Three Times the Charm

by Kimberly Cooper Griffin

  Except my thing, at the moment, was thinking about Raine. I liked her. That was obvious. We were best friends and I loved her to death. When girls talked about their friends being their soul mates or their sisters from another mother, Raine was mine. She was artistic and down-to-earth, and she made me feel better just by being near her.

  But did that mean I liked her more than a best friend? I couldn’t figure that out. I’d never cared about anyone the way I cared about her. When I was having a bad day, I wanted to tell her about it, at least as much as I could. I wanted to tell her about the rest of it too, but I didn’t even know where to begin. I was light-headed as I tried to study and ponder at the same time. It wasn’t a good combination for me. I drank some more water and tried not to think about Raine, but all I ended up doing was looking at a picture of us on my phone.

  How was it possible to miss someone I’d literally just seen? Sure, she was my best friend, but weren’t we supposed to have some kind of separation? Wasn’t I supposed to be okay without her being near me? I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

  I wanted to tell Raine how I felt about her, especially since she was fine with Mel liking girls, so maybe that would mean she’d be okay with me liking her. But I didn’t want to ruin our friendship if Raine got weirded out by me having this little crush on her. It didn’t mean anything. It was a crush. People had crushes all the time. I didn’t, but surely most people did.

  I shivered when I thought about Raine and about kissing her like I really wanted to. Like not even a little kiss on the cheek, because we’d done that before. We’d actually done that plenty of times. We’d be walking along and one of us would say something funny or cute and then the other would lean over and give a kiss on the cheek. Not a big deal, never had been, and it wasn’t now. But what I was thinking about doing to her was like an actual kiss on the lips. Like a real kiss. Like people who were dating did. I didn’t even know what that kind of kissing would be like, not really. Not with someone I cared about as much as I cared about Raine anyway.

  Then I thought about Mel and how confident she was and how she probably knew exactly what it was like to kiss a girl. She wouldn’t fumble through it and get embarrassed. Definitely not. If I did somehow get the guts to tell Raine how I felt and she didn’t return my feelings, then maybe it would be better to get that out there. As long as she didn’t hate me for thinking of her like that. Then again, if she didn’t like me back like that, then maybe Mel would. She seemed to think I was cute. I liked Mel, definitely not as strongly as I liked Raine, but maybe I could figure out this whole thing of me liking girls with Mel if Raine wasn’t interested.

  The chat beeped, letting me know one of them was talking again. Maybe they’d gotten bored with whatever else they were doing. I knew I was bored of trying to study, and I needed the distraction of conversation. We could have been talking about the weather or about history class, which was such a freaking snoozefest, and I would have been fine with it because at least it was better than studying.

  Wear that purple shirt tomorrow. It’s soooo soft, Raine posted in the group chat.

  I knew which one she was talking about. It was fuzzy from being washed too many times, and it was faded to more of a lilac than the deeper purple it had been originally.

  Part of me loved how she knew my clothes and told me what to wear. And I really liked how she hugged me a lot more when I was wearing the clothes she liked on me the most. But then there was another part of me, one that twisted my stomach up as I wondered what our friendship must have looked like to another person. I wasn’t so worried about Mel knowing how close we were. She seemed like she probably wouldn’t have cared anyway. But I didn’t like the idea of anyone else knowing how much I liked Raine. Or that I might have had a crush on her.

  I couldn’t like her like that. I just couldn’t. I wanted to, and if I was honest, I already did, but I knew what my mom would say if it ever got around school that I had a crush on my best friend. I’d be so dead, and my mom would hate me. I was sure of it.

  I think I lost the shirt. I hated lying to Raine, but I didn’t want to do something she loved in case it encouraged her or something.

  Mel came back on. Sounds cute! Got a picture?

  I didn’t and was about to tell her so when Raine posted one. I hadn’t realized she’d taken a picture of me. In it I wore the shirt when it had been almost new and hung loosely around my thighs. I had shorts on under it, but the picture made me look like I’d been naked under the shirt. Having most of my legs exposed like that wasn’t a big issue for me. It was how fat I looked in that picture. I had to be close to 110. I could see the chub on my thighs.

