Intentions - SF9

by Meagher, Susan X

  The crystal blue eye looked up at her with childlike innocence as she said, "That's enough for tonight, okay? I'm about to pass out."

  Smiling warmly, Mia removed her hand and bent her head to place a whisper-soft kiss right on the painfully hard nipple. "We'll wait until you're ready for more, Jordan. Trust me."

  "I…I do trust you, Mia. I really do." She grasped the smaller woman in a fierce hug and squeezed her until her ribs ached. "Thanks for putting up with me," she added softly. "I know I'm a handful."

  Casting a pointed gaze at Jordan's full breast, Mia raised an eyebrow and said, "You're a delightful handful, and I can't wait to have my hands full of you again."

  Blanching noticeably, Jordan rolled onto her side and squeaked out, "I've gotta go!"

  "But it's still dark out," Mia reasoned. "Let me drive you."

  "No, no, I've gotta go…now," Jordan said, grabbing her gym bag and running out of the house at full speed.

  Mia stared at the open door, rubbing at her face with her open hands. My God, what have I gotten myself into!

  Ryan's internal motion detector alerted her to the presence of another person in the room seconds before she received a sharp slap on her ass. She flew up into a sitting position, tearing away the sheet that covered her naked body, ready to leap to her feet to defend herself against her attacker. "What in the fuck…?" She blinked rapidly, focusing in on the obviously furious woman who was looming over her.

  "You knew! You knew she was a virgin, and you didn't tell me! I swear I'll…I'll kick your ass, O'Flaherty! Get up and fight like a woman!"

  Jamie's response to this invasion was, as usual, slow and muddled. "Ryan's not a virgin," she muttered. "I've seen to that myself."

  Patting her gently, Ryan snugged the sheet up to her chin and whispered, "Go back to sleep, Love." She kissed her cheek and slipped out of bed accompanied by her lover's unhappy grunt, grabbing the clothes she had worn the night before. She pointed at the door and Mia marched out, followed by the taller woman, who hopped into her sweat pants as they walked towards Mia's room.

  "I'd prefer not to fight you, Mia, but if you wake me up in the middle of the night by slapping my ass again, you're gonna get all you can handle!"

  "You just make me so damn mad!" the smaller woman cried. "You knew damn well that Jordan was a virgin, didn't you?"

  "Yes, I did. She's very sensitive about it, and I would never tell someone else her secrets. Just like I wouldn't tell yours, Mia. I don't care how mad you get, I'm not going to start doing something that I think is wrong."

  "You're so fucking logical! I hate it!"

  Ryan was dressed now, and she sat down on the bed and asked, "Tell me why it bothers you so much that she's a virgin."

  "Because I really like her! I really want to have sex with her, but I just know she's going to freak out and not want to. God, Ryan, she's like trying to tame a wild mustang!"

  Ryan laughed, running a hand through her tangled hair. "That sounds like her," she admitted. "Look, Mia, Jordan's pretty complex, and she can drive you nuts, but I like her a lot. I don't want either of you to get hurt, so if this seems like too big of a problem to overcome, let her down gently-don't lead her on."

  "Shit, Ryan, I really like her. I don't want to stop." She sighed heavily and lay across the bed next to Ryan. "She's really sweet…and so fragile. It's like being with a kid in some ways, but in other ways she's really mature and sensitive. She's so good to talk to-better than anybody else I know."

  "That doesn't sound so bad," Ryan said, running her fingers through Mia's hair to calm her down a little.

  "No," she said as she rolled onto her side, "it's not bad. I just don't want to have this be a deal breaker."

  "It doesn't have to be," Ryan said, the head rub relaxing her as much as it was Mia. "Take it slow and see how it goes. Talk about it before it gets to be too much of an issue, okay?"

  "We did that tonight. She said she wants to have sex with me eventually, but she almost passed out when I touched her breast." She laughed wryly as she said, "I'm not used to a reaction quite that dramatic."

  "Maybe you're really good," Ryan chuckled lazily.

  "Well, yeah, I am, but still…" She snuggled closer, letting Ryan's soothing touch reach the back of her head.

  "It'll be okay, Mia," Ryan said, already half-asleep. "Just be patient."

