by Jillian Neal
“Family can have its perks, I guess. I got lucky. As much as they all drive me crazy, they love me, but it can be awful, too. It’s like you’re bound to these people your whole life. What if you end up with a terrible family? It’s not like you get any choice in the matter.”
“That’s an interesting take, Nat. I always thought the Camdens were like the Waltons or something. They’re the backbone of this entire town. Everyone knows them. Your parents have that classic entity thing going on, don’t they? Your brothers are pretty cool. All of the Camdens seem like good people.”
“Yeah…I guess they are, and Mom and Dad are definitely going down in the history books.”
There had been a few dozen moments since he’d finally signed the medical separation papers terminating his career in the army where he wished he didn’t know what he knew. He wished he’d never learned to decipher every single thing a person didn’t say, wished he couldn’t read the empty spaces between the lines, and desperately wished he could somehow turn off what now happened naturally.
The pause before she’d answered was far too long. The quick swallow and touch of her index finger to her lips spoke much louder than her verbal lie. Holy fuck. What had he just inadvertently discovered?
“You ready to go, sweetheart?” Everything in him was poised to protect her. His muscles were strung tighter than a racked hammer on a pistol. Suddenly, hanging out with Luke didn’t seem like such a bad plan. There was more information he needed.
She slipped off the barstool and he settled his jacket on her shoulders, longing to cover her with his body instead.
“Thanks.” She gave him that grin again.
He doubled down on his plans to find and decimate whoever had hurt her as he whisked her out of the bar with his arm around her.
Aaron released Natalie’s hand to fish his phone out of his pocket when it rang on the way to his house. Glancing at the screen, he debated. This was clearly not his night. Ignoring T-Byrd’s call would only earn him endless attempted calls for the next several hours. Talking to him in Natalie’s presence wasn’t a great idea either.
“Aren’t you going to answer that?” Her brow furrowed.
There was no way out now. “Hey T, little busy at the moment.”
“Thought you worked the early shift on Wednesdays. You never called me back after you got your intel. I’m bored. Throw a brother a bone. I’m in the mood to figure something out.”
“Stay in that mood and be patient.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Means some things take time.”
“I’m betting it means you couldn’t get your contact to talk. What the hell, man? You’re the best.”
“Yeah, well I’m a little out of practice.”
“Nah, that ain’t it. You gonna introduce me to her?”
“To who?” Aaron had learned early on how to lie his way out of trouble. Necessary way of life for most any foster kid. Extremely handy skill for any intelligence officer. He’d lied his way out of capture twice, but lying to T-Byrd wasn’t going to fly, and he knew it.
“Don’t bullshit me. To the girl who’s clearly fried your brain. I’ve never heard you so rattled.”
“Not any time soon.”
“Bring her out to the Hi-Way tomorrow night.” Dammit, she really had fried his brain. He’d forgotten the Sevens standing diner night, first Thursday every month at the Hi-Way diner in Lincoln. No one was allowed to miss unless someone they knew had died. Those had been the rules they’d all made when they were discharged.
“She does not want to come with me to Lincoln tomorrow night.”
Natalie’s pointed to herself and mouthed the word, “Me?”
Aaron nodded his agreement.
“Why wouldn’t I want to go?” she asked with more volume.
“Ah, she speaks, and she does want to come. We’ll be good, Triple A. I swear on my old socks.”
“The ones we used to use for kindling? I’m not subjecting her to you all.”
“Afraid she’ll trade you in on a better snake eater?” T-Byrd chuckled.
“Fuck off.” Snake eater. God. How long had it been since he’d been called that? Aaron couldn’t remember. The slang for Army Special Ops brought back too many unwelcome memories.
“Geez, she really does have you wound tight. Bring her out here. I have to meet the woman that can undo you. I didn’t believe she existed. Besides, she clearly has something to do with the guy you’re wanting me to find. Might help if I met her. Seems to me Team Seven did its best work when we were together.”
There was enough truth in that to amp the gall coursing through Aaron. “I’ll ask her, okay? But don’t count on her being there.”
“You have any other sources on finding this guy you want to kill on her behalf?”
“Yeah. I’m still working on it. Patience, remember?”
“Never my forte, remember? And I’ll get a table for six.”
Shaking his head, Aaron wondered what Natalie would make of his old team, and what would she want to know after she met them. “Bye, T.” He ended the call.
“I take it we’re going to Lincoln tomorrow night.” Natalie laughed.
“You don’t have to come. It’s just this thing I do every few weeks with some old friends of mine.”
“Old army friends? The ones you just told me were your family, which means you are not skipping out because of me.”
“And my mouth gets me in trouble again.” A strained chuckle accompanied the pained words as they left his lips.
“What does that mean?”
Aaron threw the truck into park when he pulled up to his home, a single room above Old Man Rasmussen’s garage. “Not a thing.”
It wasn’t the first time his dogs had saved him, and he doubted it would be the last. Barking loudly as soon as they saw his truck, Lulu and Buster bounded out from where they were resting in the shade of a cottonwood. They greeted Natalie heartily as soon as her boots hit the dirt.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“Let me make you something to eat before we head over to Luke’s,” Aaron offered.
