by E. L. Todd
“I still think it’s a conflict of interest. You knew how much I was into him.”
“I do,” I admitted. “But he makes me happy. We’re happy together.” I didn’t think I could give him up. I’d grown so attached to him, attached to the way he made me feel.
“Fine. Then you’ve made your decision.” She backed up, angry tears in her eyes.
“That’s it?” I asked incredulously. “I have to dump him or you won’t be my friend anymore?”
“We both know he was mine first.” She marched out the door and slammed it hard behind her.
Speechless, I just stood there. The last thing she said kept playing in my mind. I could hardly believe what she said. “No. He was always mine.”
***
For the next few days all I could think about was Florence. Her reaction was childish and irritating but I couldn’t help but feel terrible for what I did to her. The guilt was eating me alive.
After that terrible night four years ago, she was there for me. She was by my side every second of the day, getting me back on my feet. And as the years passed she didn’t let my troubles drown me down. She forced me to go out with her, to meet new people. She basically took my hand and guided me to recovery.
So could I really do this to her?
She didn’t know Kyle the way I did. She didn’t have the same kind of connection with him. But she did feel something for him, enough to throw a tantrum. While I liked Kyle and the way he made me feel, we had no future together. Once I told him what happened, he would be too uncomfortable to stick around—and I wouldn’t blame him. And even if he was okay with it, would I ever be able to make love to him? Would sex always get in the way? I knew he was a promiscuous man just from looking at Cassandra.
We were doomed to fail regardless.
Even if we were about to go our separate ways, Kyle gave me hope. He was a good man that wouldn’t hurt a fly. If he existed, then there must be others. Not everyone was sinister with sinister intentions.
But that didn’t make this any easier.
***
I stopped by his apartment one evening after work. I didn’t call him ahead of time. If I did, he would hear the sadness in my voice and know something was wrong. It was easier to walk inside and drop the bomb quickly—get it over with.
He opened the door with a smile on his face, happy to see me. He wore a gray t-shirt with running shorts, what he usually wore around the house. His arms were toned and muscular, and his calves were thick and powerful. Kyle was unnaturally good looking. Sometimes I wondered if he was my imaginary friend. “Hey.” His arm hooked around my waist and he pulled me into his chest for a hug.
“Hey.”
Like always, his mouth moved to my forehead. “I missed you.”
I melted into a puddle at his feet, victim to his words and his kiss. “I missed you too.”
He shut the door then wrapped his other arm around me, enveloping me tighter than a letter. His arms were as solid as metal bars, and nothing could get to me when I was inside. “I was just thinking about you.”
“You were?”
“Yeah. But then again, I’m always thinking about you.” He slowly pulled his arms away, reluctant to let me go. “Would you like anything? Something to drink?”
His question returned me to the present. I was there for a reason, and if I let his sweet words and warm touch affect me I’d never leave. Kyle had the unnatural ability to make me fall headfirst.
Along with every other woman in the world.
“No, thank you. Actually…I need to talk to you about something.”
He stiffened in front of me, his eyes changing. One moment he was looking at me with fondness, and now he was staring at me with fear. He scanned my face, searching for the words I hadn’t spoken. “No.”
His response didn’t make sense, so I had no idea what he meant. “What?”
“No. You aren’t leaving.”
How’d he know…?
He gripped both of my wrists and placed them over his chest. “I’m not letting you go, Rose. When you get scared talk to me. But don’t leave.”
Did I make it that obvious? Or could he read me that well?
“I’ll do anything to make this work,” he whispered. “Whatever you need, it’s yours. You just have to tell me.”
“Kyle, it’s not you.”
“Then I’ll fix whatever it is.”
“It’s not something you can fix.”
He brought one hand to his lips and kissed the skin over my knuckles. “Talk to me.”
“It’s Florence. She found out we were seeing each other and she wasn’t happy about it.”
“How’s that our problem?”
“Because she’s my friend.”
“What does that matter? She should be happy for you.”
“Well, she doesn’t see it that way,” I whispered. “She dated you first and really liked you. It hurts her feelings that I’m dating a man that she really wanted—that she called dibs on.”
His eyes immediately darkened. “The second you walked into that restaurant I was yours. And you know that.”
I tried to ignore the sweet thing he just said. “She said it’s a conflict of interest and she’s never going to be okay with it.”
“That’s not our problem. Don’t let her manipulate you. We’re happy together and she’s the one being selfish.”
“You don’t understand…”
“Actually, I do,” he said coldly. “What kind of friend tells you to break up with a guy that you really like? I’m the first guy you’ve been with in forever, and she wants you to—”
“Wait…how did you know that?”
“Know what?” He kept a straight face.
“That you’re the only guy I’ve been with in a long time.”
He stared at the ground before he looked at me again. “The same way I knew something was wrong once you walked in the door. I can’t explain it, Rose. I just know. And I think Florence is a really shitty friend.”
