Watching Her

by Harlem Dae

  “Yes.”

  Tortured? Who the hell would torture him or…us? I swallowed down a bitter taste that flooded my mouth. Russians? Whoever these other men were who wanted to fuck up Ivor and my father’s business arrangement? Would they pull our fingernails or stretch me on a rack for information?

  I didn’t have those answers. But what Kolya had said made sense. Whatever was going on, this business my father was involved in, it was big and frightening, something I would only usually read about in the newspapers. And now, with Kolya mentioning torture…it left me in no doubt as to what kind of hole I was in. These were big players, and Father was one of them. He’d been leading a double life and had fooled everyone.

  Maybe that’s why Mother left him. She could have found out.

  Suddenly, I didn’t feel so angry towards her. Then again, she’d left me with him. Part of the anger returned, but I hid it away, taking a deep breath and erasing thoughts of her from my mind. And I’d asked myself how Kolya compartmentalised…

  I’ve been doing it for most of my life.

  Kolya turned off onto a track bordered by high trees, the leaves laden, heavy with white blobs. The car jostled over mounds of snow, the dull crunch-thud of tyres on the impacted whiteness filtering into the vehicle. I could have gone back in time, gladly, to winters at Juniper Hall where I’d run rampant in my wellington boots, a thick scarf wrapped around my neck and mittens warming my hands. Laughter, so much of it had come from me back then, when I’d been carefree and young. Life had held so much promise, my only concern making a snowman, complete with carrot nose and raisins for eyes.

  Does Guilia make snowmen?

  “Our home for the next few days is just up here,” Kolya said.

  I silently thanked him for the interruption. “Oh, okay. Guilia is close, yes?”

  “She is.”

  “I can feel her.”

  “I do not understand.”

  “I don’t expect you to.”

  But, yes, I could feel her. The imaginary clumsiness of her arms when she hugged me. The press of her outdoor-chilled cheek on mine. Her warm breath as she laughed and told me she had indeed made a snowman.

  Stop torturing yourself.

  How could I not, though? I hadn’t been this close to my child since the day she’d been taken from my arms. She was here like a tangible thing, in the car, on my lap.

  The pain of it almost pulled me down. I was back in the ocean, sinking, no air in my lungs.

  Kolya brought the car to a stop. I stared through the windshield and, seeing no buildings, I turned to look at him, dragging in a breath.

  “I have stopped because I have something to tell you,” he said. “Before we go inside.”

  Although the interior light wasn’t on, I had no trouble seeing him. The glare of the snow lit up his face as he twisted in his seat to face me.

  “What Ivor said… He knows.” Kolya shrugged as though embarrassed.

  “Knows what?” I frowned, thinking back to what Kolya could be referring to.

  “He mentioned being distracted.” He shrugged again, his cheeks turning pink.

  ‘Do not be distracted. I will not tolerate distraction. It will get you and her killed. Do you understand me?’

  “Ah.” I shrugged, too. “So you’re saying we can’t fuck here?” The wince he gave made me think of a better way to say it. “We can’t take comfort?”

  “It is best we do not.”

  I lifted my hand to cover his on the steering wheel. “But I imagine we won’t always have to be on alert. There are other men here, watching out for us. It isn’t only down to you now.”

  “I know, but—”

  “So if we need each other…”

  “Claudine… I cannot put you in danger. Taking comfort will do that.”

  “I understand.” I wasn’t used to men turning me down, and despite the circumstances, it stupidly hurt. Sutton had done the same, acting like I wasn’t appealing and he wasn’t interested. I supposed that said something about these two men. They took their jobs—and looking after me—seriously. I couldn’t fault them for it.

  “It is not because I do not want to,” Kolya said. “More that it is not wise.”

  “So drive on,” I said. “I need sleep.”

