Intentions - SF9

by Meagher, Susan X

  They had already broken a sweat by the time they started chatting with each other. "Nice neighborhood," Jordan smirked as they passed some of the most expensive real estate in the entire Bay Area.

  "Yeah. I don't think there's a very high percentage of food-stamp recipients around here," Ryan agreed.

  "Is Mia this well off?" Jordan asked.

  "I don't really know. This social stratum is so far above mine that it's impossible for me to judge. I've never been to her house, either. I know that her dad and Jamie's dad met at Stanford, and that they went to law school together, but other than that…"

  "She's pretty cool, isn't she?" Jordan asked, getting a dreamy look on her face.

  "Yeah. I like Mia a lot. She's been a great friend for Jamie, too. When Jamie was going through some tough times last year, Mia was the only one who was always supportive of her. For that alone, she's way up there on my list."

  "She's so soft and cuddly," Jordan smiled, looking just a little embarrassed. "It's kinda weird to snuggle with someone so much smaller, you know?"

  Ryan shot her a look and asked, "Have you generally been with women as big as you are? Where in the heck do you find them? Amazons 'R Us?"

  Jordan just shrugged, choosing not to answer the question.

  Something about her attitude changed, though, and Ryan decided to follow up. "What kind of women do you normally go for, Jordan?"

  "I don't know," she said, staring straight ahead.

  "Jordan…"

  The lanky blonde gave Ryan an embarrassed look and said, "I don't go for any kinda woman. Women go for me."

  "Huh? What do you mean by that?"

  "I've uh…never approached a woman. I've…been approached a couple of times, but that's been a while."

  Ryan saw the chagrined look on her friend's face and said, "Does it bother you to talk about this?"

  "Yeah…but I should. I'm a little confused."

  "What's up, Pal? I thought you were gayish."

  "Yeah…emphasis on the 'ish'," Jordan admitted.

  "Ohh…I got the impression that you'd been with more women than men," Ryan said tentatively.

  "Nope. Same number, as a matter of fact. Two each."

  Ryan nearly tripped when she heard this news. "You've only been with four people?" It wasn't that the number was so shocking. It was that Jordan had given Ryan such strong vibes-and had indicated that she was a player just like Ryan had been.

  "Yeah." She was blushing fiercely now, and she mumbled, "Kinda sad, huh?"

  "No. There's nothing sad about being picky, Jordan. I just had the impression that you um…got around."

  "That's what gets around," Jordan admitted, an embarrassed grimace on her face. "The impression."

  Ryan shook her head, trying to reconcile this information with the full-court press Jordan had put on her. "So, what about the women you have been with?"

  "What about 'em?"

  "Were you in relationships, or was it more casual than that?"

  Jordan laughed, a bitter note in the sound. "Oh, they were a lot more casual than that." They ran on in silence for so long that Ryan was sure Jordan had decided not to answer, but she finally started to speak again. "The first one was at a volleyball camp when I was a junior in high school. She talked me into going for a walk one night, and before I knew it, we were rolling around on a tennis court. After a good deal of convincing I went up to her room with her, but I freaked and wouldn't even talk to her after that. Creeped me out," she said with a shiver.

  "I take it that you didn't really do anything," Ryan said carefully.

  "No," Jordan admitted. "I ran out before we could. We kissed a lot, though." She gave Ryan a look. "It was enough."

  "What was your other experience?" Ryan asked, almost afraid to know.

  "It was the next Christmas-a holiday all-star tournament for some of the club teams from the L.A. area. One of the college players who was working at the camp invited me to her room. We had a nice chat about the school she went to-I thought she was trying to recruit me," she said, a mortified look on her face. "She was."

  "God, Jordan, did she force you…"

  "No, no, nothing like that. We kissed for a long time, but when she put her hand under my shirt I pulled away from her and ran. I think I ran around the UCLA campus half the night. My legs were so sore the next day I could barely jump an inch."

  "So you've never really…been with a woman?" Ryan said, still unable to process the information.

  "I've never been naked with one-no." She gave Ryan a sad look and added, "I sure have wanted to, though." She shook her head a little, trying to remove the sweat that dripped into her eyes. "I…dream about women."

