Hold Me: Music For The Heart - Book One

by Faith Starr

  Since I hadn’t been home in a while, I had plenty of clean clothes to choose from. I took a quick rinse and threw on a pair of jeans and a collared polo.

  “Where are you off to?” Dani peered up from the comfort of the couch where she ate a yogurt when I strolled into the living room, jolly as ever.

  “I have a date.” I couldn’t help but smile at how corny my reply sounded.

  Dani’s doubt didn’t go unnoticed.

  “You have a date. With who?”

  “What? I can’t go on a date?”

  She scratched her head. “I’m trying to remember the last time you went on one but am coming up empty-handed. Maybe because it’s been ages. So who’s the lucky girl?”

  “One of the girls from the meet and greet last night who we invited to the after-party.”

  “Well, I know it’s not the looney one, because she was too busy making out with Jeff on the couch. Classy girl.”

  The sarcasm rolled off her.

  “I’m the last one to make a judgment call about that type of shit.”

  “Yeah. I guess I’m speaking to the wrong person about that sort of thing. So is that where you were last night when I texted you?” She shoved another spoonful of pink yogurt into her mouth.

  I nodded, not wanting to get into a full discussion. She gave me a sly smile, which pissed me off.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” She shook her head and ate another spoonful.

  “You know I hate it when you do that.”

  “Seeing the same girl twice in two days? I think that’s a new record for you.”

  “You’re funny. What’re you up to?”

  “I’m going out with Jesse, Taylor, and Rudy.”

  Taylor? Yuck. What an ugly part of my past, a girl who would forever remain there. Our last encounter had ended with her cursing me out for fucking, then leaving her. In my defense, I had given her a heads-up prior to our fuckfest that there wouldn’t be a repeat. She’d consciously blocked out that part when I said goodbye, saying some rather choice words about my character as I’d made my getaway.

  “Sounds good. Have fun.”

  “You too.” She waved me off with her spoon.

  Good sister. She knew better than to touch the subject of Taylor.

  Logan called me on my drive to Teva’s.

  “Hey man. I spoke with Mitch Dorian. There’s a play party tomorrow night at the club. You in?”

  “Sure. I totally forgot about calling.” Probably because I had slept half the day away and now had plans to go out. As well as thoughts of Teva consuming me.

  “Where did you disappear to last night?”

  “I left early.”

  “No shit. Alone?”

  “No. Not alone.”

  “Was it with the hot mess and her pretty friend, minus the hot mess? Damn, that chick made herself right at home on the couch with one of the roadies, booze and all.”

  During my drive along the quiet and dark streets to Teva’s, I didn’t hit one red light. This time of the year the sun set early in Florida. I preferred the long days of summer instead.

  Since I had made good time to her place, I wanted to wrap up our conversation.

  “The friend is anything but a hot mess, if you get my drift.”

  I didn’t need him reminding me about Teva’s beauty. I knew firsthand. I had seen all of her. And I also didn’t appreciate him thinking about her in the same light as Lily. They were two totally different types of women. That much I’d gathered so far. Besides, the less the guys knew about Teva, the better. I didn’t want them badgering me about her, and I knew it would happen, especially if Logan found out I planned to see her again in the next few minutes.

  “I take it you had a good time with your own hot mess. It sure as hell sounded as such on the bus.”

  I made a right into Teva’s complex.

  “Talk about a hot mess. Fuck, what a wild one she was.”

  “Am I to assume you got her number?” He had to know I teased with the sarcasm in my voice.

  “Yeah, of course I did, because she’s the type I definitely want to see again. Not.”

  “Guess she thought differently if the screams Teva and I heard while the two of you were going at it in the back of the bus had anything to say about it.”

  “Hey, what can I say, I’m a true performer.”

  “And humble too. All right, man, I’m going to sign off. I’ll see you tomorrow night at the club. Oh, did you tell Trevor yet?”