“I ate at Mama and Daddy’s before I came to the bar. We could stop by there before we go to Luke’s so you can eat. Mama always has leftovers.”
“Nah, I’m good. I’ll just grab a protein bar.” His missions went to war in his mind. Adding her parents into their evening surely wouldn’t help warm her up to his touch, get her comfortable with being alone with him again. For a moment, he prayed Indie would need Luke to help out with their twins or something so he could work their way to Natalie’s house. If they had to go to the ranch, at least they could be alone. But being alone wasn’t going to help him figure out who’d hurt her. His suspicion that he was somehow related to Natalie meant the answers would likely only come from another family member.
He’d been the best damn intel officer in the army before everything had gone to hell. No reason he couldn’t handle both missions. Just had to take one before the other.
Retrieving a Builder bar from the stash near his hot plate, Aaron tore off the wrapper.
“Who’s this?” Natalie pointed to that damned envelope he’d stupidly left on the kitchen counter. The picture of him and Josh from boot camp graduation stared back at him, mocking him for not throwing it in the boxes under his bed where he kept every other thing he never wanted to see again. “You look so young here.” She beamed at him.
“Just a guy I used to know. Graduated with him.” Trying to keep it together, he eased the photograph out of her hands, grabbed the envelope full of letters, and shoved it in his desk drawer. The muted clank of Josh’s tags as they slipped down the envelope roiled in his gut.
“Will he be there tomorrow night? You know, at the thing in Lincoln?”
“Uh…” Aaron hated the quiver in his tone, “…no. He won’t be there.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for, Nat? You didn’t do anything wrong.” He didn’t even reco
gnize his own voice. It had taken on the effect of the tunnel she’d thrust him into, a nonstop, direct flight to his past. The envelope had arrived two weeks ago. It had been mailed two months before, but that was standard delivery for anything in Pleasant Glen. Damned mailman was useless. Why hadn’t he put his foster mother’s letter away?
“I shouldn’t have asked about it. I was being nosy.”
“It’s fine. Let’s get out of here while there’s still some sunlight left.” Blood rushed back to his brain and breath filled his lungs as soon as he got Natalie out of his house. There was no sand in the humid air. Trees surrounded them. Let it go, Weber. If only his Detachment Commander’s voice wasn’t so readily accessible in his psyche, he’d have been able to convince himself quicker that he was no longer in the desert.
Grabbing the half-gnawed Frisbees and leashes from the hook in the garage, he ordered himself to focus on his current missions, not the ones from his past.
Suddenly, Natalie laced her fingers through his once again. Her touch yanked him back from the cliff he was teetering over. It erased a portion of the memories he was so anxious to escape. The tender concern in her hazel eyes further freed him. “This is going to sound stupid, but I like holding your hand.”
A genuine smile formed on his face. The motion felt foreign for a moment. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, and trust me, that’s a big deal for me, even bigger than you grabbing my ass or whatever.”
“I told you I was going to do right by you, sweetheart. Sounds like maybe I haven’t fucked this up too bad.”
“You haven’t fucked anything up, Aaron. Why do you always think you have?”
Because that seems to be my M.O. “Just want to make sure I keep doing things you like. Holding hands is a big deal. People don’t get that. It’s a connection. Touch is important.” Taking a chance, he lifted their joined hands and brushed a kiss along her knuckles.
The connection shot a jolt of lust from his lips to his chest like a live wire. Her smile climbed from her lips all the way up to her eyes. Jesus, if kissing her hand made him ache what would having her in his bed be like? Saliva filled his mouth at the thought. He was so damned hungry for her.
“I think so, too.”
“Soon, I’m going to do that on your lips, Nat. I’m gonna take my time, learn my way around there again. Might spend hours with your lips on mine and my hands on your body. Deal?”
“Definitely a deal. Maybe we could do that tonight.”
“That sounds like a plan.”
Lulu helped herself to the front seat when Aaron opened the door for Natalie. “Not this time, girl. Natalie gets to ride shotgun.”
“Aww, she can ride up front with us. I don’t mind.”
“She’d lick you to death before I got you to the ranch. Get in the back, Lu.” He popped the tailgate. Formally trained as a therapy dog, Lulu immediately complied. Buster, a mutt Aaron had rescued from a shelter on Josh’s birthday a few years ago, followed suit, though not without a few whines of contention.
Certain she should be officially named the world’s worst person to date, Natalie dug her nails into her palm. Focusing on the slight pain kept her from talking and making things worse.
Clearly, he did not want to go over to Luke’s. She should never have suggested hanging out with her big brother. Why had she even said that? He also didn’t want her to go with him to Lincoln the next day. She’d only asked because she’d felt so bad about ruining their first date. Then to ice the cake of stupidity, she’d lost the leash on her curiosity and had asked about a picture that was none of her business.
She doubted she would ever possess the ability to erase the haunted pain in his eyes that her question had wrought. Whatever had happened to the boy in the photograph, it had deeply wounded Aaron. She of all people should’ve known not to ask about his past. The pain contained in the past couldn’t be mended. It was finished yet somehow incomplete. A wound that bore a visible scar nothing could erase. It was untouchable, unchangeable, and there was no escape.