  I can’t believe you have that picture. I look so fat. Ugh.

  I expected them to tell me that, yeah, my thighs had been huge at that point, but Mel was the first to argue with me.

  Seriously? You’re gorgeous. Stop playing. I think you’re gorgeous and if it was me and I had any say at all in how you looked, I’d have you looking more like you do in that picture than how you are right now. You’re a little skinny TBH.

  I stared at my screen and wondered what she could possibly be on since that made no sense at all. Yeah right. You’re crazy. I rolled my eyes at what she’d said. I didn’t need false niceness. I needed hard facts if I was going to get better and look good.

  A video chat from Raine popped up, and I accepted the call. Then she pulled in Mel too. “What?” I asked.

  Raine leaned in close to the screen. Close enough that I could see the small dot of green in her right eye. Her eyes were so beautiful, mostly brown with that one super green spot. Her long, long lashes and perfect makeup made them pop. I could stare at them all day.

  “Okay, enough,” she said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “What’s going on? I mean it. I’m worried about you. I know your mom has always been kind of on you about what you eat, but this is scary.”

  What? I had no idea what she was talking about, but I didn’t like it. I backed away from my screen as Mel started talking as well. “And I know we only met recently and all but c’mon. You’ve got to see how good you look. I definitely don’t know what’s going on, but if there’s something, I want to help.”

  “It’s nothing,” I mumbled. Both of them ganging up on me at once wasn’t fair at all. I was instantly so hurt, and also so mad at them. “I gotta go.” Before I started crying. I could already feel the tears coming, that hot stinging behind my eyes threatening. I shook my head. “Talk to you two later.” I didn’t wait for their goodbyes. I ended the call.

  Don’t do that. Talk to me. I love you. I could practically hear Raine saying those words, although they were merely text on my computer screen. Mel didn’t say anything. Maybe it was easier or somehow better that way.

  I turned away from the screen and went to go lie down on my bed while I continued to fight back my tears. Raine tried calling me, but I ignored her call. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say right then. I couldn’t.

  Raine had said she loved me. She said it a lot, and it was only in text, but something seemed different about this time. Somehow it felt different to have her tell me she loved me. Maybe because she was worried about me. She didn’t need to be. I was okay. I just had to get my weight under control and then there wouldn’t be any issues at all.

  The beeps from my computer stopped, and then so did the phone calls. And even though I’d wanted to be left alone, I was sadder now than I was before.

  Chapter Nine

  Mel

  I WAS getting used to Raine picking me up for school. It was only about a mile and a half from my house to the school, and we’d talked about me walking once in a while when he had an early meeting or something, but Dad said he didn’t like me walking by myself since we didn’t know the neighborhood very well yet. I don’t think he ever got over that time those yeehaws in Texas had followed me home, calling me a bunch of homophobic names. I wish I hadn’t told him, but I liked how protective he was over me. He’d
also said he wanted to get me a used car as soon as he got back on his feet from making the move this summer. It saved Dad the trip and let him get to work earlier, so Raine giving me a ride home helped him out too. Since Mom died, I always tried to find things that could help him out. So when Thursday rolled around and Raine suggested we go over to her house, get some homework done, and order a pizza, it sounded perfect. Dad had let it slip that the guys from work wanted to grab a beer and maybe go bowling after work that day. I sent Dad a text to let him know I’d be home late and not to rush home.

  Raine’s house was a bit more chaotic than mine, but then I didn’t have two younger brothers. When we walked in, the older of the two, Teddy, came running up to us. I’d met him and Colin a few times when Raine had picked them up from school. His eyes were glued to Amelia.

  “Hey, Mel. Hey, Amelia. Amelia, you sure look pretty today. Raine says you’re doing great in the squad this year.”

  “Teddy, don’t you have someone else to harass?” Raine grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around, and shoved him down the hall.

  “I’m not harassing anyone,” Teddy complained over his shoulder as he stomped away.