  “Yeah. He’s game.”

  “Excellent. Later.”

  “Later, bro.”

  The parking was scarce. I found a spot, parked, and switched off the ignition. An odd sensation shot through me while I unbuckled my seatbelt, like I was playing two roles. One was the guy I became when I visited Hilltops, the adult club, and the other was the one I presented to the public. It was becoming more difficult to separate the two as time went by.

  The situation proved to be a challenging one too because the more popular the band became, the more information about our personal lives leaked out to the public. My preference for play in the bedroom was nobody’s business but my own, and I had yet to meet a woman outside the club scene who I trusted enough to share that part of myself with.

  Plus, my activities at the club were strictly confidential. The guys and I had all signed agreements guaranteeing that what happened there, stayed there. It was the one place I could really open up sexually without the fear of paparazzi or fans snapping pictures and posting them on the Net. At this point in our careers, a lot of fans posted shit about sightings and other bogus stuff. It royally sucked.

  Once at the main entrance to her building, I hit the buzzer. Teva granted me access but told me to wait in the lobby, saying she’d be right down. I wondered whether Lily had told her to meet me downstairs in an effort to avoid another run-in. Not that I cared. The less I saw of Lily, the better. I didn’t know what it was about her that rubbed me the wrong way, but something did.

  The elevator door opened, and Teva stepped out.

  Shit, not that I hadn’t stopped thinking about her, but she took me by complete surprise. She was even prettier than I remembered. She’d washed her hair, the long strands of it still slightly damp, and she’d put it up in a clip. She wore jeans with a pale pink flowing peasant top. It was difficult to remember the last time a girl hadn’t tried to impress me. Most of the women I hung with either wanted to gain fifteen minutes of fame by being with a celebrity, fulfill a fantasy of fucking a rock star, or use me for who I knew. Rarely did they care about me as a person. Mostly they cared about the persona I portrayed on stage. Yet here Teva stood, astounding me more than any other woman ever had in her attempt not to bedazzle me with a simple, everyday outfit.

  “You look great.” I stepped forward, cupped her cheek, and planted a soft kiss on her sweet lips.

  “Like I said, I practically just got home from work, so I didn’t have much time to get ready. Hopefully, we’re going somewhere casual.”

  “Casual it is.”

  She smiled. I took her hand in mine and led her to my car.

  “Is there any particular type of food you fancy?” I assisted her into the passenger seat. I left her to think about my question while I walked around and climbed into mine.

  “Nothing too heavy. It’s late, and I hate going to sleep on a full stomach.” She rubbed her belly to emphasize her point.

  Man, could she be any more fucking adorable?

  “I have the perfect place, then.” I set the car in motion.

  We spoke about trivial bullshit during the short drive, but even that captivated me. She captivated me.

  “Pancakes?”

  Her eyes twinkled when I pulled into the parking lot at the local IHOP.

  “Hey, I did say I wanted breakfast, and they also serve dinner.”

  “It’s perfect.” She sank into her seat with such delight.

  Yeah. The word she used described her to a T. A high
bar to reach, but I had a gut feeling about her.

  Shit, what the fuck am I thinking?

  I knew as much about this girl as I knew about Trigonometry. Nada.

  I escorted her out of the car and held the door as we entered the restaurant. Since dinnertime had long passed, we had the entire place to ourselves. I had made a good choice. The atmosphere would be nice and quiet for us to eat and talk.

  We sat in a booth and placed our order. Within minutes, our hot food was delivered to our table.

  “So you really slept the entire day?”

  I finished chewing a hefty bite of my buttermilk pancakes before replying. “I did. I always forget how difficult and taxing touring can be until I get home. It then hits me like a Mack truck. I’m still tired.”

  “I get it. You guys sure put on a great show. It must take a lot of energy to keep up that type of pace day after day. I don’t doubt it gets exhausting after a while.”