“But she was there for me…in the past. She did a lot for me when I didn’t ask her to.”
“Even so, you don’t owe her anything. She’s just jealous that I like you instead of her.”
“You didn’t see her face. She started to cry—”
“Then she needs to grow up,” he snapped. “Even if you broke up with me I’m not going to date her. So she doesn’t get what she wants either way. She may as well let us be.”
He had the same arguments I did, but it didn’t change Florence’s mind. “Boyfriends come and go but friends are forever. I can’t pick a guy over her.”
He stared me down, his blue eyes no longer as brilliant. He glanced at my lips before he looked me head-on again. “I’m not going to come and go, Rose. Surely, you must know that by now.”
I forgot to breathe.
“I’ve never felt this way for anyone before, not even Francesca. And I was going to marry her. Whatever we have is different than anything else we’ve ever experienced. I realize we’ve only known each other for three months and I sound crazy right now, but I know this is going to last. I’m not just some guy. I’m the guy.”
I finally took a breath, feeling my lungs ached from being deprived of oxygen for so long. What he said was both beautiful and terrifying. Unsure what to say back, I just stood there.
“I realize how that must sound. But I know you understand exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not crazy, and neither are you.”
There were times when I knew what he was referring to, especially the first time we met. Simple touches felt explosive and hot. I trusted him when I didn’t think I could trust anyone as long as I lived. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. It was unbelievable.
“No,” Kyle said. “We aren’t going our separate ways. End of story.”
Despite the truth of everything he said, there was still other problems on the horizon. He didn’t know the truth of what happened to me. And if he did it would change
everything. He wouldn’t be fighting for me so hard. He wouldn’t look at me like that anymore, like I was the only person who mattered in the world. But selfishly, I didn’t say a word.
Saturday
Kyle
Rose and I already had obstacles coming our way, and I couldn’t afford any unnecessary hurdles.
Florence was an unnecessary hurdle.
Her jealousy wasn’t going to come between us, and I certainly wasn’t going to let her make Rose feel guilty for being with me. Or worse, manipulate her into breaking up with me.
What the hell was Will thinking when he first set me up with her?
Rose could defend her and claim Florence was there for her when she needed her most, probably after the trauma happened, but I knew friends wanted their friends to be happy—not break up with the man they cared most about.
If we didn’t have the strong connection we felt every day, it might be easier just to throw in the towel and walk away. But I wasn’t walking away from Rose—not now and not ever.
I approached Florence’s door and knocked. I came here in the hope of fixing this situation so Rose could do whatever the hell she wanted. If I patched things up, then Rose could move on guilt-free. If I didn’t take care of this now, it would only haunt us later.
Florence opened the door looking pissed—as usual. “What do you want?”
I ignored her rudeness. “If you’re free I’d love to take you out for a drink.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re asking me out?”
Did she assume that every time someone wanted to spend time with her? She reeked of desperation, and that was such a turn off. “No. I wanted to talk about something.”
“Rose?”
“Yes.” What else could I possibly want to talk about?
“Oh…”
Apparently, we were going to have this conversation right outside her door. “I understand how you feel about Rose and I. Honestly, I get it.”
She listened, her attitude still at an all-time high.
If I were going to get her on board I’d have to play on her enormous ego. Confidence was sexy in a woman, but arrogance was a boner killer. And she was definitely arrogant. “We both know you’re out of my league. It never would have worked between us. Somewhere down the road, you would have found someone better and I couldn’t handle that kind of rejection.”
Her eyes immediately softened, clearly not expecting those words to come out of my mouth.
“Rose and I are more compatible. We both have issues, similar ones. Maybe she’s not as good as you, but I think we can really have something based on friendship. I know she’s been through a lot and so have I.” Acid emerged from the back of my throat but I ignored it. I didn’t believe anything I was saying, but I was willing to do anything to get her off Rose’s back—even if I had to lie.
“So, you want me but you don’t think you’re good enough for me?”
Whatever you want to hear. “Exactly. You’re meant for Prince Charming. Me? I’m some lawyer who’s losing his firm.”
“You’re losing your firm?” she asked in surprise.
“Yeah…business has been terrible so I’m going bankrupt. I’ll have to sell my beach house and everything.” I pouted my lips and tried to look as desolated as possible.
“That’s terrible…”
“Yeah. My credit is terrible too. I’ll never be able to get another loan.” She only wanted me for my looks and my money, so if I made myself look as undesirable as possible she’d probably lose interest. In fact, she’d probably be grateful it didn’t work out.
“I’m so sorry…”
“Well, what are you going to do?” I said with a shrug. “Rose will probably support me.”
She cringed.
“So, if you really think about it, you dodged a bullet.”
“Yeah…I’ll say.”
Now I wish I’d said this crap a long time ago. “One minute you’re at the top, and the next minute you’re at the bottom.”
