Desperately Seeking Heaven

by Jill Steeples

  ‘What kept you?’ she asked, as she swept past me. ‘Didn’t get you out of bed, did I?’

  ‘No,’ I stuttered. Lexie would be onto all of this in a matter of minutes. ‘I was just getting ready actually.’

  ‘Really,’ she said slowly, inflecting that one word with a whole lot of meaning. Her eyes wide she marched around my flat like a police officer on a raid, her eyes scanning the remains of last night’s impromptu supper party. ‘I haven’t interrupted anything here, have I?’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ I said a little too defensively. ‘Sarah popped round last night, that’s all. It was late by the time she left. I just didn’t get round to cleaning up.’

  ‘Sarah, eh? Do I know her?’ That familiar impish grin rested on her lips as she looked at me through narrowed eyes and then she took off running down my hallway flinging open the door to the guest bedroom.

  ‘No, don’t!’ I screamed, but it was too late. With my heart in my mouth, I watched as Lexie surveyed the contents of my spare room. I squeezed my eyes tight and held my breath.

  ‘Disappointing as ever, Alice,’ she sighed, a look of contempt on her face. ‘I must admit though you had me going there for a moment. I really thought I might find some hunk hiding beneath the bed for once.’

  My breathing steadied for a moment.

  ‘If I had anyone in my flat why on earth would I be hiding him away?’ I said, feeling only slightly aggrieved that the idea of a man being in my bedroom was so outrageous. The commotion must have woken Jimmy, surely? Hopefully he’d done the sensible thing and made himself scarce.Mind you, thinking about it there wasn’t a whole host of hiding places, just the bed, a small cupboard and a pile of ironing overflowing from a wicker chair. I was pretty certain he couldn’t be lurking under there. Perhaps he was performing some spectral hanging out of the window manoeuvre.

  ‘Hmm, I suppose,’ said Lexie, her interest evaporating. She wandered off in the direction of the kitchen. ‘I’ll stick the kettle on, shall I? I’m dying for a coffee.’

  ‘Um, yeah, great,’ I said, taking up the spot just vacated by my sister realising Jimmy hadn’t performed any disappearing act at all. He was still there on the bed where I’d last seen him, all 6’2” tanned, toned inches of him, completely sparko. I could even detect the slightest hint of a snore coming from out of his mouth. At that precise moment he rolled over displaying a very decent torso and much more in the process.

  Jimmy Mack, recently deceased, was as large as life in my bedroom seemingly apparent only to me. What on earth was I going to do with him? Apart from watch over him all day which at that moment didn’t seem such a bad idea The bacon sandwich and restorative night’s sleep had clearly done him the power of good; his skin now radiated an almost healthy glow, the washed-out grey look of yesterday thankfully gone.

  Quietly, I pulled the door shut, breathing quickly, hoping against hope that when I came to open it again, my visiting ghost would have decided to take up residence elsewhere.

  ‘So I thought we’d go down to the village and do some shopping,’ Lexie called. ‘I’m on the lookout for a cape, something goth-ish. I’m sure they’ll have something on the market.’

  Glad of the distraction, I followed her into the kitchen.

  ‘Great,’ I said, thinking some fresh air might give me some much-needed thinking space, time in which to decide what to do with Jimmy Mack. ‘Although I can’t be long. I have some work to do.’

  ‘At the weekend? I hope they’re paying you overtime.’

  ‘Oh it’s just some loose ends I need to tie up. You know me, I don’t like leaving any jobs unfinished.’

  But it wasn’t work that was troubling me so much as what to do about my unexpected house guest. Mentally I’d drawn up a plan of action.

  Check Yellow Pages.

  Google ghosts and how to get rid of them.

  And then I was stumped. Check Tripadvisor for heavenly resorts?

  Aargh, it was hopeless.

  At work I was used to things being thrown at me; could I organise an eleventh-hour meeting with executives from three different continents? No problem.

  Book the flights, find hotels, arrange conferences? Leave it with me.

  Field my boss’s telephone calls, emails and unplanned personal visits? All part of my day’s work.

  Schedule his diary, pacify his team, deal with irate customers, galvanise the sales force? Absolutely.

  But could I point a wayward soul to his proper destination in the universe – absolutely no flipping way. I didn’t know where to begin.

