Intimate Fear

by D. C. Stone

  Brooke drew back, her jaw popped open, and damn it all to hell, her eyes filled. She took a step back.

  Regret crossed Hailey’s face and she moved toward her. “Mom, wait, that didn’t—”

  “No,” she interrupted, “it came out perfectly clear. No need to say any more, Hailey.”

  Brooke turned away and heard her call out again. She couldn’t turn around, though. The pain in her chest scratched with an impending breakdown. The sob building physically hurt, but she held it until she stepped inside. Then, letting everything loose, she slid to the floor, back to the door, and cried.

  * * * *

  Dwayne leaned against the front of his cruiser, his eyes hidden behind dark glasses as he studied the schoolkids, watching for anything, something being passed, or maybe whispers of impending deals.

  Another kid had been admitted to the ER last night, this one found by his mother, dumped in a tub full of ice. The drug on the street, the dealers selling this shit, needed to stop. Someone was going to die and he had no doubt if it would happen, but more so when.

  Teenagers bustled around the lawn, heavy backpacks slung over their bodies, short skirts over black leggings bringing back more than one memory of high school, while at the same time making him feel like the biggest pervert for noticing. He folded his arms and cut a glance down the street. Hailey was walking toward the school, shoulders slumped, head down. He frowned, recognizing something wrong.

  A deep male voice called out for her and she snapped her head up. Dwayne’s gaze tracked to the kid, the same one he recognized from the day before. He refocused on Hailey. She tore her attention away from the young man and met Dwayne’s gaze. Her expression changed, going from dissolute panic to almost a cry for help. He pushed off the vehicle and headed in her direction, unease and alarm skittering down his spine.

  “Hailey!” That damn kid again. She glanced toward Dwayne one more time, with that same damn look on her features, but then went to intercept Mr. Grab Ass.

  “Hold up a second, Hails.” He reached her. She continued to stare at his shoes, so he tipped her chin up with a finger. “What’s going on? You okay?”

  She jerked away, her eyes rimmed red and puffy from crying. Dark shadows said she’d barely slept. “I’m fine. Please, I’m just having a bad day.”

  He arched an eyebrow. “Having a bad day is running late, not having a pair of socks that match, and being out of milk. You, little lady, look like shit. No offense. Is everything okay with your mom?”

  Fresh tears pooled in her eyes and he drew up, shoulders back at the alarm clanging in his head. “Is Brooke okay, Hails?”

  She shrugged, then looked away again. “I’m sure she will be.” The bell rang and she shifted again. “I gotta go, D.”

  He rubbed the top of his cranium as she walked past. Following her progress, he frowned when Grab Ass literally grabbed her. Hailey’s face turned to stone and she looked up at the young man. Dwayne cocked his head at the exchange which, for his taste, grew a little too rough.

  Grab Ass got within inches of her face and said something. Hailey shook her head, lips pressed in a tight line. The male jerked her arm to pull her closer, and Dwayne had enough of the little exchange. He proceeded across the lawn, intending on intercepting and teaching shit-for-brains a little lesson on how to treat a woman. Hailey’s gaze snapped up and cut over to him. She was forced to turn away when the kid dragged her around the corner of the school. Dwayne picked up his step but got cut off. Lucy stepped in front of him and purred, “Detective.”

  He glanced down at her and back up, trying to find Hailey in the crowd. “Hey, morning.”

  “Is that all you wanna give me after what happened yesterday? A ‘hey?’”

  Shit. He looked at her and smiled. “I had a blast, really did. You’re okay with this, though, right?”

  Her brows drew together. “This?”

  Christ, this was why he needed to watch whom he tumbled in bed with. He saw the stars and hearts in her eyes, could practically hear the wedding bells ringing in her ears. He dropped his voice, lowered his head. “Yes, this. You remember I don’t do commitment, right? I’ll tangle in the sheets any day, Lucy, but I can’t give more. I’m not that guy.”

  Her face, which still held interest and a blatant invitation, fell a little. “I remember, Dwayne. I just thought…” She shrugged.

