Your Forever: The Eight of Wands

by Jenna Jones

  “I needed a little quiet time.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m just fine,” he said, smiling at her. “Why aren’t you in there, enjoying your special day?”

  “My special day doesn’t start for,” she checked her watch, “another hour and thirty-eight minutes. And then I turn into Bridezilla.”

  “It’s about time. I’ve been wondering when you’d crack.”

  “Oh, I’ve already had three nervous breakdowns,” Marianne said. She rubbed Del’s back over his suit jacket. “Anyway, we were talking about you. And my new brother-in-law, who’s already won over my son. That’s a good sign. Kids know.”

  “Yeah,” Del said, watching the dark water of the creek.

  Marianne stroked his back, then said, “See, the thing is I’ve seen you do this before. You meet somebody great, and then you hesitate and keep on hesitating, and by the time you make up your mind that this person is worth the effort, they’ve already moved on.”

  “You waited for Jeff,” Del said.

  “There was never any question in my mind if he loved me or not,” Marianne said. “It was everything else that took some time. Look, all I’m saying is love doesn’t find you every day.”

  “I met him yesterday,” Del said. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

  Marianne patted his back. “Doesn’t matter. When it’s right, it’s right. I knew Jeff was for me the second I laid eyes on him. Come back to the party, okay?”

  “In a minute,” Del said. Marianne gave his back one more pat and went back into the lodge. Del finished his champagne and followed. No games for him, he decided, even though Theo looked at him with longing, and he bid everyone good night and went to his room.

  He was brushing his teeth when there was a knock on his door. He opened it and grinned around his toothbrush when he saw it was Theo. “Come on in,” he mumbled and went into the bathroom to spit out his toothpaste.

  “Missed you at the games,” Theo called to him and sat on the bed. He was unbuttoning the cuffs of his dress shirt when Del came back out. “I was hoping we could talk some.”

  “We can talk here.” Del hesitated a moment, then went to him and took hold of those enormous hands. “Or we could not talk at all.”

  Theo tilted his head, regarding him in what Del suspected was the same way he used when his students tried to pull something over on him. “You think this is a booty call?”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “I wouldn’t mind actually talking.”

  “Okay,” Del said and let go of his hands. “What about?” He went to his suitcase to find a T-shirt.

  “You. Your life. You know a lot more about me than I know about you.”

  Del grimaced. “I’m not that interesting.”

  “Okay,” Theo said slowly, “how about we talk about the fact that my brother’s getting married tomorrow and it’s freaking me out a little? About as much as it’s freaking you out, I’m guessing, which is why you’re avoiding everybody -- unless you’re always like this and everyone else is just used to you.”

  “Why is it freaking you out?” Del said, determined to avoid the rest of Theo's question, and pulled on a T-shirt.

  “I don’t know. I mean, you’ve got brothers and sisters, right? Are any of them married?”

  “Yeah, my sister and my oldest brother.”

  “Was it weird, watching them do this?”

  “Weird? No.” Del sat cross-legged on the bed. “I was happy for them. Envious, too, but happy. I like seeing my family find people to love them.”

  “Yeah,” Theo muttered, and then lay back, his arm under his head. “Happy but envious is pretty much what I feel.”

  “You want that forever, huh,” Del said.

  “Yeah. Stupid of me, I know.”

  “It’s not stupid.” Del hesitated, then reached over to gently stroke Theo’s hair with his thumb. “It’s natural. But you’ve got plenty of time to find what you’re looking for.”

  “I’m not that patient,” Theo said, giving him a measured look through his spring-leaf eyes, and he grasped Del’s shirt. Del inhaled and licked his lips. “But I guess it can wait one more night, right?”

  “Right,” Del said and let Theo pull him over and kiss him senseless.

  ***

  As Del watched Marianne walk down the aisle, he wondered how many brides did so to the Beatles. Theo softly played one of their sweeter love songs and Jeff had to swallow hard a few times as Marianne walked to him. When she reached him he closed his eyes, and Marianne cupped his cheek in her hand and wiped away his tears with her thumb.