  He sighed and started the engine, the pain on his face evident. I couldn’t expect him to fuck me whenever I needed it, not really. This was about Guilia now, not me and my wants. I had to accept that. Things weren’t the same here. My travels, my life before now, had been me floating around as if I had nothing to worry about, nothing drastic in my past to drag me down. This part of my life was a lesson that no matter how much I tried to hide the truth, it would always come crashing down on me. I had to face the fact that I still hadn’t dealt with my many issues.

  I didn’t want to—the pain—but fate seemed to have decided I had no choice.

  We travelled on, up a steep incline, and there, at the top, shrouded by trees, stood a mainly glass building.

  Glass?

  The panes were tinted—very clever—and I knew the inside would be the typical European design to create the effect of space and light. I glanced left then right to determine whether more buildings like this were sitting on top of the hill, but the fir trees were too thick. But Ivor had said Guilia was close by, so I could only assume she lived somewhere in the village nearby. What a beautiful place to spend a childhood.

  “I will park in the garage,” Kolya said.

  He clicked a keyfob, and a garage door to the right rose silently. Once inside, he clicked the fob again, and we were enclosed in darkness. So much darkness that it scared me a little. A fumble of sound, then the interior light came on. Kolya was staring at me, a pained smile skewing his lips.

  “It will be okay now,” he said. “It will be okay.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The building was indeed made of glass. Steel, too, and some decorative wooden panels, but mainly glass. If I’d been asked to describe an Alpine home, this definitely wouldn’t have been it. The place was more like something from an episode of Grand Designs.

  But it was warm—a huge lit fire in the centre of the open living space saw to that. And Kolya insisted that the glass was one way, so while I could see the shadows stretching down the hill towards the village, no one would be able to see me.

  “It is best that way,” he said. “It gives us the advantage.”

  “But isn’t glass vulnerable? What happened to the boxes of steel to protect people who mustn’t get hurt?”

  “This is bullet-proof glass. And here, there is more protection outside.” He stepped away, into the kitchen area.

  I continued to stare into the woods, wondering if Ivor’s men or the ones out to get me and my daughter were lurking in the darkness.

  I suppressed a shudder and shoved my hands into my jeans pockets. Right down deep, where crumbs and bits of fluff lived.

  There was something there. In my pocket.

  It was tiny and hard.

  A bolt of realisation blasted through me. I didn’t have to look at it to know what it was. The small round piece of metal I now held between my thumb and index finger was a tracker. Just like the one Sutton had pulled from my handbag back in St Lucia.

  Except this one was different. Sutton had put it there. He’d had the foresight to make sure he could plot my movements, wherever I went in the world, so long as I had these jeans. Unless he’d put one in all my clothing. When had he done that?

  I pressed my lips together, held in a trembling sigh.

  Had he followed me to the lodge in the Everglades? And if so, why not retrieve me from Kolya back then?

  Did he think that Kolya was too much of a match for him?

  No, that was ridiculous. Sutton was a man who could handle himself. And he’d got rid of Kolya once, in the shanty town.

  So was he here now? In Austria? Had he managed to find a flight to Vienna and then hire a car and drive up into the mountains?

 
I released the bug, set it deep in my pocket again, a strange sensation of comfort coming over me. It felt good to know both of my bodyguards were around. If things got dicey, each could be useful to me. Both were being paid to look out for me, after all.

  And right now, I needed all the help I could get.

  I stepped closer to the glass, searching now, not for nameless, faceless men, but for Sutton. I had no idea what I’d do if I saw him. None whatsoever, but still, my brain wouldn’t let it go, and I had to peer into every corner and crevice of darkness.

  “Here.” Kolya was next to me. “Drink. Then you must sleep.”

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to.” I took the milky drink that smelt strongly of brandy.

  “You must try.”

  “And will you sleep, Kolya?”

  “No. I will sit here.” He indicated a brown leather chair that faced the way I was looking. “And keep a watch out.”

  “Watch out,” I repeated. “But there are already men out there, watching out, aren’t there?”

  What if they stumbled across Sutton? I didn’t want that. I had an idea of him being a free agent. One against many. A true Rambo. My hero…

  I huffed and took a sip of the hot drink. It heated my mouth and gullet, and the slap of alcohol fizzed into my belly.

