Rocking the Cowboy

by Skylar M. Cates

  “Perfect.”

  Remy smiled at Jed. “You think so?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Neville snorted as if in agreement, and they both laughed.

  “He likes it.”

  “And you like it too, Jed. I want you to like Neville as his name.”

  Jed drew Remy to him, wanting nothing more than to protect and care for him. “I like his name just fine. More than like it.”

  Remy wrapped his arms around Jed’s neck. Jed didn’t need any further invitation than that to kiss him.

  Jed shook at how incredible being with Remy felt. The slightest touch and Jed’s whole body responded with heat. Jed parted his lips to deepen the kiss. Remy moaned against his mouth and then threaded his fingers in Jed’s hair.

  Oh, God.

  He was falling in love with Remy. Jed shut his eyes as the pleasure and the pain of that knowledge hit him.

  Chapter Twelve

  JED was acting strangely. Remy couldn’t exactly say how. They ate together. Took care of the animals. He flirted with Jed each morning, and they ended the day in each other’s arms. But Jed was hot and cold with Remy. One minute he was the same Jed that Remy had come to depend on—talking and teasing him—but the next moment, Jed pulled back and didn’t say much of anything.

  Remy wasn’t sure how to ask Jed what was wrong. Before Jed came into his life, Remy would have sworn all he wanted was to get laid. Realizing he wanted more than fucking terrified him. He was afraid to ask Jed what was wrong because… he wasn’t sure he could handle the answer.

  Remy was surprised he hadn’t written a bunch of sappy love songs about the way Jed made him feel, how he took the numbness away and replaced it with a fire that Remy had never felt before. Yeah—sappy—but true….

  He was falling for Jed.

  Jed might be retreating during the daytime, but he was hardly distant when they touched. That gave Remy some hope. You couldn’t fake that. God knew he had tried to do it with Nicky and some others. Staring at the ceiling as they finished, waiting for it to be done so he could return to a song.

  But with Jed? Every touch made Remy burn. He had never wanted somebody so much, so often. Like an addiction. And he liked how when he woke, Jed was usually awake before him but wouldn’t move yet. He would simply hold Remy, letting Remy nestle his head on his shoulder. Pressing Remy close.

  All that meant something to Jed; Remy was certain.

  AFTER being with him like this, Remy wanted to broach the subject of the future with Jed.

  Just tell him you want something real.

  But what the hell did Remy know about real? He was used to casual. Even with Nicky, it had felt like some arrangement more than commitment. Remy could see that now. When he and Jed kissed good morning, there was a gentleness, a sweetness, he’d never had before. When they came together in the night, unable not to reach for each other, it was the opposite, all hot and needy.

  All Remy knew for sure was Jed wanted him and cared about him.

  So the recent way he was distancing himself from Remy hurt. It was unbearable to think about Jed breaking up with him. He might not do it on Twitter like Nicky, but he would do it, Remy sensed, and it would be a million times worse.

  Remy’s cheeks heated. God, if his fucking crowd could see him now, fretting like a baby about some guy. They never did that. Remy’s circles had always been sophisticated, partying—

  Assholes.

  He had never been with somebody like Jed, and that was why Remy couldn’t talk to him. Couldn’t ask him if he was pulling away because he was losing interest or because he was as scared of the future as Remy. Remy’s feelings were too real, too big, to ask Jed.

  Remy found himself touching Jed as much as he could. Little squeezes on his strong bicep, a hand on his lower back, a brush of his fingers at Jed’s ear or the side of his neck. Jed always smiled shyly when Remy did that, and he never moved away from Remy’s touch. He would often lean closer, clearly enjoying the touches. But he didn’t touch him as easily, and Remy would catch Jed watching him with a hungry but guarded expression in his eyes.

  A typical day with Jed was full of these up and downs. Jed would be remote and then all of a sudden not remote.

  “What’s wrong, Jed?” Remy had finally gotten the nerve to question him.

  They were lying on Jed’s couch, a fire going. It should have been a good moment, but Jed had seemed stiff.

  “Is it Buddy coming?” Remy rolled his body toward Jed’s. “Does he know you’re gay? He never told me about it.”

