Cherry Blossoms: A Losing His Wife Novel

by KT Morrison

  No, he’d never got the courage. Nia had kissed him. Geoff would have been her friend forever if she hadn’t made that move. She was too much woman for boys like Geoff or Winslow. He’d never figure out how she was with him, just the old universe looking out for him.

  On Wednesday she was a bit better. When they woke up in the morning, she’d smiled a bit for him. Woke to her, face to face, her eyes open, blinking and wet. She snickered, like a laugh at how sad she still was and how much this hurt. Her mouth flashed a brief smile. At least she could manage that. There was hope.

  On Thursday she managed to come down to the studio and sit with them for a while. Geoff had told Winslow that the pool company was having a bad year and they were downsizing. Told him Nia had been squeezed out because she was the newest hire. She came down that day and hung out and while she was noticeably sad and her sadness filled him with a shapeless dread, he loved having her with him again. She played with Odie, Odie showed her all the recent developments around the studio. Nia caught up on his bookkeeping though she hadn’t really ever let it slip.

  They had one Sugar Poops Night, that was on Thursday. He’d run her baths, given back rubs and pretty foot rubs, run errands for her and sometimes he just held her. They’d lay together and nothing would be said and their eyes would be open. The feeling that put in him was powerful. To be that man for her, the one she came to for strength and security was a noble appointment, a knighting. He couldn’t be happier, it filled him with joy, he just wished that it didn’t come with such a heavy price. He was only that man when the girl he loved was hurting.

  He got off his table, left his drawing and he went to her now. His hands smoothed up her slim back, felt her fine form under the soft cotton T-shirt. She was warm and he loved how she felt under his hands. He dug his thumbs into the muscles around her neck and gently kneaded them for her. She covered his hand with one of her own, up at her shoulder. He looked at the accounting over her head, watched as she watched her own projections. He smelled her hair.

  “Looks good?” he said.

  “It does, Geoff, yeah, baby,” she said, her hair gently shaking as she talked to the screen. “We look good.”

  “Told you,” he whispered and he bent and let his arms snake around her and hug her. It had been almost a week since they were intimate. Not a big deal but he’d become conditioned in the last few months to an extreme sexual life and he craved her. Couldn’t wait til she was ready again. He didn’t kiss her but he pressed his lips and cheek to her slender neck, felt the wispy hair there tickle his skin.

  NIA

  The most devastating week of her life and if she didn’t have Geoff she didn’t know how she would have made it through. Of course, if it weren’t for Geoff, she’d have her job.

  Not a single text from either one of the brothers. Rocco had murdered her with his words. He was hateful. She didn’t expect to hear from him. She should though, something about work, something official even. Not a thing from Dino either. That hurt. No apology. Neither of them checking up on her even though both of them must fathom how much this hurt her. Fucking men. So callous.

  Thinking of them, either of them, put a tightness through her, squeezed her ribs and kept her breath at bay. She was ached with physical tension. Her brow tense, her temples sore. They’d left her emotionally wrecked, constantly on the verge of tears, always struggling to keep them at bay.

  Rocco’s words hurt her. Not deep like a knife, stabbing at her heart. They pummelled her like his big blunt fists. Hammered her from every angle, pulverized her insides. She missed him. She missed Rocco. She missed her job. She loved that independence. Her loss was so profound. Two lovers, her job, her independence, her money. She felt so weak, so useless. Her hands were like dead things. Her wrists lifeless, her fingers insensate. Something tremendous had been taken from her.

  Geoff rubbed her neck and she was glad for his touch. She would be gone without him. “We’re good,” she said again.

  He whispered to her, “You can keep your car.”

  She could, but what was the point? She was homebody Nia again. Team Kane, faithful wife, Odie’s mom. She would drive that little girl to places she needed to be in the Volvo, she would do groceries, the business’ books, hang out. It was nice. But what did it amount to?

  “We’ll see,” she said, smiled for him and pat his hand.

  His finger pointed towards the corner of the monitor at the clock there, he said, “Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”

  She nodded and put on that smile again. Donna’s wedding was tomorrow. She was driving out to the hotel in Vaughan to do a bridesmaids dinner tonight. Ang and Lisa were going to stay over tonight in the Bridal Suite but Nia and the others were going to stay at home or had booked their own rooms. Geoff was too busy to stay the night at the hotel and do the wedding tomorrow and stay up late on the Saturday night. Taking the whole day off tomorrow was too much already but he did it with pleasure for her, for Donna—he liked her friends.

  She stood and he ran his hand up her back. Looked to her with support. She could read him. See the underlying concern, see the hope in him that she was getting better, hoping that she was strong enough to finally leave the house tonight and rejoin the world. Maybe she was, but there was a good chance she wasn't.

  She showed him another smile and nodded, headed up to the bedroom to get changed.