  Where the heck is she? Jamie wondered lazily when she woke just an hour later. The bathroom was empty and Ryan's book bag was still lying next to her desk, so she obviously had not left for her trip to Los Angeles. A quick trip downstairs didn't shed any light on her whereabouts either, and she was about to give up when she saw Mia's door open. Poking her head inside she saw her partner lying crosswise on the bed, with Mia curled up against her side, her curly brown hair tumbling across Ryan's chest.

  She shook her head, rolling her eyes as she walked over to wake the slumbering pair. I've got to start getting up earlier, she thought. There' s obviously a lot happening around here between midnight and six a.m.!

  Ryan was more than a little groggy, but she tried her best to focus while she packed for the trip to Los Angeles. They had discussed the trip several times, and each time Jamie tried to find a way that she could accompany Ryan.

  The issue was raised one final time as Ryan zipped up her gym bag. "I really want to go to L.A.," Jamie insisted. "I want to meet Bryant, Ryan. It won't kill me to miss class."

  "That's not what you said the last time we talked about this. You've had to miss so much for golf already, and you have to miss next week, too."

  "I know," she muttered as she flopped down on the bed. "Does he ever come to San Francisco?"

  "Mmm, he hasn't been back in a while," Ryan said. "After Michael died he stayed in the city for about a year, but then he moved back to L.A. He said he just couldn't stand to watch his friends die one by one."

  "Your Aunt Maeve talks about him so fondly," Jamie mused. "He sounds like a really special guy."

  "He is," Ryan agreed. "I want you to meet him at some point, because he's on my short list of sperm donors."

  Now Jamie sat up and gave her full attention. "I didn't know that! I didn't know you even had a list!"

  "Oh, sure," she said easily. "I've been thinking about my list for years now. Now that we're together it's kind of moot, but Bryant would be an excellent father."

  "Moot? Why is your list moot because we're together?"

  "Well, because we'll make our decisions together. Over time we'll come up with a list that appeals to both of us."

  "Okay," Jamie said slowly. "But I really want to meet this fellow, Ryan. If he's good enough to be on your list, I can't imagine I won't like him. How do you think he'd feel about it?"

  "Hard to say, but I don't think he wants to move back here. I've always thought that I wanted the donor to be involved with the baby, so his distance would be a problem."

  "Do you still feel that you want the donor to be involved, Babe?"

  "Mmm…I'm not sure, Jamie. No matter how we do it, there are ramifications for the child. It's a very, very big decision."

  "One that we have a lot of time to consider," Jamie reminded her. "I am very disappointed that I won't be able to meet Bryant, though. You must really care for him."

  "He's a very cool guy, Jamie. Michael loved him totally, and he didn't give his heart away to just anyone." She smiled over at Jamie as she admitted wryly, "His body was another story."

  Jamie blushed as she recalled, "His diary told me all I needed to know, Ryan. Don't remind me!" She looked at Ryan with a puzzled, concerned look and asked, "What about AIDS, Honey? Is Bryant…okay?"

  "Yeah, he is," Ryan said. "He must have a hell of an immune system, or maybe they didn't have high-risk sex, but he's HIV-negative."

  Jamie blinked and said, "I'm glad."

  "Me too. It would have killed Aunt Maeve to lose him, too." She shook her head to dispel the morose thought and said, "I know you want to come on the trip, but at least it's onl
y two nights. We'll have Sunday afternoon together." Once she said it she realized that didn't sound like much time at all.

  "Oh shit! I forgot I had to leave for Portland on Sunday! Can't you come home on Saturday night?" She was nearly pleading, and Ryan found her whining tone to be totally cute, especially since she didn't hear it very often.

  "We never know how late our game will go, so it's a lot safer to make the reservation for the morning. Besides, it would be so late that it wouldn't be worth it."

  "It's not worth it to sleep with me?" Jamie asked, just a little hurt.

  "It's worth anything to sleep with you, Love. That's not how I meant it," Ryan insisted

  "How did you mean it?" she asked, obviously unwilling to let this one go.

  "Umm, hey! Look at that big spider on the wall!"

  Jamie's head flew around to find the dreaded arachnid. "Hey," she complained as she slowly turned around, "you're just messing with my mind, aren't you?"