  “It’s only good luck if the bride cries,” she whispered, and Del gave Jeff some tissues to wipe his face before the pastor started saying the vows.

  Marianne’s mother was holding Jesse during the ceremony, but he got free and crept up the aisle to lean against Theo, his fingers in his mouth as he watched his parents. When they kissed, Jesse laughed a hearty chortle and ran to them, like he knew what was supposed to happen next. Again Jeff scooped him up and they both kissed him, and Jeff held Jesse on his arm as the three of them walked back up the aisle to the recessional.

  It was a good wedding. No big disasters, no drama. The cake was delicious, people laughed in the right places during Del’s speech, and Theo hit all the right notes when he sang and played for Jeff and Marianne’s first dance.

  After that, the music was taken over by the lodge’s DJ and Theo put the guitar away in its case to join Del at his table. “You sounded great,” Del said and laid a hand on Theo’s back.

  “Thanks.» He leaned back against Del's hand.

  «When Jeff said you could sing I didn't think about how you'd actually sound,» Del said and stroked Theo's back with his thumb. «Singing kids' songs isn't like singing for an audience, I bet.»

  «Honestly? Kids are tougher. They let you know when you miss a note or mess up the words.» He looked out at the dance floor, then back at Del, a small smile on his lips. “Will you dance with me?”

  “Yeah,” Del said softly. Theo beamed and took his hand to lead him out. He put his arms around Del’s waist, and Del took one of his hands and held it to his chest. He leaned their heads together, closing his eyes with a sigh.

  “You look great in a tux,” Theo said after a while.

  “Thanks. You look great in a suit.”

  Theo laughed. “Thanks.” He took hold of a button on Del’s jacket and rubbed it between his fingers. “You know,” he began but didn’t continue.

  “What?” said Del.

  “I was just thinking, two thousand miles isn’t really that far. It’s a day’s flight or two days’ drive. And I bet you’d love Austin.” He looked at Del, as much hope as there was worry in his eyes.

  “Oh,” Del said. “Wow. That’s an interesting suggestion.”

  “Interesting suggestion?” Theo said, the worry in his eyes increasing. “It’s an invitation. I want you to come out and visit me. I’d show you a great time.”

  “Theo...” Del laid his head on Theo’s shoulder a moment. «I don't think I should.»

  Theo tilted his head, his brows drawn together. «Why not? Come out to Austin for a couple days. We'll go to some clubs, you can meet my friends...»

  “I can’t start anything with you.” Theo stopped dancing and looked at him, perplexed. “I like you, I do, and you’re so hot, but I’m not your forever, Theo. I’m just not.”

  Theo was quiet a moment. “What are you waiting for?” he said quietly. “Are you waiting for perfection to just find you? Or a sign from God?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “So, what are you waiting for?” Theo was still frowning. “Or are you just scared?”

  Del rolled his eyes and finally dropped Theo’s hand. “I thought you understood that this was just for fun.”

  “I am having fun. I’m having so much fun I want to do it again.” He looked away, a muscle in his jaw jumping. “I guess I just understood it different fro
m you.” He left Del on the dance floor and went through the doors to the garden.

  Del stood there a moment, not sure what had just happened, and then left the floor, too, and got himself another glass of champagne.

  ***

  The lodge staff took care of cleaning up the reception, quietly clearing tables and sweeping up bits of paper and flower petals while the last few remaining guests picked at leftover cake or slowly danced to the piped-in music. Del pulled open his bow tie and left his jacket unbuttoned, and wandered around the dining room until he couldn’t find any more reasons to stay there and went out onto the patio instead.

  He almost went right back into the dining room when he saw Carson sitting at one of the picnic tables with Nicky, the new boyfriend -- a slim, blond man who never said much but who always had a hand on Carson somewhere, his shoulder or his back or his knee. Del didn’t know much about him, and he was okay with that.

  “Hey, Del,” Carson called to him and Del turned back with a tight smile. “Come on, have a seat. It’s gorgeous out here.”