She took an involuntary step back, disgusted.
“So, I hope you can get on board with this. I’d really like it if we were friends.”
“Yeah, sure.” She prepared to close the door like she couldn’t get away from me quick enough. “Rose is probably a better fit anyway.”
Much better.
“Yeah, she’s pretty great. I think we go well together.”
She shut the door.
The conversation was finally over and I took a deep breath. Then I smiled.
***
Rose opened the door, surprised to see me stop by. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I stepped inside without being invited, finally getting to a comfortable point in our relationship when I could do that sort of thing.
Rose was closed off all over again, probably because the issue with Florence was still bothering her. “What’s up?”
“I just talked to Florence.”
“You did?” She stiffened in surprise.
“Yeah, I fixed everything with her so we’re good.”
“What do you mean you fixed everything?” she asked.
“I played to her ego a little bit.” Okay, a lot. “I told her she was way out of my league and I was settling for you…”
Rose tried not to laugh.
“And if she asks, my business is going under and I don’t have a job.”
“What?” she said with a laugh. “Are you serious?”
“I knew she was only into me for my looks and money, so when I told her I was losing my beach house she looked at me like scum. She couldn’t get away from me fast enough.”
“Oh my god.” She covered her mouth and chuckled to herself.
“Whatever. It worked.”
“I can’t believe you did that.”
“I had to get her off your back. She shouldn’t make you feel guilty for being happy. That’s not what real friends do.” I was surprised Rose continued to stand by Florence when she was so exhausting. But she must have really done something to deserve it.
“I can’t believe you threw yourself under the bus.”
“I don’t care. Better me than you.”
She smiled at me, the look reaching her beautiful green eyes. “Well, thank you for doing that.”
“I’d do anything for you.” In a heartbeat.
Her cheeks slightly reddened and her gaze shifted to my chest. Whenever I was particularly sweet to her she blushed.
“The Warrior game is on right now. Want to watch it?”
“Yeah, I’d love to.”
I put my arm around her waist and walked with her to the couch. “I got here at the perfect time.”
***
The trial had been scheduled. It was exactly two weeks from today.
A part of me was nervous. But the bigger part of me couldn’t wait to get started. My arsenal was packed with ammo, and I was eager to rip that guy to pieces. I wouldn’t settle for anything less than life in prison, and since this was his second offense there was a good chance I would get it.
Mark walked into my office. “I heard the good news.”
“What good news?” I just finished emailing the district attorney. We were supposed to golf together on Saturday.
“That the trial is scheduled. Sometimes these things take forever to take off. Good thing they were quick on this one.”
“Yeah.” I was prepared for that trial. I didn’t stop until I had every little detail ironed out. I was going to wipe the floors clean with his dead body.
“You’re sure you don’t need any help?” He approached my desk with his hands in his pockets. “Two minds are better than one, right?”
“Thanks, Mark. But I’ve got this.”
“Is Rose Perkins going to testify?”
I tried not to react to her name. “No.”
“Really?” he asked. “I assumed she’d want to.”
“Since her case was dismissed, I don’t think her testimony will have any real impact.”
“It doesn’t hurt to try.”
“No, I’m keeping her out of this. She already suffered through it once. No need for her to go through it again.”
He paused in front of my desk, his eyes glued to my face. “You’re telling me she doesn’t know?”
I wasn’t purposely keeping it from her. She could find out in many other ways. But I didn’t think it would do her any good if she knew. It would bring back a lot of painful memories, and if I lost the case it would just make her feel worse. After I wont the case I’d tell her the truth. “No.”
“Don’t you think she has the right to know? Her assaulter is on trial again?”
“You really want to put that sweet girl through that again?” I asked coldly.
Mark gave me a new look, full of suspicion. “Do you know Rose or something?”
“Not personally.” I lied through my teeth, not wanting to make this a conflict of interest.
“Because you’re behaving oddly. I’ve never seen you handle a case like this.”
The third degree was starting to burn me. “Mark, I’ve been practicing law for a long time now, and I worked in this office all through my education. I learned from the best in the business, and I’m not in it for the money. I do this job every day to help people. Right now, I’m trying to help Rose and Audrey. Maybe if you got off my ass I’d be able to do that.”
***
Mom was in the city so she asked me to have dinner with her. She was probably shopping downtown, and she would have invited me if shopping were a hobby of mine. My sister used to do that sort of thing with her all the time. Even all these years later, her absence was still noticed.
Rose texted me as I was getting ready. Want to come over for dinner tonight?
There was nothing I wanted more. I’d love to. But I already have dinner plans with my mom.
Oh. That’s too bad.
But I can come over afterward. For dessert. By the time I realized how that message sounded it was too late. I already sent it. Shit. I mean, we can hang out afterward. Watch a movie or something. The paranoia was settling and I was afraid I really screwed this up.
