Longing for the Impossible

by Tiara L Giles

  She was right about one thing. I wasn’t bold. At least not with people I wasn’t comfortable with. Not anymore at least.

  “Females!” We turned to see Trinity flying towards us, her twin brother in tow. “Want to ride home with us, Serena? I know how much you hate the bus.”

  “I don’t mind the bus.” I smiled. “You don’t have to take me home. Besides, I got in trouble the last time someone brought me home.”

  “You got in trouble?” Brandon folded his arms and his brow furrowed with concern.

  “What the fuck did she punish you for now?” Trinity folded her arms as well. “She basically said we could hang out at dinner.”

  “I missed the bus earlier this week and Sven took me home.”

  “Shit.”

  “Why would she punish you for that?” Brandon placed his hands in his pockets and tilted his head. “Shouldn’t she be glad you made it home?”

  “Sven asked the same thing.”

  “Her mom doesn’t give a shit about that. If she did she wouldn’t have had to walk home the last time she missed the bus.” Trinity threw her arm in the air as if she wanted to smack something. Brandon’s face became unreadable and he looked down at his feet.

  “You sure you don’t want a ride?” Goldish green eyes with a cold blue around the rims met mine. The softness in Brandon’s voice surprised me, and the urge to tell him everything surged through me. You might not be able to trust him anymore, Serena. He’s different. I thought and put my head down.

  “Yeah. I’m-I’m sure. I’m just going to take the bus.” I nodded, stuffing my cold hands into my pockets and jogging away.

  BRANDON

  “What the fuck?” I returned my gaze to Trinity and Keirsten once Serena got out of earshot. Rebuilding my friendship with Serena was definitely going to be difficult. If you want your friend back, you’re going to have to accept who she is now, Trinity’s voice echoed in my head.

  “She told you things were different, bro.”

  I stuffed my hands into my pockets and glared at Trinity. “And that’s okay?”

  “It’s not okay at all, but we can’t do anything if she won’t talk about it.” Keirsten frowned and clasped her hands together.

  “We don’t fucking know much, Brandon. It’s like she’s scared out of her mind of her mom.” Trinity wrapped her arm around mine.

  “Serena can’t date. She can’t leave the house without a good reason. We can’t even come over without a good reason and social media is closely monitored. Like uber close.” Keirsten moved a red curl out of her face and her lips turned down. “That’s all we know. It sucks.”

  “Damn.”

  “Yeah.”

  It didn’t make sense to me. Did she do something to piss her mom off? Was her punishment bad enough to strike fear? But plenty of kids had strict parents and found ways around it. So why couldn’t she?

  6

  Brandon

  “WHAT WAS MOM LIKE WHILE I was living with Dad?” I asked Trinity on our way to school. The street light ahead of us turned red, and I slowed to a stop.

  “Upset. She was a hot mess for the first few months.”

  “She seems completely fine now though.” I noticed my mom humming in the kitchen. She would leave on the weekends to hang out with friends, and she laughed way more than she did in the last few years with our dad.

  “Yeah. I doubt she would be okay if it weren’t for Sophia being around for a little bit. Her other friends didn’t know what to do.”

  It hadn’t been that long since my parents separated, but I was happy Mom turned out okay. My dad on the other hand seemed to remain the same. Like he didn’t get any better. He was still aloof and self-absorbed. It was as if the divorce didn’t affect him at all. Maybe all the cheating he was doing on his fiancé had something to do with it.

  “Why did Sophia stop coming over?” I took a right and ended up facing another damn red light. If Sophia being around helped my mom it didn’t make sense for Sophia to stop coming around.

  “I don’t know. Maybe she thought she wasn't needed?” Trinity lifted her hand as if to say ‘oh well’ and leaned her head against the car window.

  My mom was happy to see Sophia for dinner. She spent the walk to their house worrying about what to say when they opened the door. She worried about whether the tiramisu she made was good enough. “Do you even make food like this for longtime friends? I feel like I am at a housewarming,” my mom said.