  “Maybe. I think so?”

  “You didn’t come out to him?”

  “I didn’t come out at all. I’m not in the closet, but I never declared anything either. I’m just living my life. And as far as I’m concerned, who I love is my business.”

  Hearing the word “love” roll off Jed’s lips made Remy’s heart stutter, even if Jed looked remote and wary as he spoke.

  Remy chose his words carefully. “I agree that it’s not a requirement to tell him or anybody.”

  “But you came out in a big way, right?”

  “It felt like I was doing something important at the time. Nicky and I were pretty full of ourselves, if you want the truth. It was less about the cause and more about our egos. But I’m glad to be out. And I do want somebody who is comfortable holding my hand at a restaurant or introducing me to a coworker.”

  “I don’t have any coworkers.”

  “Right.” Why had he brought the topic up to Jed? Remy exhaled slowly, concentrating on letting go of his bad energy that was building.

  “But, um, Remy? If I did, I’d introduce you.”

  “Yeah?” Remy felt his mood lift.

  Jed ducked his head, his cheeks flushed. “Yeah….”

  He began to stroke Remy’s back just as Remy went to kiss him.

  They hadn’t spoken much after that.

  Still Remy saw that the conversation lingered between them. Jed lived in a world where being gay could lead to ostracism and violence, and he liked to live his life simply and quietly. Whereas Remy had lived for attention. All while knowing he had security and fans and all kinds of support. Remy hadn’t exactly come out in the real world, had he?

  Buddy had been there scripting every moment. Remy wasn’t sure how to view that now. Then he had been grateful.

  REMY found Jed in the laundry room, adding his clothes to the wash, and Jed looked up and smiled. “I was doing mine anyhow, so I thought I’d add some of your sparkle to my blue jeans. I’ll wash and you can fold later. Deal?”

  “Deal.”

  “Good.” Jed brightened. He had handled Remy’s clothes with care, adding the right amount of detergent—unlike what Remy had done—and reading the labels about what to dry or not dry. When he brought Remy a basket filled with his outfits still warm from the dryer, Jed sank to the edge of his bed and stayed to fold it.

  “That was my part of the deal.”

  “I don’t mind.” Jed flushed. “But to pass the time, you could sing us a little tune? If you want to, that is,” Jed added swiftly.

  Remy knew what Jed was doing. He often encouraged Remy to sing to Neville or Oscar. “They like it,” Jed would say with a shrug. Even though Remy saw through it, he was touched. Jed must care a little, right? He didn’t have the heart to tell Jed singing for a cat or horse was not like singing for thousands under the glaring lights of the stage. Nor did Remy mention that he liked singing to Jed more than to the animals. Jed would always soften in his stance as Remy sang, as if hearing the melody relaxed some guarded part of him. Remy found himself watching Jed as he sang, and seeing Jed smile or nod triggered a simple happiness inside of Remy. Was this what all those endless concerts had been missing?

  “You don’t sound afraid,” Jed commented when Remy had finished.

  Remy laughed. “What’s to fear? That the underwear will stomp away? The socks curl up in distaste?”

  “That must be hard. Being judged all the time.”<
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  “The price you pay,” Remy said. “I shouldn’t complain.”

  “You’re not complaining. I asked. But when I watched you on those YouTube videos, there were moments you did look afraid, usually right before you sang.”

  “I got anxious, sure, but singing was also an escape. Once I hit the first note, all the rest melted away.”

  “Then you should find a way to make it that again.” Jed squeezed his hand. “Because you still love to sing, Remy. I can hear it in your voice. I can feel it when—”

  “Can we go back to folding?” Remy cut him off. “Please….”

  “Sure.” Jed paused. “I only meant to make you feel good about it. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s all right.” Remy exhaled slowly, thinking of all the expectations, but then he met Jed’s eyes. Steady and clear.

  “Sing something with me,” Remy murmured.

  “Me? I sing like a bullfrog.”

  “So? C’mon. I cook with all thumbs.”

  “True,” Jed said, and Remy shoved him. “Okay, okay. One song while we finish folding.”

