Her One True Love

by Rachel Brimble

  She frowned. “Why would you say that?”

  “About children? Well—”

  “Not that.” She gave an impatient shake of her head. “Why would you even mention my heart desires? What do you know of my heart?”

  “I know you well enough to know—”

  “You know nothing about me.” She turned away, pulling her hand from his and once more clutching her purse.

  Matthew’s frustration mounted. What on earth had he said wrong this time? It seemed at every direction, he angered her.

  “Fine.” She turned, her gaze lingering on his. “I have seen some children.”

  “And?”

  “And now I’m confused.” Her shoulders slumped. “Left with no idea what to do next.”

  The softening in her eyes told Matthew the storm had passed . . . for now.

  He lowered his voice. “Tell me what happened.”

  She exhaled a shaky breath. “Laura gave me an address of a boardinghouse. I went there this morning and . . .” She smiled. “The dearest little boy answered the door. He was adorable but barely spoke a word to me. He was more interested in my hat than anything else.”

  He looked to her hat and then her eyes. “Well, it is pretty . . .”

  Her cheeks flushed. “That’s hardly the point.”

  “Then what is?”

  Her smile faltered and the brightness in her gaze dimmed. “The lack of noise or activity in the house was striking. I managed to gain access, and when I stood inside . . .”

  Concern knotted his stomach. If anyone had been rude or upset her . . . “Jane?”

  “The matron was in a back room feeding a baby. She sent me on my way, saying she didn’t need my help.” She grimaced. “Maybe I should’ve just left, but something about the quiet of the house unnerved me so I decided to investigate.”

  Despite his heavy sense of foreboding, Matthew bit back a smile. He’d expect nothing less once her mind was set. “And?”

  “I walked upstairs and there, in one of the bedrooms, were six children. Six. They looked aged from possibly two or three, to eight or nine. I crept into the room and none of them so much as flinched or asked me who I was.” Her hands lifted and fell as she spoke. “Doesn’t that make you sad? They looked perfectly well fed, if a little raggedly dressed, but their eyes . . .” She stared deep into his eyes, her voice cracking. “They looked so bereft and lonely. It took every ounce of my strength not to gather them into my arms right there and then.”

  Before he could think of the consequences, he stole his arm around her shoulders and she immediately dropped her head to his chest, a sob escaping her. He closed his eyes and held her, his heart aching with her pain. He inhaled and the soft scent of femininity rose to his nostrils and teased his resolve to step back and allow Jane her independence.

  “What can I do?” He opened his eyes, his jaw tightening. “What do you want me to do? Just name it and I will do everything in my power—”

  “I have to find a way to work there.” She pulled back and swiped her gloved fingers under her eyes. “I have to. I went from the house to the Board of Guardians. They sent me away as though I were little more than a lady playing at being in charge at a children’s tea party. Heaven help me, I wanted to slap the look from the silly man’s face who spoke to me.”

  He gripped his fingers over the back of the bench behind her as fury that her intelligence and goodness should be dismissed so easily. “And with whom did you speak?”

  “He introduced himself as Mr. Reginald Howard. He should’ve been named Arrogant Coward as far as I’m concerned.”

  Despite his anger, Matthew tipped his head back and laughed long and hard for the first time in goodness only knew when. He looked at her and her eyes widened as if entirely shocked, before her mouth stretched into a wide smile.

  She laughed. “It’s not funny. The man was an imbecile.”

  Matthew grinned. “An imbecile who has no idea who he is dealing with when he dares to speak to you that way.”

  “Exactly. I am not walking away from those children. I can’t now that I have seen them.”

  His smile faltered, and he brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb. She stiffened for a moment before catching his hand at her cheek.