  “You think if Serena's mom is actually serious about letting us come over, maybe that could help their friendship?”

  Trinity’s voice was soft and almost inaudible. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  I parked the car in the student parking lot and exited.

  Trinity jumped out and waved her arms around before grabbing her backpack. “Alana!”

  Alana and Sven were standing together on the steps. Alana smiled at us and waved brightly while Sven just scratched his head.

  “Hey girl!” Alana pulled Trinity into a swaying hug as if they were the best of friends.

  Sven crossed his arms and nodded. “Brandon.”

  “Sven.” I stood with my feet apart and brought my hands together.

  “Oh you two can do better than that can’t you?” Alana smiled and smacked us both on our shoulders. “You guys can’t still hate each other, right?”

  “Oh, you’d be surprised.” Trinity patted Alana’s shoulder, a glint of humor in her eyes.

  Sven dated Alana for a year before he ever laid eyes on Serena. She probably still liked him with how close she stood by him, and the way her hands kept touching all over him.

  “I’ve moved on.” Sven raised his hands in surrender. “What about you, man?”

  “I can be cool.”

  Of course, I could be. But if he ever fucking hurts Serena again I’ll kick his ass worse than the last time. He got lucky the last time. I was only able to lay a few punches and those weren’t enough to tell him how fucked up it was for him to only want to date her to get in her pants. Fucking asshole.

  “Men.” Alana rolled her eyes.

  “Like you’re any better.” Trinity laughed again. Alana made it her mission to make Serena’s life miserable when he and Serena were together. I wouldn't be surprised if she still tried.

  “Hey. I’m a really nice person.” Alana batted her eyelashes at Trinity. Trinity threw her head back and barked a laugh.

  “She said she was nice!” Sven doubled over and grabbed Trinity’s shoulder to steady himself.

  “Keep telling yourself that, Alana.” Trinity patted Alana on the shoulder and walked into the building. Alana poked out her lower lip as we followed suit.

  “You believe me right, Brandon?” Alana linked her arm with mine and placed her free gloved hand on mine. Her gloves felt cold and stiff.

  I chuckled. “I’d have to see you in action first.”

  Alana leaned into my shoulder, her blonde hair falling over my coat, and winked. “I’ve got all the action you need. Just watch.”

  She let my arm go, skipping towards our classroom. She stopped at the door and sent me a mouth biting smile. Alana was cute, but I didn't share whatever interest she had in me.

  SERENA

  Math problems were really annoying. They were even more irritating when you didn't get enough sleep the night before. I was sitting in art class, scrambling to get this homework assignment done. My mom just couldn't seem to leave me alone when I was trying to finish the work in the first place. What kind of mom makes it difficult for their children to study? Oh yeah. Mine. She had this dumbass date with this dumbass guy she met on the internet. She made me impress him instead of hide in the closet or whatever like normal. He loves children, she said. Fuck his love for children. He could make the lives of some other child miserable for all I care. The date seemed short, and by the time I was done impressing him, I was too tired to finish my homework.

  Keirsten and Keith took their seats at the table. Keith poked my paper and c
licked his tongue. “Forgot to do your homework again, Serena?”

  “Long night,” I said not looking away from the paper. “But I'm almost done.”

  “Your mom seriously frustrates me,” Keirsten said. “I mean she does way too much. And seems forceful with the man thing. No offense.”

  “You’re telling me?” I finally look up from my work. I had completed the last problem and stuffed the sheet in the back of my notebook. “If I have to hear anything else about why I should have a hedge fund when I grow up from some old guy, I’ll scream.”

  “I’d totally scream for you. My mom’s dating this guy who stares way too much at me, and he’s like got this weird mouth twitchy thing going on. I don't like him at all.” Keirsten shook her head and stuck her tongue out at the memory.

  Brandon and Trinity walked in behind Alana and took their seats.