  Jed began to sing a Tom Petty song, badly, and Remy joined in, and they sounded awful, yet it made Remy hopeful, almost giddy. And it was fun. It was really fucking fun.

  “YOU can go faster if you want. Trot or gallop or whatever,” Remy called to Jed, who was on a big ebony stallion named Samson.

  He looked every inch the cowboy.

  “It’s no problem. I can go at your pace.”

  “Terrific,” Remy said, even as his heart gave an unsteady thump. He already felt as if Butterscotch was moving too fast, and they were barely at a canter. It was far different from walking with the horse under Jed’s careful guidance.

  Not to mention his throbbing ass felt every bump of the trail.

  “Let the reins loose a little,” Jed called as he and his horse moved like one unit.

  “Right.” Remy hoped the edge of panic wasn’t in his voice, because it was all worth it to see Jed on his horse. Seeing the concerned look in Jed’s eyes as he called to Remy, and then his proud smile when Remy followed.

  It was funny. Not to be vain, but most guys would jump at the chance to date him. Or at least the Disney version of him that Remy showed the world. Jed seemed to see right past all that. He watched Remy closely. He saw beyond the jokes and star power. It was embarrassing, and Remy had no idea what Jed might see. But he liked the way Jed gazed at him for long spells of time.

  His hands were not steady as he gripped the reins. Remy was aware of the sweat gathering under his arms. The sun was strong, and his lips felt chapped. But he didn’t want to limit Jed, so he dug his feet in Butterscotch’s sides and tried to move.

  Finally they reached a clearing with an area to stop and take in the view. Remy had done it, and he basked in the thought of Jed’s approval of his riding. Getting off Butterscotch, though, wasn’t as smooth. His feet tangled a little, and Remy let out a girlish shriek as he dismounted.

  “Hey, you all right?” Jed hurried to him.

  “Sure. Practicing my soprano voice. I have a killer falsetto.”

  “You do,” Jed agreed, humor coating his voice as he gathered Remy close.

  Remy breathed Jed in, his scent.

  “This trail is steep, and I should have seen you were scared. We could have skipped the view.”

  All around them, the magnificent, powerful mountains seemed to touch the sky. They could be the only two people in the world as silence surrounded them. Remy was not used to silence, and it normally made him nervous, but with Jed, Remy was relaxed.

  “This is the perfect spot, right? The one you told me about at the bonfire? I can sure see why. It’s lovely, and I’m not sorry we came.”

  “It’s where I come when things aren’t going so well to make myself feel better.”

  How often is that? Remy longed to ask. He’d kiss Jed at the smallest encouragement, aware his heartbeat was pounding at the thought.

  Remy took in the surrounding mountains, the jagged rocks at the peak, and lower down the tall green trees in all directions. It had a stark beauty all its own. “My dad would have loved to paint this.”

  “He was an artist, right?”

  “And nature paintings were his favorite pieces to do.”

  A strange pull got to him then, a feeling of longing for a sense of place, for his dad, for belonging, roots. Which was fucking stupid. He was meant for award shows and sets and travel.

  He cuddled against Jed’s chest, and Jed didn’t pull away.

  “Let’s sit. I brought a blanket.” Jed spread the blanket at his feet and then patted the empty spot next to him. The simple gesture left Remy breathless; it was worth more than all the expensive dates from his past. Remy sat next to Jed, wanting to be near him. Jed’s strength, his easy kindness, was apparent with his every move. He didn’t need an audience to impress.

  Remy didn’t either, not when he was with Jed. Being with him felt like a miracle. Before this, Remy only wanted people to see what he projected to the world. He’d been too afraid of everybody seeing all his broken parts.

  “The air is so clean here, and those mountains—they are so powerful and strong.”

  “I’m glad you like it as much as I do.”

  “Have you ever brought anybody else here?”

  “Ah, um… no.” Jed flushed.

  “Good.” Remy circled his arms around Jed’s neck.

  He was planning to kiss him, but he simply looked at Jed instead, drinking in Jed’s features, smiling like a happy idiot at him. Then the mood shifted and grew to something deeper that had Remy’s heart pounding.

  “I like that I’m the first,” Remy said softly.