  Her smile dissolved and she looked deep into his eyes. “As much as it pains me to ask you this, would you return to the Board of Guardians with me tomorrow? Vouch for me? They can hardly refuse the word of a squire. Please, Matthew. I know I don’t deserve your help after everything I’ve said to you, but—”

  “Jane . . .” The feel of her hand around his, the determination in her eyes, and the gentle tone of her whispered request set his heart thundering. He dragged his gaze from her eyes to her lips. “Of course I will.”

  “Thank you.” She took his hand and kissed his knuckles. “Thank you so much.”

  Matthew stared at her bowed head, his mouth dry. “Jane?”

  She started and hastily dropped his hand before swiping at her face. He couldn’t help but notice the tremor in her fingers.

  She looked once more into the distance. “Yes?”

  “Will you do me the honor of accompanying me to the theater tonight?”

  She turned, her hazel eyes wide. “The theater?”

  He nodded, his gaze inching over her face as though seeing her for the very first time. “Please?”

  Her chest rose and fell. “I’d love to.”

  Matthew smiled and released a breath he had no idea he’d been holding.

  Chapter 10

  My lord, his laugh!

  Jane glanced at Matthew as they walked side by side toward Adam and Laura’s. A smile had once been all she wanted to draw from him again, but now his laughter had brought a new and truly beautiful challenge. Its open and honest sound had rippled over her body and accelerated every feeling for him she’d fought against so hard. She should be agonized, yet nothing but pure joy sped her heart.

  His laughter shook his entire body, his eyes bright and watery with tears of mirth. And it was her words that gave him such amusement!

  More than that, he’d asked her to accompany him to the theater. The look in his eyes when he extended the invitation could not be misinterpreted. The sign she’d waited so long for . . . the acknowledgment that more than business and the village’s affairs lay between them . . . had been given in the tenderness of his gaze.

  She straightened her shoulders.

  She could not forget her future intentions. She refused to go backward.

  He had the village at the forefront of his mind now, which was where it needed to be. A wife, when she came, would be fully aware of what being married to Matthew Cleaves meant. Once upon a time, she would have given anything to be that woman, not anymore.

  Yet, determination to be more and do more battled with her love for a man who had shown too little affection for her, far too late. Their lives over the years had changed them. Elizabeth’s betrayal had stripped Matthew of his previous ease and stability, turning him wary and cold. For Jane, caring for her mentally ill mother had tainted her willingness to care for adults who took every ounce of her strength for little return. That didn’t make her or Matthew monsters; it just made them different people than they once were. They both now sought different things.

  Their agendas had grown apart. Their wants fervently changed and altered, which made her certain they no longer belonged together.

  That didn’t mean she couldn’t accept his help, or he hers, if it meant they could find a way to be individually happy.

  Matthew cleared his throat. “It will be nice to see the Laceys again. The last time I saw them was at Marksville when Monica and Thomas invited me to little Thomas’s christening.”

  Jane dragged her focus back to the present and forced a smile. “Well, that was a quite a long time ago. Monica and Thomas are now expecting another baby in the summer. Laura and Adam have two girls, Margaret and Sarah.”

  He arched an eyebrow. “It seems you an
d I are falling behind as far as procreation is concerned.”

  Heat pinched at her cheeks as her stomach flipped over. “We are.”

  The mention of “you and I” came very close to “us” although she was certain Matthew was not implying something as absurd as them having children together. To have children of her own one day. She exhaled. The dream was still there. It was just a case of learning to imagine them with a father other than Matthew.

  She pushed away her fruitless thoughts and forced happiness into her voice. “Adam and Laura are giving their children what every child should have. Love and laughter. That is why I will do all I can to make myself a part of that boardinghouse.” She glanced at him. “I want to make those children laugh more than anything.”

  He winked. “You will.”

  Instantaneous attraction flowed through her blood at his almost flirtatious confidence, even as self-doubt unfurled in her stomach. “How can you be so sure?”

  “How can you not? I have never known you to give up on anything. Not your sister, not your mother, not even the entirety of Biddestone.” His gaze bored into hers. “I honestly believe if that boardinghouse is important to you, you will be running it yourself one day.”