  He leaned forward and brushed his lips across her cheek. “Let me take care of something and then we’ll talk about this, okay?”

  She nodded, and he flashed a smile before jogging over to the corner. When he rounded it, though, the parking lot held cars but was devoid of people.

  “Shit.”

  Chapter Seven

  “Come on, Hails, let me make it up to you.”

  She studied Jaxon’s face. His dark eyes pleaded with her, contrite features masked to reveal sullen emotions. He looked upset enough, but she was unsure if the display was true.

  Turning away, Hailey watched the horizon pass, colorful displays of houses breezing by in a kaleidoscope of images. Blinded by her thoughts, she wrapped her arms tighter around her midsection, trying her best to keep the fear and humiliation of last night from showing. She’d slipped out of his bed early this morning and snuck back into her house. The hot water that she tried to douse the memories with did nothing to the dirty distrust surrounding her when it came to Jaxon. She’d stayed in the shower so long that her skin felt as if it would peel off. Then she had switched the water to cold, sending icy shards of glass raining upon her. The distinction between two temperatures cleared her head. The red trail cascading from between her legs evidence of the degradation she’d went through and cemented the final goodbye to her childhood innocence.

  The car jarring to a stop brought her from that nightmare and into the present. Jaxon shut his door and skirted the hood before helping her out. In the early morning light, she took in his handsome features, but instead of her legs growing shaky with a hazy lust, trepidation boiled in the pit of her stomach. He took her arm and led her forward, drawing her inside the place she’d wished to escape yesterday.

  This time, the living room was empty and the quietness of the house spoke of their solitude. He tugged her along, bypassing the living room table still containing reminders of last night. He pulled her down the hall and into the one place she had experienced not only enhanced pleasures but also her biggest fears—his bedroom.

  After he shut the door, he coaxed her to sit on his bed and joined her, finally releasing her hand and leaning forward, forearms resting on his thighs, gaze drawn to something on the ground between his feet. He rubbed his hands together. Sweat beaded along his neck and at his temples. With fall rolling in, the heat had begun to wash away and cooler air pushed in, but she supposed he was just as nervous from what had transpired last night.

  “Hailey, I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am.”

  She remained silent. There was nothing left to say.

  He tilted his head and looked at her, his body still bent over his legs. “It’s no secret I’ve wanted you for so long, right?”

  She shook her head. Each time they had moments to themselves, she recognized how much he wanted her as he ground against her body. She wanted him, too, but not in the way that had happened last night and not until she was ready.

  His chocolate gaze darted around her face, glanced to the door, and back to her again. Unease skittered through her veins, but she shook it off to the action being so fresh in her mind.

  “Well after waking this morning, everything from last night came barreling back. At the time, I was so high I didn’t realize you told me to stop. Then, when I woke and you were gone, I got scared. Not that you’d try to get me in trouble, but because I’d hate to lose anything we have going on, Hails. I want to turn over a new leaf, and I promise you that we’ll be better. I’ll be better.” He took a deep breath and blew it out between puffed cheeks. “I’m going to get rid of the drugs. After today, they will be out of my li
fe forever. And you, I want you to stay. I want to work on us.”

  She wrinkled her nose, his words both confusing and piercing a piece of her heart. “What do you mean after today? Why not now?”

  He shrugged his big shoulders, ones that had held her head while she cried her frustrations out. “The stuff is expensive. I’m just going to use the last of it today.”

  Hailey drew off the bed, paced to the door. “That stuff almost ruined us. If you’re serious about kicking it to the side, wouldn’t you want to be done with it now?”

  The bed creaked and she pivoted. He drew closer and took her into his arms. A large palm ran along her back, the act so familiar, she fell into the embrace. She gave in to the moment to close her eyes and pretend as if last night had not happened. “I wanted our first time together to be so fucking special, Hails.” His harsh voice and ragged breath sounded heartbreaking in her ear. He tightened his hold around her and trembled. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for what I did, but with how I feel today, I cannot say no. The pain is too fresh. Just one more day.”