  Del sighed but joined them, as it would be rude otherwise. He sat on the bench beside Carson and looked out at the bridge and the dark woods beyond. Nicky smiled at him and put his hand on Carson’s knee. “It was such a beautiful wedding.”

  “Yeah, it was,” said Del. “I had very little to do with it, though.”

  “You were still a part of it,” Nicky said, and now his hand was rubbing Carson’s knee and Del made himself look away.

  “A very small part. I held the rings.”

  “And kept Jeff sane for two years,” said Carson as he put his hand on top of Nicky’s.

  “That part was easy,” Del muttered and looked away again. “Have you guys been over the footbridge? It’s peaceful.”

  “It’s too dark for exploring,” Nicky said. “We’re just enjoying the stars and this wonderful champagne.”

  “Nick,” Carson said, “do you mind if we--” He gestured between him and Del, and Nicky nodded, stood, and kissed Carson’s forehead.

  “I’ll be in the room. Good night, Delany.”

  “Good night,” Del said and watched him go inside. “Asshole,” he muttered when he turned back, and Carson nudged him hard with his elbow.

  “Quit it. You two would be friends if you’d give him half a chance.” Del snorted, and Carson added, “It is much too late for you to pull the jealous act. You were perfectly happy to let me go.”

  Del leaned back against the table and looked up at the stars.

  «I also noticed that Jeff’s brother left you on the dance floor.”

  “Yeah,” Del said with a sigh. “He did. He invited me to come to Texas and visit him.”

  «Well, you stand up to that jerk and tell him absolutely not.» Del looked at him with narrowed eyes, and Carson grinned. «I'm teasing, you moron. He left you, looking very pissed off, so I guess you didn't accept his invitation.»

  Del sighed. «I did not.»

  «And why not?» “

  “Because I can’t start anything with this guy. We barely know each other.”

  “So you go to Texas and you get to know him better. If you have a good time, ask him to come back here, and if you have a bad time, tell him thanks and goodbye. That’s the way the rest of us do it.” Del sighed again, and Carson leaned forward. “I didn’t meet Nick the day after I left you. I met him after a couple of months, after a lot of disastrous dates and guys who weren’t even worth learning their names.”

  “I hate dating,” Del said.

  “I know you do. And you’re terrible at it. Now, if I were single and some gorgeous guy just walked off a plane and into my life and then invited me to visit him in Texas, I’d go, just for the adventure.”

  “I’m not you,” Del muttered. “I need to know. I need to be sure.»

  “And how are you ever going to be sure without taking some risks? Or in this case, one really big risk. One really tall, gorgeous, guitar-playing, works-with-children risk.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “I understand perfectly, baby. I was in love with you for three years.” Del looked at him and Carson shrugged. “What? It’s not like you didn’t know. I loved you to pieces. But I couldn’t wait anymore for you to decide you loved me back.”

  Del started to answer but decided closing his mouth would be a better idea.

  “Anyway,” Carson said. He reached over to pet Del’s hair. “Here’s the thing. Someone you want wants you. Maybe it’ll work out. Maybe it won’t. You just have to hope it will, because hope, my dear Delany, is the entire point.”

  Del leaned back into his hand. “He is pretty perfect, isn't he?”

  “He is.”

  “But long-distance--”

  “Too much work?” Carson raised an eyebrow.

  Del glared at him. “It’s hard enough to keep a relationship going when you live in the same house.”

  “I think I’m going to give up now and go to my boyfriend,” Carson said and rose with a sigh. “You’re depressing me and I’d rather go be life-affirming.”

  “Good night, Carson,” Del said as he started to walk away, and Carson turned to him.

  “I’ll always love you, you know that? I want you to be happy.”

  “I wish I knew how,” Del said. Carson came back and kissed his forehead.

  “You can start by crossing the bridge. You'll like what you find there.” He went into the lodge.

  Del blinked after him, confused, and then realized what Carson meant and ran across the bridge.

  The woods were dark, lit only by the Christmas tree lights and the lamps from the lodge behind him, but there was a path through the trees and not far to go until the trees parted to a small meadow. Del paused when he saw Theo sitting on a stump, his long legs sprawled out, his suit jacket on the grass and his face tipped up to the moonlight as if it warmed him like sunshine.