  Raine rolled her eyes. “You two are so lucky to be only children.”

  Amelia blushed. “Sometimes I think I wouldn’t be so lonely, then, but at least I’ve got the two of you. That helps me a lot.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “You two are the best.” Lately, Amelia had been making a point to tell both of us how important we were to her. Since the night she’d broken down and cut the call short, she’d been a lot more outgoing with little flirty affectionate things, as long as we didn’t touch on her weight issues. The second we tried to talk to her about her eating or that she was getting too skinny, she’d shut us down.

  “Come on.” Raine led the way down the hall and up the stairs to her bedroom. “Let’s get settled in, and then I’ll go down and let Mom know we’re ordering pizza. If we’ve got the door closed, Teddy won’t bug us.”

  “You don’t need to get anything for me,” Amelia said.

  As she opened the door, Raine frowned. “Ames, please eat at least one piece for me.” The plea in her voice told me how worried she was.

  Amelia sighed and stared at her feet. “One piece. The smallest one.”

  “Sounds good,” I said. I was worried Amelia might run to the bathroom as soon as she ate it, and started thinking of some way Raine and I could distract her. We so rarely saw her eat anything more than her bag of carrots. She had a problem and wasn’t ready to face it. I liked her so much, I hoped we could find a way to help her before it was too late. But I knew from watching past friends go through eating disorders—ones I wasn’t as close to as Amelia and Raine—that it wasn’t going to be easy.

  “Okay.” Raine tossed her backpack on the bed. “You two figure out what we’re tackling first, and I’ll go tell Mom what we’re up to.”

  She hurried out, leaving Amelia and me standing there.

  I put my book bag on the bed next to Raine’s backpack. Glancing around the room, I found Raine’s artwork on display. It was my first time in Raine’s house, let alone her bedroom. Sure, she’d brought a few of her pieces to school to show me, but being in her main gallery was incredible. There were a lot of mash-up pieces. But one thing I noticed quickly was that a lot of the women in her artwork looked like Amelia. They had the same long red hair, even if it was often styled differently than she normally wore hers.

  “I think you might be Raine’s muse.” I gestured at a picture of Marvel Girl from the X-Men.

  “Just because she’s a redhead?” Amelia looked at the picture, then shook her head.

  “No, she’s got your figure. Marvel Girl is normally drawn a bit more big-chested than this, and she’s got your smile.”

  Amelia glanced down at her chest. “Yeah, I guess I don’t have the rack most girls have.” There was a sadness in her voice that made me wish I hadn’t said anything.

  “But you look great the way you are. You’re beautiful.” I smiled, hoping to make her feel better.

  “You really think so?” She looked at me with a needy intensity.

  I nodded. “I really do.”

  Raine came back in the door. “Okay. Mom’s cool with pizza. She’s getting it ordered for the whole family, with one just for us.” She paused and stared at us. “Okay, what happened?”

  “I was letting Amelia know I think she’s pretty.” I gestured to the painting that started it all. “I pointed out that you used her for a lot of your inspiration. I can see her in your Marvel Girl.”

  Color brightened Raine’s cheeks. “Yeah, she is.” She stared at Amelia. “Ames, I’ve always thought you were gorgeous. You know that.”

  Amelia hugged herself and looked sad. “Who do you think is prettier, me or Mel?”

  The question hit me hard. I was suddenly worried about coming between the two of them. Raine had told me they weren’t a couple, but there were still lots of times that they acted like it, but they were both being friendlier to me. I wasn’t sure what was going on.

  “It’s not a fair question, Ames,” Raine said as she went over and gave Amelia a big hug. “I think you’re both beautiful in your own unique ways. You’re my best friends. I don’t want to have to choose between the two of you, even on something like which one is prettier.” She let go of Amelia and went over to her desk. “Oh. Let me show you something I’ve been working on. I finished it last night, and I couldn’t wait to show you.”