  Pride swelled her heart and she smiled. “Thank you for believing in me, Matthew. It means the world to me. Truly.”

  His gaze lingered on hers. “You’re more than welcome.”

  Jane stared ahead as a rush of heat lit her body from head to toe. A wholly different aura emanated from Matthew today. He seemed buoyed with enthusiasm and kindness as he had before Elizabeth left, yet now, those virtues were stronger, more masculine than ever before.

  Aware of his proximity, Jane’s intellect battled with her heart as the urge to reach out for him swept through her. For him not to be married and her not to be so resolute about a new life for just one glorious moment . . .

  She would ease his jacket and shirt from his body so she could touch his warm skin. Her nipples tightened beneath the constraints of her stays and her center pulled . . .

  “Are Adam and Laura expecting you?”

  She started at the sound of his voice and coughed in an effort to cool the heat at her cheeks. “Yes. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Laura has sent Adam out looking for me. I promised I would come straight to see them after my visit to the boardinghouse, but nothing could have delayed my visiting the Board of Guardians.” She shook her head, her body slowly regaining its equilibrium. “Nothing.”

  “I intended to return to Biddestone tomorrow, but I will stay longer to see what I can do to help you.”

  She turned, guilt twisting her stomach. “But I don’t want you to hold up the running of things in the village. No one there will thank me for that.”

  “They’ll survive another few days without me, I’m sure. Right now, you are my most urgent business. If that is all right with you, of course.”

  Jane hesitated before surrendering to the inevitable and tentatively slipped her hand into his elbow. “Thank you.”

  He nodded and turned away.

  Jane held Matthew’s arm as they continued across town until they reached Adam and Laura’s house. Once there, she slid her hand from Matthew’s arm and reached for the knocker. Before she had a chance to lift it, the door swung open and Laura stood before them, little Margaret balanced on her hip, holding a doll upside down by its porcelain leg.

  “Thank goodness you’re here.” Laura smiled. “I had a horrible feeling you’d forgotten us and I’d have to wait until tomorrow to find out how you fared at the boardinghouse.” Her gaze shot over Jane’s head to Matthew. “Squire Cleaves! What a lovely surprise. Come in, come in.”

  Laura stepped back and Jane entered the house, with Matthew following on behind. Once they’d removed their coats and hats, they followed Laura into a pleasant drawing room, decorated in delicate peaches and creams and what felt like acres of green foliage dotted in every available cranny as well as filling the huge fireplace.

  It seemed Laura’s hankering to raise her children in the country had come alive in her living space. Jane glanced around the room. “Where’s Adam? I thought he would be here.”

  “I am.”

  She turned as Adam entered the room and strode straight toward her and Matthew.

  He kissed Jane’s cheek before offering his hand to Matthew. “Squire, what a pleasure to see you again.”

  Matthew nodded. “You too. I hope you don’t mind me coming along uninvited? I bumped into Jane on the Square and she told me all about her visits today.”

  Laura sat on the settee. “Then please take a seat, all of you, so Jane can tell me. I am about fit to bursting to know what happened.”

  The maid was summoned and tea ordered and once they were all seated, Jane smoothed her skirts and retold everything that had happened that day. “And now Matthew has kindly offered to accompany me to the Board of Guardians tomorrow.”

  Laura smiled. “Well, then, with a squire on your side, how can they possibly refuse your involvement? I am so pleased for you.”

  “To work in a boardinghouse would not have occurred to me if it wasn’t for you. I just know I can do some good work there, despite Mrs. Cage undoubtedly being a problem for a while.”

  Laura sniffed. “She’ll be no problem. You’ll soon set her straight.”

  Jane silently prayed for a little of Laura’s confidence in her abilities. A possible confrontation with Mrs. Cage was far down on her list of wishes.

  Matthew cleared his throat. “Adam, I wonder if you would mind Jane and me attending this play of yours tonight?”