  Every instinct in Del said to leave him alone, Theo was better off without him -- except for the small, hopeful part, the one he rarely listened to, that said, The worst that will happen is he'll say no.

  «Theo,» he said and Theo opened his eyes. His expression was neutral when he saw Del.

  “Delany.”

  «Can I talk to you?»

  Theo swallowed and looked away a moment. «You don’t have to worry about driving me to the airport tomorrow. Marianne’s sister Katie is driving me.”

  “That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

  Theo frowned, then gestured to the stump. “Okay. I guess there's room for two.”

  Del crossed the meadow and sat beside Theo on the stump. He took a deep breath and figured the best thing to do was just say it. “Okay,” Del said. “Here’s the thing. We don’t know each other except in this weird context of Jeff getting married, so everything’s exaggerated and compressed.”

  “Okay,” Theo said slowly.

  “So, this is a crash-course in me,” Del said. “Everything in my life has gone according to plan. I live in the same town I was born in, I went to the same college my parents went to, I have the profession I decided on when I was a teenager. The only time things haven’t gone according to plan is I never met that perfect guy.” He stopped and swallowed. “Until Thursday night, when you walked off the plane, all words and legs and that amazing smile.”

  “And wanting forever,” Theo said. “Which you made quite clear you’re not.”

  “Well,” Del said, “what if I was wrong? What if I’m so scared of not being your forever that I never take the chance to find out?”

  Theo looked at him as if he had started speaking in tongues. “Dude, you are fucked up.”

  “I know. I know.”

  “Is that how you and Jeff got to be friends? You both have an enormous fear of commitment?”

  “Basically. We had to talk about something during therapy sessions.” He stopped, swallowed again, and said, “So. How about giving me another chance?”

  Theo exhaled, thoughtful
. “I don’t know, Del. I’m not crazy about you running hot and cold.”

  “Just tonight--”

  «Oh, so you just want to get laid.”

  “Just tonight,” Del repeated, “and tomorrow. And then whenever you want. If you want, I’ll come out and see you. I’ve never been to Texas,” he added, hope in his voice.

  Theo started to smile. “I'd love to show it to you. But then what, Del?»

  Del said, «I don't have a plan. For once in my life, I don't have a plan. I'm willing to hope.»

  Theo pounced, kissing him with a mouth that was open and wet. Del melted into him, hands against the soft cotton of his shirt, and couldn't decide where to start, the tie, the buttons? He pulled at Theo's shirt and touched the smooth skin of his back, and Theo bent his head against Del's neck and shivered.

  «We should go inside,» Del whispered and licked his dry lips.

  «Um, actually,» said Theo and took out a small bottle of lubricant and a condom from his back pocket. Del raised his eyebrows. Theo confessed, «I was kind of hoping to get you alone during the reception.»

  «Outdoor sex,» Del breathed. «You have the best ideas.» He kissed Theo and sucked on his lip as Theo pulled the bowtie from his collar and started unbuttoning his shirt with trembling hands.

  Del pulled Theo down onto the grass. He got Theo out of his shirt and his pants undone as Theo pulled off Del's tuxedo and kissed his chest. «You have the sweetest freckles,» Theo whispered and licked Del's nipple. Del groaned and bumbled at the fly of his tuxedo trousers until Theo laughed and pushed his hand out of the way. His hand shook even so, and Del watched Theo's face and panted for breath as cool night air caressed his skin.

  He rolled Theo under him and knelt over Theo's hips. Theo watched him through half-closed eyes as Del mapped his body from shoulders to hips, first with his hands and then with his tongue, and he moaned, «Del,» sometimes in a choked voice that made Del's belly tighten.

  Theo pulled Del down by his shoulders and kissed him. His lips were soft, the only soft thing about his body, and they yielded to Del's mouth so willingly. His jaw was sandpapery with five o'clock shadow, and his fingers rough with calluses as he ran them over Del's shoulders and arms.