by Anthology
“I was just wondering if maybe Eric might still come. You know, maybe he’ll finish up early and change his mind. I think I might set a place for him. Just in case.”
“Caroline, you’ve got to let this go.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just thinking that he might come by, that’s all.”
“He’s not coming. And even if he did...” Jake glanced at his sister, but didn’t add whatever else he’d meant to say.
“What? What is it?”
“Even if he did come here, I’m not sure it would be good for you. You need some time away from him.”
She let out a humorless laugh. “What do you mean? I haven’t seen him in months—”
“That’s not it. I just think it might be a good idea for you to try and, you know, move on. It’s been years. If he hasn’t noticed you by now—”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Caroline said, but even as she spoke a flush was flooding her cheeks.
Eric blinked, confused. Even if Jake did know about the incident at the Christmas party, that had been two years ago. Caroline wouldn’t have held onto it since then. She would have said something. Or acted differently. Maybe he’d been around her less since then, but he’d celebrated her graduation with her and seen her at family gatherings.
If it were an issue, it would have been bound to come up.
Right?
“Eric isn’t the same anymore. You know that. Once he and I started running that god forsaken company…” Jake shook his head. “You know, I never even wanted to run the company. I just wanted a 9-5 job, a home life, a stable family. But Eric, he’s got fire in his veins for it. He doesn’t care about anything else. It’s like he’s got something to prove.”
“Maybe he does. Anyway, that’s none of my business or my concern so why don’t you just let me set the table, okay?” Caroline pushed past him, but he steadied her with one hand and she stilled.
“You have to listen to me. I just want what’s best for you. I love Eric, too, but we need to face the facts. If you keep pining for him like this, then you’ll have lost a lot of time hoping for a guy who just doesn’t exist anymore.”
Caroline frowned, but didn’t add anything.
“Eric doesn’t want a relationship or a family. The business is what makes him happy, and we have to respect that. But I know that’s not the life that you want, and it’s certainly not the life I want for you. You’re my little sister. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“It’s not exactly like you’re swimming in women either.” She turned to him again, her eyes narrowed, but he only shrugged.
“I’m trying. And I left the job when I realized what was happening to me.”
“I just...I know he can be better. I always think about that night after my high school graduation when he brought me chocolates and then we sat on the pier and skipped stones while we split the box.”
Jake offered a ghost of a smile. “I know. I miss him, too.”
Caroline nodded, swallowing hard. “You really don’t think he could, I don’t know, change? You did. Maybe he’ll realize...”
“At this point, it’d take a miracle.” Jake sank into one of the dining room seats, and then said, “Have you talked to Fred Fitzsimmons recently? He just broke up with someone and he’s a really nice guy. I think he teaches science at the high school now.”
“I’ll think about it,” Caroline said.
“Okay, well, just...do that.” Jake nodded, and then with the scrape of his chair against the floorboards, he trudged from the room.
“I didn’t know,” Eric murmured, still staring at Caroline, who was now sitting at the table and studying the plates in front of her.
The Caroline beside him spoke. “You did, though, didn’t you?”
“No, how could I—” He choked on the words, thinking back to all the times he’d seen her in the last couple years. It was true, his visits had gotten fewer and farther between, but then, that was for a reason, wasn’t it?
Ever since that night, he’d been racked with guilt every time he so much as looked at her. And when he finally did look at her...well, all he could think of was the way her full mouth had felt against his. The way her skin had heated beneath his touch.
The feel of her thighs as she’d circled his waist.
The look on her face had been much the same, too. Side glances. Longing. Desire.
He’d wanted to wish it away, but there it was, staring right at him.
“I was trying to protect my friendship with Jake,” he said.
“That’s what you’ve said, yes.” Her voice was colorless.
“You don’t think so?” He glanced at the Caroline beside him and realized they were back in his office again. “I had to protect myself. If we didn’t work out, I would be alone in the world. I would be…”
An orphan.
”All I know is what’s here and now,” she said. “Only you know what’s real and what’s not.”
“Right.” He nodded, and then glanced at his bottom desk drawer. There was a new bottle of champagne inside; along with the same two flutes they’d used that night.
“Well, will you stay and have a drink with me?” It was futile, he knew that much, but he had to ask.
She stared past him, at the blankets of pure white snow drifting onto the city streets, and though she didn’t answer him, he knew that she wouldn’t.
“I really fucked this whole thing up.” He sighed, then grabbed the bottle from the drawer and plunked it down in front of him on the desk.
“You know the nice thing about the present?” she said at last. “There’s always the future to make it right.”
And then, just like that, she was gone. She vanished into thin air just like Jake’s ghost before her. This time, though, he wasn’t left with a sense of profound confusion or wonder. He felt...empty. Wrong. Maybe even a little regretful.
He glanced at the phone in front of him, and then fingered the receiver.
