Brother in Ice
Page 15
K, emerging from Snæfellsjökull.
On the way back, the ferry advances motionlessly and we reach the Dreyvik port without any queasiness. They told me there’s a bus to Akureyri from the port, but all I find there is a man waiting in front of a car. He is the bus driver. From what he tells me, since he only had two people to pick up, he brought his regular car. The other passenger is a young woman who’s been hitchhiking across the island. I wonder what her story is and whether she’s emerged from the volcano.
The day ends with fish soup with touches of curry, and a dish of pokkari, a cod and potato stew that’s typical of the region.
What was my pilgrimage? Unable to answer my own question, I sleep heavily and peacefully. The next day I remember that there was not a single moment of nostalgia, there, at the end of the inhabited world.
Tuesday, September 1
The last day of my trip. The buses have shifted from summer to winter schedules, and everything is less frequent. I just missed the only bus that goes to the Myváth lake region, where the Goðafoss waterfalls are located. In the tourist office they tell me that the only alternative is hitchhiking. I head to the petrol station on the outskirts of town, where they make me a cardboard sign with the name of my destination as if it were a regular thing. I wait for five minutes on the side of the highway and a light truck soon stops. A man about forty with reddish hair and weathered skin timidly invites me in. He says that he can take me about twenty-five kilometers. I get in repeating in my head what I’ve read: the island is very safe, there is no crime, and it’s very normal to hitchhike. Ingolfur explains that they’ve just started collecting the sheep that are scattered over the mountain, to put them in their winter shelters. They often do this on horseback. “And what if you don’t find them all?” “Then we try again, at least three more times. Last year nineteen were lost and we were able to recover them in December. With their thick skin they can last just fine.” “And don’t they have predators?” He shakes his head, keeping his eyes on the road. “What about the arctic fox?” “It’d have to be a very weak little lamb.”
We part with a handshake and I go back to waiting by the side of the highway with the sign in my hand. A jeep stops in front of me after five minutes. Stefan, who works building tunnels to Norway, is from this region. We pass by the farm where he grew up. It’s isolated between the typical low mountains and lava fields. He is looking for a picture on his mobile as he drives and we drift onto the other side of the two-lane highway. “Watch out!” He corrects our direction and passes me the mobile, smiling: “This is my superjeep.” On the screen is a red car with giant wheels, atop a white summit. Stefan drops me right near the magnificent Goðafoss waterfalls and I’m relieved to get out. The falls are about forty meters wide, an imposing torrent. A sign reads: “The Waterfalls of the Gods.” During the island’s Christianization at the turn of the first millennium, spiritual leader Thorgeir Ljosvetningagodi threw the wooden icons of the last pagan gods into the falls after spending a day and a night meditating under a blanket of fur. Tourists dressed with colorful mackintoshes respectfully approach from both sides of the falls.
That night:
The Goðafoss waterfalls enter through your eye sockets and drag all the bones of your skeleton downriver to the volcano. After a couple of eruptions smash the magma chamber, water stagnates, forming a glacier. The crater is brimming with snow. Its eruption regurgitates tabular icebergs that descend along the flanks, crashing into each other with the loud dull sounds of an avalanche.
Arriving at the mouth of the river, ancient hands, pointing to the last pagan gods, melt languidly beneath the August sun. The complicit—opportunists, liars, cowards—watch from the shore, motionless, with Gore-Tex sneakers. After a typical Icelandic winter, their black, porous, petrified bodies fall into the river. The seals ignore them. Some are broken up and polished round by the tide, becoming pebbles. The pebbles end up in the pockets of visitors to the Djúpalónssandur beach. Everyone feels the energy they exude when they hold them, but the warmth they give off is nothing more than rage and impotence over being there. The biggest liar of them all ends up hanging in the nets at the Seegreifinn restaurant, famous for its lobster soup. His poignant, childish glass eyes look at the women, in search of compassion.
A puffin egg hunter climbs the crags behind the wall of water at the Seljalandsfoss Falls. Tourists in raincoats grasp her hands and pull her up. Their wet hands slip and she falls off the cliff. The centrifugal pressure of the waterfalls lets her drop gently into the water without hurting herself. Tabular icebergs float on the surface. She grabs a bit of white ice and makes a game of sinking it and letting it re-emerge.