  “Performing is the one part I don’t get tired of. How about you?” I pointed at her with my fork. “Last night when Lily passed out you said you were a nurse. Do you work in a hospital?”

  “Yes. I work in the psychiatric emergency room at one of the local hospitals.”

  Hmm. Her reply was the last one I’d expected to hear. It wasn’t often I met someone in her profession. “You work in a psych ward?”

  She smiled, clearly not offended by my question.

  “No. We evaluate patients who may require psychiatric services. Some of them come in through the regular ER and are then sent to us for evaluation. If they need a higher level of care, they’re moved upstairs to the psychiatric unit.”

  Shit. She’d floored me yet again.

  “Do you mind if I ask why you chose that particular area of study?” She looked down at her plate and cut her pancakes. I had hit a nerve. “If it’s too personal a question, you don’t have to answer.”

  She took a bite of her food, delaying in responding.

  “Sometimes we see things early in life that prompt us toward making certain decisions about what to do with our own later on.”

  She picked up her glass of juice and took a small sip.

  “Gotcha.” I totally got it, having no desire to probe further because I didn’t want the coin flipping my way. The past was best left where it was. Behind me.

  “So, do you work days, nights? What’s your typical schedule?”

  She settled into her seat, relaxing. I’d stick with these types of questions.

  “I’m lucky in that I get to work the day shift. When I first graduated from nursing school, I worked nights. Most new nurses get placed on the shifts the experienced ones don’t want. I got used to it after a while, but it still sucked. I can honestly say I got great experience during that time, though. The emergencies I saw at night were a lot different from the types I typically see during the day. I also had to have real-world experience before getting accepted into the master’s program I’m currently enrolled in. Those night shifts provided me with a ton of it.”

  She talked. I ate. I loved how she carried herself in my presence.

  “I didn’t start out in psychiatry. I started as a floor nurse, putting in my two years as required. When the opportunity presented itself to work in psychiatry, I jumped at it. That’s what you referred to as the psych ward. It had been my intention to go in that direction anyway, so it worked out perfectly. I also took continuing education credits in the field to learn more about it, but I can say working hands-on with that particular patient base has been the best type of learning experience. I spent quite some time in the psych unit which I think has made me a more skilled and adaptable nurse as a result.”

  It was so nice to have a regular conversation with someone outside the music business. And with someone who was intellectual as well.

  “I’m assuming you attend classes at night?” I wanted to know her schedule so I’d know when she’d be available again. I wanted to see more of this woman.

  “My classes are online. I’m fortunate enough to have gotten accepted into an accredited university that offers a part-time master’s program leading to a Master’s in Nursing with a specialty in psychiatric and mental health nursing. I’ll probably be retired by the time I graduate. I’m taking it at my own pace so I don’t burn out. Working full-time and studying on the side gets tiresome after a while. But in the end, I’ll make more money, so I’m trudging along.”

  The face she made had me thinking she already was sick of her job. I wouldn’t go there.

  She took a bite of her pancakes. A little syrup dripped down her chin. I seized the opportunity to touch her, using my napkin to clean her up, as the perfect excuse. She smiled, which caused me to do the same. I found her way too cute for words.

  “I admire your work ethic and ambition.”

  She set her fork down. “I guess we have something in common then, don’t we?”

  “That we do.” I nodded. Even though our careers were on opposite spectrums, we were both ambitious and hardworking in our respective fields.

  “So you work in the hospital during the day and study at night. No steady guy waiting for you at home when you get there?” I wanted to put it out there again, just to make sure.

  Her mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?”

  What the fuck had I said wrong? I wanted to confirm her single status. No biggie.

  “We spoke about this on the tour bus. Do you honestly think I would have invited you to my apartment last night if I had a boyfriend? I know you don’t know anything about me, but from what I’ve told you about myself so far, I’d hope you’d think better of me than to have to ask again. I haven’t lied to you about anything.”