  “There are men out there.” Kolya tapped his pocket. “I will make radio contact with them soon, stay in touch through the night and into tomorrow.”

  “And what is happening tomorrow?”

  “We go out.”

  “We do?” That surprised me. “I’d presumed we’d be staying in, safer that way?”

  “But no one can see you in here.” He frowned, as though not really liking what he was saying.

  It twigged in my brain. “Ah, and I’m bait. I must be seen in order to draw out these men.”

  “Yes.”

  “And Guilia, she is also outside?”

  “Tomorrow is a school day. She will continue her normal routine.”

  My stomach rolled, the fluid sloshing against the sides. The very thought of these mean bastards who were out to hurt us turning up at her school, looking through the fence at the playground, and hunting her out with their nasty, hate-filled eyes…their guns, ripped at my heart.

  Kolya placed his hand on my shoulder. “I am sorry.”

  “I…I understand. And the sooner these people show themselves, the sooner this will all be over, right?” I tried to summon courage but it wasn’t easy.

  “Right.” He stroked my arm, past my elbow, my wrist, and to my hand. He brought my knuckles to his mouth.

  I stared into his eerie eyes. Had he changed his mind about fucking? Because I could do with a damn good shag to take my mind off all that was going on. Maybe he could screw some courage into me.

  “I will see you in the morning,” he said, releasing me. “Sleep in the room to the left of the fireplace. You will be perfectly safe.”

  “And maybe you will come to me?” I said quietly.

  He shook his head. “I cannot.”

  “It was worth a try.”

  A small smile tugged at his mouth.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I like that you want me.”

  “What’s not to want?” I licked my lips then turned. Sashaying to the bedroom, I hoped he was having a good look at my arse. With a bit of luck his cock was getting hard and he’d give up the job for a few minutes, leave it to the guards outside, and come and give it to me fast and furious the way he had before.

  But of course he didn’t, and half an hour later, after rubbing out a swift, reasonably satisfying orgasm and not bothering to muffle my pants and gasps, I let myself drift into my dreams.

  And they were strange dreams. Kolya was in them, so was Sutton. Sutton was as dark as Kolya was white and doused in shadows. Kolya seemed vulnerable, delicate somehow, yet I knew he wasn’t, not really. But even so I was scared for him. I knew what Sutton was capable of.

  I craved Sutton, though. Needed him with me. It was a longing that came from deep within, but I didn’t know where or why. He smiled and beckoned me. I went to him, my feet cold and bare, stomping through thick snow. When I reached him he wrapped me in his arms, told me my father was waiting for me, and it would all be fine.

  I turned to say goodbye to Kolya, knowing I’d see pain in his eyes. Me leaving with Sutton would hurt him. Instead of pain I saw happiness. He was holding Guilia, my little girl, and she was as white as Kolya and wearing a fur-hooded coat.

  Twisting from Sutton’s embrace, I rushed for her. I’d never leave her. Not again. If she was with Kolya that was where I needed to be. I tried to run, my legs thick and heavy and not obeying my commands. I shouted, called her name, hated the snow that was dragging me down, clamping around my freezing feet. Panic warred inside me. What was happening? The snow was covering me, filling my clothes, my ears, pressing on my cheeks.

  Again I shouted out. Tried to scream, my lungs bursting with the effort.

  “Claudine, wake up.”

  A warm hand on my arm.

  “Wake up. You are dreaming.”

  I opened my eyes and stared up at Kolya. My breaths were coming rapidly, my body, flooded with adrenaline, ached and twitched.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, his pale face almost glowing in the darkness.

  I nodded. “Yes, just a nightmare.” I glanced at the door. “Is everything all right out there?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then lie with me, please. I don’t want to be alone.” I shivered.

  He hesitated. Then, “For a few minutes.”

  I’d take what I could.

  He stretched out, on top of the covers, and pulled me close.