Postscript
Brother in ice, I wonder if recreating you here will do us any good. Mom wanted to protect you, by wrapping you in silence. I only make images, fictions, only you know what you’ve lived through … which generally must be good, because you are in good hands. There are some exceptions, like when we were little and a classmate saw you in front of the school, wrapped in tape. Or years later when I realized that bodybuilding freak took advantage of your innocent appearance and made you ask people for money on the street. When I show any indignity here, it’s nothing more than other people’s. Because you expose the level of humanity of those around you. The smallest things, those that fall on you like a rain of dead leaves and which you’ve been sweeping up for years on the city’s long avenues, that rain that accompanies you after you say goodbye to Mom and head to the day center, jerkily waving goodbye and repeating “Goodbye, I’m off” five times, those “Hurry up, aren’t you ready yet?” and those “Out of the way” that form a lake of orders and reproaches, of which one can only see the surface—everyone has their own life, mine has to keep on keeping on too. And because deep down no one knows anything about your secret life; I don’t have the power of an omniscient narrator, I am just a partial observer who intuits that those are the things that have made you submerge, deeper and deeper each day. Your daily life, apart from that, is brightened at the day center by the attendant and your mates who take care of you; at home, Mom, Granddad, the animals.
There are those who say you’re an angel. I don’t believe that. I think what happened to you is just another one of the tales told by an idiot that make up this world.
The most basic difference between us is that you are dependent; the weight of that dependence—borne by those around you in various ways, sometimes with work, other times in their awareness, or as a certain loneliness—is a measure of each of us, also a measure of the government, whose lack of assistance makes that weight a burden.
On the other hand, this book isn’t about your life, which is only yours; it is an exploration; the search for the origin of a voice and gaze of my own, and that is why you appear in it. Because as I insisted on advancing toward the blind spot where everything around me was all white, the point from which I could see nothing and didn’t know which way to walk, feeling my way, identifying the origin and direction of the footprints, it was by following that trail that I found the smallest of the set of seven figures who project that voice, the figurine that was not hollow but solid, the matrix that, like Symzonia, had given rise to the rest of the shapes and situations:
The six-year-old girl who defended her thirteen-year-old brother in the schoolyard. The girl who was the flip side of the boy in ice, the girl who said:
“I want to see a library!” And her mother took her to a senior center, right before she discovered the public library on her own. Because despite the kids that laughed at the siblings, asking if they were both retards, even though those boys were twice her size, she who still wet the bed, especially when she had that dream where her parents and aunts and uncles are steering huge spiders with controls as if they were spaceships—spiders that years later she recognized in the work of Louise Bourgeois—sometimes, not always but now and then, someone can will the impossible into existence, and be
cause thanks to you, Brother in Ice, I found my voice for the first time.
Selected Polar Bibliography
Alexander, Caroline, The Endurance: Shackleton’s Legendary Antarctic Expedition, Knopf, New York, 1998.
Fiennes, Ranulph, Race to the Pole: Tragedy, Heroism, and Scott’s Antarctic Quest, Hyperion, London, 2004.
Fleming, Fergus, Ninety Degrees North: The Quest for the North Pole, Perseus Oto, London, 2003.
Garrard-Cherry, Apsley, The Worst Journey in the World, Vintage Classics, New York, 2010.
Onfray, Michel, Esthétique du Pol Nord, Photographies d’Alain Szuczuczynski, Editions Grasset, Paris, 2002.
Otis, Laura (ed.), Literature and Science in the Nineteenth Century, Oxford World’s Classics, Oxford, 2002.
Potter, Russell Alan, Arctic Spectacles: The Frozen North in Visual Culture, 1818–1875, University of Washington Press, Washington, 2007.
Rossi, Sergio, Un viaje a la Antártida, Tusquets, Barcelona, 2013.
Zweig, Stefan (trans. Anthea Bell), Shooting Stars: Ten Historical Miniatures, Pushkin Press, London, 2013.
Cover image: Taken from Description of a View of the Continent of Boothia. Henry Courtney Selous, 1835. Collection of Russell A. Potter.
A representation of the search for a northwest passage on the expedition headed by John Ross (1829–1833). The image depicts Ross’s adventures chronologically and geographically, trapped for almost four years in the area of the Northwest Passage. One can recognize some of his exploits, like his encounter with the Inuit and the death of two of his crew. The map was the result of a collaboration between the explorer and the painter H.C. Selous.
After writing a heartfelt letter of complaint, the airline I flew to Iceland with compensated me for the temporary loss of my luggage.
I also finished this book and submitted it to a literary contest. I won.
Acknowledgments
To Antònia Vila, senior professor in the Artistic and Publishing Processes section of the Department of Visual Arts and Design at the Faculty of Fine Arts at the University of Barcelona, who gave me the first polar bibliographic recommendations, and with whom I share white obsessions.
To Celia Rico and Rosa Samper, for being my sounding boards during the writing process.
To my mother, for being there as much as she could.
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