  I threw back the coffee, wishing it was something stronger, and was just about to go off for my shower when Jimmy appeared in the living room with the tiniest of towels covering his modesty and a huge grin upon his face.

  ‘So this is your sister then, is it? Aren’t you going to introduce me?’

  My mouth gaped opened, but words completely failed me. There was a near-naked man parading himself in my living room. A stunningly gorgeous one at that. My stomach went into free fall as I looked from Jimmy across to Lexie who was completely oblivious to my discomfort before my gaze returned to Jimmy’s resplendent form. I sighed inwardly, as my breath caught in my throat, desire trickling through my veins. This guy was known as a smooth operator; easy on the eye with an open charming manner, but in the flesh, up close and personal, his physical attributes were more captivating than I could ever have imagined.

  It was all I could do to stop myself from screaming, ‘Oh my God, Lexie, have you clocked the pecs on that!’

  Instead I did another quick glance between Lexie and Jimmy and said, involuntarily, ‘Lexie.’

  ‘Yeah?’ she quickly countered.

  This was freaky. She must be able to see him, to catch the smile currently hovering on his lips, to hear his warm nut-brown voice ricocheting off the small walls of my flat. But she was totally oblivious to his overpowering physical presence.

  ‘Oh, I’ll just get ready then and we’ll go shall we?’

  ‘Great. You don’t mind if I switch on the telly while I’m waiting, do you?’

  ‘No. You go ahead,’ I said, backing out of the room as I watched Jimmy join my sister on the sofa. What she’d think about having an almost naked sex idol rubbing thighs with her, I didn’t want to imagine.

  ‘She looks nothing like you, does she?’ he called, throwing a glance my way.

  I shrugged and threw a glare back. What did he expect me to say?

  ‘Won’t be long!’ Even I could hear the note of hysterical desperation in my voice.

  To be honest, I couldn’t wait to get out of the flat. Less than sixteen hours ago Jimmy and I had been strangers. And now we were in the unenviable position of being stuck with each other for goodness knows how long. Like being fixed up on a blind date and knowing from the off that it was a non-starter, but still having to sit through the entire evening making polite conversation.

  I was in and out of the shower in a jiffy, threw on some jeans and my favourite pink jersey top and applied a quick covering of brown mascara to my lashes, a dab of bronzer to my cheeks and a lick of gloss to my lips.

  ‘OK, let’s go,’ I said, grabbing my handbag, but it seemed Lexie wasn’t about to go anywhere.

  ‘God, it’s unbelievable, isn’t it?’ she said, zapping the TV off with the remote control and sighing exaggeratedly.

  I was beginning to think, uncharitably, that Jimmy was revelling in all this attention. He looked across at me, a smug look upon his face and shrugged his shoulders.

  ‘What?’ I said, not really needing to ask the question.

  ‘Jimmy Mack. Dying like that. So suddenly. Who’d have thought it?’

  ‘Hmm, I know, it’s very sad,’ I sighed, trying my best to muster up some sympathy, but to be frank I was all sympathied out. Especially when the object of my sister’s sympathy was sitting right next to her wearing next to nothing, seemingly enjoying the fact that we were deep in discussion about him.

  ‘Y
ou just wonder what really happened, don’t you?’

  ‘It doesn’t bear thinking about really.’ I sighed. ‘He probably just lost control at the wheel.’

  ‘Hmm, it’s a bit odd though, isn’t it? I mean the road and weather conditions were perfect so what caused him to come off the road like that? We probably don’t know the half of it yet. Maybe he was into drink or drugs.’

  ‘Oh pleeaaase,’ Jimmy said so vehemently I was sure Lexie would hear.

  ‘I don’t think so,’ I said. ‘He didn’t seem the type.’

  Jimmy nodded approvingly.

  ‘A lot of those celebrities are, you know. Perhaps he’d been at some drink and drugs-fuelled orgy and it sent him over the edge. Or maybe he was involved in some sordid sex scandal that was about to be exposed to the world and he topped himself.’