  I nestled my face against his shoulder, clutching his T-shirt and breathing in the scent of his skin. I hated the fact that I needed his strength, that I felt weak. It was Guilia who had done it. She’d become my kryptonite; she’d taken away my inherent don’t-give-a-fuck approach to life. I’d always been a risk-taker, a go-getter, live for the moment. Carpe Diem.

  But now? Now there was so much to lose. Taking risks, gambling with things I loved, it didn’t seem nearly as appealing.

  * * * *

  The next day dawned bright though the sparkling layer of ice on the snow gave away the fact the temperature was bitterly cold.

  Kolya made eggs and toast and hummed while he cooked.

  I showered and put on my jeans, carefully checking the tracker was still in place.

  It was.

  After we’d eaten, Kolya set two guns on the table, next to the teapot.

  I stared at them, their shape alien yet familiar.

  Kolya certainly seemed familiar with the hardwear. Carefully, he checked them over, holding each one up as though taking aim out of the window. The clunky, metallic sounds of them as he worked grated on my nerves. I was glad he had guns, of course I was, but I hoped they wouldn’t have to be used.

  Maybe those bad men wouldn’t come here at all.

  Perhaps they had no idea that Guilia and I were in Austria.

  “Are you ready?” Kolya asked.

  “For what?”

  “Our walk.” He frowned. “In the village. We need to make you visible.”

  I swallowed a bitter taste, and a coil of nervousness tightened in my belly.

  “Go and get your coat and boots.” He shoved one gun into the waistband of his trousers and the other into the chest pocket of a leather jacket hanging on the back of the chair. “And I will move the car from the garage.”

  Silently, I went into the bedroom and put on my outdoor clothes. There were gloves in the pocket of the coat so I pulled them on, too.

  Within a minute we were stepping out into the crisp air. Our surroundings were incredibly beautiful. A scene from a Christmas card, a setting for a fantastical winter Disney movie.

  Yet I hardly saw that when we walked to the car.

  Instead, I checked the snow for footprints that might have appeared in the ni
ght and examined the gloom beneath the fir tree branches searching for signs of life.

  Nothing.

  Kolya opened the passenger door of the car and indicated for me to get in.

  I did.

  He walked around the back, and I studied the snowy patch of ground to my right. There was a stony structure with a tiny wooden roof, a well perhaps, that was doused in thick snow. Except for one section, on the farthest side. There was dent in the otherwise perfectly flat surface of the snow. As though a hand had been placed there.

  Kolya got into the car, the suspension dipping a little with his weight.

  I opened my mouth to tell him about the missing snow but shut it again. What if it had been Sutton? Maybe he’d been around the house last night searching for me and had rested against the well while he’d studied the house?

  But what if it had been the men who sought to harm me and Guilia?

  We headed downhill, and I studied Kolya’s profile. His paleness was his overriding feature, but looking beyond that it was easy to see that he was a handsome man with the kind of face that meant business.

  I decided to keep my words hidden. What did it matter when we were no longer at the glass house anyway? And besides, we were going out hunting for the very people who were hunting me.

  And it seemed the hunting ground was to be a coffee shop. Kolya drove us through the quaint village of St Wolfgang, which hugged the side of a huge iced-over lake. Here, now it was daylight, I could see that the houses, shops, and restaurants really could have graced the cover of a chocolate box. They were predominantly wooden with pitched snow-covered roofs, many had balconies, and the gardens were dotted with towering fir trees decorated with huge festive baubles.

  Christmas.

  Strange how that meant nothing to me now when it was so important to everyone else.

  Kolya was quiet and serious. I wished he’d lighten up a bit; his dour mood was dragging on my nerves. Okay, so this was the last thing I wanted to be doing, but being so black about it wasn’t helping. And it was me who was the sitting duck, not him.

  We drove past a school. It wasn’t playtime, the doors and gates shut to the snow-free tarmac, but still I peered through the high black railings at the windows, wondering which room Guilia was in.