  Ryan was completely charmed by the guileless way that her friend made this statement. It sounded romantic-almost quaint, and once again she realized that it did not fit with her image of who Jordan was. "Not to state the obvious, Jordan, but I don't think you'd have too much trouble getting lucky if that's what you want. What's up?"

  She shrugged, loosening her shoulders as she did so. "I don't know…it's seemed too dangerous, you know?"

  "Nope. Not a clue." Ryan truly didn't have any idea what her friend was talking about, and it showed on her face.

  "Volleyball comes first, Ryan. I don't have time for all of the turmoil that this would cause."

  "Hey, I love volleyball too," Ryan reminded her. "And I think I'm pretty focused. Being loved makes life easier, Jordan. Really."

  "Ehh…maybe it does. But you can't tell me that coming out is easy. I don't want to be in the closet if I fall for somebody, Ryan. That's not me. I don't know if it's cool to be gay if you're on the Olympic team, and I'm not gonna hurt my chances by having anybody know about me. I've got the rest of my life ahead of me-there's no rush."

  "Okay. That makes sense-intellectually, that is. But why were you flirting your ass off with me? You were giving off some unequivocal vibes, pal."

  She blushed furiously, and stared straight ahead, unable to make eye contact with her friend. "I don't know." She was obviously mortified to be called on her conduct, and Ryan tried to give her permission to back off if it bothered her too much.

  "That's okay," the dark woman said. "Forget about it."

  "No," Jordan said firmly. "This is important. It's been getting too strong to resist, Ryan," she said, a pained look on her face. "It's started to interfere with my concentration." She looked at her friend and said, "I can't afford to have my concentration ruined, Ryan. This year is critical!"

  "Okay," the brunette said. "You started feeling like what…like you wanted to go farther than you had before?"

  "Yeah. I think I convinced myself that if I could just let a little steam off I could get back to business. I…I heard you were a lot of fun, and I thought you'd be a good place to start because you understand about focus and stuff. It was pretty obvious that you weren't into commitment-at least, that's what I'd heard."

  "Ohh," Ryan said, the light going on. "You thought I'd be safe-just a little playing around-no big deal."

  "Yeah," she said, still blushing. "I don't want anything permanent, but sometimes it just hurts 'cause I want it so bad." She finally turned and gazed at Ryan with pained eyes. "Do you know what I mean?"

  "I think so," Ryan said. "I know what it's like to have that desire, Jordan. It's pretty hard to say no to it forever."

  "I know!" she cried, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "It was so hard to lie on that chaise with Mia and not…touch her." She blinked at Ryan for a second and added, "I think she wanted me to."

  Oh, Lord! Knowing Mia, she wanted to do a lot more than just touch! "I've gotta tell you, Jordan, you sure don't act like a woman who hasn't done this before. Does Mia know?"

  "Huh-uh," she said, shaking her head somberly. "It's easy for me to act like I'm teasing or playing around, but I'm scared shitless to really do anything, Ryan."

  "What do you want to happen with Mia? Do you want to have sex with her?"

  "God
yes! I've been dreaming about her every night since we met. I go to sleep thinking about how her lips felt, and I wake up wishing that I was holding her."

  "How did you get up the nerve to kiss her for the first time?" Ryan asked. "Wasn't that a really big step for you?"

  "Well, it woulda been if I'd done anything," she said with a grimace. "We had the best time that night, just talking. There was a part of me that felt so attracted to her-I really wished that I had the guts to kiss her. When she wanted to get something to drink, I sat down on a chair in your kitchen. She brought over a big glass of juice and asked if I wanted some. I said, 'Sure,' and she brought the glass up to my lips. She was leaning over to make sure that she didn't spill." Jordan gave Ryan a puzzled look and said, "I still don't know why I didn't take the damned glass out of her hand."

  "I have an idea, but go on," Ryan smiled.