He could change this now. Call Caroline before the grim reaper of the future came to him. Then again, it was already two in the morning, and who knew how long he had before the next ghost came calling for him?
He twisted the cap off of the champagne, poured himself a glass, and then took a long, deep swig.
4
There was no falling asleep this time.
Even if he’d wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes. He could only sit there, waiting for the reaper, sipping his champagne and counting the ticks on the clock until he would arrive.
He’d seen the way this went down in movies. The faceless, unspeaking mass, all cloaked in black, ready to show him how much better off the world would be without him.
He should have been concerned or frightened. Instead, he was overcome by one all-consuming thought:
I. Am. An. Idiot.
How could he not have seen the way Caroline felt? The way she looked at him? It was all so obvious now, and for years he’d only thought of her as Jake’s kid sister.
Okay, maybe not in the last couple of years, but before that?
And the kiss? He thought she’d forgotten all about it. After all, she was a gorgeous girl. Men all over campus had probably lined up for her. Why the hell would he think she’d been waiting around for him?
Except all the times she’d told him as much.
On those few instances he’d gotten around to returning her calls, she always said she wasn’t with anyone. What was it she said exactly, though?
She was waiting for the right person. That was it.
She never asked about his love life, but when he offered the information to her, it was always met with silence or polite, if short, responses.
She never liked any of his girlfriends. And he...
Well, he’d always compared them to her, hadn’t he?
Not consciously, of course, but there was always something about them, a quality that he was always looking for but cou
ld never find.
He glanced at the phone again. Caroline might still be up. She hardly ever slept the night before Christmas; even as an adult, it excited her too much. If he called...
Then what? She was still Jake’s sister, still a Marley. His only family in the world.
What was it Jake had said? That Eric didn’t want a family?
The irony was so thick, it nearly choked him.
After all, what was going to happen if he kept on like this? If he never tried? Would Caroline move on? Would he?
“The future is a strange thing, isn’t it?”
The voice was harsh and female. So cold that it sent a chill down his spine.
He glanced up, then blinked several times before he could completely process who was standing in front of him.
Her jet-black hair was yanked into a painful-looking bun, every errant strand pinned and gelled into place. She rested her sharp chin in one taloned hand, apparently risking the wrinkle in her perfectly pressed black dress suit.
Angelica Reed was standing at the very edge of his desk, looming over him like the angel of death herself.
“You’re the ghost of Christmas future?” His brows pulled together and her thin line of a mouth tilted into something that should have been a smile, but looked a whole lot more like a glower.
“I suppose that’s one name for it.”
“But why...?” His throat was suddenly dry, and he couldn’t go on.
“It should all become clear in time, I think. Now let’s get going.” She reached across the desk to touch him, and the now-familiar light blinded him again. Instead of the quick and painless journey of the last few times, however, this time his stomach swooped and his head swam while the world turned around him.
Even when they stilled, he felt jetlagged and beleaguered. Like he’d been fighting a war he didn’t remember signing up for.
He blinked, expecting to see his office, only to find himself somewhere else entirely. This place was sleeker, airier, and more open.
A dazzling penthouse apartment with one wide, glass wall looking out on the entire cityscape. There was no art on the walls. In fact, the walls hadn’t even been painted. It was all white and black and steel. The sort of place a superhero might hang out while they were laying low.
He walked over to the window and took a deep breath as he caught sight of one huge modern construction. In enormous red letters, the place was labeled “Marley & Marley Real Estate”.
“I did it,” he whispered. “I can’t believe it. It happened.”
He spun on his heel to face Angelica, to thank her for the merger, but she wasn’t looking back at him. Instead, she was standing in the doorway, staring at the dining room table he hadn’t so much as glanced at.
Following her gaze, he started. He was staring at himself and...her, too.
Angelica was sitting across from him, both of them consumed by the papers in front of them on the glass tabletop.
He walked toward himself, surveying the streaks of grey in his hair, and then his heart fell into his stomach. There was a simple gold band on his finger. He glanced at future Angelica to find that a huge rock was gleaming on her ring finger as well.
“Are we...?” he breathed.
“Married. Yes,” she answered, still leaning against the doorframe. She may as well have been filing her nails for how excited she sounded.
“But I don’t—I mean, I’m not—” He shook his head, and then took in the severe cut of her high cheekbones. “Don’t get me wrong. You’re a great businessperson, but I’m not attracted to you. Not that way.”
“You’re not hurting my feelings, honey,” she said. “Ours is a marriage of efficiency.”
He crossed the room to join her at the door. “How could this happen?”
“After the merger, we saw a lot of each other. You know how these things happen. We attended the same events, and it certainly wasn’t like either of us had enough time to go out and meet someone new. It was easy, really.”
He stared at his future self, the lines on his forehead. He took another step forward, trying to get a better look.
There were no laugh lines. None.
“It wasn’t a big wedding or anything. A simple courthouse sort of thing.”