  NIA

  She arrived at the hotel in Vaughan in her convertible and Ang spotted her. She stopped the car, pulled to the curb under the modern geometric canopy out front of the entrance and watched her friend cross the lot and step over a grassy island to come to her. Her face was wide with delight, eyes glued to her sexy car.

  “Oh my God, Nia...is this your car?”

  “Yeah,” she said. She looked up to her friend, looking so bright and happy and uncomplicated.

  Ang came to her, leaned down and kissed her cheek. “When did you get this?” she said, still bewildered.

  “I don’t know,” she said. “Last week.”

  “Wow, Nia, Geoff selling some books...”

  “Well, no, I mean yes, but it’s mine...I work...”

  “How’s Rocco? How’s the job?”

  “Uh,” she said, her face pained.

  “What?”

  “I don’t work there any more.”

  “What happened?” she said, resting her forearms on the low lip of the door.

  “I don’t...it’s a long story...” she said, looking away, watching under the covered entrance of the hotel. An airport limo there, a happy family milling around an open trunk.

  “Oh...I’m sorry, Nia. You okay?”

  “Yeah,” she said, faking brightness. “No, I’m fine. I’ll...I’ll find something else. There’s lots around...”

  “You will, Nia,” she said, and she squeezed her upper arm. “You ready for this?” she said, eyes dashing up to the hotel entrance.

  “I’m excited,” she said, glad she could hide her eyes behind her sunglasses. “Meet me in there, okay, I’m going to go park.”

  She parked her car near the back of the busy lot, sat for a moment to gather herself. It was beautiful out, late evening, tomorrow’s wedding weather forecast was for clear and blue skies so her friend got very lucky. Could have been the day that her happy existence was extinguished in a dark cold cataclysm of rain.

  She crossed the lot and went under the broad shaded canopy into the lobby. She saw them ahead. All the girls, Donna’s bridesmaids. Dressed up in summer dresses, toned legs in heels, laughing, their voices all noticeably higher, all of them caught up in the excitement that one of their group was tying the knot tomorrow. They all cheered when they saw her, and she walked tall for them, showed them her white smile. She kissed and hugged all of them, no one touching faces, all of them worried about their makeup.

  They were seated at the table in the restaurant in a private room that came as part of the wedding package. It was cold steel and glass, sharp modern edges but softened with whi
te lace in long bunting and bouquets of beautiful pale flowers that sat in tiers in every corner and all along the table in smaller bunches. They ordered wine first, it came as they perused the menu. She’d decided on salmon when she got the first text from Dino.

  NIA

  Her heart surged. She saw the text come up on her screen, her phone sitting on the white linen tablecloth, partially obscured by the hanging flower petal of a table bouquet. She watched it fade to black, afraid to touch it, bursting inside, a big piece of her, under control at the moment, wanting to scramble across her table and claw at the phone with both hands. She held her breath, put her menu down and calmly picked her phone up and brought it back to life while the rest of the table listened to Lisa Nosotti tell everyone about the family trip to Cuba.

  DinoD: meet me at that bar down from you

  It gave her goosebumps. She looked around the room, looked at all her happy friends, imagined them all with their husbands at home, happy housewives, none of them could be involved in an intrigue like she found herself. She looked out the windows of the private room and across the restaurant. What bar? Where was he? Here in the hotel?

  Nia: where?

  She waited for his response, anxious. Worried how she would explain to all these girls the presence of her notorious ex-boyfriend here when her husband was so far away. And hotel rooms so close.

  DinoD: one where I saw you in the spring. queen street

  Nia: square?

  DinoD: meet me there tonight

  Nia: no way

  DinoD: why not?

  Nia: I’m not home Dino

  She put her phone face down. Her hand trembled. She watched it, saw the tremor in it. Why would he do this? Is it over? Is it not over? What does he want?

  She picked her phone back up, her mind going a million miles an hour. A text was waiting.

  DinoD: where are you?

  Nia: I’m in Vaughan, Donna’s wedding tomorrow. dinner with the girls tonight

  DinoD: you coming home?

  Nia: yes, later

  DinoD: meet me

  Nia: no way

  DinoD: please

  That tension that riveted her body grew weak as it was warmed by a growing anger. He dominated her. He thought he was fucking everything.

  Nia: you got me fired

  DinoD: I didn’t know he was fucking you

  Nia: you told him my husband watched

  Why did he do that? Why would he divulge something so personal? Rocco was his brother, but what they did was between the three of them. Dino, Geoff, and Nia. Not Rocco.

  DinoD: I don’t fuckin know. It was crazy. He’s my brother

  Nia: he’s my fuckin boss. you got me fired

  DinoD: I needed to tell somebody

  Nia: you tell my boss?

  DinoD: I fucked up

  Nia: You fucked up. why you have to tell someone?

  DinoD: it’s fucked up is why

  Nia: you did it

  Fucked up. He fucked her right in front of her husband and now he had regrets. He can’t take responsibility, he has to shift it all on Nia. Probably shifts it all on Geoff.