  She pulled out a large piece of paper. There was a big moon dominating the colored-pencil drawing and three girls in classic manga uniforms posed on it. In the center, with long green hair, but African American and a face and body that were obviously Raine, was Sailor Neptune. To her right with flowing red hair, was Amelia as Sailor Jupiter. My breath caught at the figure to the left; she’d captured the person I saw in the mirror every day, but I was in a Sailor Mercury outfit. We looked great.

  “Oh my God.” I’d never seen anyone capture my likeness before. My chest tightened at the idea that Raine was into me enough to do something so incredible.

  “Raine, it’s beautiful.” Amelia sounded close to tears. “You remembered I like Sailor Moon.”

  Raine grinned. “How could I not? It’s a bunch of girls running around in cheerleader outfits. I remember the first time you and I sat up all night watching it a few years ago. I think it was what inspired you to give in to your mother’s pushing at you being a cheerleader.” She looked at me. “And with your fascination with cheerleaders, I didn’t doubt you liked them too.”

  I nodded. “But I always wanted Tuxedo Mask to reveal he was actually one of the girls, only more butch than the others.”

  “Yeah, there is that.” Raine set the drawing back on her desk. “Now can you understand that I think you’re both pretty?”

  Amelia nodded. “I can.” She turned and looked at me. “Mel, what’s it like to kiss another girl?”

  It was the afternoon for surprises. I hadn’t been expecting her to ask me something like that. Honestly, even though Raine had denied it, I figured they’d at least played around. “W-well….” I stammered a bit, trying to find the right words. “When it’s right, it makes your heart flutter. It’s one of the coolest things in the world.”

  “But it’s cooler than kissing a boy?” Raine added as she leaned against her desk.

  “Yeah. I guess. For me it is. I can’t speak for other girls.” I wasn’t sure where all this was going. But I realized I’d just officially come out to my new best friends. At least they weren’t demanding I leave. “I mean I don’t have a ton of experience with either, but I kissed boys first. Well, one boy. I felt like it was expected. He was awkward and clumsy. A little too rough.” I didn’t go into how we’d been in ninth grade and it had been under the bleachers at a football game. Right after that less-than-thrilling experiment, he’d introduced me to his boyfriend. I think that was part of the problem. Neither one of us had been th
at into it. “Girls are softer, and they smell better.”

  Raine laughed. “Oh yeah. The smell. Boys can smell fairly rank at times, can’t they?”

  Amelia grinned. “Girls can too. Trust me, after a long performance, some of the girls on the squad smell nasty, at least until they get a shower. Some of them are a lot worse during that time of the month.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Then they need to learn how to keep themselves clean. Jeez.”

  “Can you show us?” Raine’s voice was suddenly soft, and she sounded a bit scared.

  “How to keep yourself clean?” I giggled slightly. “I think that’s something to talk to your mom about.”

  Amelia laughed. “No, you idiot. Kissing.”

  For a second I felt set up. “Have you two been talking about this?”

  Raine shook her head. “Not really, no. I mean, you’ve said a few things, and we, well… um, we’ve sort of picked up on….”

  I decided that I’d put her out of her misery. “You figured out that I’m gay,” I said. She looked relieved.

  “Well, yeah. It’s totally okay. We sort of wanted to get it out there. Not that we planned it. I had no idea Amelia was going to ask you that.”

  “I’m glad it’s okay with you, but I don’t need your permission. I am what I am.” I guess it sounded blunt, but they were my friends, and I didn’t want them to think I was anything but comfortable with being who I was. I wasn’t mad or anything. Actually, I was relieved to be talking about it, so I laughed. Both Raine and Amelia had looked worried at first, but they laughed too.

  Raine breathed out a sigh that I took as relief. She pushed off the desk she’d been leaning against and walked over to the bed. She stood between us, then pulled us down next to her when she sat on the edge of the bed. “To be honest, since you’ve been around it’s made me think. I hadn’t before, but now I think about it a lot. I haven’t dated much.” That information surprised me. She was one of the most beautiful girls at school. How had she not dated? I didn’t get a chance to ask her since she kept talking. “And I thought about the idea of kissing guys—okay, Devon. I thought about kissing Devon from English class.”