“The Marleys let us get away with that?” He raised his eyebrows, and then glanced at her over his shoulder.
“They weren’t there to complain.”
“I see.” He took a deep breath, and then, like a bolt, he remembered it was Christmas.
Or, at least, it was supposed to be. He glanced around the room again, but there was no sign of a holiday. There were hardly even any signs of life.
He opened his mouth to say something else, to ask if they had traditions or something, when the older version of himself spoke up.
“I’m thinking of ordering Chinese. You want anything?” He barely looked at his wife as he spoke.
“Hmmm?” She glanced up, then shook her head and flipped her paper over. “Oh, carbs. No.”
“Suit yourself.” He pulled a cell phone from his pocket and began to dial.
“That’s it? This is Christmas? That’s Christmas dinner?” he asked. “It can’t be.”
Angelica walked toward him at last, her arms opened in a gesture of surrender. “That’s it. It’s not so bad, though. You’ve got the company.”
“Right.” He glanced out at the Marley & Marley Real Estate building, but even with all its floors, it still felt very small all of a sudden. “Where’s Jake? Where’s...” He nearly choked on her name. “Where’s Caroline? Are they okay?”
“They’re fine...but you don’t want to see that.” For the first time, her icy voice quieted.
“I do, though. I do.”
“Eric—”
“Show me. I need to know.”
The nauseating swirl of the world began, and he was again surprised to find that he was not in the Marleys’ house. There was no piano music and no talking.
There was, however, the sound of an organ playing “Silent Night”.
They were in the lobby of a church. In the middle of the room, a Christmas tree gleamed, and in the corner, a slender bride was fixing her hair in the mirror above the holy water.
No, he realized. Not fixing her hair.
Fixing the holly pinned to her lacy white veil.
“You ready?” Jake appeared from around the Christmas tree and held out his hand to her.
Eric knew who it was, but that didn’t mean he was ready to see her. Not like this.
When she turned around, his heart froze inside his chest.
She was the most beautiful bride he’d ever seen. A bright pink blush lit her cheeks and her bow of a mouth was spread in a wide, nervous smile.
“As ready as I’ll ever be. It’s just...” She glanced back at the mirror, and then shifted the necklace on the chain around her throat.
It was a tiny blue diamond on a simple gold chain. The one he’d given to her when she’d graduated college.
“Nothing.” She shook her head.
“She’s thinking of me. It’s her wedding day and she’s still thinking of me.” He turned to look at a still thoroughly unimpressed Angelica. “She wouldn’t go through with it. Not while I’m—”
“Married?” Angelica crooked an eyebrow. “You also haven’t spoken to her in five years.”
“What? I would never do that.”
“People get busy. You got caught up in your work. She moved on.”
“She couldn’t.” He shook his head, but then the doors to the cathedral opened and Caroline and Jake were marching together toward the altar, headed straight for a man who looked a hell of a lot like red-haired, freckled Freddie Fitzsimmons.
“Him? She’d marry him?” He reached out to grab Caroline’s shoulder, to stop her, but it slid right through her. Like walking through a cloud.
“What’s done is done. Move on,” Angelica said.
“But it’s not done. There’s still time. We still
have time. I can change this. I can change this.”
“Why aren’t you just happy for her? You weren’t in love with her, and now she has the chance for happiness.”
“But it’s not the right chance. It should have been with me. She should be with me.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew they were the truth.
In fact, it suddenly felt like the universe had been screaming it at him for his entire life. Every important memory, every single major event of his life had had one thing in common: Caroline had been a part of it.
Jake was his best friend, that was true, but how many Christmas memories had starred he and Jake? Hell, his Christmas memories hadn’t even begun until Caroline became a part of his life.
It was true that he was blind, but he could change all that now. He could silence all those objections and excuses that were really only a cover to protect him from having to try. From having to lose someone he loved.
If Caroline had proven anything over the years, it was that she had staying power.
“Take me back. I need to end this. Or start it. Or do something. All I know is that it needs to change.”
* * *
The next thing he knew, he was sitting behind his desk, panting like he’d just run a five-mile race. Glancing up, he realized two things: it was six in the morning and he had a train to catch.
When he’d gotten halfway to the station, the images of everything he’d seen the night before were still swirling in his head—none more so than that of Caroline in the plain white satin dress, staring lovingly down the aisle.
How could he have been so stupid for so long?
Hell, why should he have to wait until he got to Honeybrook to tell her how he felt? To try to set things right?
The gleam of a red light caught his attention and he slowed to a stop, and then pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He’d left the damn thing on all night and it was nearly dead, but he slid it on anyway and dialed her number.
No answer.
Well, of course not. Nobody but impatient seven year olds and bedraggled parents were out of bed at this time on Christmas morning. He listened patiently while the recording instructed him to leave his name and number, but there was just something so cold about dropping his devotions there for her to find.