  "Me? Never," Ryan promised, jumping onto the bed face first and squeezing her partner into a firm hug. "I love sleeping with you more than anything," Ryan vowed. "I just don't want to put more pressure on myself this weekend. These are really big games for us, Baby, and I'm trying to relax as much as possible. If I have to worry about getting out of L.A. on time for the last plane, it will just be one more thing on my mind."

  "I'm sorry. I don't mean to add to your burden."

  "You're never a burden. You make everything easier." She had to be at the gym in 20 minutes, but every time she tried to get up, Jamie pulled her back down. She had her entire body wrapped around Ryan's back and thought she was doing a pretty good job of holding her captive until Ryan said, "You've got to let me go, Hon. I can't be late."

  "No!" she pouted. "I'm keeping you."

  "Actually it's the other way around," Ryan said as she easily scooted to the end of the bed and stood up, with Jamie hanging off her back like a horizontal chimp.

  "Put me down," she cried, tightening her hold to stop herself from falling to the ground.

  "I thought you wanted to keep me." Ryan sat down and let her partner release her grip.

  "Sometimes it's absolutely infuriating to have such a strong girlfriend," Jamie pouted. "I can never win a fight."

  "You win every one that doesn't involve brute strength," Ryan teased as she slapped her butt rather hard.

  "Ooh, you are a brute," she muttered, rubbing her stinging seat. "But I kinda liked that," she added with a leer.

  Ryan just rolled her eyes and hefted her bag onto her shoulder. She was dressed in her navy blue Cal warm-up suit and high-top basketball shoes and, from Jamie's perspective, looked good enough to eat. "I guess I'm driving myself?"

  "I'm taking you, silly. Are we ready?"

  "Well, one of us is stark naked," Ryan said pointedly.

  "Yikes! Give me two minutes," she begged as she threw on her golf clothes.

  Once the athletes were settled into the amazingly small coach-class seats, Jordan leaned her chair back the full three inches and sighed heavily. "Well, I think I managed to scare Mia off last night," she said, a weary, defeated tone to her voice.

  "Odd," Ryan mused. "I wonder why she went out of her way this morning to tell me that she really likes you? She must be trying to mess with my mind," she said, narrowing her eyes in thought.

  Jordan gave her a wary glance and asked, "Did she really say that?"

  "Look, I don't normally repeat things that people tell me, but I don't think Mia would mind in this instance. Yes, she said that she really likes you."

  "What else?" the blonde asked, looking at Ryan with the beginnings of a bright smile.

  "Hey, I'm not the scribe here. It wasn't a big deal. Just a comment."

  Jordan shook her head, a little grin poking out even though she was trying to stop it. "She must be a glutton for punishment. I don't think I'd have the patience to hang in there with me."

  "Will you stop cutting yourself down?" Ryan asked, amazed that her friend was so insecure about this topic. "Why do you think you're such a loser?"

  "I don't," she said a little defensively as a frown settled onto her face. "Well, not about most things. I just feel so out of my element about sex. It's like I missed my window of opportunity, you know? Everybody else started having sex in high school, and they were all probably kinda weirded out about it then. You didn't stick out so much if you were inept, you know?"

  Ryan chuckled deep in her throat. "I can't tell you how many times I got the dreaded tap on the shoulder. That 'don't botherI'm never going to come, so you can stop now' tap." She shivered in memory as she added, "It's something everybody goes through, Jordan."

  "But I'm going through it at 21, Ryan! God, I acted like such a loser last night! Mia touched my breast, and I honestly almost passed out. If I was a guy, I would have come in my pants!"

  "I've done that," Ryan said, trying to get Jordan to lighten up on the self-criticism. "On MUNI," she added, entirely serious.

  Jordan slapped her on the leg and gave her a smile. "You don't have to try to make me feel better. I know the only way to get over my anxiety is to just jump in and do it. I'm just worried that Mia isn't the right one."

  "Why? I would think she'd be the perfect one. She has lots of experience, she's very playful and fun loving, she's amazingly easygoing, and she doesn't seem to be very clingy. Sounds perfect to me."

  "I uh…I guess I worry because she seems so gentle and understanding. I…I don't want to hurt her, Ryan. Volleyball is my focus, and I have to stay on that path."