  DinoD: meet me

  Nia: gotta go

  DinoD: please

  Nia: bye

  She put her phone back down and cursed him with everything she had. He was no good. He brought trouble with him. Always did. They were so good together but it couldn’t last. They were poison.

  NIA

  It didn’t take much to make their beloved friend Donna cry but tonight they really got her. After dinner they retired to the suite and Ang said she’d arranged for the hotel to bring coffee and dessert. Donna had the Bridal Suite and it was so comfortable they’d all agreed that it was a much better place to hang out than sitting at the table in the restaurant. Ang had arranged with two of her future husband’s groomsmen, also staying in the hotel, to sneak in here to arrange a surprise while they were at dinner.

  When they ushered Donna back to her Suite she’d opened the door to discover her vestibule filled with balloons that had clung to the ceiling. From each balloon, tied with long curling ribbon, was a hand written letter to Donna.

  After the first letter, with the full realization of what her friends had done, she’d broken right down. They’d all had a good therapeutic cry. As each letter was read the author took a seat next to Donna on the couch. When it was Nia’s turn she’d felt something powerful building. She wished she’d been the first one read so she wasn’t already carrying the weight of her friends’ loving words.

  When Nia sat next to her, she felt a pull within, an overwhelming weight of sadness, remorse, guilt, decrepitude. She knew what she’d written her friend. She knew what would be read and she wasn’t ready for it.

  Donna was beautiful, she was glowing. So happy, Nia was overwhelmed as she was about to start her new life with the man she loved. Nia had written her letter last week. Written it when she was happy and filled with love for her perfect husband, fulfilled by her lovers. She wasn’t the same person who wrote it. And as she heard back her own words on the value of love and what it meant to her and what she knew of it she wished she was in Geoff’s arms. She wished she hadn’t come tonight. Wished she was at home and he would run a bath and rub her feet and she would look in his eyes—and she knew every time she did she saw something complete and eternal there and there was no value you could put on it, it was everything to her.

  She wished she’d written her letter this week. Written cynically about love, about the confusion of lust, how fucked up men are. If she had she wouldn’t have broken down in front of all her friends the way she did. Her face twisted up like Odie’s would when she fell and skinned her knee. She bawled and her friends consoled her but she heard them laughing. Laughing because Nia didn’t cry. Nia wasn’t sentimental. They all got a chuckle as they hugged her. Apologized for laughing. She was the bitch of the group and they’d never seen her like this before.

  As she came out of it, makeup-smeared tissue pressed into her eyes, she laughed, and she said, “God, I wish my Geoff was here right now,” and she got a collective swooning awww from them all and it filled her heart with happiness.

  31

  Union

  Saturday, August 26th

  GEOFF

  There was pounding on their front door at one o’clock in the morning while they were asleep in bed. Geoff’s eyes shot open and a chill ran over his back.

  “Oh, fuck,” Nia said, her eyes wide. She was awake too, her head on the pillow facing him.

  “What?”

  “Oh fuck. Oh shit,” she hissed quietly.

  “What is it, Nia? What?” he said, something cold raced through him.

  “Oh no, baby,” she said, sitting up.

  “Who is it?”

  “It’s Dino.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I...I just know, Geoff.”

  She’d got home late from her night out with the girls. He was already asleep in bed. She tried to be quiet but he was aware of her coming in. Wasn’t sure what time it was, he’d gone to bed soon after he’d brushed Odie’s hair and tucked her in. Nia’s back had snuggled against him as she got settled and he fell back asleep with a tingling bliss, didn’t bother to check the clock.

  “What? How?” he said, bewildered. He sat up with her, both of them on their hips. He didn't care how she knew, he saw the fear in her. He put his arms around her.

  The pounding came again.

  “Geoff...” she said, and pulled from him.

  “No, Nia, just let it go. We’ll wait him out...”

  “No, Geoff. He won't leave, okay?”

  She slipped herself from him, crossed around the foot of the bed, tentative, her brow worried. She gathered her hair up and put it in a ponytail, straightened her clothes in the dresser mirror. He got out of bed and caught up with her in the hall and they descended the stairs together.

  They could hear the creak of the screen door as it moved back and forth, someone
holding it open. He pounded on the door again. Nia peered around the corner, Geoff looking over her shoulder, their feet still on the steps.

  There was a shape of a big man silhouetted there in the glass inset of the door. Hazy blue light filling up the pane with life from the city, and then a ghostly shadow in the centre, bobbing, waiting for its ex-girlfriend to let it in.

  Nia’s hand slipped around the corner, her skin brushed the eggshell latex as it swept to find the light switch.

  He pounded again.

  “Nia, he’s going to wake up Odie,” Geoff whispered.

  “I know, Geoff.” She found the light. The porch lit up, and they saw Dino now in the glass, looking around him, his handsome tanned face squinting at the sudden brightness.

  “Shit,” she said again.

  “Are you going to answer it?” he asked her, concern raising his voice.

  “Yeah,” she said.