  ‘Good grief, does your sister make a habit of slagging off poor unsuspecting celebrities? I’ve never touched drugs in my life. OK, so maybe I like the odd glass of champagne. Who doesn’t? But I certainly hadn’t been drinking that day. Really!’ He chewed on the inside of his lip, shaking his head at Lexie. ‘Put her straight, would you, before I do her for defamation of character.’

  I smiled, feeling thankful now that Lexie wasn’t aware of Jimmy’s overpowering near-naked presence after all.

  ‘Jimmy was the real housewives’ favourite. He couldn’t be seen to be doing anything dodgy. Besides, he always seemed to me to be a true gentleman. Honest and caring. No, I can’t imagine there were any skeletons in his cupboards.’

  ‘Aw, that’s such a nice thing to say.’ Jimmy beamed under the weight of my compliment. ‘Thanks, Alice.’

  ‘Huh, and when did you become such a fan of JM anyway?’ Lexie said, spoiling the moment. ‘You always said he was a bit too smooth, a bit too squeaky-clean. I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but honestly, I’d rather have Barney Roberts any time of the day.’

  I paused, suddenly aware of Jimmy’s laser-like stare bearing down on me. Lexie took my hesitation for complicit agreement.

  ‘Come on, you have to admit Barney has something special going on.’

  An awkward silence punctured the air as I searched for something to say.

  ‘You have a thing for Barney Roberts?’ Jimmy spat the words out as he ran his hands through his hair, looking indignant. ‘Please tell me it isn’t true. Really Alice, if you knew him, you’d never think that way. The guy’s a complete loser. What on earth would you see in him?’

  I shrugged helplessly, giving up the search for something placatory to say.

  Lexie though was in full-on swooning mode, as she examined her fingernails, deep in thought.

  ‘Oh yes. He’s hot. Mmm, mmm. Young and sexy. A bit dangerous too. I like that in a man. You know, that whole bad boy unpredictable thing.’ She shivered exaggeratedly as if imagining unimaginable things with Barney.

  Jimmy shook his head, tutting.

  ‘What is this? The Barney Roberts Appreciation Society?’

  ‘Come on,’ I said, finding my voice at last, eager to separate the pair of them and lower the sizzling temperature within the flat, ‘let’s get going, before it gets too busy out there.’

  I gave Jimmy a furtive little wave, then slammed the door shut on him and the flat for a few hours, grateful for a little respite from the huge problem that had bulldozed into my life. I took a deep breath. I would deal with it all later. Maybe by the time I got home, Jimmy would have received a communication from the powers upstairs.

  Chapter Four

  Three hours, a lot of walking and four carrier bags, all belonging to Lexie, later, we settled at a pavement table outside a bustling cafe on the High Street. It was bright and the cold pinched my skin, but as the sun was making such a valiant attempt at breaking through the clouds, the least we felt we could do was make the most of the uncharacteristically good weather.

  ‘You sure you’re okay?’ She asked through narrowed eyes. ‘You seem, I don’t know, a bit distracted, that’s all.’

  I smiled wryly. The distractions were everywhere, but what could I possibly tell her?

  I’d been determined to forget about Jimmy for a few hours at least, but that was proving impossible. Every newsstand, every paper, every television shop we passed in the street served as a reminder that I hadn’t dreamt the whole mind-blowing episode up. Jimmy Mack was dead and for reasons that I couldn’t entirely fathom, he’d decided to make a detour on his way to the other side and camp out at my place for a while.

  ‘Well, you seem a bit on edge, a bit strung out. You need to relax. Get out and enjoy yourself a bit more.’

  I raised my eyebrows. She’d be strung out if her new lodger was a ghost. That sort of thing takes some getting used to.

  Besides, I knew from experience exactly what Lexie had in mind when she talked about me enjoying myself more. I braced myself.

  ‘I mean, how long has it been now, since Mike?’

  She knew just as well as I did, but I humoured her.

  ‘Oh about three years, I suppose.’ Three years, six months and four days to be precise. Not that I was counting.

  ‘Exactly! Far too long. You need to get out there, move on, make a life for yourself.’

  ‘I have a life, thank you very much,’ I said, lowering my voice as I noticed the guy on the next table beginning to take an unnatural interest in our conversation.

  ‘Yeah, but when was the last time you went out on a date? With a guy, I mean?’