  He drew back until their noses brushed. So close together, she saw golden flecks dancing within his eyes, like honey. She felt entranced. His lips pressed against hers and she gave in, parted her mouth, and let him swoop in for a tender kiss. Like all other times, the fusing of their bodies ignited a low moan from her chest. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he moved in to press the length of his body to hers. Her back hit the wall, and she gasped as she hadn’t realized they moved. His fingers dug into her hips. One hand dipped to cup her ass and draw her closer.

  The same rigid need she always recognized in him pressed against her core. Between his body’s response and the words he spoke, the soft way he tendered care at her mouth, she relaxed, allowing the heat to take over and follow the buildup of lust.

  He whipped both their bodies around and walked her backward to the bed. When her legs hit the mattress, she fell, him coming down on top of her.

  Jaxon trailed kisses, laving paths down her neck. His touch, his roaming hands, reminded her of their true history, not of last night. This was her boyfriend, not the drugged fiend who stole her virginity like a modern day Robin Hood.

  He took her hands in his and moved them above her head, held her there as one of his palms wrapped around her wrists. His hips rotated between her legs, and the feeling was so nice, she bowed toward him. This she could do, the lazy, loving way he made her feel. The switch to keep things on a PG-13-rated level. He did not work to remove her pants. But when he pushed up her shirt, she looked down as he pressed kisses over the swells of her breasts, between the valley of her cleavage.

  “Hailey.” His voice shook and she understood. She trembled.

  “Yeah?”

  “Let me make last night go away.”

  He looked up, set his chin on her stomach, and waited.

  “What are you saying?”

  “I want to make love to you. That’s what I’m saying. The right way.”

  She swallowed, forcing the lump of fear down her throat. “I don’t know, Jax. I’m really sore down there.”

  His head tilted and he licked a languorous path beneath her bra. “I can make you forget,” he said against her skin.

  Indecision weighed. As if he sensed it, he spoke. “Let me fix this, baby. I want to replace those memories with better ones.”

  He rested his forehead against the curve of her breast, eyebrows scrunched up, and her heart shattered. He looked so regretful and utterly devastated.

  “Okay.”

  His head snapped up and he studied her. “You sure?”

  The tears stinging her eyes released and her vision grew watery. “Yes,” she whispered.

  His smile blinded her. He came up and kissed her hard and fast, then rose again. “Do you trust me?”

  Not wanting to hurt his feelings, willing to make things right, she nodded. “Of course.”

  He moved and reached to the table, brought a syringe into her vision. “Jaxon, wait.”

  “No, let me explain. This is the last of it, Hailey. Let’s share this, take the edge off your pain, and give a little more to this experience. You’ll only have half of this, which is a little more of what you did yesterday. I’ll do the rest.”

  She really didn’t want to. God, she hated this. She only wanted him. Why did he have to bring the dirty liquid into this, a chemical that made her feel unclean?

  Taking her silence for an answer, he reached for her arm and tapped her veins at the crease of her elbow. “This will be good for us both, baby. I promise you.”

  She couldn’t speak—why in the hell wasn’t anything coming out?—and watched as he pierced a fat purple line in her arm. When the entire contents of the needle released inside her, she glanced up to him in surprise. Her mouth opened, but a rush ten times the scale as yesterday flooded into her. She groaned, arched her hips, and all else fell away.

  Jaxon pushed her back to the bed. He pumped the hard ridge of his erection against her and hissed in her ear. He pulled back, began to work at his belt. Behind him, the door opened and in walked several men, one being Emo from yesterday. She didn’t pay attention to any of it, though; she was feeling way too good as spikes of pleasure roamed through her.

  Chapter Eight

  Brooke pulled back the curtain again and peeked outside. Children sped by on their bicycles, cars passed through the neighborhood in a lazy way, and the sun sank lower, sending contrasting rays of pink, orange, and yellow scattering through the sky. The view would have been beautiful, had she not been so worried about Hailey coming home.