  "Has she given you any indication that she wants a commitment from you?" Ryan asked.

  "No, no, of course not," Jordan said dismissively. "We haven't even really had a date, Ryan. We just kiss."

  "What's your agenda, Jordan? I mean, you've done without for 21 years. Why start trying to get close to someone now?"

  "It wasn't planned, Ryan. I don't think I would have even gone to the White Horse that night with her if I had known she was into women. I've gone out of my way to avoid the temptation-you know?"

  "Yeah, I do know," Ryan said, having heard a similar story from several of her friends through the years.

  "I just feel like I'm on a train and I don't know how to get off. I really like Mia, and I really want to be close to her, but I'm as scared as I am turned on!"

  "Is it worth it to you, Jordan? If you go farther, I can guarantee that you will feel even more out of control than you do now. I mean, it's possible that you'll fall in love with her, you know."

  The blonde dropped her head back against her seat, letting out a deep breath. "I don't feel like I have a choice. I think I let the genie out of the bottle, Ryan. I don't think I can get it back in." Jordan stared at the ceiling for a few minutes and finally said, "I feel like I'm at the top of a steep hill, and that I've started to descend. I'm gathering speed, Ryan, and I think I have to just let it roll."

  Ryan patted her thigh, thinking, I hope you don't crash, pal. Landings can be awfully rough.

  Jamie ran home after her morning classes hoping to find Mia at home. Her friend was sitting in her room watching cartoons and eating a big bowl of Froot Loops when Jamie knocked on the door. "Do you ever go to class?" Jamie asked in amazement.

  "Yeah, when absolutely necessary. Why, what would you rather I do this afternoon?"

  "How do you know I want you to do something?"

  "You've just got the look. It's hard to describe, but you've got it now."

  "How would you like to have a date with a hot woman tonight?" Jamie asked with a raised eyebrow.

  "Hmm, let's see. How often do I turn down a hot date? Umm…I'd say never!" Her face grew pensive as she shook her head briskly and said, "Not this time, though. I uh…I think I'll stick with Jordan and see how that plays out. Who am I turning down, anyway?"

  Jamie smiled enigmatically and said, "Jordan."

  "But she's in L.A. with tall, dark, and never home," she protested.

  "I know. But if t
he hot dates won't come to us…"

  "Cool! I'd love to go. But I'm almost overdrawn…"

  "My treat," Jamie declared. "An all-expenses-paid weekend for the volleyball groupies."

  "You have the best damned ideas, girlfriend."

  Mia had a late afternoon class that she had to attend, so they couldn't leave until five. Breaking every speed law, they made it to the airport just in time for the seven o'clock flight. They carried their bags aboard and breathed a sigh of relief as the massive doors closed right behind them. "Oooh, first class," Mia purred, sliding into the roomy leather seat.

  "Coach was sold out," Jamie conceded. "Not that you're not worth first class treatment in any case."

  They finally took off just as the game was scheduled to begin. "Are you sure I'm not going to scare poor Jordan to death?" Mia asked. "She hasn't even bought me a cup of coffee, and here I am trailing after her like a stalker."

  "Nah…you're with me," Jamie assured her. "It wouldn't be any fun to do this alone, Mia. I think Jordan will understand."

  "Boy, she's quite the little mystery," Mia sighed. "I can't for the life of me figure out what's got her so freaked about sex. Do you think she was molested or something?"

  "I have no idea," Jamie said. "But speaking as someone who was also freaked out, I can assure you that you don't have to be sexually traumatized to have issues."

  "No, but it helps," Mia mused. "She just acts so frightened, James. You didn't see the look in her eyes."

  "Have you asked her, Mia?"

  "No. She's really close-mouthed about her sexual experiences. I guess that leads me to think that something happened to her, too. I guess I have to ask her."

  "Yeah, you should know, especially if you're going to go forward with this. You don't want to do anything that freaks her out even worse."

  Mia sighed and gave Jamie a small smile. "I feel really protective of her," she said softly. "I want to make sure she doesn't get hurt…you know?"

  "Sure I know," Jamie agreed. "I feel that way about Ryan. It hurts me when she's hurt."