturday, June 24th

  GEOFF

  The whine of Nia’s hair dryer set his nerves on edge. He stood in their bedroom and watched her through the sliver of open door. She was in the bathroom, it was ten in the morning, and she was preparing herself for a full and ribald day out with her friends. A day of drinking and excess with some very coarse, yet admittedly, sweet girls. All to culminate at the end of the night, with greatly reduced inhibitions, with a male stripper. He’d told her she could do whatever she wanted. She said she didn’t want to do anything. The knowledge that he’d given her permission and she was going to be provided with an attractive and naked male, swinging his pecker in her eager face had him about to crawl out of his skin. He was roiling inside. But he hadn’t changed his mind. He was ready for this. He fucking wanted it. He wished he could be there to watch.

  There she stood, arms jerking in that sliver, blowing her black hair out, standing barefoot on the bathmat in front of the mirror with a white towel wrapped around that perfect slender body. He grabbed himself through his jeans while he watched. He felt himself harden in his grip. He kneaded the rough cotton and thought about what she might do. She was going to look at another man’s cock tonight. His heart raced at the thought. She was going to be up close and personal with the sexual equipment of another man. That man was most assuredly going to be packing something exciting, something that might get his loving wife a little worked up, a little wet in her panties. He wanted her to. He wanted her to feel that excitement. Would she touch it? Do girls do that? Probably not. Probably not suck it either. Not in front of their friends. Friends and relatives. But what if the stripper stayed late, hung out with them? Nia would be the star of the show. Hands down the most attractive of her already attractive friends. She would draw his attention. And if she did, what would he do? What would she do?