  “Mind? I’d be delighted. In fact, why don’t I leave orders at the ticket desk for you to enjoy your very own box?”

  Jane’s eyes widened. “A box? But we couldn’t possibly ask—”

  “You didn’t. I offered.” Adam smiled. “You will be my very special guests. I will even ensure a bottle of champagne. How would that be?”

  Jane looked at Matthew and he smiled. “That would be marvelous.”

  Jane slowly exhaled her held breath in order to slow her racing heart. Champagne and a box would also be incurably romantic and hideously suggestive of an affair to whoever might see them. She forced a smile as the others continued a conversation about the play.

  She stole a glance at Matthew as he listened to Adam. She had loved Matthew for so long and so deeply, her fight to dissolve that love was hard. Too hard. His increasingly affectionate looks, his smile, even his bursts of laughter indicated his feelings for her might indeed run deeper than friendship. As wrong as it might be, the possibility excited her.

  He turned and winked at her, a soft smile playing on his beautiful mouth.

  Jane’s stomach knotted.

  How was she to get over him to ensure the safety of her heart and the need to make her own life? What if he did have feelings for her and suggested adultery? He would hardly be the first landed gent to conduct an affair.

  Sickness and trepidation formed a hard lump in her chest. Whatever she might once have wanted to happen between her and Matthew, he was married now. Who knew when that would change?

  If he was ever to be hers, she wanted him entirely. Elizabeth might have left Biddestone, but who knew if she would someday return? What if she and Matthew decided to give their marriage of convenience another attempt at success?

  Jane looked to her clenched hands.

  The heartbreak she’d endured when he announced his engagement struck her heart anew. She could not expose herself to the risk of feeling such despair ever again. Coming to the city proved her deep wish to move on. Only if Matthew divorced would she allow anything close to courtship occur between them.

  If, of course, that was even what Matthew wanted.

  Matthew entered the foyer of Francis Private Hotel and approached the front desk, his spirits filled with the anticipation of accompanying Jane to the theater. His smile refused to fully dissipate. He had been foolish fighting his attraction to her.

&
nbsp; He inhaled.

  Or maybe he had needed to accept the disgrace of a failed marriage, and the mistakes he’d made in his and Elizabeth’s relationship, in order to recognize what strong feelings he’d had for Jane all along.

  Memories of their times together as adolescents and adults raced through his mind. As did the awareness it was whenever he was with her that he was happiest.

  His smile faltered.

  He had been guilty of neglecting the villagers since Elizabeth left, but from now on he would throw his body and soul into putting that right. He couldn’t deny Jane leaving Biddestone had pushed something akin to panic through him, but was that necessarily something to be ashamed of? As soon as he left Marksville after her farewell dinner, he’d rushed home and booked a room at the Francis.

  Did that not mean he felt compelled to explore what he’d always silently felt for her, no matter what might evolve?

  He clenched his jaw as he glanced unseeingly around the bustling foyer. He’d spent his life in much the same way as the people around him seemed to be. Blindly. Heedlessly. He hadn’t looked at Jane with his eyes wide open as he did now. Instead, he’d lived his life thinking only of his father’s parting demands and what he must do to uphold them.

  From now on, that mentality would change. The village would prosper and so would he.

  Matthew reached the desk, placed his hat on the counter, and waited for one of the three gentlemen behind the desk to attend him. They rushed back and forth, spewing directions and taking orders from the guests, all the while tipping nods of acknowledgment toward him.

  He had so much to look forward to and embrace.

  He would not forget his responsibilities, but neither would he go through loveless after loveless relationship in order to seal his family’s legacy. Personal happiness had to come into the equation at some point, and he intended on laying the first stones toward his happiness sooner rather than later.

  The eldest of suited clerks behind the desk came to an abrupt, stiff-backed stop in front of Matthew and peered over his half-rimmed glasses. “Good evening, sir. How may I help you?”