He’d probably be happier if it was Lulu up here instead of me. At least dogs never say anything that make him sad. Crushing defeat sank her lower in the seat.
“Hey, you know the one and only perk of having an ancient truck is that there’s still a bench seat.” With that crooked grin that was entirely too fascinating he gestured to the middle of the seat and stretched his right arm over the top of the bench, arranging himself so he would have his arm over her shoulders if she scooted closer to him. “Thought you kind of liked it when we were touching.”
“I do.” Complying immediately, Natalie scooted against him. His warmth and protection washed through her. Maybe she hadn’t screwed up too badly. He had said he wanted to kiss her. Having his tongue in her mouth would keep her from saying anything else stupid, she supposed. Plus, spending time with their lips touching was about as close to heaven as she’d probably ever get.
Every single thing about that night a year ago was still locked firmly in her mind. His eagerness, the sounds he’d made, the hunger on his tongue. The scrape of his beard on her chin. The rough wool of his sofa against her calves. The dark fire in his eyes. The masculinity surrounding her. The safety of his arms, the sanctuary of muscle he’d enveloped her in. The tender ache of emptiness that had taken up residence between her thighs. The need for him to fill her.
One moment, she’d been certain she’d never want to exist anywhere else. Her nerves over not knowing what to do with her hands or if she was being too eager taunted her constantly, but she’d kept going.
He’d traced his hands up her thighs, brushing the denim skirt out of his way. Her body had begged for more. Until the motion had taken up residence with the case of nerves and sent her reeling backward in time, a collision course she was powerless to stop.
The icy grip of fear had robbed her of the heat between them. Her lungs temporarily forgot how to take in breath. The ever expanding balloon of terror expanded outward from her chest until it choked her.
Escaping had been the only thing her body understood. She couldn’t fight. She had to fly. Her legs had carried her out the front door before her mind understood what she was doing. Regret sank its teeth deeper into her.
Chancing another quick glance at his lips and pausing a moment more to admire his slight beard and mustache, she wished for the millionth time that she’d been able to reason her way through that fear.
If only she’d handled that night better, everything would be different. She might know who the guy in the photo with Aaron was. She’d know what had happened to him. She might even have told him what had happened to her, why she’d been so scared that night. She’d know how to help him not be so sad.
He kept wanting to take care of her. If she hadn’t blown it, she’d already know how to take care of him. More than all of that, she wouldn’t have had to ask for a redo. She would already know what it was like to be with him, to feel the rasp of his fingertips against her skin, to feel his weight against her.
The emptiness pervaded her soul.
“You’re awfully quiet, Nat. You okay?”
“Kind of.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Me, I guess.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. What made you say that?”
“I don’t know. I was thinking about that night when we were dating before.”
As soon as he made the turn onto the gravel road that would ultimately lead them to her family’s ranch, he locked his eyes on hers. “You didn’t do a damn thing wrong that night. That was all me. I pushed too hard. I fucked it up.”
“But you didn’t. I just don’t know how to do any of this. I’m sorry I suggested going to Luke’s. I know it’s not what you wanted to do. Eventually dating someone who doesn’t know how to date is going to get old, don’t you think?”
“Hey, stop it. I’m no good at dating either. If I was, I would have made plans for us tonight. Let’s just figure it out together. Stop thinking y
ou’re doing something wrong.”
“Only if you stop thinking you’re fucking something up. Deal?”
“Yeah, I guess. But you don’t have to come with me to Lincoln tomorrow night. It’s a hole-in-the-wall diner, not the kind of places I wish I could take you, and a bunch of washed up army ops with nothing better to do.”
Natalie debated. She wasn’t certain if he didn’t want her to go or if he somehow thought she wouldn’t have fun. Her brain continued to confuse itself. For some unfathomable reason, she wanted to go simply because he would be there with her.
“You don’t want to go. I knew it,” he sighed.
“Actually, I do want to go. I’d like to meet your friends. You just kind of showed up in the Glen a few years ago. I know you were in the army, but I don’t know much else. I just don’t want to intrude or be a third wheel or whatever.”
“You’re never intruding, sweetheart. I’d love for you to come with me.”
“Really?”
“Really. We can talk more about the Sevens on the way out there tomorrow. You know there’s a lot about your past I don’t know either.”
“Because I don’t want my past to have anything to do with us.”
“Yeah, you keep saying that, but you just called me on keeping mine away from you.”
“That’s different.”
“How so?”
Because yours is probably brave and heroic and mine…wasn’t. “It just is.”
“I was an intelligence operator in the army.”
Panic erupted from Natalie’s core. Was he really going to tell her about his past? Did that mean he expected her to share as well?
“Uh, I’ve never wanted to be anything but a cowgirl.” There. That was something.
He quirked another grin. “I wasn’t going for a sharing session, Nat. I don’t do that. I was just pointing out that I know a fair amount about reading people and figuring out what they mean even when they don’t say what they mean. It just is isn’t much of an answer, but it is an answer in and of itself.”