  "So she's leaning over me, and when she takes the glass away, there was a little juice on the side of my mouth. She gave me this look," Jordan shivered all over as she recalled the scene, "then she leaned over a little more and said, 'You dripped.' I looked up at her with what had to be the stupidest look in the history of the world, and she leaned over and kissed it off of me." Jordan blinked, still obviously puzzled by the encounter. "Next thing I know, she's sitting on my lap, and we're kissing like I've never kissed anyone before. My God! If you hadn't come down right then, I don't know what would have happened!"

  "Again, I've got an idea…"

  "I'm scared, Ryan," Jordan said softly. "I really don't know what to do, and I don't want this to be a big deal." She looked up at Ryan with a look of total confusion. "Are you absolutely sure that she's not a lesbian?"

  "No, I'm not sure of that for anyone-except myself, of course," she joked. "I know Mia's had a long-time boyfriend, and I know she really likes guys. I'd never seen her with a girl before, Jordan, so this is all new for me. I think you need to ask her."

  "Oh, that'll go over well. Um…Mia, I'd really like to have sex with you 'cause I think I'm gay, but I don't know what in the hell I'm doing, and I think you do. Being near you makes me ache, but I wanna make sure that you're not gay, 'cause I don't want you to fall in love with me or anything, 'cause I like volleyball more than you." She gave Ryan a droll look and said, "Smooth enough line?"

  "I could make a few suggestions to spruce it up a little if you want," Ryan offered, smiling warmly at her flustered friend.

  "Go."

  Ryan gave her a little snort of a laugh and said, "You remind me of my brother Brendan sometimes. He speaks in shorthand, too." Jordan gave her a smirk and she continued, "You could tell Mia the whole truth. Tell her that you're trying to figure your sexuality out, but that you aren't in the market for a relationship. She might be willing to help you get to the answers, Jordan."

  "Maybe," she said, nodding. "I just don't want to blow it with her, Ryan. Whether or not I sleep with her, I really like her. She makes me feel like a different person. Do you know what I mean?"

  Ryan shot her a smile and said, "Jamie makes me feel like I'm the best person that I can be. She makes me feel powerful…like I could do anything as long as she's with me."

  Jordan laughed and said, "It's just the opposite for me. Mia makes me feel soft and gentle. I've never had so much desire for someone-and then wanted to touch them so softly. I always thought I'd feel passionate and kinda frantic, but it's not like that at all! I just want to hold her and stroke her body with my hands and my..." She shook her head roughly, censoring herself, obviously feeling that she had been too revealing. "I feel like I'm going nuts!"

  "Did you ever feel this way about guys, Jordan? Were you ever in love?"

  "No. Not even a little," she said dismissively, shaking her head the whole time.

  "Did you have boyfriends? Or did you just sleep with guys you knew casually?"

  "Um…" she gulped noticeably. "I'm pretty sure I didn't say I slept with either of the guys I was close to. We did a lot," she said, wide-eyed, "but we didn't actually do everything. I went out with a guy from the soccer team last year, and we almost did but…" she grimaced as she concluded, "I chickened out."

  Oh boy! Mia's got her work cut out for her here!

  Ryan was in the shower when it hit her. Jordan wasn't flirting with me because she thought I'd play with her. She didn't even start flirting until she knew that I was with Jamie-that we were living together. She thought I was safe to flirt with because she knew I wouldn't reciprocate. Come to think of it, those guys she was flirting with at the bar that night were with other women. She shook her head as the picture became clearer. She's obviously scared out of her wits to be with anyone who's available…and Mia is certainly available at the moment. This could get interesting!

  When Catherine came down at nine o'clock, all three young women were relaxing at the kitchen table, sharing stories with Marta about life in Berkeley. The cook hopped up immediately when Catherine appeared, but Catherine placed a hand on her shoulder and urged her back into her seat. "I'll just have coffee, Marta. Relax for a change."

  Marta rolled her eyes at Jamie and complained, "This is the first work I've done in two weeks! I don't get to cook anything but toast!"

  "Well, you'll be happy tonight," Catherine promised. "Ryan's family is coming for dinner."

  "Wonderful!" she enthused. "How many people, Ryan?"

  "I'm not sure yet, but I'll call my father and ask for a head count. Probably 15 or so."