  This time, he did kiss Jed. The instant their lips touched, a delicate shudder went through Remy. He didn’t want the kiss to end.

  No kiss had ever made him feel so much. No person had. Remy shut his eyes, his fingers caressing the side of Jed’s neck. The moment was perfect.

  The kiss was strong, yet gentle, and it had Remy reeling. He would expect a tingling of nerves with a first kiss, but they’d kissed many times already. Yet as Remy parted his lips and touched Jed’s tongue to his, he had a nervous flutter mixed with a firm need for more. Caring and wanting melted together along with their mouths.

  When they parted, Remy kept his hand pressed to the side of Jed’s neck. He felt Jed’s pulse racing under his palm.

  He longed to tell Jed just how good he made him feel.

  “I’m glad we made the ride here,” Jed said. “And you’ll see, riding will get easier.”

  “I am comfortable riding a few things.” Remy grinned.

  He loved that he could make a tough guy like Jed blush.

  Jed’s gaze devoured his. Jed had no artifice, no pretense. He was gorgeous, and not simply on the outside. Remy had never met somebody quite like Jed, who could be stubborn but also sweet. Who liked to take care of him, in bed and out. He looked at the beautiful landscape—Jed’s treasured spot, which he had only shared with Remy—and he touched Jed’s hand, threading their fingers together.

  “This is so great!” Remy shouted, the wind carrying his voice and echoing. Light and laughter poured out of him. “Shout it,” he urged Jed.

  “Don’t be silly.”

  “C’mon. Isn’t this the best day ever?” Remy nudged him, and Jed smiled and nodded. “Then say it.” He squeezed Jed’s fingers, pressed against his side.

  Remy heard Jed’s giant inhale, felt the air gathering inside him, and Jed exhaled in a yell, “Best. Day. Ever!”

  And it made Remy laugh some more, and Jed laughed too. It was the two of them together, no outside world. No worries. Just them.

  “You’re a bit crazy.” Jed shook his head, but his eyes were bright, his smile relaxed.

  “Yeah, I’ve been told.”

  Jed’s smile grew. “I’m getting to like crazy.”

  He took Remy into his arms and held him there. Jed knew exactly how to hold him.
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br />   Remy sighed as he burrowed into Jed’s strong shoulder. He had never been one for snuggling before, but he seemed to like it now.

  THEN the wedding arrived, and they had no time to hold each other or even talk. Once again Remy sensed a shift in Jed, a coolness that he longed to chip away at.

  Buddy sent him a text saying how excited he was to see Remy, and that he had some big news lined up that they could discuss after the wedding ceremony. It made Remy uneasy. Buddy should be texting Jed or Melanie, not him. Not today.

  He pushed all his worries aside. He would kiss Jed and talk with Jed about it all as soon as the wedding was done.

  After making some coffee and feeding the pets, Remy slipped into the shower with Jed. The house was going to be overrun with people, and his days of privacy were over; he accepted that. But Remy wasn’t ready to leave Jed.

  He was still hopeful things could get straightened out—his music. Jed.

  Remy figured something would point him in the right direction. Meanwhile, he had this moment with Jed, to lean forward and kiss his wet back, palm his cock, and stroke him to hardness.

  Jed turned to him in the shower, the water steamy and warm between them as they met for a kiss, their bodies grinding together. A whimper escaped Remy’s lips. He ran his hands all over Jed’s bare skin.

  He never wanted to break apart.

  THE bridesmaids arrived in a flurry of poufy dresses. Remy met Jed’s sister, Melanie. He liked her right away. She had short hair and square black glasses and fabulous tattoos on her shoulders that she showed off in her wedding dress. She had warned her bridal party about Remy in advance, so the shrieks were a minimum.

  After greeting all the girls, Remy got dressed for the big event. Remy wore one of his favorite dress shirts—azure blue—and he even had a glittering handkerchief to put in the breast pocket of his tailored jacket. Since he wasn’t in the wedding party, he put on casual trousers that he preferred for dancing, but added a fun Gucci belt, so not to be boring. He dabbed just a bit of cologne at his neck and added his tie. Last, Remy snuggled his feet into his Jimmy Choo black glitter loafers.