  “Hey.” He smiled.

  I put my hands on my cheeks to hide the grin that was forming on my face. “Hey.”

  “Alright class!” Mr. Brunswick walked into the classroom slamming a notebook onto his desk. “Today we’re going to watch a short documentary on a very famous artist and then we’ll get down to the wonderful surprise I have in store for you all.”

  Everyone groaned. Whenever he used the word ‘surprise’ it was never a good thing. It usually had something to do with a difficult project, going outside, or talking to other humans about how art makes them feel. Last time we had to stare at a rotten apple for five minutes. I felt my brain rotting right with the apple then. I definitely wasn't looking forward to whatever he had in mind.

  BRANDON

  This documentary was boring as shit. Everyone seemed to have the same robot like voice. Even the artist. How long did we have left of this crap?

  Serena had her head on the table. Her hand moved fast as if she wanted to burn the paper she was writing on. She slid the sheet to Keirsten and Keirsten covered her mouth and coughed. Keirsten scribbled something and slid it towards Trinity. Trinity sucked in her lip and her shoulders shook as she wrote something. She slid it back to Keirsten who hacked out a short giggle. Mr. Brunswick cleared his throat. He had his arms folded and ruler sticking out from one hand. The girls nodded their apology and continued writing notes to each other.

  Serena looked at me for a brief second. Her lips were twitching as her eyes smiled. I lifted my brow and the corners of her lips lifted into a lopsided grin. She dropped her head back to the paper and scribbled more words down.

  The credits finally rolled on the screen. Thank God! Mr. Brunswick crossed the floor in a manner of seconds, flicking the lights back on. My classmates slowly lifted their heads, stretching their arms and yawning. Trinity flipped over the sheet Serena had passed her and straightened her back.

  “Alright class.” Mr. Brunswick lifted the projector and let it snap closed. He stood with hands together and scanned the room. “It’s time to discuss our wonderful surprise.”

  “Surprise my ass,” Trinity mumbled. Keirsten and Serena giggled. Serena covered her mouth and struggled to keep a straight face. Whatever brought the strained fits of laughter must’ve related to Mr. Brunswick.

  “Did you have something to say to the class, Trinity?” Mr. Brunswick eyes were dark as he examined our table.

  “Nope. No sir.” Trinity nodded with a closed eyed smile.

  “Good. As I was saying . . .” He began to pace the room. “I’m going to give you all half of your final early.”

  Everyone in the class including me seemed confused. Why would he give us half of our final early? Why not the whole thing? Wasn’t this a bit early anyway? It was still January.

  “This portion of your final is a group project,” he said, and I heard Serena groan quietly. She did that weird thing where she pulled her arms through her sleeves and folded her arms under shirt as if that would keep her warmer in this already cold classroom. “You will be doing a self portrait, but not of yourself. You’ll be doing one of each other.”

  The rest of the class seemed to follow Serena’s groan. “But don’t worry, kids. You won’t be drawing. You’ll have find to things that represent your partner and build off of it. Whether that would be a picture book. A collage. A sculpture. I don’t really care as long as it tells your partner's story.”

  The project sounded cool but hard. How would doing something like that even work?

  “This will be a semester long project. You will have to meet with whoever I place you with outside of class.” Mr. Brunswick stopped pacing and placed a hand in his pocket. “Everyone pull out a sheet of paper.

  The sound of paper ripping from notebooks and binders popping open filled the classroom. I slipped a sheet of paper out of a folder and clicked my pen.

  “Write down the top three people you would want to work with and one person you would least like to work with. I’ll collect papers after the bell rings in the next few minutes.” He retreated to his desk and popped open a book.

  I looked at the people sitting with me at the table. Keith was wide open with his choices, not caring if anyone saw. Alana had her paper lifted close to her face as she scribbled names and Keirsten and Trinity seemed to chat with each other as they wrote names down. Serena seemed to be the most secretive. Her paper was hidden completely under her folded arms and lowered head.