  Talk about a knife to the gut. Fuck, I couldn’t have put my foot further into my mouth if I’d tried. I felt like shit.

  “I’m sorry for bringing it up again. You’re absolutely right.” I gave her an emphatic nod. “We did speak about it last night.”

  She gestured her acceptance of my apology, then tossed her napkin on top of her plate.

  “But to re-answer your question, no. There’s no man in my life at the moment. Right now, I’m far too busy for any of that. I have a ton of debt in student loans. Not that I don’t make a decent living, but a huge chunk of that change goes to paying back the banks.”

  A sense of guilt filled me. Here I had enough money stashed aside to pay all her bills, no matter what they were, and she worked her ass off just to keep afloat. I respected her fortitude. It also made me feel grateful for my current state of affairs. Sure, I had my own bills to take care of, but I didn’t have to worry about how to pay them. Luckily, this last tour had boosted our popularity to the point the guys and I were starting to reap the rewards.

  “I hear you. You know what they say about all work and no play, though?” It was time to lighten the mood.

  “Lily says that all the time.”

  Maybe Lily did have something worthwhile to say.

  “I guess that’s why I let the thing between us happen last night.”

  Excuse me?

  She leaned back against the booth and began fidgeting with her nails. We had broached yet another taboo subject.

  “Would you care to enlighten me?” Maybe I had misjudged her. Maybe she too was a fan only out for a fun night with a rock star. Something she could brag to her friends about the following day.

  “I don’t know.” She squirmed in her seat, and made eye contact. “I went with Lily to the concert, knowing she and I were going to engage in a meet and greet and all that cool stuff. But in a million years, I never expected her to faint, for us to sit on the side of the stage to watch the concert, or for us to attend your after-party. And then you and I hit it off—” She shifted uncomfortably, her hands moving about restlessly on the table. “I guess a part of me wanted to take a risk and see what happened. And of course, it was an ego boost that out of all the women surrounding you, you chose to spend your time with me.” She tapped her chest, like she could
n’t fathom the possibility.

  “It was surreal. Here you are, a celebrity, and you invited me to take a tour of your bus, let alone had your personal driver take me home. And then to have you in my apartment?” Her eyes lit up. “It was all a bit out of my element. But a part of me wanted to go with it and see where it took me. I guess I embraced the experience, which prompted me to do something completely out of the box, out of character for myself. And I have to say, I got a rush out of participating in something I never imagined myself ever doing.”

  I wasn’t sure how to take what she’d said. Sure, I had wanted to get in her pants too, but she also fascinated me.

  The sad realization hit me. All I had been to her was a fuck, the same as with all the other women I’d spent nights with. Woe unto me. Not. But her words stung. It got old, being used after a while. I guess in a sense, Karma was a bitch, because the one girl who captured my interest didn’t feel the same way.

  I signaled for the waitress, now in the mood to get the check and pay the bill.

  Teva extended her arm across the table. I took hold of her hand. “Joey, I know what you’re thinking. Please don’t.”

  “Why not?” I wanted to hear an explanation. It went without saying that holding hands with her made being defensive more difficult. I wanted to pull mine away, but I also wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.

  She took a deep breath. “Last night was like living out a fantasy. I mean, what girl wouldn’t want the kind of experience we shared? The difference is I’m not just any girl. If I wasn’t interested in you, you wouldn’t have been in my bed, fantasy or not, celebrity or not. I woke up for work this morning to find you gone. I felt horrible, thinking maybe I had fallen into the category of a one-night stand, a musician having his fun, then tossing me aside, something I figured would happen to begin with. But what I didn’t expect was to feel so hurt and disappointed. I know this may sound crazy, being we just met and all, but I feel a connection to you on a deeper level than the sex alone. When I saw your notes, it relieved me beyond belief. I do have to be honest and say I felt torn about whether to call you or not.” She cast her eyes downward.

  I released her hand, reached up, and lifted her chin. “Torn how?”