  "Ohh, that is a good number. I'll start right now!" she said happily as she hopped up and grabbed her keys. "I'm off to the market," she proclaimed as she headed for the door.

  "You've made her happier than you'll ever know," Catherine said as she sat down and picked at remnants of the now cold breakfast.

  Ryan stood and scooped the platters away from Catherine as she declared, "I'm making you a decent breakfast, and then we're going to have your first weight training class!"

  "We are?" she gulped, looking up at the young woman with wide eyes.

  "Yep. No arguments," she said menacingly as she leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

  "Does she always get her way?" Catherine asked Jamie with a smirk.

  "Ha!" Ryan scoffed. "I don't think I've won an argument since August 24, 1998!"

  After force-feeding Catherine some fresh fruit, low-fat yogurt, and a bagel, they all went up to put on workout clothes. Jamie lent Jordan some nylon shorts and a tank top and she had to laugh at her after she put them on. "We wear the same size, but we sure don't wear them the same way," she laughed as she surveyed Jordan's long, lean frame.

  Ryan slipped on a black sleeveless unitard with short legs and a low neck that immediately had Jamie salivating. "I've never seen you wear this," she mused as she pulled at the skintight fabric.

  "I think I've worn it when I've been with you, but I always wear a T-shirt over it so it just looks like shorts."

  "Don't wear the T-shirt today," she begged. "I want to see those muscles rippling."

  "Um, Jamie?" Ryan reminded her. "Your mom will be in the gym too. Can you avoid trying to lure me into what we did the last time we worked out in private?"

  "I promise I will not ravish you while Mother is there," she said sincerely. "But when I get you alone, all bets are off!"

  "I do have to play a match tonight, Honey. You don't want to drain all of the lifeblood from my poor body."

  "When do you have to be there?"

  "We don't have to practice since we played last night. So I don't have to be there until around 3:30."

  "Excellent. I'll have time to drain you and fill you back up again," she said with a gleam in her eye.

  "I think I need a nap already," Ryan moaned.

  After they were all dressed, Ryan asked, "Where is your weight room? I don't think I've seen it."

  "Well, it's not as extensive as the one in Pebble Beach. It's located on the second floor of the pool house. That way you can just hop in the sauna or the spa after you work out."
<
br />   Jordan interrupted to say, "I don't mean to offend you, but why on earth do you guys want to live in Noe Valley? I'd never move away from home if I had a setup this sweet!"

  "Ryan loves Noe Valley, I love Ryan, and that's the bottom line," Jamie said firmly, giving her lover a pat on the cheek.

  When they reached the pool house, Jordan started to pepper Catherine with questions about the design. As they drifted away to discuss some detail, Ryan leaned back against the wall and asked, "Do you want to live in Noe only because I do?"

  "Umm, I guess so. After all, I had never been there before I met you, and I doubt that I would have ever gone there on my own. I was planning on living down here after I married Jack--so I guess the answer is yes, I want to live in Noe mainly because it's important to you."

  Ryan blew out a breath and sighed heavily. "I guess I thought you liked the neighborhood," she said softly, a little pout forming on her lips.

  "I do, Sweetheart! I've grown to love it! It really feels like home to me now. But that's not what you asked me. I grew up here, Babe, and I would have been happy to live here for the rest of my life. It's comfortable and familiar, and I must admit that I like the weather better. But this is just a place to me, Ryan. Noe Valley is much more than that to you, and it is tremendously important to me to make sure you have the things that make you feel happy and secure. I can move to Noe Valley and be perfectly content, but you couldn't do the same down here. It's an obvious choice, Baby."

  "But I should be able to be as flexible as you are," she murmured, still pouting.

  "You are terribly flexible, Sweetness, but this isn't an area that you need to compromise on. I want to live in Noe."

  "But the weather really is nicer down here, and we could never have any real outside space. We'll never be able to have a pool or …"

  "My parents have all of this stuff, Honey. It's a half-hour trip. No big deal. And since we're going to have to bring the kids down to see Granny and Gramps all the time, I think it will be nice to have a very different environment for them. Lord knows what will happen with my parents, but one of them will probably wind up living here. Hopefully we'll have a relationship with both of them by then."