  A quick glance at the clock confirmed the time, four hours after school had been let out, and eleven since their fight.

  Ugh!

  Fed up with standing by watching, she flung the cloth aside, opening the curtains as wide as they would go. She would not miss her daughter coming home.

  What if she doesn’t? The little voice nagged, had been doing so all afternoon. She ignored it or, at least, tried.

  Pacing across the carpet, she didn’t pay attention to the wear she gave the rug, nor did she see the couples and kids stopping outside, watching her walk back and forth. She scrambled for purchase, tried to reassure her heart all would be okay. She didn’t know how long she had been walking back and forth because when she brought herself out of her morbid thoughts, ones that had no place in a mother’s mind, the window reflected darkness. The area around her pitched in shadows. Several hours had gone by in a flash and yet her daughter hadn’t returned.

  A quick trip down the hall confirmed Hailey’s room was still untouched, as it had been earlier. Now, with it closing on midnight, the panic she’d tried to keep at bay all afternoon rose to the surface. She whipped out her phone and tried Hailey’s cell for the umpteenth time, squeezing her eyes shut as the call went unanswered. A young, sweet voice announced the missed call and prompted to leave a message. Brooke’s skin grew clammy, and a chill swept down her spine.

  With only so many friends Hailey hung with, she made a handful of calls. Each one woke a groggy teenager, but all of them gave her the same answer.

  They did not know where Hailey was, nor had they seen her the entire day. The last bit was new information, seeing as she should have been in school today. Brooke’s hands started to tremble, making the call to Jaxon much more difficult.

  After three separate times of inputting the wrong numbers, finally ringing on the other end of the phone connected the call. She paced, waiting for the young man to answer. Seconds turned into minutes, slowed to an almost unbearable pace until the sound cut off. No voicemail, no pick up, no anything. Just absolute silence and an operator relaying the caller was busy and to try again later.

  Her gut pitched, swirled as if caught up in a tornado. Bile boiled and surged. She sprinted for the hall bathroom, flung herself to the floor, and tossed the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl. She heaved, the pains in her belly constricting as if
someone squeezed her body into a tiny fist. Tears leaked from her eyes, snot ran from her nose, and she gasped for breath as she purged.

  Moments later, after washing her hands and face, she clutched her phone and continued to try to get through to Jaxon—her last hope.

  Several hours later, still no answer from Jaxon or Hailey, she rubbed the back of her neck and tried to ease out the knot in her muscles. The tension had tightened to the point where the sledgehammer in her head grew worse with each minute. At the window, she gazed outside, her phone still clutched in her hand—silent as it had been all night.

  The sun outside crested over the horizon, signaling dawn’s arrival. It sent pink-and-yellow rays out in every direction. The serenity of the sky, the beginning of the day, seemed to be the start of her nightmare. There was no beauty in the touch of nature, the fresh breath of day. No, everything clouded in a dark shade of gray for her, the worry and fear of last night settling into something so much more—despair.

  Hailey hadn’t returned and the calls to Jaxon continued to go unanswered. Her daughter wouldn’t have stayed out overnight without calling, despite their fight yesterday. Something was seriously wrong, and she was helpless to stop the oncoming train of panic from crashing into the barrier of her life.

  She unlocked her phone and without thought to the time, placed a call to the one person she knew would be able to help. Ringing started on the other end, and she waited with barely contained patience. One ring, two, three… Just as she thought he would be yet another one who didn’t answer, the gruff voice muttered an oath, then spoke. “Hello?”

  “Dwayne? It’s Brooke.” She glanced at the time and winced. “I realize it’s early, I’m sorry.”

  “No, no, no, I’m up. Everything okay?”

  Two words, so simple, tumbled down on her already tight shoulders and sent her slumping to the floor, back against the wall. “No,” she choked. Unable to get out another word, she sobbed, a sound so raw it surprised her.

  “What? What happened, Brooke? Do you need me there? Where is Hailey?”