  I leaned back in my seat and lowered my paper into my lap. I put Serena at the top of my list. I remembered her being easy to work with. She communicated well even when she didn’t want to, at least back then. Besides, maybe this would be a good way to get to know her again. I put Keith next. He was a soccer player like me, so he already understood teamwork. I had trouble deciding on a third.

  I obviously couldn’t work with my sister and there weren’t other athletes in the class I was willing to work with. I didn’t want to work with Alana period. From the looks of it, she hadn’t changed much which meant she’d still be asking me to do the project for her, and I wasn’t up for that. I put her as the least person and left the third line blank. I folded my paper and waited for the bell to ring.

  Serena lifted her head, her paper already folded. Everyone else at the table dropped their pencils and folded their papers. I wasn’t sure how this sorting thing would work, but I hoped I could work with Serena.

  7

  Serena

  I sat on the floor in front of the bookshelf in my bedroom. The books on my shelf were color-coded, and I had a few figurines scattered across the shelves. I was sitting on a floor pillow Trinity’s mom had gotten me years ago. Pages were scattered in front of me where I had scribbled the contents of my English paper.

  I was working on my second draft when the art project crossed my mind. It wasn’t likely at all that I would end up with a guy as my partner, but just in case I had to tell my mom. I began to type out a long explanation of what happened and how the project might work before deleting every word. I sighed and looked at the small lantern lights on the wall across from me.

  I clicked the text box on my phone again. Words popped into my head, and I rearranged them in a way that would hopefully prevent my mom from screaming at my teacher or me about my potential partner.

  SERENA: Hey mom. I got a partner project for art class. We can’t work on it in class, and I don’t know who my partner is yet. So they might be a boy.

  MOM: How do you not know who your partner is? Why would you want to have a boy as your partner?

  SERENA: It’s random mom. So it’s not really my choice. I have this class in the morning if you want to go to talk to him.

  MOM: No. I’m fine. You need to be careful and do your project where I can see you. Living room and dining room only. I better not see a boy in your room again.

  SERENA: Yes ma’am.

  MOM: You could’ve waited for me to get home to tell me this. I don’t like it when you text me things.

  SERENA: Okay.

  I hoped my mom wouldn’t send me any more messages. I wanted to be alone with my paper and my thoughts. I felt a bi
t relieved that she didn’t ask for my teacher's name. One time I had a group project with two boys. We did all of our work on campus, but my mom still freaked out. She showed up during her lunch break, and my teacher and I got called to the principal's office. She made up some nonsense about how the guys bullied me and made me uncomfortable just so I could switch groups. The principal wasn’t buying it, but he went along anyway, probably to get my crazy mother out of his office. I was sure she would do that again.

  I didn’t put Trinity on the list as a possible partner. We would finish early, but it wasn’t like I would be learning anything new about her. It was like putting down a sibling, and that would be cheating.

  I put Keirsten as number one since I had only known her for two years. I put another cheerleader on the list that I didn’t know very well and Brandon too. I knew he would work well and I didn’t feel like slacking off. Having him as a partner would be more fair than having Trin. Working with him could be awkward, but at least we’d get the work done.

  I hoped to get one of my girls tomorrow. I was sure Trin and Kay had put me on their list. The chances of one of us working together would be higher. I didn’t want to work with Alana. She hated me, and she sucked as a partner. She expected people to do the work for her. As if somebody owed her something for being born.

  I finished the second draft of my paper and put all the pages together before clipping them into my binder. I opened the last book I was reading until my mom came home.

  BRANDON

  Mr. Brunswick silenced the class. “Everyone, quiet. Brushes down.”

  He had us working on watercolor pieces and limited us to three colors. It didn’t matter what it looked like as long as we followed the techniques. Mr. Brunswick waited for everyone to finish putting down their brushes before he spoke again. “Okay students, it’s time to reveal your partners!”