  ‘Hmm, well, that’s what usually happens on a date, isn’t it? You go out with a guy.’ The pot of sugars on the table suddenly seemed very appealing. I picked up a bunch and turned them over in my fingers. ‘And I’ve been out on lots of dates, it’s just that I’ve never wanted to see any of them again.’

  ‘Too fussy, that’s your problem. You’re waiting for your soul mate to fall out of the sky, but that’s never going to happen, Alice. Life isn’t a romantic novel, you know.’

  I couldn’t help smiling, especially after yesterday. Stranger things had definitely happened.

  ‘You’ve got to give guys a chance,’ she went on. ‘Get to know them. They’re not all like Mike, you know. There are some decent ones out there.’

  What she meant was that they weren’t all two-timing, lying little toe-rags like my ex. That was maybe the case, although I wasn’t still entirely convinced on that point, but I really didn’t have the time or the inclination to get involved with anyone at the moment. Besides entertaining the idea of a boyfriend was out of the question now. I had an unexpected house guest to look after.

  ‘Maybe,’ I said, unable to hide my scepticism, ‘but you can’t force these things. If it’s meant to happen it will.’

  Leaving it to fate, I’d decided, was a much better option than road-testing a whole string of Mr Maybe’s, Mr Highly Unlikely’s and Mr Downright Unsuitable’s.

  Just then a jet of cold air whooshed around my neck and whipped up my trouser legs.

  ‘Not interrupting anything, am I?’

  ‘Oh my God!’ I jumped in my seat knocking the remains of my cappuccino over the small table. Wildly, I looked around, half expecting the entire High Street to be looking my way, but there was only Lexie who was observing me oddly.

  ‘See, just look at you. You’re so uptight and edgy.’ She made a half-hearted attempted at mopping up the coffee with some paper napkins. ‘What on earth’s the matter with you?’

  At least Jimmy had the grace to look sheepish.

  ‘You don’t mind if I join you?’ he said, slipping into the chair beside me, not looking remotely interested in my answer.

  ‘Nothing,’ I said to Lexie, my gaze scouring the neighbouring tables to see if anybody had noticed the arrival of Jimmy Mack, but there wasn’t a flicker of interest from any quarter. I was slowly coming to terms with the weird fact that Jimmy was visible only to me.

  ‘I thought I felt something on my arm, something crawly,’ I said, trying to keep the hysteria from my voice. ‘Mus
t have imagined it!’

  When Jimmy shuffled his chair closer to mine I noticed Lexie’s incredulous gaze settle on his ghostly form. For a split second I thought we were busted, but quickly realised it wasn’t Jimmy she was seeing, but the chair, seemingly moving of its own accord. Swiftly I hooked my foot around the leg of the chair and yanked it frantically from side to side.

  ‘There! I told you. It was a spider. Got it,’ I said, with a triumphant sigh, screwing my foot into the ground.

  Lexie’s brow furrowed and her mouth twisted in disbelief at my suspect behaviour. When she stood up, shaking her head, I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

  ‘I’m just popping to the loo, and then we’ll go shall we? Before we get thrown out of this place.’

  I nodded with an apologetic smile and picked up my handbag, turning my attention to Jimmy as soon as Lexie had left.

  ‘You gave me the fright of my life popping up like that.’ I was doing my best impression of a ventriloquist for the benefit of the man on the next table. ‘You could have given me some warning,’ I hissed. ‘What did you expect me to say?’

  ‘Sorry,’ he laughed, ‘but you have to remember I’m finding my way around this whole thing too. I didn’t realise I could transport myself from one place to the other just by the power of thought. Look at this,’ he said, sounding unnecessarily excited.

  ‘Abracadabra!’ He waved his arms in the air with a dramatic flourish before disappearing into thin air and reappearing over the other side of the patio area, squeezed between two fat ladies enjoying a morning croissant. He gave me a little wave, before repeating his magic chant.

  ‘That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?’ He popped up again beside me. ‘Obviously I don’t need to say “Abracadabra” but I think it brings a certain “je ne sais quoi” to the overall effect, don’t you?’

  ‘Very clever,’ I said, feeling secretly impressed and annoyed all at the same time. I still wasn’t entirely convinced I wasn’t having hallucinations. ‘How did you know where to find me though?’